[fic] Worse At What I Do
Muse: Leon
Word count: 961 words
Prompt: The question will be/when the time comes/do you want to be saved? for throughworlds
Notes: Takes place immediately after Wearing the Wolf Skin and just before Watching to See You Break.
Leon waited three days for Mat to come home.
She knew he wasn't living with whats-her-face any more--she'd seen the pile of vaguely recognizable things beginning in the dumpster outside the apartment building, and she didn't see him hanging around, an so, she concluded, her lips pressing into a tight and bitter line, the cycle had continued.
She didn't expect him to show up at her door--well, his door, since he'd paid for the four months' advanced rent shortly before he left. He probably wouldn't come back for a long time if left to his own devices. She didn't want him back, either. It still hurt, everything he had said to her and everything she had said to him.
"You can't 'save' me, Leon."
"Only because you don't want to be saved."
The words still felt acrid in her mouth, cold and hurt and angry and she didn't want him back when just thinking about him made her stomach clench and her hands curl into loose fists. She told herself, standing outside that apartment building staring at his shirts, that she had cut her ties. She wasn't going to go after him and pick up all the pieces he'd let break again. She just couldn't do it anymore, couldn't watch him passively let the cycle work him over until it killed him. Besides, he told her he didn't want her following him. He didn't need her, and even if she needed him, she was done with him. Leon went home with her head ducked low and her teeth clenched, her jaws a steel trap for the lump forming in her throat.
She waited for three days. Three agonizingly painful days of very little sleep, spent sitting in the chair opposite the door, waiting like a puppy for its master to come home. Leon made herself sick. Mat wasn't coming back, and good riddance, too. Her life would be better without him.
And then, as storm clouds rolled in across the city, she slipped out the front door of the building, the rain instantly plastering her dark hard to her head. Her heart felt like it had taken a beating, and seeing as Mat was her heart, she knew he was in trouble and needed her help.
At first, she didn't know where to find him and it made her sort of sick. The city was so huge and he could be anywhere. Leon almost went into a mini-panic, trying to pinpoint his exact location, bu then she took a deep breath. She knew where he was. She didn't know how she knew. She just did.
The back alley. It was always a back alley with Mat, the victim of some mugging in the dark, some dangerous deal made farm from the safety of the street. Her feet splashed through puddles, her shoes soaking wet, when she came across his body.
He was alive--whoever had attacked him had just left him there, blood pooling around his head, seeping between the cracks in the concrete. Leon knelt next to him, her hands shaking tough she felt surprisingly calm. His eyebrow and lip were both split open, and it was obvious his nose had been bleeding earlier, though it didn't appear broken. Leon was sure to be careful, though, as she checked him over for any further injuries. She was no medical professional, and she didn't know about the obvious head injuries, but he seemed to not be hurt all that badly.
She hesitated then. There were options now. She didn't have to do this--wake him up and half-carry him back to the apartment. She could call an ambulance, or whats-her-name--they were broken up now, but she would still come if Leon called. Leon could respect Mat's wishes and stay out of his life.
But the thought of just leaving him like this made her stomach twist into a hard knot. If she left him, then what? Who would help him? No one knew him like she did, because no one else had their relationship. No one else lived like they did. Leon couldn't explain it in words, but she knew him somewhere in her chest, down to her core. She needed him, and maybe he needed her if she just gave him another chance.
Leon took in a deep breath, feeling her lungs expand against her ribcage. She gently reached out and shook his shoulder. "Mat?" she asked. "Mat?"
Mat groaned and moved his head, blinking as the rain fell in his dark eyes. "What?" he moaned between bloody teeth.
Leon held her breath for a split-second, making sure her voice wouldn't crack when she spoke. "Mat, it's me," she said clearly. "It's Leon. We gotta get up."
"No." Mat shook his head, his eyes still closed. He raised one bloody, swollen hand to stop her from touching him, and Leon withdrew her hands. "No." Leon's jaw tightened. She wasn't going to think about what the 'no' was supposed to refer to, her presence or getting up. No time for that. Maybe he did have a head injury.
It didn't matter, in the end. There was no time to be worrying about what he wanted. He didn't even know what he wanted, and Leon knew that better than anyone. He could leave her--would leave her again, when he was better. In the meantime, Leon needed to do what she needed to do.
"Come on," she grunted as she pulled him into a seated position, slipping her head under his shoulder and straining to life him to his feet. "We're going home."
Word count: 961 words
Prompt: The question will be/when the time comes/do you want to be saved? for throughworlds
Notes: Takes place immediately after Wearing the Wolf Skin and just before Watching to See You Break.
Leon waited three days for Mat to come home.
She knew he wasn't living with whats-her-face any more--she'd seen the pile of vaguely recognizable things beginning in the dumpster outside the apartment building, and she didn't see him hanging around, an so, she concluded, her lips pressing into a tight and bitter line, the cycle had continued.
She didn't expect him to show up at her door--well, his door, since he'd paid for the four months' advanced rent shortly before he left. He probably wouldn't come back for a long time if left to his own devices. She didn't want him back, either. It still hurt, everything he had said to her and everything she had said to him.
"You can't 'save' me, Leon."
"Only because you don't want to be saved."
The words still felt acrid in her mouth, cold and hurt and angry and she didn't want him back when just thinking about him made her stomach clench and her hands curl into loose fists. She told herself, standing outside that apartment building staring at his shirts, that she had cut her ties. She wasn't going to go after him and pick up all the pieces he'd let break again. She just couldn't do it anymore, couldn't watch him passively let the cycle work him over until it killed him. Besides, he told her he didn't want her following him. He didn't need her, and even if she needed him, she was done with him. Leon went home with her head ducked low and her teeth clenched, her jaws a steel trap for the lump forming in her throat.
She waited for three days. Three agonizingly painful days of very little sleep, spent sitting in the chair opposite the door, waiting like a puppy for its master to come home. Leon made herself sick. Mat wasn't coming back, and good riddance, too. Her life would be better without him.
And then, as storm clouds rolled in across the city, she slipped out the front door of the building, the rain instantly plastering her dark hard to her head. Her heart felt like it had taken a beating, and seeing as Mat was her heart, she knew he was in trouble and needed her help.
At first, she didn't know where to find him and it made her sort of sick. The city was so huge and he could be anywhere. Leon almost went into a mini-panic, trying to pinpoint his exact location, bu then she took a deep breath. She knew where he was. She didn't know how she knew. She just did.
The back alley. It was always a back alley with Mat, the victim of some mugging in the dark, some dangerous deal made farm from the safety of the street. Her feet splashed through puddles, her shoes soaking wet, when she came across his body.
He was alive--whoever had attacked him had just left him there, blood pooling around his head, seeping between the cracks in the concrete. Leon knelt next to him, her hands shaking tough she felt surprisingly calm. His eyebrow and lip were both split open, and it was obvious his nose had been bleeding earlier, though it didn't appear broken. Leon was sure to be careful, though, as she checked him over for any further injuries. She was no medical professional, and she didn't know about the obvious head injuries, but he seemed to not be hurt all that badly.
She hesitated then. There were options now. She didn't have to do this--wake him up and half-carry him back to the apartment. She could call an ambulance, or whats-her-name--they were broken up now, but she would still come if Leon called. Leon could respect Mat's wishes and stay out of his life.
But the thought of just leaving him like this made her stomach twist into a hard knot. If she left him, then what? Who would help him? No one knew him like she did, because no one else had their relationship. No one else lived like they did. Leon couldn't explain it in words, but she knew him somewhere in her chest, down to her core. She needed him, and maybe he needed her if she just gave him another chance.
Leon took in a deep breath, feeling her lungs expand against her ribcage. She gently reached out and shook his shoulder. "Mat?" she asked. "Mat?"
Mat groaned and moved his head, blinking as the rain fell in his dark eyes. "What?" he moaned between bloody teeth.
Leon held her breath for a split-second, making sure her voice wouldn't crack when she spoke. "Mat, it's me," she said clearly. "It's Leon. We gotta get up."
"No." Mat shook his head, his eyes still closed. He raised one bloody, swollen hand to stop her from touching him, and Leon withdrew her hands. "No." Leon's jaw tightened. She wasn't going to think about what the 'no' was supposed to refer to, her presence or getting up. No time for that. Maybe he did have a head injury.
It didn't matter, in the end. There was no time to be worrying about what he wanted. He didn't even know what he wanted, and Leon knew that better than anyone. He could leave her--would leave her again, when he was better. In the meantime, Leon needed to do what she needed to do.
"Come on," she grunted as she pulled him into a seated position, slipping her head under his shoulder and straining to life him to his feet. "We're going home."