[ys] Head in the Clouds [6b/6]
Yong-hwa is suddenly aware that Joo-hyun is watching him intently, and he rubs the edge of his nose, choosing his words carefully. “It sounds like a great opportunity.” He admits quietly. It truly does, from a business standpoint. Joo-hyun would be crazy enough not to take it.
“I didn’t take it.”
Yong-hwa’s head snaps up at that and for a moment, all he can do is stare at the woman standing across from him.
Joo-hyun shakes her head, stepping towards the balcony ledge where she leans forward, balancing her elbows on the ledge and resting her head on top of her folded hands. Yong-hwa follows slowly, leaning his own hip against the ledge as he watches Joo-hyun from the side carefully.
Joo-hyun is evidently struggling for words, judging by the strain in her face, the way she closes her eyes almost desperately, and so Yong-hwa waits.
“I knew about it, before it was even in the papers.”
Yong-hwa does not have to ask what it is - there can only be one thing Joo-hyun is referring to. They have talked about her divorce before; a rare few times, but this time, Yong-hwa senses that there is something deeper at work in Joo-hyun waiting to be unleashed, something innately raw and vulnerable, something broken that stills him to simply listen.
Joo-hyun’s eyelids flutter open to reveal the tell-tale shimmer of tears, closing again briefly, even as the words pour out of her. “Of course I knew. How could I not? You live with someone, day in, day out. You know the nuances of their behavior. You know when something is off.”
A single tear slides down her cheek and Yong-hwa resists the urge to reach over, wipe it away, to touch her. This is something she has to do for herself.
“Truthfully, I don’t know if Jun-ki ever loved me.” There is surprisingly no pain in her voice, even as she makes this admission. Joo-hyun opens her eyes abruptly, looking right at Yong-hwa. “I told you this before, Jun-ki and I grew up together. Our families knew each other well, from business circles and mutual friends.”
Yong-hwa nods.
“So when we started seeing one another, when he asked me to marry him,” Joo-hyun’s voice breaks a little, “I knew full well that it wasn’t because of love, but it was for… appearances. It was something expected of him, and of me. It was something not just beneficial to us, but to our families.”
“You can ask why I went ahead with it,” Joo-hyun continues, prompting Yong-hwa’s unsaid question. She manages a shaky, small smile from somewhere. “After all, this isn’t the middle ages. We marry for love now, not for business, not for our families, or because we have to. But as far as things went, I thought that I could do worse. So we got married.”
“So when he…” Joo-hyun swallows hard, obviously steeling herself, “When he started... started cheating on me, I didn’t do anything about it.”
Yong-hwa watches as her fingers curl themselves into involuntary fists, and Joo-hyun shuts her eyes, talking faster. “I thought that maybe I could still stop it. We were married 3 years with no problems. We wanted the same things, for his business, our families, for us. Maybe it was me. That I had somehow unknowingly changed, deviated from the person that he had married ... and that if I tried more to be the exact same person that he married - a perfect socialite and society wife; gracious, beautiful and kind - he would remember that. He would remember why we got married in the first place, and stop whatever it was he was doing.”
Joo-hyun lifts a hand to swipe roughly at the tears on her cheeks. “He told me before he left, that I had no ambition.”
Yong-hwa literally reels at the unfairness, at the ignorance of that statement, but most of all, at the blatant cruelty of those words towards Joo-hyun. He imagines Joo-hyun; young, afraid, alone, confused, and yet in that vulnerability, struck cruelly by someone she had trusted wholly in.
The pieces are beginning to fall into place. Yong-hwa is beginning to see why Joo-hyun is the woman she is today and his heart breaks for her, for what she had to go through alone.
“He said I was an empty vase.” Joo-hyun laughs bitterly. “All grace and glamour and made of nothing. Not like her.” She shakes her head, obviously meaning her ex-husband’s soon to be wife. “Ambitious, driven, a hard worker.”
All those are clearly Lee Jun-ki’s words, and even watching Joo-hyun now, trying to imagine her as someone's trophy wife, Yong-hwa cannot believe that Joo-hyun’s ex-husband would miss seeing that same qualities in his own wife and more. In his mind’s eye, Yong-hwa can see Joo-hyun, working hard to keep up the facades of a blissful marriage, of a happy wife, when she already knew about her husband’s infidelity. Joo-hyun may not have been driven towards a career or a business then, but Yong-hwa knows her. Joo-hyun has always had determination in spades. This determination was simply directed to keeping her marriage alive, in being trying her damnest to be someone she thought would make Jun-ki happy.
“So when he left me, I thought that this was my opportunity.” Joo-hyun chokes. “I thought that I would use GG to show him exactly that - that I could be as ambitious, driven and hardworking as she was. That he had underestimated me all this while, and that I would have the last laugh. That this would be my perfect revenge.”
“But GG was born. And then somehow, you came along." Joo-hyun looks away then, avoiding his eye. "You... you snuck up on me, when I wasn't looking, wasn't even thinking about it. One day you weren't here, and suddenly there you were."
Yong-hwa is suddenly very aware of the beat of his heart, drumming through his ears. All the while, Joo-hyun goes on.
"There you were," She repeats, obviously lost in thought, as if these are thoughts that she had carried around for a long time without putting into words. "Filling my life with your bad jokes, your love for coffee, your business acumen, your text messages... filling up the corners of my life with your own zest, cheerfulness and warmth. I never..." Joo-hyun exhales shakily. "I never thought I would feel that way again. And... that scared me; scared me that I had already lost so much to even see life that way... and afraid, that now... that now I might actually have something to lose again."
Yong-hwa watches in silence as Joo-hyun turns away from him, wiping away more tears, trying to pull herself together.
"I was afraid. You," She admits quietly. "You scared me."
"I didn't know how to deal with any of this," Joo-hyun's hands are trembling, very slightly. "The fear, the uncertainty, the questions... I'd worked so hard to achieve some kind fof equilibrium after the divorce and everything was going to pieces. Everything that I thought I wanted… it became less clear each day. And at the end of it all, I realized that I was still the same person that I was when Jun-ki left me; confused, not knowing what exactly it was that I wanted to have… or even wanted to be.”
"That’s why I kept my distance.” Joo-hyun says finally, wiping at the last of the tears. “Those two months, that radio silence between you and I. I poured myself into GG. Every night, I asked myself hard questions, questions I’m not even sure I have the full answer to right now. Questions like who I really was, what I truly wanted to accomplish in life, and… who I truly wanted to be with. Who my heart wanted to be with.”
Yong-hwa doesn’t dare to let himself breathe lest it break the moment, this moment.
Joo-hyun is looking right at him and Yong-hwa cannot think to do anything as she steps towards him. Her hands are cold and slight in his.
“I’m not sure I have all the answers to these questions yet.” Joo-hyun looks down at their joined hands for a brief moment, but when she looks back up at him, her gaze is steady and sure. “And I know I’ve hurt you in ways that I can’t begin to imagine. I shouldn’t have kept you in silence and uncertainty for so long, oppa. I know that saying sorry doesn’t solve anything, but I truly am sorry.”
Yong-hwa just watches her quietly, the last of his anger loosening its hold on his heart.
“You’re right; I’ve always known your heart towards me.” Joo-hyun breathes and the way she looks at him like this, ineffably tender and sad, is something else altogether that Yong-hwa can’t even begin to process. “I think it’s only fair that you know my heart towards you. Which is that… that…”
Yong-hwa isn’t sure if she can see him silently urging her on, willing her on to say the inevitable, those words he's been waiting so damn long to hear.
And maybe Joo-hyun does see it in his face, because the smile that overtakes her face is soft, relieved even as she says it.
“That I really love you too, Yong-hwa. And that, if you’ll have me, divorced, imperfect and all….” She looks up at him simply. “I’m yours. I'm only sorry it took me so long to get here."
Joo-hyun's shoulders shake lightly with the last of her sobs and she looks away, wiping away the fresh wave of tears, but these are not tears of sadness, Yong-hwa thinks. These are the tears of a woman who has come an interminably long way, who has suffered and yet somehow found the strength from within to pick herself up and keep moving forward. These are tears of catharsis and relief, of freedom from a painful past.
Which is why Yong-hwa finally steps forward, taking her face in his hands. Her cheeks are cold under his palms and he touches his thumbs to the last of her tears. Joo-hyun's eyelids flutter shut, and Yong-hwa takes a moment to savor the look of serenity and peace that so rightfully fills her features. She should always look like this.
And he can feel her shudder slightly under his touch, even when he lowers his lips to hers, a slow, gentle, soft touch of lips even as Joo-hyun leans into him, holding onto him in a way he barely dared to dream of a scant few months ago.
Yong-hwa would not dream of breaking such a precious kiss; in fact, he's not sure who pulls away first, but his hands anchor her in place so that they continue to share the same air for a few moments longer. Joo-hyun seems to share his sentiments; contentedly brushing her nose against his and her lips are temptingly close to pull in another kiss, but he somehow manages to hold himself back. Those eyes, Yong-hwa thinks helplessly to himself, holding her gaze. Jong-hyun was right, I was a goner from the start.
Of course, there is so much more that the two of them will need to talk about, need to bring into the open, about their years spent together as both friends and not quite friends. But they have time enough for that later, Yong-hwa thinks. Right now, this moment is theirs; hers and his, and Yong-hwa revels in the freedom of the full extent of his feelings for this woman - Seo Joo-hyun - and the knowledge, that after all these years, Joo-hyun had been growing those same feelings for him.
But right now, all he wants to do is be with her.
"What do you say we get out of here?" He tells her, enjoying the soft smile that graces her features. He leans in even closer, in a teasing almost kiss. "Hmm?"
Joo-hyun's helpless breath of laughter does all sorts of funny things to his heart, but what Yong-hwa loves the most is that sparkle in her eyes, the one that is teasing, fun-loving, the one belonging to the real Seo Joo-hyun, not ex-socialite, ex-wife, current GG founder, Seo Joo-hyun. Just Hyun. His Hyun.
She steps away from him, leaving him temporarily bereft but her hand is firm in his, and she tugs him towards her.
"Let's get out of here." She echoes mischievously, and Yong-hwa thinks he hears the start of something beautiful in those five simple words.
EPILOGUE
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