sweet charity: there's a piece of a puzzle... [ja/jp, nc-17, 26K]
there's a piece of a puzzle known as life: 4/4
[jensen/jared, nc-17, 26K] *notes at the end of fic
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 & Acknowledgments
there's a piece of a puzzle known as life.
by keepaofthecheez.
Jensen called his parents on Christmas Eve, told them he loved them, missed them, and lied about what a holly jolly time he was having at his pal’s house in San Antone. The day passed by quickly enough, and he didn’t catch much more than a glimpse of Jared the entire time. But at least they were now avoiding each other.
Evening rolled around and the Padalecki clan began to primp and prepare for midnight mass. Jensen begged off with a headache, feigning severe disappointment as Mrs Padalecki fussed over him and Jeff rolled his eyes and made rude gestures Jensen couldn’t return.
There was an awkward moment when he was heading upstairs to faceplant on the bed and sleep, preferably until it was time to go back to Austin, and turned the corner just as Jared was coming out of his room. They stared at one another, then Jared shook his head and cleared his throat.
“Um, I gotta…” He tugged at the tie wrapped around his neck, biting his lip and running a hand through his slicked-back hair. Jensen just nodded, flexing his fingers to keep from reaching out, dragging him over by the end of his tie and tousling him all up again.
“Yeah,” Jensen said, and he turned and beat a hasty retreat. Felt the weight of a gaze following him, but when he looked, the hallway was empty. He waited until he heard the door slamming, taking loud, laughing voices with it, and then peeked his head out. Silence, and he blew out a breath and started for the downstairs den with the idea of maybe losing himself in A Charlie Brown Christmas or something equally nostalgic and mind-numbing.
He wasn’t expecting to find Chad already lying length-wise along the couch, watching a reality show Jensen didn’t recognize and munching on a handful of cheddar cheese chips. He glanced up when Jensen’s figure darkened the doorway, and Jensen searched for a friendly tone. Tried for a smile. “Hey, sorry, thought I was by myself, man.”
“Yeah. I didn’t go, either,” Chad said unnecessarily, swinging his legs around and sitting up to offer Jensen the bowl of chips. “Faked an upset stomach…I like Jared’s family and all, but I just.” Heat bloomed across his features, and Jensen understood it all too well.
“I get it. Everyone needs a break.” He hesitated, then stepped forward and bit back a sigh, sitting down next to Chad. He shook his head when Chad offered the bowl, hands balanced on his knees as he stared straight ahead at the television and tried not to remember what Jared’s cock tasted like.
There was a few awkward beats, and then Chad cleared his throat. “So, how long have you known JT?”
God, I should’ve just stayed in Jeff’s room. Jensen’s mouth twitched. “A few years. I mean, I’ve known Jeff so long it all kinda blends together after awhile.”
“Right, right. Yeah, JT told me how you guys met, how you…helped him out. He really looks up to you, is all.”
Jensen’s smile began to hurt. “Well, isn’t that great.” He grabbed a handful of chips after all just to keep from strangling Chad by his inquisitive neck, because whether Jensen liked him or not, it wasn’t his goddamn fault. And yet, Jensen wanted to know just exactly what Jared had told him, too. Which was treading into dangerous waters he had no business navigating.
“I like Jared a lot,” Chad kept on, unaware of the way Jensen’s teeth were gnashing, “but, I dunno. Sometimes it’s like he’s not really all there…with me, I mean. Like this whole move to New York. He acts like he’s loving it, then we get here and it’s just obvious that…”
“What?”
“That he misses it.” Chad’s gaze narrowed in on him, on the quick reply. “But he’d tell me, right? He doesn’t strike me as the kind of guy to really bury his feelings.”
Jensen had to laugh at that. “Yeah, no. He’s really not.”
“Maybe you could feel him out some. Maybe he’d just be more comfortable opening up to someone that wasn’t sleeping with him every night. An old friend or whatever.”
“I’m not really the best candidate for that,” Jensen said slowly. “Me and Jay…er, JT, we don’t see eye to eye on much lately.” Except for how much we wanna fuck each other silly. That hasn’t changed much.
“I just thought you guys were pretty close.” Chad’s voice took on an edge that made Jensen sit up, take notice. “He talks about you a lot. Even when we’re alone sometimes, he’ll--”
“Yeah, you know? My head’s kinda starting to hurt again. I’m sorry.” Jensen stood up and sent Chad a smile that didn’t reach his eyes before leaving the room. He wasn’t really sure what Chad was going for or trying to prove, but he didn’t really need the goddamn images the guy’s words provoked. Not when he’d already seen it all for himself.
xxx
Jensen was woken up in the middle of the night by a heavy hand shaking his shoulder, and let out a sleepy sound while rolling over. He came face to face with Jeff’s grinning face, and groaned. Pressed his face back into the pillow. “Oh, Auntie Em. Go back to bed.”
“Cool it, Dorothy. Come with me.” Jeff pulled on his arm until Jensen slid out of the sheets, grumbling all the way and wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. “And Merry Christmas, by the way.”
“Mmm.” Jensen yawned, nearly cracking his jaw in half. “Whas’ this about, man?”
Jeff’s grin continued to light up his features, pulling an answering smile from Jensen as they padded down the hall. “Young Padalecki tradition. Started back when me and JT were kids…we’d sneak outside, hang out in the old tree house and exchange gifts after midnight.”
“Jeff, that’s so…” Jensen bit his lip, unable to even come up with a sarcastic reply. “…fucking adorable, and I kind of hate you for it.”
“Bite me,” came Jeff’s cheerful reply, and Jensen chuckled. “Anyway, the tree house is long gone, but Meg found this place down by the creek. We’ve been meeting there ever since, and, well, now it’s your turn.”
“Case you haven’t noticed?” Jensen grabbed his jacket and followed Jeff out of the front door. “I’m not exactly a Padalecki.”
“Hey, you’re a constant pain in my ass. You might as well be.” Jeff looped an arm around Jensen’s shoulders, squeezed tight. Jensen’s breath hitched in his chest, and it was only because he was half-asleep and sort of cold.
It was a quiet night, and Jensen burrowed his hands down in the pockets of his jacket and turned his face up to the sky. “Wonder what this all looks like under the big city lights of New York.”
Jeff raised his brows. “You’ll have to ask Jared. Although, I kinda always thought you’d want to find out for yourself, actually.”
Jensen stayed silent for a moment, thinking back to all of the plans he’d had back when he first met Jeff. Get out west, go up north. Make it big and leave the little people behind. “Yeah. Maybe not so much.”
“You’ve changed,” Jeff said, surprise gentling the accusation. “Anything I should know about?”
Jensen laughed a little. If you only did. “Wisdom comes with age, my friend. What can I say?”
They passed by a small, trickling creek and Jensen saw the first flash of light. As they got closer, he recognized the two figures huddled around a water cooler and having some kind of flashlight war. Jeff whistled, and the two beams intersected, nearly blinding Jensen as he brought a hand up to shield his eyes.
“Finally,” Megan said, rubbing her hands together and scooting over to let Jensen slide in beside her. “What took y’all so long?”
“Jensen sleeps like the living dead.” Jeff moved in beside Jared and reached out to snag the bag of marshmallows Jared was snacking on. “Nice. Thanks.”
“Jerk.” But Jared sounded happy, even offered Jensen a small smile when their eyes met.
“Hey, where’s Chad?” Jensen asked, because damn it, he could be a bigger person. When Jared’s gaze dimmed a little and Megan coughed into her hand, Jensen sent Jeff a questioning look. His best friend shrugged, looking nonplussed as he shoved another marshmallow in his mouth.
“He’s still sleeping,” Jared finally said, picking up a stick and tracing circles in the dirt. “Anyway, this is kind of private or whatever.”
Before Jensen could figure out how to react to that, or to the almost challenging look Jared slanted him, Megan clapped her hands together. “Okay, okay. So. I’m going first because last year Jeff cheated--”
“I never cheat, you’ve just got no appreciation for my kind of…flair,” Jeff decided, ignoring Jared’s derisive snort. “And Jensen should go first, you little drama queen.”
But Megan was already opening the water cooler, digging around inside. “Jensen can’t go first, he didn’t even know about this. Moron.” Her expression brightened and she pulled out a small package, tossed it in Jensen’s lap. “Merry Christmas, Jensen!”
“Uh.” Jensen looked down at the gift, feeling a stupid flush working its way up and under his collar. He unwrapped the package, finding a small photo album underneath. “Wow, you really shouldn’t have.”
“You have no idea how true that probably is,” Jared muttered, and was treated to a series of loud smacks from his younger sister.
“If those are naked pictures, I’m going to throw up. I swear to God.”
“Grow up,” Megan snapped at Jeff, coming over to stand beside Jensen. She flipped open the book, and Jensen stared at a photo of him and Megan from her birthday party during the Spring Break trip. “I still have that stupid headband, you know.”
Jensen laughed. “You look like a little pink tornado,” he said, tracing the picture and aching just a little at the grins on their faces, flipping through and seeing several more. Him and Jeff, goofing off by the pool. Jared making ridiculous Zoolander faces to the camera. “God, these are great. Thank you, Megan.”
“Just in case you ever forget about us,” Meg said, leaving off the implied again. But the words were soft, sweet, and something warm and wet pressed up against Jensen’s eyelids.
“I’d like to see anyone try and forget you,” he said, sliding an arm around her shoulders and pulling her up against his side. He pressed his lips to hers, loud and smacking. Then let out a regretful sigh. “If only you were a few years older.”
“And had a dick?” she cracked, making Jared choke and Jeff groan. “What? I can say dick.”
“Uh, not around me you can’t. You don’t know what one of those are, you’re five years old.” Jeff scrambled for the water cooler, his face red. He thrust something into Megan’s lap. “Now shut up and open your present.”
“Loser.” But the minute she opened the gift and saw what was inside, her eyes got big and she threw herself at Jeff, knocking him to the ground. “Oh my god, seriously? Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
Jensen couldn’t help but lean over to look, caught sight of the pair of car keys and raised surprised brows in his friend’s direction. “Whoa, dude.”
“S’not that big a deal.” But Jeff was grinning from ear to ear, patting Megan on the back as she squealed in his arms. “It’s just this little Firebird I had back in high school…was savin’ it for JT, but he went and got delusions of grandeur on me. Figured since I’ve got the Camry now, I’d pass the ‘bird onto a worthy owner. Course, you’ve got another two years to go, so don’t screw it up.”
“I could kiss you right now, but I just promised myself I’d never let these lips touch anything ever again after Jensen.” Megan beamed at him, grabbing the keys and staring at them with all the excitement of a teenager about to experience an all new kind of freedom.
“Do Mom and Dad know about this?” Jared asked, but he was smiling, too.
“Duh.” Jeff leaned back, blew on his nails and sent Jared a look that said top that. “Who do you think’s gonna be paying the insurance?”
“You’re all heart, big brother.”
The rest of the night passed in a swirl of gifts, jokes, and Megan reminding them all that now that she had a car, they were totally going to have to pay her to keep hanging out with them. When this ended in her getting pelted by a shower of marshmallows and running shrieking from the woods, Jensen stood up and brushed off the seat of his pants.
The sky was beginning to lighten from deep black to gray, and Jeff took off after Megan with words of sleep on his tongue. Jensen looked at Jared, shrugged and grabbed one end of the water cooler.
“Thanks,” Jared said quietly, even though the thing was light enough that one person could easily carry it. “It’s my year for clean-up, you don’t have to stick around.” He waved toward the littering of wrapping paper and bows. “Go on ahead if you want.”
“It’s cool.” Jensen knew it was a horrible decision, but hell. Jared looked so gorgeous, windblown and pink. His fate was already decided for him. “With two people it’ll go quicker, right?”
Jared bit his lip and didn’t answer. Just bent down and started gathering the trash, and Jensen watched him for a second before picking up the bag of marshmallows Jeff had emptied. “So, you guys have a fun tradition,” he finally said, glancing quickly over at Jared. “My family…we just sleep in late and then go to IHOP.”
“Strawberry crepes are pretty fun, too.” Jared smiled, caught his gaze for a quick flicker of time. “Sorry I didn’t get you anything, I mean. I didn’t know you were coming in, or I would’ve--” He waved a helpless hand, trailing off.
“What? Oh no, it’s fine. God.” Jensen laughed a little. “I’m not all that big on presents, anyway.”
“Seriously? Huh.” Jared stood up, grunting a little as he stretched his back from side to side. Then looked straight at Jensen, walking forward. “I kind of think they’re pretty awesome, myself.”
“Yeah, sometimes.” Jensen watched him with jittery excitement, licking his lips and seeing Jared’s gaze follow. It was all too easy to reach out, grab Jared by the collar and press him up against a nearby tree. “So, what would you’ve given me?”
Jared huffed out a laugh, nose brushing Jensen’s as his lids fluttered, then rose to reveal glittering hazel eyes. “Something I shouldn’t.”
“Yeah?” Jensen’s voice fell. “That makes two of us.”
Their mouths met on a hungry sound, tongues slick and searching. Jared’s hand pressed tight to the small of Jensen’s back, pulling him in closer as he opened his legs to fit against him. His husky groan ripped through Jensen like a gunshot, left him ragged and on edge.
It was over as soon as it began, and Jensen stumbled back, staring at Jared’s flushed face and rubbing a hand over his mouth. “Fuck.”
Jared’s voice was low, tight, and just as frustrated as Jensen’s. “Yeah.” He bent and picked up the cooler. “Pretty much.”
Jensen followed him back to the house, careful to keep his distance, and spent the entire time staring at Jared’s ass and thinking of how much trouble they both were really in.
xxx
As luck would have it, or not in Jensen’s case, he wound up next to Jared at the Padalecki Christmas dinner. He could’ve sworn Megan winked at him as he took his seat, but then she was arguing with Jeff over the merit of egg nog versus apple cider, and Jensen chalked it up to wishful thinking. The hopeless idea that Jared’s family would somehow approve of him completely corrupting their golden boy.
Chad was sitting across from him, and Jensen glimpsed the dark circles under the guy’s eyes and felt several shades of jackass. Jared was abnormally quiet beside him, picking at his food and mumbling short replies to anyone who made the mistake of speaking to him. Thankfully, no one really seemed to notice or comment on it, which was good because Jensen wasn’t sure he could handle listening to Jared make up some excuse as to the reason behind his sullen mood.
It was toward the end of the meal when Jensen felt something brush against his foot. He shifted a little, carefully not looking at Jared as he complimented Mrs Padalecki on her green bean casserole. Then it happened again, and Jensen almost swallowed his tongue when Jared’s ankle wrapped around his.
“What’re you--” he choked out before thinking better of it, glancing over to find Jared’s eyes gleaming back.
“More bread?” Jared asked easily, leaning over and dropping a roll on Jensen’s plate. When he pulled back, he dropped a hand under the table against his thigh. Spread his legs until they pressed tight against Jensen’s, a finger stroking the edge of Jensen’s pants.
“Uh, thanks.” Jensen picked up a glass of wine, took a long sip. He let Jared play for a few minutes, then reached down and laid a hand over his. He felt more than heard Jared’s sharp intake of breath, then gritted his teeth together and dragged Jared’s palm up and over the ridge of his cock.
Jared relaxed, fingers curling, stroking, and Jensen widened his legs and drank some more. This was so, so wrong…and judging by Jared’s quickened breathing, he knew it, too. Still, neither one of them stopped. Jared licked his lips, looking flushed and feverish as he dragged his thumb across the head of Jensen’s dick, covering up a low sound with a cough.
Just as Jensen’s hips flexed and he was trying to decide if it was worth it to come all over himself at the dinner table with Jared’s fucking parents right there, Jared pushed back in his chair. Muttered something that sounded like an excuse to Jensen’s ringing ears, and disappeared from the room. Jensen raised his fork with shaky fingers, not even tasting the honeyed ham on the end of it, and then saw Chad get up, too. Follow Jared out of the dining room, and Jensen’s belly clenched tight.
“Dude, are you about to be sick? You kinda chugged that Chianti.” Jeff’s concerned question snapped Jensen’s attention, and he dropped the fork with a loud clatter.
“No, I’m fine,” Jensen lied. “Just a little warm, is all.”
“Told you it wasn’t cold enough for a fire.” Megan said. “No one ever listens to me.”
“It’s atmospheric,” someone answered; Jensen wasn’t really sure who because all he could concentrate on was the low thrum of voices coming from somewhere in the house behind him. He glanced around the table, but no one else was frowning or looking the least bit concerned.
The phone rang, and Mr and Mrs Padalecki argued over answering it during a holiday meal. During the distraction that followed, Jeff caught Jensen’s eye and motioned to meet him upstairs, so Jensen downed the rest of his wine and stumbled up the stairs after his friend.
“Okay, what the hell was that about?” Jeff demanded without preamble, turning around to stare at Jensen the minute the bedroom door closed after them. Jensen was ready to throw himself to the ground, beg forgiveness, and he might possibly be the slightest bit drunk, but then Jeff continued, “Did you see the happy couple? Jared looked ready to shoot someone.”
Any other time, Jensen would’ve made a comment about the sheer fucking glee radiating from Jeff’s features. Hell, he couldn’t resist this time, either. “I thought you liked Chad now.”
“Sure, I like him. And Jared should dump his ass as soon as possible.”
Jensen groaned, dizzy with guilt and alcohol and unleashed horniness. “God, Jeff, you’re such a fucking gossip girl.” He crawled onto the pullout, laid facedown and tried to ignore the urgent twitch of his dick. “G’night.”
“Fine, you friggin’ light-weight. I’ll just go investigate myself.”
Jensen grunted a reply, reaching down between the bed and himself to press his hand against his cock. “Lock the door, if ya don’ mind.”
“Gross,” was all Jeff said, but he snickered and did as Jensen asked. Jensen didn’t waste any time shimmying out of his pants, biting his lip and thrusting against his fist while imagining Jared’s big hands all over him instead. Christ.
The sound of a door slamming echoed down the hall, and Jensen came with a loud groan, stifled against his bicep as he bit down and humped his own hand. Heavy footsteps paused by Jeff’s door, and he lied there panting, then sat up. Grabbed a handful of tissues from the nightstand and wiped himself clean before tugging his pants back up.
Someone knocked on the door, soft and uncertain. The room smelled like sweat and spunk, and Jensen just wanted to crawl under the blankets and never come out again. Instead, he walked over and opened the door to find Jared standing there. He blinked, leaning against the doorframe.
“Can I talk to you?”
“Right now?” Jensen looked over at his shoulder, saw the clump of used tissues scattered across the nightstand. “Um.”
Jared didn’t seem to notice his embarrassed flush. “In my room. C’mon.” He took off without waiting to see if Jensen would follow, but of course Jensen did. Because he was clearly insane, and totally drunk, and Jared was really, really adorable and hot and sexy and everything Jensen had ever wanted.
He found Jared sitting on his bed, head in his hands, and debated on the wisdom of shutting the door. Then Jared looked up, and Jensen caught sight of the redness in his eyes. Immediately walked over, sat down next to him. “Hey.”
Jared’s jaw worked, then he got up and walked over to the door. Shut it, and Jensen heard the lock click in place. Jensen shifted his weight, trying to figure out what to say as Jared walked back over toward him. Couldn’t have gotten anything out anyway, because the next instant he was on his back and Jared was trying to swallow his tongue.
“Fuck this,” Jared groaned against his neck, licking, biting, and Jensen’s lashes fluttered when his hand slid down to Jensen’s groin. “Take these off.”
“Whoa.” Jensen caught his breath, head spinning, and then Jared lifted his gaze. “Jared.”
Jared slid off of him, fingers shaking as he fumbled with his belt. Tongue between his teeth, eyes heavy on Jensen, he shoved his pants down his hips and Jensen’s blood rushed at the sight of that hard, gorgeous cock. Then Jared was in his lap, and Jensen was jerking his shirt over his head and sucking a bruise to Jared’s collarbone.
“Jesus,” Jared gasped, reaching blindly for Jensen’s hand. He held Jensen’s gaze, sucking two fingers into his mouth. Jensen bucked his hips, groaned long and low when Jared let his hand loose again and shoved it between his legs. Muttered, “Fuck me.”
Jensen fingered Jared’s crack and felt Jared press down against him. Stared up at the determined, excited flush coloring Jared’s features. The glazed look in his eyes, and let Jared fuck down onto his hand. “Oh, baby. You…”
“Feels good.” Jared rolled his neck, hair falling across his brow and half-hiding his gaze. “More.”
“We can’t keep doin’ this.” Jensen’s breath hitched, broke at the end, fingers twisting.
“Harder,” was all Jared said, face buried now in Jensen’s neck and tongue working his pulse-point. Low whine, and then, “It doesn’t mean anything, right?”
“Fuck you, it does.” Jensen’s fingers curled, free hand pulling Jared up close by the hips. He hissed it against shaggy curls, throat full. “Goddamn it, you know it does.”
“Jen,” Jared gasped, grinding down against him, nose brushing Jensen’s neck. “Oh god, please. Want you so fucking much.”
“Do you?” Jensen’s hand slid, up Jared’s back and around his neck, sank into shaggy curls and anchored them both. “Or are you still just getting’ me back, Jay? Provin’ what I lost?”
He tempered his words with wet, slow kisses, fucking and stretching Jared open until he felt the little quakes deep down inside. Wanted to soothe them with his dick, pull Jared across his lap and screw him silly until none of it mattered anymore, nothing but them.
Jared didn’t answer him, just rode Jensen’s hand and rolled his hips, chewing his lips and making the sweetest little sounds Jensen’d ever heard.
“He do this to you?” Jensen couldn’t help but break, pressing deep and rubbing where it made Jared flinch, Rock his hips and cuss, filthy low. “Make you this hot?”
Jared pulled back, eyes dark. Shiny. Truthful. “N-No. No, Jensen, never.”
“God.” Jensen’s voice went tight; he jerked his fingers free and barely caught Jared by the hips. “I’m not gonna do this, not to you.”
“Why the fuck not?” Jared all but shouted it, voice thick and helpless, and Jensen’s heart thudded crazily. “Why’m I…not ever good enough. For you?” He bit Jensen’s chin, breath hot and too fast. “Why is this so damn easy for you to turn away from?”
“Jared,” Jensen started slowly, sobriety making a quick appearance as he glimpsed the unchecked tears in Jared’s voice, eyes. “Please, I just…I’m trying to do the right thing here. Be a better person and--”
“I don’t want you to be a better person! I want--” Jared’s voice cracked, he reached down and grabbed his cock tight. Jacked it once, twice, slow and steady. “I want you to look at me and, and. Fucking want, Jensen. Do anything.”
I do, Jensen thought desperately. “Jared,” he tried again, aching a little inside.
“Shut up. Just shut the fuck up.” Jared slid off of him, panting and sounding close to outright sobbing. “I’m such a stupid ass, I swear to God.”
“You’re not.” Jensen sat up, wanting to press his forehead against the sweaty sheen covering Jared’s back. Smooth out the tense set of his spine with hands and lips. “You’re not, but Jesus, Jared…I can’t. You’re with somebody and I won’t let you be that guy, okay?” Not again.
“Yeah.” Jared let out a hollow laugh. “At least this time you’ve got a convenient excuse, right?”
Jensen dropped his hand, stung and sick. “That’s not fair.”
“You’re right, it’s not.” Jared turned to look at him, jaw hard and eyes wet. “None of this has been fucking fair. And yet, here we are.” He stood up, grabbed his pants and shoved a foot inside a leg. “Hey, at least this time I’ll know not to wait around for a fucking phone call.”
Jensen’s own anger began to escalate. “Oh, and that’s just it, huh? Fine. You got all the answers, Jay, you don’t need me to say a damn word. Hey, it’s not like what we did was fucking illegal, could’ve hurt a lot of people if it got out, right? Not like the same won’t still happen now, but by all means…let’s make this about your fucking insecurities.”
Jared spun around, fist lifted like he wanted nothing more than to slam it into Jensen’s face. Jensen raised his chin, waited for the blow that never came. Instead, Jared just backed away and rubbed both hands through his hair, grabbing a jacket and his shoes as he stormed out of the room.
Jensen blew out a breath, fell back against the bed and pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes. “Fuck, shit, goddamn.”
“You can say that again,” came a sarcastic voice that sent chills down Jensen’s spine. He looked up to find Jeff in the doorway, his teeth clenched together and something like hurt written across his features. “Gotta minute?”
xxx
Jensen left for Austin before New Year’s, declining Jeff’s offer of an extended stay in San Antonio. His best friend was making a valiant attempt to understand and get past Jensen’s betrayal, and Jensen didn’t see the need to rub it in his face any more than necessary. Not to mention Jared had apparently decided he wasn’t setting foot back in the Padalecki household again until Jensen was long gone, and this was just better all the way around.
He dropped his bag on the floor, taking in the silent apartment with a sigh. It was freezing, the heat having been off for a week and a half, and Jensen took that as the first order of business. Blowing warm on his hands and trying not to rethink his and Jeff’s conversation for the millionth time. Failing miserably.
“Why didn’t you just tell me? How long?”
He ground his jaw, remembering the quiet shock in his friend’s gaze. He hadn’t gone into much detail, both of them feeling awkward enough as it was. He’d sworn up and down to Jeff that nothing had really happened, but he wasn’t all that sure his friend believed him. After all, Jensen’s record spoke against him. Then again, Jeff hadn’t decked him, or disowned him, and had seemed more pissed off about Jared being upset than any crazy hanky panky possibly going on behind his back. And, well, Jensen having lied his ass off for years.
His cell phone rang, vibrating against his leg and Jensen glanced down. Saw the familiar name and felt twin bursts of relief and terror.
The text simply read: Hell, I always said the Chaddinator wasn’t good enough for him anyway. Followed by a smiley face, and Jensen laughed and rubbed a hand down his features. Swallowed back the lump that’d been choking him for days, and just rested his head against the windowsill.
The next few days passed by relatively slow, and Jensen went out New Year’s Eve to see the fireworks down at the stadium. He’d heard through the grapevine, also known as Megan, that Chad had gone back to New York. Without his lanky, oversized boyfriend. Jensen hadn’t been able to get rid of the little thrill that shot up his spine at this piece of news, but neither did he expect much from it. After their last encounter, hell, he’d be surprised if he wasn’t on the Jared Padalecki Most Wanted list.
It was closing in on midnight by the time he trudged back to the apartment, smiling a little after hanging up on a phone call with a drunken, rowdy Jeff. They were gonna be fine, and Jensen wondered why he hadn’t known better in the first place. Jeff Padalecki was one of a damn kind for sure, they all were, and that should’ve been Jensen’s first clue when he unlocked his door and walked inside only to have a foot slide in before he could shut it again.
“What the--” he trailed off, irritation melting into some other emotion when he jerked the door open to see Jared’s sheepish expression. “Oh hell,” he said, taking in the press of Jared’s fists at his side. “Jeff sent you to finish me off after all, didn’t he?”
Jared didn’t even blink. “I’m a complete and total dick and I dumped my boyfriend on Christmas because I’m in love with you and I have been for four fucking years.” He sucked in a breath while Jensen stared. “God, okay. Hi.”
Jensen tilted his head, opened and shut his mouth several times before just flattening his lips and jerking Jared inside. He slammed the door shut, shoved Jared up against it and dragged that nervous frown down to his mouth. Jared grinned into the kiss, a grateful, relieved sound spilling from his throat as he brought his hands up to Jensen’s face.
Jensen wanted to bite right through him, couldn’t get enough, and finally spun Jared around. Teeth still dragging across the nape of Jared’s neck as he slid his hands down lean hips. “I’m gonna fuck you right against this goddamn door, I swear to Christ.” He paused, thumbs hooked in Jared’s waistband. “Does your brother know you’re here?”
A bright burst of fire and light outside the window announced the new year, and Jared laughed a little. Pressed back and shot a look over his shoulder that had Jensen’s dick ready to weep. “Why, that weird you out?”
Jensen huffed out a chuckle, shaking his head and dragging denim and cotton down Jared’s legs. “Let’s just think about something else,” he murmured against Jared’s ear, reaching around and closing his fist around Jared’s cock.
“Good idea,” Jared got out, gritting his teeth and bracing his hands against the door. “Um. Check my pocket.”
Jensen blinked, glanced at the bulge in Jared’s pants. He bent down, pulled out several foil wrappers and a packet of lube.
“Surprise.” Jared’s voice was soft, hopeful, and Jensen wanted to cuddle and kiss and fuck and love him forever. He dragged Jared toward his room, his bed, spread his legs and sucked his cock until Jared’s hips were working. Fingers tight in Jensen’s hair, voice rough and ragged.
“Turn over,” Jensen said, wiping his mouth against his shoulder and watching with dark eyes when Jared immediately complied. “God, you’re so…” He swallowed, reaching blindly for a condom and tearing the wrapper with his teeth. “S’gonna hurt.”
“I can handle it,” came Jared’s lazy reply, and he pressed his face into the pillows and thrust back at Jensen. “C’mon, Jen…want you.”
“Want you.” Jensen pumped his cock, staring down between Jared’s legs and getting harder. “For so fucking long.”
“Yeah,” Jared groaned, letting Jensen stretch him open, fingers tightening in the sheets. “I was, um, thinkin’.”
“Sounds dangerous,” Jensen murmured, scissoring his fingers apart and licking his lips when Jared fucked down on him. “Tell me.”
“UT’s got…Jesus fuck…a good engineering program. Better than NYC, or so’ve heard.” Jared grunted when Jensen pulled his hand away, lined up and pressed a kiss against his neck.
“I’ve heard that, too. Somewhere.” Jensen drew in a shaky breath, clenched his jaw before pushing in, going a little dizzy when Jared opened up and took him in. “That’s…oh, Jay. Look at you.”
They were quiet for a few minutes, Jensen fucking his way inside and Jared adjusting and squirming on his dick. Jensen reached around, pulled him up and against his chest. Felt Jared tighten around him, heard the ragged gasp. “Yeah?”
“I like Texas,” Jared said dreamily, grinding down and tightening his grip on Jensen’s thighs. “You’re all right, too.”
“Glad to hear it.” Jensen nuzzled his neck, licked his way underneath Jared’s ear. “Since you’re not leaving this fucking building until I say so.”
Jared laughed, happy and gorgeous and everything.. “Works for me.”
The End.
Additional Author’s Notes /Acknowledgements:
+ Title credits to Shinedown.
+ I’d like to thank way2busymom for volunteering her amazing beta service on this. Thank you, honey. *kiss* Any remaining crazy errors are totally and completely mine.
+ Also huge, huge thanks to my tag-team of encouragement: __tiana__ and lostt1. These guys pretty much held my hand during the helter-skelter writing of this monstrosity, and made it all the better with their cheerleading and support. <3 you both.
+ And finally, avid_slacker, who took a chance and bid on me for charity. Thank you so much for your patience in waiting for this story to come to life, and for giving me such a wonderful prompt in the first place. I hope you enjoy this, so much.
[jensen/jared, nc-17, 26K] *notes at the end of fic
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 & Acknowledgments
there's a piece of a puzzle known as life.
by keepaofthecheez.
Jensen called his parents on Christmas Eve, told them he loved them, missed them, and lied about what a holly jolly time he was having at his pal’s house in San Antone. The day passed by quickly enough, and he didn’t catch much more than a glimpse of Jared the entire time. But at least they were now avoiding each other.
Evening rolled around and the Padalecki clan began to primp and prepare for midnight mass. Jensen begged off with a headache, feigning severe disappointment as Mrs Padalecki fussed over him and Jeff rolled his eyes and made rude gestures Jensen couldn’t return.
There was an awkward moment when he was heading upstairs to faceplant on the bed and sleep, preferably until it was time to go back to Austin, and turned the corner just as Jared was coming out of his room. They stared at one another, then Jared shook his head and cleared his throat.
“Um, I gotta…” He tugged at the tie wrapped around his neck, biting his lip and running a hand through his slicked-back hair. Jensen just nodded, flexing his fingers to keep from reaching out, dragging him over by the end of his tie and tousling him all up again.
“Yeah,” Jensen said, and he turned and beat a hasty retreat. Felt the weight of a gaze following him, but when he looked, the hallway was empty. He waited until he heard the door slamming, taking loud, laughing voices with it, and then peeked his head out. Silence, and he blew out a breath and started for the downstairs den with the idea of maybe losing himself in A Charlie Brown Christmas or something equally nostalgic and mind-numbing.
He wasn’t expecting to find Chad already lying length-wise along the couch, watching a reality show Jensen didn’t recognize and munching on a handful of cheddar cheese chips. He glanced up when Jensen’s figure darkened the doorway, and Jensen searched for a friendly tone. Tried for a smile. “Hey, sorry, thought I was by myself, man.”
“Yeah. I didn’t go, either,” Chad said unnecessarily, swinging his legs around and sitting up to offer Jensen the bowl of chips. “Faked an upset stomach…I like Jared’s family and all, but I just.” Heat bloomed across his features, and Jensen understood it all too well.
“I get it. Everyone needs a break.” He hesitated, then stepped forward and bit back a sigh, sitting down next to Chad. He shook his head when Chad offered the bowl, hands balanced on his knees as he stared straight ahead at the television and tried not to remember what Jared’s cock tasted like.
There was a few awkward beats, and then Chad cleared his throat. “So, how long have you known JT?”
God, I should’ve just stayed in Jeff’s room. Jensen’s mouth twitched. “A few years. I mean, I’ve known Jeff so long it all kinda blends together after awhile.”
“Right, right. Yeah, JT told me how you guys met, how you…helped him out. He really looks up to you, is all.”
Jensen’s smile began to hurt. “Well, isn’t that great.” He grabbed a handful of chips after all just to keep from strangling Chad by his inquisitive neck, because whether Jensen liked him or not, it wasn’t his goddamn fault. And yet, Jensen wanted to know just exactly what Jared had told him, too. Which was treading into dangerous waters he had no business navigating.
“I like Jared a lot,” Chad kept on, unaware of the way Jensen’s teeth were gnashing, “but, I dunno. Sometimes it’s like he’s not really all there…with me, I mean. Like this whole move to New York. He acts like he’s loving it, then we get here and it’s just obvious that…”
“What?”
“That he misses it.” Chad’s gaze narrowed in on him, on the quick reply. “But he’d tell me, right? He doesn’t strike me as the kind of guy to really bury his feelings.”
Jensen had to laugh at that. “Yeah, no. He’s really not.”
“Maybe you could feel him out some. Maybe he’d just be more comfortable opening up to someone that wasn’t sleeping with him every night. An old friend or whatever.”
“I’m not really the best candidate for that,” Jensen said slowly. “Me and Jay…er, JT, we don’t see eye to eye on much lately.” Except for how much we wanna fuck each other silly. That hasn’t changed much.
“I just thought you guys were pretty close.” Chad’s voice took on an edge that made Jensen sit up, take notice. “He talks about you a lot. Even when we’re alone sometimes, he’ll--”
“Yeah, you know? My head’s kinda starting to hurt again. I’m sorry.” Jensen stood up and sent Chad a smile that didn’t reach his eyes before leaving the room. He wasn’t really sure what Chad was going for or trying to prove, but he didn’t really need the goddamn images the guy’s words provoked. Not when he’d already seen it all for himself.
xxx
Jensen was woken up in the middle of the night by a heavy hand shaking his shoulder, and let out a sleepy sound while rolling over. He came face to face with Jeff’s grinning face, and groaned. Pressed his face back into the pillow. “Oh, Auntie Em. Go back to bed.”
“Cool it, Dorothy. Come with me.” Jeff pulled on his arm until Jensen slid out of the sheets, grumbling all the way and wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. “And Merry Christmas, by the way.”
“Mmm.” Jensen yawned, nearly cracking his jaw in half. “Whas’ this about, man?”
Jeff’s grin continued to light up his features, pulling an answering smile from Jensen as they padded down the hall. “Young Padalecki tradition. Started back when me and JT were kids…we’d sneak outside, hang out in the old tree house and exchange gifts after midnight.”
“Jeff, that’s so…” Jensen bit his lip, unable to even come up with a sarcastic reply. “…fucking adorable, and I kind of hate you for it.”
“Bite me,” came Jeff’s cheerful reply, and Jensen chuckled. “Anyway, the tree house is long gone, but Meg found this place down by the creek. We’ve been meeting there ever since, and, well, now it’s your turn.”
“Case you haven’t noticed?” Jensen grabbed his jacket and followed Jeff out of the front door. “I’m not exactly a Padalecki.”
“Hey, you’re a constant pain in my ass. You might as well be.” Jeff looped an arm around Jensen’s shoulders, squeezed tight. Jensen’s breath hitched in his chest, and it was only because he was half-asleep and sort of cold.
It was a quiet night, and Jensen burrowed his hands down in the pockets of his jacket and turned his face up to the sky. “Wonder what this all looks like under the big city lights of New York.”
Jeff raised his brows. “You’ll have to ask Jared. Although, I kinda always thought you’d want to find out for yourself, actually.”
Jensen stayed silent for a moment, thinking back to all of the plans he’d had back when he first met Jeff. Get out west, go up north. Make it big and leave the little people behind. “Yeah. Maybe not so much.”
“You’ve changed,” Jeff said, surprise gentling the accusation. “Anything I should know about?”
Jensen laughed a little. If you only did. “Wisdom comes with age, my friend. What can I say?”
They passed by a small, trickling creek and Jensen saw the first flash of light. As they got closer, he recognized the two figures huddled around a water cooler and having some kind of flashlight war. Jeff whistled, and the two beams intersected, nearly blinding Jensen as he brought a hand up to shield his eyes.
“Finally,” Megan said, rubbing her hands together and scooting over to let Jensen slide in beside her. “What took y’all so long?”
“Jensen sleeps like the living dead.” Jeff moved in beside Jared and reached out to snag the bag of marshmallows Jared was snacking on. “Nice. Thanks.”
“Jerk.” But Jared sounded happy, even offered Jensen a small smile when their eyes met.
“Hey, where’s Chad?” Jensen asked, because damn it, he could be a bigger person. When Jared’s gaze dimmed a little and Megan coughed into her hand, Jensen sent Jeff a questioning look. His best friend shrugged, looking nonplussed as he shoved another marshmallow in his mouth.
“He’s still sleeping,” Jared finally said, picking up a stick and tracing circles in the dirt. “Anyway, this is kind of private or whatever.”
Before Jensen could figure out how to react to that, or to the almost challenging look Jared slanted him, Megan clapped her hands together. “Okay, okay. So. I’m going first because last year Jeff cheated--”
“I never cheat, you’ve just got no appreciation for my kind of…flair,” Jeff decided, ignoring Jared’s derisive snort. “And Jensen should go first, you little drama queen.”
But Megan was already opening the water cooler, digging around inside. “Jensen can’t go first, he didn’t even know about this. Moron.” Her expression brightened and she pulled out a small package, tossed it in Jensen’s lap. “Merry Christmas, Jensen!”
“Uh.” Jensen looked down at the gift, feeling a stupid flush working its way up and under his collar. He unwrapped the package, finding a small photo album underneath. “Wow, you really shouldn’t have.”
“You have no idea how true that probably is,” Jared muttered, and was treated to a series of loud smacks from his younger sister.
“If those are naked pictures, I’m going to throw up. I swear to God.”
“Grow up,” Megan snapped at Jeff, coming over to stand beside Jensen. She flipped open the book, and Jensen stared at a photo of him and Megan from her birthday party during the Spring Break trip. “I still have that stupid headband, you know.”
Jensen laughed. “You look like a little pink tornado,” he said, tracing the picture and aching just a little at the grins on their faces, flipping through and seeing several more. Him and Jeff, goofing off by the pool. Jared making ridiculous Zoolander faces to the camera. “God, these are great. Thank you, Megan.”
“Just in case you ever forget about us,” Meg said, leaving off the implied again. But the words were soft, sweet, and something warm and wet pressed up against Jensen’s eyelids.
“I’d like to see anyone try and forget you,” he said, sliding an arm around her shoulders and pulling her up against his side. He pressed his lips to hers, loud and smacking. Then let out a regretful sigh. “If only you were a few years older.”
“And had a dick?” she cracked, making Jared choke and Jeff groan. “What? I can say dick.”
“Uh, not around me you can’t. You don’t know what one of those are, you’re five years old.” Jeff scrambled for the water cooler, his face red. He thrust something into Megan’s lap. “Now shut up and open your present.”
“Loser.” But the minute she opened the gift and saw what was inside, her eyes got big and she threw herself at Jeff, knocking him to the ground. “Oh my god, seriously? Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
Jensen couldn’t help but lean over to look, caught sight of the pair of car keys and raised surprised brows in his friend’s direction. “Whoa, dude.”
“S’not that big a deal.” But Jeff was grinning from ear to ear, patting Megan on the back as she squealed in his arms. “It’s just this little Firebird I had back in high school…was savin’ it for JT, but he went and got delusions of grandeur on me. Figured since I’ve got the Camry now, I’d pass the ‘bird onto a worthy owner. Course, you’ve got another two years to go, so don’t screw it up.”
“I could kiss you right now, but I just promised myself I’d never let these lips touch anything ever again after Jensen.” Megan beamed at him, grabbing the keys and staring at them with all the excitement of a teenager about to experience an all new kind of freedom.
“Do Mom and Dad know about this?” Jared asked, but he was smiling, too.
“Duh.” Jeff leaned back, blew on his nails and sent Jared a look that said top that. “Who do you think’s gonna be paying the insurance?”
“You’re all heart, big brother.”
The rest of the night passed in a swirl of gifts, jokes, and Megan reminding them all that now that she had a car, they were totally going to have to pay her to keep hanging out with them. When this ended in her getting pelted by a shower of marshmallows and running shrieking from the woods, Jensen stood up and brushed off the seat of his pants.
The sky was beginning to lighten from deep black to gray, and Jeff took off after Megan with words of sleep on his tongue. Jensen looked at Jared, shrugged and grabbed one end of the water cooler.
“Thanks,” Jared said quietly, even though the thing was light enough that one person could easily carry it. “It’s my year for clean-up, you don’t have to stick around.” He waved toward the littering of wrapping paper and bows. “Go on ahead if you want.”
“It’s cool.” Jensen knew it was a horrible decision, but hell. Jared looked so gorgeous, windblown and pink. His fate was already decided for him. “With two people it’ll go quicker, right?”
Jared bit his lip and didn’t answer. Just bent down and started gathering the trash, and Jensen watched him for a second before picking up the bag of marshmallows Jeff had emptied. “So, you guys have a fun tradition,” he finally said, glancing quickly over at Jared. “My family…we just sleep in late and then go to IHOP.”
“Strawberry crepes are pretty fun, too.” Jared smiled, caught his gaze for a quick flicker of time. “Sorry I didn’t get you anything, I mean. I didn’t know you were coming in, or I would’ve--” He waved a helpless hand, trailing off.
“What? Oh no, it’s fine. God.” Jensen laughed a little. “I’m not all that big on presents, anyway.”
“Seriously? Huh.” Jared stood up, grunting a little as he stretched his back from side to side. Then looked straight at Jensen, walking forward. “I kind of think they’re pretty awesome, myself.”
“Yeah, sometimes.” Jensen watched him with jittery excitement, licking his lips and seeing Jared’s gaze follow. It was all too easy to reach out, grab Jared by the collar and press him up against a nearby tree. “So, what would you’ve given me?”
Jared huffed out a laugh, nose brushing Jensen’s as his lids fluttered, then rose to reveal glittering hazel eyes. “Something I shouldn’t.”
“Yeah?” Jensen’s voice fell. “That makes two of us.”
Their mouths met on a hungry sound, tongues slick and searching. Jared’s hand pressed tight to the small of Jensen’s back, pulling him in closer as he opened his legs to fit against him. His husky groan ripped through Jensen like a gunshot, left him ragged and on edge.
It was over as soon as it began, and Jensen stumbled back, staring at Jared’s flushed face and rubbing a hand over his mouth. “Fuck.”
Jared’s voice was low, tight, and just as frustrated as Jensen’s. “Yeah.” He bent and picked up the cooler. “Pretty much.”
Jensen followed him back to the house, careful to keep his distance, and spent the entire time staring at Jared’s ass and thinking of how much trouble they both were really in.
xxx
As luck would have it, or not in Jensen’s case, he wound up next to Jared at the Padalecki Christmas dinner. He could’ve sworn Megan winked at him as he took his seat, but then she was arguing with Jeff over the merit of egg nog versus apple cider, and Jensen chalked it up to wishful thinking. The hopeless idea that Jared’s family would somehow approve of him completely corrupting their golden boy.
Chad was sitting across from him, and Jensen glimpsed the dark circles under the guy’s eyes and felt several shades of jackass. Jared was abnormally quiet beside him, picking at his food and mumbling short replies to anyone who made the mistake of speaking to him. Thankfully, no one really seemed to notice or comment on it, which was good because Jensen wasn’t sure he could handle listening to Jared make up some excuse as to the reason behind his sullen mood.
It was toward the end of the meal when Jensen felt something brush against his foot. He shifted a little, carefully not looking at Jared as he complimented Mrs Padalecki on her green bean casserole. Then it happened again, and Jensen almost swallowed his tongue when Jared’s ankle wrapped around his.
“What’re you--” he choked out before thinking better of it, glancing over to find Jared’s eyes gleaming back.
“More bread?” Jared asked easily, leaning over and dropping a roll on Jensen’s plate. When he pulled back, he dropped a hand under the table against his thigh. Spread his legs until they pressed tight against Jensen’s, a finger stroking the edge of Jensen’s pants.
“Uh, thanks.” Jensen picked up a glass of wine, took a long sip. He let Jared play for a few minutes, then reached down and laid a hand over his. He felt more than heard Jared’s sharp intake of breath, then gritted his teeth together and dragged Jared’s palm up and over the ridge of his cock.
Jared relaxed, fingers curling, stroking, and Jensen widened his legs and drank some more. This was so, so wrong…and judging by Jared’s quickened breathing, he knew it, too. Still, neither one of them stopped. Jared licked his lips, looking flushed and feverish as he dragged his thumb across the head of Jensen’s dick, covering up a low sound with a cough.
Just as Jensen’s hips flexed and he was trying to decide if it was worth it to come all over himself at the dinner table with Jared’s fucking parents right there, Jared pushed back in his chair. Muttered something that sounded like an excuse to Jensen’s ringing ears, and disappeared from the room. Jensen raised his fork with shaky fingers, not even tasting the honeyed ham on the end of it, and then saw Chad get up, too. Follow Jared out of the dining room, and Jensen’s belly clenched tight.
“Dude, are you about to be sick? You kinda chugged that Chianti.” Jeff’s concerned question snapped Jensen’s attention, and he dropped the fork with a loud clatter.
“No, I’m fine,” Jensen lied. “Just a little warm, is all.”
“Told you it wasn’t cold enough for a fire.” Megan said. “No one ever listens to me.”
“It’s atmospheric,” someone answered; Jensen wasn’t really sure who because all he could concentrate on was the low thrum of voices coming from somewhere in the house behind him. He glanced around the table, but no one else was frowning or looking the least bit concerned.
The phone rang, and Mr and Mrs Padalecki argued over answering it during a holiday meal. During the distraction that followed, Jeff caught Jensen’s eye and motioned to meet him upstairs, so Jensen downed the rest of his wine and stumbled up the stairs after his friend.
“Okay, what the hell was that about?” Jeff demanded without preamble, turning around to stare at Jensen the minute the bedroom door closed after them. Jensen was ready to throw himself to the ground, beg forgiveness, and he might possibly be the slightest bit drunk, but then Jeff continued, “Did you see the happy couple? Jared looked ready to shoot someone.”
Any other time, Jensen would’ve made a comment about the sheer fucking glee radiating from Jeff’s features. Hell, he couldn’t resist this time, either. “I thought you liked Chad now.”
“Sure, I like him. And Jared should dump his ass as soon as possible.”
Jensen groaned, dizzy with guilt and alcohol and unleashed horniness. “God, Jeff, you’re such a fucking gossip girl.” He crawled onto the pullout, laid facedown and tried to ignore the urgent twitch of his dick. “G’night.”
“Fine, you friggin’ light-weight. I’ll just go investigate myself.”
Jensen grunted a reply, reaching down between the bed and himself to press his hand against his cock. “Lock the door, if ya don’ mind.”
“Gross,” was all Jeff said, but he snickered and did as Jensen asked. Jensen didn’t waste any time shimmying out of his pants, biting his lip and thrusting against his fist while imagining Jared’s big hands all over him instead. Christ.
The sound of a door slamming echoed down the hall, and Jensen came with a loud groan, stifled against his bicep as he bit down and humped his own hand. Heavy footsteps paused by Jeff’s door, and he lied there panting, then sat up. Grabbed a handful of tissues from the nightstand and wiped himself clean before tugging his pants back up.
Someone knocked on the door, soft and uncertain. The room smelled like sweat and spunk, and Jensen just wanted to crawl under the blankets and never come out again. Instead, he walked over and opened the door to find Jared standing there. He blinked, leaning against the doorframe.
“Can I talk to you?”
“Right now?” Jensen looked over at his shoulder, saw the clump of used tissues scattered across the nightstand. “Um.”
Jared didn’t seem to notice his embarrassed flush. “In my room. C’mon.” He took off without waiting to see if Jensen would follow, but of course Jensen did. Because he was clearly insane, and totally drunk, and Jared was really, really adorable and hot and sexy and everything Jensen had ever wanted.
He found Jared sitting on his bed, head in his hands, and debated on the wisdom of shutting the door. Then Jared looked up, and Jensen caught sight of the redness in his eyes. Immediately walked over, sat down next to him. “Hey.”
Jared’s jaw worked, then he got up and walked over to the door. Shut it, and Jensen heard the lock click in place. Jensen shifted his weight, trying to figure out what to say as Jared walked back over toward him. Couldn’t have gotten anything out anyway, because the next instant he was on his back and Jared was trying to swallow his tongue.
“Fuck this,” Jared groaned against his neck, licking, biting, and Jensen’s lashes fluttered when his hand slid down to Jensen’s groin. “Take these off.”
“Whoa.” Jensen caught his breath, head spinning, and then Jared lifted his gaze. “Jared.”
Jared slid off of him, fingers shaking as he fumbled with his belt. Tongue between his teeth, eyes heavy on Jensen, he shoved his pants down his hips and Jensen’s blood rushed at the sight of that hard, gorgeous cock. Then Jared was in his lap, and Jensen was jerking his shirt over his head and sucking a bruise to Jared’s collarbone.
“Jesus,” Jared gasped, reaching blindly for Jensen’s hand. He held Jensen’s gaze, sucking two fingers into his mouth. Jensen bucked his hips, groaned long and low when Jared let his hand loose again and shoved it between his legs. Muttered, “Fuck me.”
Jensen fingered Jared’s crack and felt Jared press down against him. Stared up at the determined, excited flush coloring Jared’s features. The glazed look in his eyes, and let Jared fuck down onto his hand. “Oh, baby. You…”
“Feels good.” Jared rolled his neck, hair falling across his brow and half-hiding his gaze. “More.”
“We can’t keep doin’ this.” Jensen’s breath hitched, broke at the end, fingers twisting.
“Harder,” was all Jared said, face buried now in Jensen’s neck and tongue working his pulse-point. Low whine, and then, “It doesn’t mean anything, right?”
“Fuck you, it does.” Jensen’s fingers curled, free hand pulling Jared up close by the hips. He hissed it against shaggy curls, throat full. “Goddamn it, you know it does.”
“Jen,” Jared gasped, grinding down against him, nose brushing Jensen’s neck. “Oh god, please. Want you so fucking much.”
“Do you?” Jensen’s hand slid, up Jared’s back and around his neck, sank into shaggy curls and anchored them both. “Or are you still just getting’ me back, Jay? Provin’ what I lost?”
He tempered his words with wet, slow kisses, fucking and stretching Jared open until he felt the little quakes deep down inside. Wanted to soothe them with his dick, pull Jared across his lap and screw him silly until none of it mattered anymore, nothing but them.
Jared didn’t answer him, just rode Jensen’s hand and rolled his hips, chewing his lips and making the sweetest little sounds Jensen’d ever heard.
“He do this to you?” Jensen couldn’t help but break, pressing deep and rubbing where it made Jared flinch, Rock his hips and cuss, filthy low. “Make you this hot?”
Jared pulled back, eyes dark. Shiny. Truthful. “N-No. No, Jensen, never.”
“God.” Jensen’s voice went tight; he jerked his fingers free and barely caught Jared by the hips. “I’m not gonna do this, not to you.”
“Why the fuck not?” Jared all but shouted it, voice thick and helpless, and Jensen’s heart thudded crazily. “Why’m I…not ever good enough. For you?” He bit Jensen’s chin, breath hot and too fast. “Why is this so damn easy for you to turn away from?”
“Jared,” Jensen started slowly, sobriety making a quick appearance as he glimpsed the unchecked tears in Jared’s voice, eyes. “Please, I just…I’m trying to do the right thing here. Be a better person and--”
“I don’t want you to be a better person! I want--” Jared’s voice cracked, he reached down and grabbed his cock tight. Jacked it once, twice, slow and steady. “I want you to look at me and, and. Fucking want, Jensen. Do anything.”
I do, Jensen thought desperately. “Jared,” he tried again, aching a little inside.
“Shut up. Just shut the fuck up.” Jared slid off of him, panting and sounding close to outright sobbing. “I’m such a stupid ass, I swear to God.”
“You’re not.” Jensen sat up, wanting to press his forehead against the sweaty sheen covering Jared’s back. Smooth out the tense set of his spine with hands and lips. “You’re not, but Jesus, Jared…I can’t. You’re with somebody and I won’t let you be that guy, okay?” Not again.
“Yeah.” Jared let out a hollow laugh. “At least this time you’ve got a convenient excuse, right?”
Jensen dropped his hand, stung and sick. “That’s not fair.”
“You’re right, it’s not.” Jared turned to look at him, jaw hard and eyes wet. “None of this has been fucking fair. And yet, here we are.” He stood up, grabbed his pants and shoved a foot inside a leg. “Hey, at least this time I’ll know not to wait around for a fucking phone call.”
Jensen’s own anger began to escalate. “Oh, and that’s just it, huh? Fine. You got all the answers, Jay, you don’t need me to say a damn word. Hey, it’s not like what we did was fucking illegal, could’ve hurt a lot of people if it got out, right? Not like the same won’t still happen now, but by all means…let’s make this about your fucking insecurities.”
Jared spun around, fist lifted like he wanted nothing more than to slam it into Jensen’s face. Jensen raised his chin, waited for the blow that never came. Instead, Jared just backed away and rubbed both hands through his hair, grabbing a jacket and his shoes as he stormed out of the room.
Jensen blew out a breath, fell back against the bed and pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes. “Fuck, shit, goddamn.”
“You can say that again,” came a sarcastic voice that sent chills down Jensen’s spine. He looked up to find Jeff in the doorway, his teeth clenched together and something like hurt written across his features. “Gotta minute?”
xxx
Jensen left for Austin before New Year’s, declining Jeff’s offer of an extended stay in San Antonio. His best friend was making a valiant attempt to understand and get past Jensen’s betrayal, and Jensen didn’t see the need to rub it in his face any more than necessary. Not to mention Jared had apparently decided he wasn’t setting foot back in the Padalecki household again until Jensen was long gone, and this was just better all the way around.
He dropped his bag on the floor, taking in the silent apartment with a sigh. It was freezing, the heat having been off for a week and a half, and Jensen took that as the first order of business. Blowing warm on his hands and trying not to rethink his and Jeff’s conversation for the millionth time. Failing miserably.
“Why didn’t you just tell me? How long?”
He ground his jaw, remembering the quiet shock in his friend’s gaze. He hadn’t gone into much detail, both of them feeling awkward enough as it was. He’d sworn up and down to Jeff that nothing had really happened, but he wasn’t all that sure his friend believed him. After all, Jensen’s record spoke against him. Then again, Jeff hadn’t decked him, or disowned him, and had seemed more pissed off about Jared being upset than any crazy hanky panky possibly going on behind his back. And, well, Jensen having lied his ass off for years.
His cell phone rang, vibrating against his leg and Jensen glanced down. Saw the familiar name and felt twin bursts of relief and terror.
The text simply read: Hell, I always said the Chaddinator wasn’t good enough for him anyway. Followed by a smiley face, and Jensen laughed and rubbed a hand down his features. Swallowed back the lump that’d been choking him for days, and just rested his head against the windowsill.
The next few days passed by relatively slow, and Jensen went out New Year’s Eve to see the fireworks down at the stadium. He’d heard through the grapevine, also known as Megan, that Chad had gone back to New York. Without his lanky, oversized boyfriend. Jensen hadn’t been able to get rid of the little thrill that shot up his spine at this piece of news, but neither did he expect much from it. After their last encounter, hell, he’d be surprised if he wasn’t on the Jared Padalecki Most Wanted list.
It was closing in on midnight by the time he trudged back to the apartment, smiling a little after hanging up on a phone call with a drunken, rowdy Jeff. They were gonna be fine, and Jensen wondered why he hadn’t known better in the first place. Jeff Padalecki was one of a damn kind for sure, they all were, and that should’ve been Jensen’s first clue when he unlocked his door and walked inside only to have a foot slide in before he could shut it again.
“What the--” he trailed off, irritation melting into some other emotion when he jerked the door open to see Jared’s sheepish expression. “Oh hell,” he said, taking in the press of Jared’s fists at his side. “Jeff sent you to finish me off after all, didn’t he?”
Jared didn’t even blink. “I’m a complete and total dick and I dumped my boyfriend on Christmas because I’m in love with you and I have been for four fucking years.” He sucked in a breath while Jensen stared. “God, okay. Hi.”
Jensen tilted his head, opened and shut his mouth several times before just flattening his lips and jerking Jared inside. He slammed the door shut, shoved Jared up against it and dragged that nervous frown down to his mouth. Jared grinned into the kiss, a grateful, relieved sound spilling from his throat as he brought his hands up to Jensen’s face.
Jensen wanted to bite right through him, couldn’t get enough, and finally spun Jared around. Teeth still dragging across the nape of Jared’s neck as he slid his hands down lean hips. “I’m gonna fuck you right against this goddamn door, I swear to Christ.” He paused, thumbs hooked in Jared’s waistband. “Does your brother know you’re here?”
A bright burst of fire and light outside the window announced the new year, and Jared laughed a little. Pressed back and shot a look over his shoulder that had Jensen’s dick ready to weep. “Why, that weird you out?”
Jensen huffed out a chuckle, shaking his head and dragging denim and cotton down Jared’s legs. “Let’s just think about something else,” he murmured against Jared’s ear, reaching around and closing his fist around Jared’s cock.
“Good idea,” Jared got out, gritting his teeth and bracing his hands against the door. “Um. Check my pocket.”
Jensen blinked, glanced at the bulge in Jared’s pants. He bent down, pulled out several foil wrappers and a packet of lube.
“Surprise.” Jared’s voice was soft, hopeful, and Jensen wanted to cuddle and kiss and fuck and love him forever. He dragged Jared toward his room, his bed, spread his legs and sucked his cock until Jared’s hips were working. Fingers tight in Jensen’s hair, voice rough and ragged.
“Turn over,” Jensen said, wiping his mouth against his shoulder and watching with dark eyes when Jared immediately complied. “God, you’re so…” He swallowed, reaching blindly for a condom and tearing the wrapper with his teeth. “S’gonna hurt.”
“I can handle it,” came Jared’s lazy reply, and he pressed his face into the pillows and thrust back at Jensen. “C’mon, Jen…want you.”
“Want you.” Jensen pumped his cock, staring down between Jared’s legs and getting harder. “For so fucking long.”
“Yeah,” Jared groaned, letting Jensen stretch him open, fingers tightening in the sheets. “I was, um, thinkin’.”
“Sounds dangerous,” Jensen murmured, scissoring his fingers apart and licking his lips when Jared fucked down on him. “Tell me.”
“UT’s got…Jesus fuck…a good engineering program. Better than NYC, or so’ve heard.” Jared grunted when Jensen pulled his hand away, lined up and pressed a kiss against his neck.
“I’ve heard that, too. Somewhere.” Jensen drew in a shaky breath, clenched his jaw before pushing in, going a little dizzy when Jared opened up and took him in. “That’s…oh, Jay. Look at you.”
They were quiet for a few minutes, Jensen fucking his way inside and Jared adjusting and squirming on his dick. Jensen reached around, pulled him up and against his chest. Felt Jared tighten around him, heard the ragged gasp. “Yeah?”
“I like Texas,” Jared said dreamily, grinding down and tightening his grip on Jensen’s thighs. “You’re all right, too.”
“Glad to hear it.” Jensen nuzzled his neck, licked his way underneath Jared’s ear. “Since you’re not leaving this fucking building until I say so.”
Jared laughed, happy and gorgeous and everything.. “Works for me.”
The End.
Additional Author’s Notes /Acknowledgements:
+ Title credits to Shinedown.
+ I’d like to thank way2busymom for volunteering her amazing beta service on this. Thank you, honey. *kiss* Any remaining crazy errors are totally and completely mine.
+ Also huge, huge thanks to my tag-team of encouragement: __tiana__ and lostt1. These guys pretty much held my hand during the helter-skelter writing of this monstrosity, and made it all the better with their cheerleading and support. <3 you both.
+ And finally, avid_slacker, who took a chance and bid on me for charity. Thank you so much for your patience in waiting for this story to come to life, and for giving me such a wonderful prompt in the first place. I hope you enjoy this, so much.