Translations

[straws1632]

A Haiku:

When the trees melt 'way
We'd have a cake made of clay
---I'd kiss you and smile.

Good? Bad?
Weak last line?
Wrong syllable counts?

(In my head, I'd count "smile" as two, but in dictionaries it's one.)
(In that case, I'd probably change it from "I'd" to "I would.")
(Suggestions?)

Comments

[antiblank_stare]

I like the first two lines, but not the last. Don't ask me why. I don't know much about haikus, so perhaps my opinion isn't the best.

[straws1632]

No, the last line is weak sauce.
Must work on it.