Grey's Anatomy: Second Chances (1/1)
Fandom: Grey's Anatomy
Title: Second Chances (1/1)
Rating: PG-13
Author: englishstrawbie
Beta: i_fly_solo
Characters/Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Disclaimer: Here.
Summary: post-12x24. As Callie closes a chapter in her life, she and Arizona say goodbye.
Callie surveys her empty home. A couple of suitcases stand by the door for their plane journey, while the rest of their belongings (except for her furniture which has gone into storage) have been packed up and shipped to New York.
She finished work a couple of days ago and has already bid goodbye to her friends. It’s not forever, that’s what they all said. They’re right: the Preminger Grant is for a year, maybe a little longer, and she’ll be back to see Sofia during the holidays. She knows she’ll see them again.
It might not be forever, but she’s closing a chapter of her life. There’s still one goodbye left and it’s the one she’s been dreading the most. She’s been telling herself that it’s because of Sofia, but she knows that’s not true. So their relationship has changed over time - from lovers to co-parents to friends, but it’s been something for the last seven years and Callie doesn’t like the idea that it won’t be a part of her life in the same way any more.
She wheels the suitcases out into the hallway, switches the lights off and closes the door. A new life awaits her; a life that excites her. Yet, despite her excitement, there’s a pain in her chest and she hesitates.
It turns out she’s not quite ready to close this chapter yet.
* * * * * * * * * *
Arizona and Sofia arrive at the Archfield just before 6pm. With their house all packed up and on its way to their new life, Callie and Sofia are spending their last night in Seattle at the hotel before their early morning flight tomorrow.
Arizona squeezes her daughter’s hand as she knocks on the door of room 505, offering a silent reassurance. She feels a small squeeze in return.
“Just a second!” Callie’s voice calls out from the other side.
A few moments later, the door flies open and Callie stands there, wrapped up in a bathrobe and her wet hair hanging limp over her shoulders.
“Sorry, I just got out of the shower,” she says, flashing her ex-wife an apologetic smile before turning her attention to her daughter. “Hey bab…”
Sofia doesn’t speak as she pushes past Callie’s legs and into the hotel room.
Callie’s eyes follow her daughter’s swinging brown locks as she marches over to the sofa, before looking back at Arizona, her face a mixture of surprise and concern.
“She’s ok. We’ve had a few tears today. She asked me to come to New York again and got upset when I said no,” Arizona explains.
Callie sighs. It has been just over a week since they sat down with the daughter to tell her that she and Mama would be moving to New York with Penny, while Mommy stayed in Seattle. They had made it sound like an adventure, told her how special she was to have two homes in two cities. They had told her all about New York and the fun things she would get to do while she was there. They had shown her pictures of her new school and told her about the sports and arts programmes that she would love. Sometimes Sofia got caught up in the adventure and was excited about the move, but more often than not she begged Callie to stay in Seattle or for Arizona to come with them, desperate to have her moms in the same place at the same time.
Ignoring her own feelings about the situation, Arizona offers Callie a reassuring smile. “Hey, it’s our first goodbye, it’s gonna be rough. She’ll get used to it, we all will.”
Callie nods, although she’s not blind to Arizona’s pain. She looks just as despondent as Sofia and Callie questions their decision for the hundredth time that week. From inside the room, the television lights up and they can hear Sofia flicking through the channels.
“Why don’t you come in for a bit, stay until she goes to bed?” Callie suggests, stepping back and gesturing inside.
Arizona chuckles. “Afraid to face the beast by yourself?” she teases.
Callie opens her mouth to protest, but Arizona stops her with a wave as she steps inside the hotel room. She knows that Callie’s intention are good; and besides, she’s not ready to say goodbye yet either.
The hotel suite is impressive. It’s a large, open plan room split into two halves. To the left boasts two large beds; and to the right, a sofa, armchair and small kitchenette. Arizona tries to ignore the two packed suitcases and concentrates instead on Sofia, who is curled up on the sofa watching cartoons.
“Wow, this room is great, isn’t it pumpkin?” Arizona exclaims, trying to entice her daughter into conversation. It fails; Sofia’s eyes stay glued to the screen in front of her.
Callie and Arizona share a look. They have always blamed each other for their daughter’s stubborn streak.
“I’m going to get dressed,” Callie says quietly.
Arizona nods and, as Callie disappears into the bathroom, she shrugs off her jacket, throws it on to one of the beds and walks over to the sofa. She sits down beside the six-year-old and studies her young face. It hurts her to see her daughter so angry and confused and sad.
“I know it’s hard, baby girl,” she says, “but don’t be mad at Mama.”
“I don’t want to go to New York without you,” Sofia huffs.
“I know. I’m going to miss you so much,” Arizona says, running her fingers gently through Sofia’s hair.
Sofia uncurls her feet from underneath her and shuffles sideways to snuggle into Arizona’s side. “I hate Mama and I hate Penny.”
“No, you don’t,” Arizona objects immediately, wrapping her arms around the young girl. “You love Mama, I know you do. And you love Penny too. You told me that no-one reads Green Eggs and Ham as good as she does.”
Sofia buries her face into Arizona’s chest and Arizona pulls her even closer, willing herself to find some words that will bring comfort to her daughter. “It’s going to be ok, I promise. You’re going to feel sad for a little bit and that’s ok, there’s nothing wrong with feeling sad. But it’s also ok to feel excited too. There’s so much to do in New York, you’re going to have lots of fun and you’ll make lots of new friends. And I can’t wait to hear all about it, because it’s going to make me happy to know that you’re having a good time.”
“It won’t be the same without you,” Sofia’s small voice pipes up.
Arizona places a soft kiss on top of her head. “I know. It’s gonna be different, but different doesn’t have to be bad. Different means you take whatever life throws at you and you enjoy every minute because who knows what might happen next. Just like me and Mama did when you came along.”
Sofia lifts her head, her deep brown eyes looking up curiously. “Me?”
“Yeah. You were something different, something that I didn’t expect. And you turned out to be the best thing to ever happen in my life. Look at all the amazing things we’ve done together.”
Her heart warms as she sees a small grin start to spread across Sofia’s face.
“And just because we won’t always be living in the same place, doesn’t mean that I’m going to forget about you or love you any less. You know that, right?”
Sofia nods. She pulls back to free herself from Arizona’s embrace, wrapping her small arms around her Mommy’s neck and planting a wet kiss on her cheek. Arizona returns the gesture by plastering Sofia’s face with light kisses, eliciting a giggle from the young girl.
“Mommy, stop!” Sofia cries, trying to wriggle away. “Mama, help me!”
“You’re on your own, kiddo,” Callie teases.
Arizona turns her head. Callie is standing over her right shoulder, dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt, her hair still damp. Arizona doesn’t know how long she’s been stood there, but her glistening eyes give away that she’s been there for a while. She lifts Sofia onto her lap, making room for Callie to sit beside them on the sofa. As Callie sits down, Sofia throws herself into Callie’s arms for a hug.
Callie accepts the embrace willingly, smiling gratefully at Arizona.
“Thank you,” she mouths.
Arizona smiles. “Sof, do you wanna tell Mama what happened at the zoo today?”
Sofia launches into a story about the monkeys and Arizona leans back into the sofa cushions as she listens to her daughter’s animated voice tell Callie about their day at Woodland Park. It’s been a long time since the three of them shared a sofa like this and she knows that it’ll probably never happen again. That realisation brings with it another layer of sadness in her heart. She watches Mama and daughter interact, taking in every gesture and every facial expression. It isn’t like she’s scared she’ll forget her daughter - she’ll see her in four weeks’ time, after all - but she wants to savour every moment to get her through those four long weeks.
“…and then we saw the lions but they were sleeping. There was a baby lion just like Simba!”
“Wow, it sounds like you and Mommy had the best day,” Callie exclaims.
Sofia nods earnestly. “The BEST!”
“What was your favourite part?” Arizona asks.
Sofia’s mouth twists as she thinks carefully. “The monkeys because they were funny.”
“What was your favourite part?” Callie asks Arizona.
Arizona pretends to think. “I liked the giraffes because they’re really tall and they look funny when they eat.”
Sofia giggles. “I like the giraffes too.” She pauses. “Is there a zoo in New York?”
Callie’s eyes light up at Sofia’s question, delighted by Sofia’s interest in the city that will soon become her home for half the year. “You bet there is.”
“Do they have giraffes at the zoo?”
“I’m sure they do,” Callie answers.
Sofia looks pleased. “They got giraffes, Mommy! Mama, can we go to the zoo when Mommy visits?”
“Of course we can,” Callie says. “That’d be fun, wouldn’t it, Mommy?”
She looks at Arizona, who smiles in return.
“The best kind of fun!”
She means it. They have been taking Sofia to the zoo since she was a baby, at least two trips a year. At home, Arizona has an album full of family photos from their visits; the three of them smiling gleefully at the camera in front of the lions and tigers and zebras. Of course, more recently it’s been just her and Sofia; the same smiles beaming at the camera, but a little bit of magic missing. She loves the idea of exploring a new zoo and seeing Sofia’s excited face when she sees all the animals.
“But Mommy, what will you do with Bert when you come and see us in New York?”
Callie frowns. “Who’s Bert?”
“Mommy’s new dog,” Sofia explains, as if the answer was obvious.
“You have dog?”
“No,” Arizona says.
“Not yet,” Sofia says with a giggle. “Mommy’s gonna get a puppy.”
“A puppy?” Callie questions.
“No,” Arizona repeats.
“But Mommy, a puppy will stop you from getting lonely when I’m in New York,” Sofia says.
Arizona smiles gently at her daughter. She has such a big heart for such a small girl. “Sofia, I told you, I don’t need a dog.”
“Bert?” Callie interrupts, her brow furrowed in a frown.
Arizona laughs as Sofia rolls her eyes at her mama. “Like Bert from Mary Poppins, duh.”
“Right,” Callie says, finally catching on. “You know, a dog isn’t a bad idea…”
“Oh, don’t you start,” Arizona says, shooting her a look of amused frustration. “I will be fine.”
She has to be.
Sofia suddenly starts to yawn and covers her mouth quickly, trying too late to hide it from her moms.
“I think it’s time you went to bed, kiddo,” Callie says kindly, knowing that it will bring disappointment to both Sofia and Arizona.
“No, Mama!” Sofia objects. “I wanna stay with you and Mommy.”
“I know, but you need your sleep, we’ve got a big day tomorrow.”
“No!”
“Hey now,” Arizona interjects, rubbing Sofia’s thigh gently. “What if I read you a bedtime story, huh?”
Sofia’s big brown eyes look up at her. “Will you be here when I wake up tomorrow?” She already knows the answer but that doesn’t stop her from remaining hopeful.
“No, pumpkin, I won’t.”
They have agreed that there will be no drawn out goodbye when Sofia leaves, it’s best for all of them.
Sofia wriggles out of Callie’s arms and into Arizona’s once more, burying her head into her mommy’s long blonde hair.
“Be brave, big girl,” Arizona whispers into her ear.
“I love you, Mommy.”
“I love you, too… I love you more than cupcakes,” Arizona says.
She hears Sofia giggle. “More than puppies?”
Arizona nods. “Yep. And more than Disney movies and popcorn.”
Sofia rests her head against Arizona’s chest. “I love you more than unicorns.”
“Really?”
Sofia nods against her chest and Arizona smiles widely. “Lucky me.”
She rubs soothing circles over Sofia’s back. “Come on, let’s get you into bed.”
Sofia concedes, allowing her tiredness to consume her. She drags herself off the sofa and waits patiently as Arizona finds her footing, taking her mommy’s hand and letting her lead the way to the other side of the room. Callie stays on the sofa, not wishing to intrude on this moment. Yet, she can’t help but watch from a distance as Arizona puts their daughter into her pyjamas and tucks her into the bed.
The bed is large for the small girl and there’s plenty of room for Arizona to sit beside her, book in hand. She reads to the end of the story, even though Sofia falls asleep within minutes. When she’s done, Arizona leans down and whispers something into Sofia’s ear before planting a soft kiss on her head.
She hesitates and Callie understands how impossible it is for her to walk away. Arizona finds strength from somewhere and stands up wearily, wiping tears from her face. She only takes a few steps before she falls onto the end of Callie’s bed and wraps her arms around herself.
Callie is consumed with guilt. Even though they have agreed this shared custody plan, she knows that Arizona’s pain is caused by her decision. She stands up from the sofa and moves across the room, sitting on the bed next to her. They face forwards and stare at the two suitcases that stand packed - ready for Callie and Sofia to leave tomorrow.
“I’m sorry.” She’s apologised a thousand times already, but she wonders if she can ever say it enough.
When Callie first made the decision to follow Penny to New York, she barely gave a second thought to Arizona’s relationship with their daughter. The occasional weekend, the school holidays - those would be enough, she had believed. She hadn’t understood why Arizona had taken the drastic step of seeking sole, physical custody - until the judge had delivered her decision.
Both mothers loved Sofia; both mothers provided a safe, loving home; both mothers could provide a stable life for her. There was no competition there. The judge’s decision had rested on the fact that she saw no reason to take Sofia away from her home in Seattle, where she had a support network and friends and school.
The gravity of the judge’s decision had weighed on Callie’s heart in the days that followed and she understood why Arizona had fought her so hard, because the thought of going to New York without her daughter was an impossible one. She had immediately regretted the way she had tried to bulldoze Arizona into letting her take Sofia away from her, finally realising the part she had played in this sad story.
Callie had lost; and in doing so, she had nearly destroyed everything that she and Arizona had built over the last couple of years.
Yet despite everything, it was Arizona who made her wishes to come true; it was Arizona who gave her what she wanted - the chance to go to New York to be with Penny, to start a new life, with Sofia in tow. She still doesn’t know why she did it and Callie wonders if she could ever make such a selfless choice herself.
“You don’t have to apologise any more. We made this decision together.” Her tone is tired and sad.
“Are we doing the right thing?” Callie ponders out loud.
Arizona exhales. “You weren’t happy here without her… without Penny. You deserve to be happy, Callie, and that will make Sofia happy, so yes, we’re doing the right thing. It’s just that sometimes the right decisions are the hardest ones to make.”
It hurts so damn much that Arizona is in constant pain and she doesn’t know how to make it go away.
“What am I going to do without your pep talks?” Callie muses.
“I’ll always be on the other end of the phone, whenever you need me.”
She doesn’t deserve it, Callie knows that.
“Will you be ok?”
Arizona shrugs. She has to be.
“Saying thank you doesn’t seem like enough,” Callie says.
“Just make it work, ok? Make it work and then all of this will have been worth it,” Arizona says.
“You know, I don’t think I would have been ok with it if you’d have found someone else first or if you wanted to follow her across the country,” Callie admits.
“I guess I just want to believe that I’ll get my second chance too,” Arizona says simply. “Because for a while, I started to believe the fairytale, that everyone has their one true love. But if that’s true, I’ve had mine and I can’t bear the thought of being alone for the rest of my life. So I need to believe that there’s someone else out there for me, someone who makes me happy the way that Penny makes you happy.”
Callie bites her lip for a moment. “There’s not a day goes by that I’m not sorry that person isn’t me.”
Arizona finally turns to look at the woman sat next to her, a look of surprise plastered across her face. Callie offers her a wry smile.
“I know that might sound strange after everything that’s happened.”
Arizona lets out a sarcastic laugh. “Yeah.”
“It took me a long time to believe that I could find someone that I didn’t always compare to you,” Callie continues. “Even with Penny sometimes…”
She trails off, knowing that she shouldn’t be saying this. It’s not fair on Penny.
“I guess what I’m trying to say is that you’ll always be special to me, Arizona. And there will always be a part of me that loves you.”
Their eyes linger on each other for a brief moment.
“Thank you, Callie.”
Callie nudges her affectionately. “You’re welcome.”
Arizona smiles. “I should go.”
Callie doesn’t want her to leave, not yet, but she knows she has no right to ask her to stay any longer. Instead, she nods.
“Will you call me when you arrive at JFK, let me know that you’ve got there safely?” Arizona asks.
“Of course,” Callie agrees. “You know you can call Sofia any time you want.”
“I know. It’s only four weeks, right?”
“Right,” Callie says positively, although she knows how she will feel when she has to say goodbye to Sofia for the summer.
Callie stands up first and offers her hand to Arizona, who takes it and leans on her to stand up. She picks up her jacket and they wander over to the hotel door together.
“Make sure you tell her that I love her every day, especially the days that I don’t get to speak to her,” Arizona begs.
“I will, I promise.”
They turn to face each other and it dawns on them both that this is goodbye.
“Have a great time in New York,” Arizona offers.
“I’ll miss you,” Callie says.
Arizona’s eyebrows shoot up in disbelief and Callie chuckles. “I will. No matter what, we’ve always made a great team and I’m sorry I almost ruined that.”
“We’ll still be a team, even with 3,000 miles between us,” Arizona says. “We’ll always have Sofia.”
“We will,” Callie agrees.
She pulls Arizona into a hug, wraps her arms around her and holds her close for one last time.
“There will never be another one like you, Calliope Torres,” Arizona whispers into her ear. She feels Callie’s embrace tighten and she relaxes into it. “Be happy.”
When they pull apart, Callie has tears in her eyes despite the smile on her face. “You be happy too.”
Arizona steps backwards from the embrace and doesn’t linger, turning on her heel and walking out of the room. She doesn’t look back, not once.
Callie stands in the doorway and watches her as she descends down the corridor and disappears around a corner. A solitary tear falls down her cheek and drops onto her chest. She doesn’t bother to wipe it away. The excitement for her new life will come tomorrow, she knows that. But, for tonight, she shuts the door and closes this chapter of her life with a heavy heart.
Title: Second Chances (1/1)
Rating: PG-13
Author: englishstrawbie
Beta: i_fly_solo
Characters/Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Disclaimer: Here.
Summary: post-12x24. As Callie closes a chapter in her life, she and Arizona say goodbye.
Callie surveys her empty home. A couple of suitcases stand by the door for their plane journey, while the rest of their belongings (except for her furniture which has gone into storage) have been packed up and shipped to New York.
She finished work a couple of days ago and has already bid goodbye to her friends. It’s not forever, that’s what they all said. They’re right: the Preminger Grant is for a year, maybe a little longer, and she’ll be back to see Sofia during the holidays. She knows she’ll see them again.
It might not be forever, but she’s closing a chapter of her life. There’s still one goodbye left and it’s the one she’s been dreading the most. She’s been telling herself that it’s because of Sofia, but she knows that’s not true. So their relationship has changed over time - from lovers to co-parents to friends, but it’s been something for the last seven years and Callie doesn’t like the idea that it won’t be a part of her life in the same way any more.
She wheels the suitcases out into the hallway, switches the lights off and closes the door. A new life awaits her; a life that excites her. Yet, despite her excitement, there’s a pain in her chest and she hesitates.
It turns out she’s not quite ready to close this chapter yet.
* * * * * * * * * *
Arizona and Sofia arrive at the Archfield just before 6pm. With their house all packed up and on its way to their new life, Callie and Sofia are spending their last night in Seattle at the hotel before their early morning flight tomorrow.
Arizona squeezes her daughter’s hand as she knocks on the door of room 505, offering a silent reassurance. She feels a small squeeze in return.
“Just a second!” Callie’s voice calls out from the other side.
A few moments later, the door flies open and Callie stands there, wrapped up in a bathrobe and her wet hair hanging limp over her shoulders.
“Sorry, I just got out of the shower,” she says, flashing her ex-wife an apologetic smile before turning her attention to her daughter. “Hey bab…”
Sofia doesn’t speak as she pushes past Callie’s legs and into the hotel room.
Callie’s eyes follow her daughter’s swinging brown locks as she marches over to the sofa, before looking back at Arizona, her face a mixture of surprise and concern.
“She’s ok. We’ve had a few tears today. She asked me to come to New York again and got upset when I said no,” Arizona explains.
Callie sighs. It has been just over a week since they sat down with the daughter to tell her that she and Mama would be moving to New York with Penny, while Mommy stayed in Seattle. They had made it sound like an adventure, told her how special she was to have two homes in two cities. They had told her all about New York and the fun things she would get to do while she was there. They had shown her pictures of her new school and told her about the sports and arts programmes that she would love. Sometimes Sofia got caught up in the adventure and was excited about the move, but more often than not she begged Callie to stay in Seattle or for Arizona to come with them, desperate to have her moms in the same place at the same time.
Ignoring her own feelings about the situation, Arizona offers Callie a reassuring smile. “Hey, it’s our first goodbye, it’s gonna be rough. She’ll get used to it, we all will.”
Callie nods, although she’s not blind to Arizona’s pain. She looks just as despondent as Sofia and Callie questions their decision for the hundredth time that week. From inside the room, the television lights up and they can hear Sofia flicking through the channels.
“Why don’t you come in for a bit, stay until she goes to bed?” Callie suggests, stepping back and gesturing inside.
Arizona chuckles. “Afraid to face the beast by yourself?” she teases.
Callie opens her mouth to protest, but Arizona stops her with a wave as she steps inside the hotel room. She knows that Callie’s intention are good; and besides, she’s not ready to say goodbye yet either.
The hotel suite is impressive. It’s a large, open plan room split into two halves. To the left boasts two large beds; and to the right, a sofa, armchair and small kitchenette. Arizona tries to ignore the two packed suitcases and concentrates instead on Sofia, who is curled up on the sofa watching cartoons.
“Wow, this room is great, isn’t it pumpkin?” Arizona exclaims, trying to entice her daughter into conversation. It fails; Sofia’s eyes stay glued to the screen in front of her.
Callie and Arizona share a look. They have always blamed each other for their daughter’s stubborn streak.
“I’m going to get dressed,” Callie says quietly.
Arizona nods and, as Callie disappears into the bathroom, she shrugs off her jacket, throws it on to one of the beds and walks over to the sofa. She sits down beside the six-year-old and studies her young face. It hurts her to see her daughter so angry and confused and sad.
“I know it’s hard, baby girl,” she says, “but don’t be mad at Mama.”
“I don’t want to go to New York without you,” Sofia huffs.
“I know. I’m going to miss you so much,” Arizona says, running her fingers gently through Sofia’s hair.
Sofia uncurls her feet from underneath her and shuffles sideways to snuggle into Arizona’s side. “I hate Mama and I hate Penny.”
“No, you don’t,” Arizona objects immediately, wrapping her arms around the young girl. “You love Mama, I know you do. And you love Penny too. You told me that no-one reads Green Eggs and Ham as good as she does.”
Sofia buries her face into Arizona’s chest and Arizona pulls her even closer, willing herself to find some words that will bring comfort to her daughter. “It’s going to be ok, I promise. You’re going to feel sad for a little bit and that’s ok, there’s nothing wrong with feeling sad. But it’s also ok to feel excited too. There’s so much to do in New York, you’re going to have lots of fun and you’ll make lots of new friends. And I can’t wait to hear all about it, because it’s going to make me happy to know that you’re having a good time.”
“It won’t be the same without you,” Sofia’s small voice pipes up.
Arizona places a soft kiss on top of her head. “I know. It’s gonna be different, but different doesn’t have to be bad. Different means you take whatever life throws at you and you enjoy every minute because who knows what might happen next. Just like me and Mama did when you came along.”
Sofia lifts her head, her deep brown eyes looking up curiously. “Me?”
“Yeah. You were something different, something that I didn’t expect. And you turned out to be the best thing to ever happen in my life. Look at all the amazing things we’ve done together.”
Her heart warms as she sees a small grin start to spread across Sofia’s face.
“And just because we won’t always be living in the same place, doesn’t mean that I’m going to forget about you or love you any less. You know that, right?”
Sofia nods. She pulls back to free herself from Arizona’s embrace, wrapping her small arms around her Mommy’s neck and planting a wet kiss on her cheek. Arizona returns the gesture by plastering Sofia’s face with light kisses, eliciting a giggle from the young girl.
“Mommy, stop!” Sofia cries, trying to wriggle away. “Mama, help me!”
“You’re on your own, kiddo,” Callie teases.
Arizona turns her head. Callie is standing over her right shoulder, dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt, her hair still damp. Arizona doesn’t know how long she’s been stood there, but her glistening eyes give away that she’s been there for a while. She lifts Sofia onto her lap, making room for Callie to sit beside them on the sofa. As Callie sits down, Sofia throws herself into Callie’s arms for a hug.
Callie accepts the embrace willingly, smiling gratefully at Arizona.
“Thank you,” she mouths.
Arizona smiles. “Sof, do you wanna tell Mama what happened at the zoo today?”
Sofia launches into a story about the monkeys and Arizona leans back into the sofa cushions as she listens to her daughter’s animated voice tell Callie about their day at Woodland Park. It’s been a long time since the three of them shared a sofa like this and she knows that it’ll probably never happen again. That realisation brings with it another layer of sadness in her heart. She watches Mama and daughter interact, taking in every gesture and every facial expression. It isn’t like she’s scared she’ll forget her daughter - she’ll see her in four weeks’ time, after all - but she wants to savour every moment to get her through those four long weeks.
“…and then we saw the lions but they were sleeping. There was a baby lion just like Simba!”
“Wow, it sounds like you and Mommy had the best day,” Callie exclaims.
Sofia nods earnestly. “The BEST!”
“What was your favourite part?” Arizona asks.
Sofia’s mouth twists as she thinks carefully. “The monkeys because they were funny.”
“What was your favourite part?” Callie asks Arizona.
Arizona pretends to think. “I liked the giraffes because they’re really tall and they look funny when they eat.”
Sofia giggles. “I like the giraffes too.” She pauses. “Is there a zoo in New York?”
Callie’s eyes light up at Sofia’s question, delighted by Sofia’s interest in the city that will soon become her home for half the year. “You bet there is.”
“Do they have giraffes at the zoo?”
“I’m sure they do,” Callie answers.
Sofia looks pleased. “They got giraffes, Mommy! Mama, can we go to the zoo when Mommy visits?”
“Of course we can,” Callie says. “That’d be fun, wouldn’t it, Mommy?”
She looks at Arizona, who smiles in return.
“The best kind of fun!”
She means it. They have been taking Sofia to the zoo since she was a baby, at least two trips a year. At home, Arizona has an album full of family photos from their visits; the three of them smiling gleefully at the camera in front of the lions and tigers and zebras. Of course, more recently it’s been just her and Sofia; the same smiles beaming at the camera, but a little bit of magic missing. She loves the idea of exploring a new zoo and seeing Sofia’s excited face when she sees all the animals.
“But Mommy, what will you do with Bert when you come and see us in New York?”
Callie frowns. “Who’s Bert?”
“Mommy’s new dog,” Sofia explains, as if the answer was obvious.
“You have dog?”
“No,” Arizona says.
“Not yet,” Sofia says with a giggle. “Mommy’s gonna get a puppy.”
“A puppy?” Callie questions.
“No,” Arizona repeats.
“But Mommy, a puppy will stop you from getting lonely when I’m in New York,” Sofia says.
Arizona smiles gently at her daughter. She has such a big heart for such a small girl. “Sofia, I told you, I don’t need a dog.”
“Bert?” Callie interrupts, her brow furrowed in a frown.
Arizona laughs as Sofia rolls her eyes at her mama. “Like Bert from Mary Poppins, duh.”
“Right,” Callie says, finally catching on. “You know, a dog isn’t a bad idea…”
“Oh, don’t you start,” Arizona says, shooting her a look of amused frustration. “I will be fine.”
She has to be.
Sofia suddenly starts to yawn and covers her mouth quickly, trying too late to hide it from her moms.
“I think it’s time you went to bed, kiddo,” Callie says kindly, knowing that it will bring disappointment to both Sofia and Arizona.
“No, Mama!” Sofia objects. “I wanna stay with you and Mommy.”
“I know, but you need your sleep, we’ve got a big day tomorrow.”
“No!”
“Hey now,” Arizona interjects, rubbing Sofia’s thigh gently. “What if I read you a bedtime story, huh?”
Sofia’s big brown eyes look up at her. “Will you be here when I wake up tomorrow?” She already knows the answer but that doesn’t stop her from remaining hopeful.
“No, pumpkin, I won’t.”
They have agreed that there will be no drawn out goodbye when Sofia leaves, it’s best for all of them.
Sofia wriggles out of Callie’s arms and into Arizona’s once more, burying her head into her mommy’s long blonde hair.
“Be brave, big girl,” Arizona whispers into her ear.
“I love you, Mommy.”
“I love you, too… I love you more than cupcakes,” Arizona says.
She hears Sofia giggle. “More than puppies?”
Arizona nods. “Yep. And more than Disney movies and popcorn.”
Sofia rests her head against Arizona’s chest. “I love you more than unicorns.”
“Really?”
Sofia nods against her chest and Arizona smiles widely. “Lucky me.”
She rubs soothing circles over Sofia’s back. “Come on, let’s get you into bed.”
Sofia concedes, allowing her tiredness to consume her. She drags herself off the sofa and waits patiently as Arizona finds her footing, taking her mommy’s hand and letting her lead the way to the other side of the room. Callie stays on the sofa, not wishing to intrude on this moment. Yet, she can’t help but watch from a distance as Arizona puts their daughter into her pyjamas and tucks her into the bed.
The bed is large for the small girl and there’s plenty of room for Arizona to sit beside her, book in hand. She reads to the end of the story, even though Sofia falls asleep within minutes. When she’s done, Arizona leans down and whispers something into Sofia’s ear before planting a soft kiss on her head.
She hesitates and Callie understands how impossible it is for her to walk away. Arizona finds strength from somewhere and stands up wearily, wiping tears from her face. She only takes a few steps before she falls onto the end of Callie’s bed and wraps her arms around herself.
Callie is consumed with guilt. Even though they have agreed this shared custody plan, she knows that Arizona’s pain is caused by her decision. She stands up from the sofa and moves across the room, sitting on the bed next to her. They face forwards and stare at the two suitcases that stand packed - ready for Callie and Sofia to leave tomorrow.
“I’m sorry.” She’s apologised a thousand times already, but she wonders if she can ever say it enough.
When Callie first made the decision to follow Penny to New York, she barely gave a second thought to Arizona’s relationship with their daughter. The occasional weekend, the school holidays - those would be enough, she had believed. She hadn’t understood why Arizona had taken the drastic step of seeking sole, physical custody - until the judge had delivered her decision.
Both mothers loved Sofia; both mothers provided a safe, loving home; both mothers could provide a stable life for her. There was no competition there. The judge’s decision had rested on the fact that she saw no reason to take Sofia away from her home in Seattle, where she had a support network and friends and school.
The gravity of the judge’s decision had weighed on Callie’s heart in the days that followed and she understood why Arizona had fought her so hard, because the thought of going to New York without her daughter was an impossible one. She had immediately regretted the way she had tried to bulldoze Arizona into letting her take Sofia away from her, finally realising the part she had played in this sad story.
Callie had lost; and in doing so, she had nearly destroyed everything that she and Arizona had built over the last couple of years.
Yet despite everything, it was Arizona who made her wishes to come true; it was Arizona who gave her what she wanted - the chance to go to New York to be with Penny, to start a new life, with Sofia in tow. She still doesn’t know why she did it and Callie wonders if she could ever make such a selfless choice herself.
“You don’t have to apologise any more. We made this decision together.” Her tone is tired and sad.
“Are we doing the right thing?” Callie ponders out loud.
Arizona exhales. “You weren’t happy here without her… without Penny. You deserve to be happy, Callie, and that will make Sofia happy, so yes, we’re doing the right thing. It’s just that sometimes the right decisions are the hardest ones to make.”
It hurts so damn much that Arizona is in constant pain and she doesn’t know how to make it go away.
“What am I going to do without your pep talks?” Callie muses.
“I’ll always be on the other end of the phone, whenever you need me.”
She doesn’t deserve it, Callie knows that.
“Will you be ok?”
Arizona shrugs. She has to be.
“Saying thank you doesn’t seem like enough,” Callie says.
“Just make it work, ok? Make it work and then all of this will have been worth it,” Arizona says.
“You know, I don’t think I would have been ok with it if you’d have found someone else first or if you wanted to follow her across the country,” Callie admits.
“I guess I just want to believe that I’ll get my second chance too,” Arizona says simply. “Because for a while, I started to believe the fairytale, that everyone has their one true love. But if that’s true, I’ve had mine and I can’t bear the thought of being alone for the rest of my life. So I need to believe that there’s someone else out there for me, someone who makes me happy the way that Penny makes you happy.”
Callie bites her lip for a moment. “There’s not a day goes by that I’m not sorry that person isn’t me.”
Arizona finally turns to look at the woman sat next to her, a look of surprise plastered across her face. Callie offers her a wry smile.
“I know that might sound strange after everything that’s happened.”
Arizona lets out a sarcastic laugh. “Yeah.”
“It took me a long time to believe that I could find someone that I didn’t always compare to you,” Callie continues. “Even with Penny sometimes…”
She trails off, knowing that she shouldn’t be saying this. It’s not fair on Penny.
“I guess what I’m trying to say is that you’ll always be special to me, Arizona. And there will always be a part of me that loves you.”
Their eyes linger on each other for a brief moment.
“Thank you, Callie.”
Callie nudges her affectionately. “You’re welcome.”
Arizona smiles. “I should go.”
Callie doesn’t want her to leave, not yet, but she knows she has no right to ask her to stay any longer. Instead, she nods.
“Will you call me when you arrive at JFK, let me know that you’ve got there safely?” Arizona asks.
“Of course,” Callie agrees. “You know you can call Sofia any time you want.”
“I know. It’s only four weeks, right?”
“Right,” Callie says positively, although she knows how she will feel when she has to say goodbye to Sofia for the summer.
Callie stands up first and offers her hand to Arizona, who takes it and leans on her to stand up. She picks up her jacket and they wander over to the hotel door together.
“Make sure you tell her that I love her every day, especially the days that I don’t get to speak to her,” Arizona begs.
“I will, I promise.”
They turn to face each other and it dawns on them both that this is goodbye.
“Have a great time in New York,” Arizona offers.
“I’ll miss you,” Callie says.
Arizona’s eyebrows shoot up in disbelief and Callie chuckles. “I will. No matter what, we’ve always made a great team and I’m sorry I almost ruined that.”
“We’ll still be a team, even with 3,000 miles between us,” Arizona says. “We’ll always have Sofia.”
“We will,” Callie agrees.
She pulls Arizona into a hug, wraps her arms around her and holds her close for one last time.
“There will never be another one like you, Calliope Torres,” Arizona whispers into her ear. She feels Callie’s embrace tighten and she relaxes into it. “Be happy.”
When they pull apart, Callie has tears in her eyes despite the smile on her face. “You be happy too.”
Arizona steps backwards from the embrace and doesn’t linger, turning on her heel and walking out of the room. She doesn’t look back, not once.
Callie stands in the doorway and watches her as she descends down the corridor and disappears around a corner. A solitary tear falls down her cheek and drops onto her chest. She doesn’t bother to wipe it away. The excitement for her new life will come tomorrow, she knows that. But, for tonight, she shuts the door and closes this chapter of her life with a heavy heart.