Mourning practices in the Victorian era

[chiapetzukamori]

I've read quite a few fics where at one point Watson "wears mourning" for Mary's death, or for when he thought Holmes was dead. Sometimes he'll just wish he could wear mourning for Holmes, but decides that that would be inappropriate for a man to do for another man

Comments

[dante_s_hell]

This is precisely the type of post we're looking for! Writers strive for accuracy and this comm is supposed to help with that.

Thanks!

[dante_s_hell]

This website touches briefly on men and mourning. It also includes some follow up reading.

Victorian Mourning.

I'll check print resources for more info as well.

Hope this helps

[katead]

"A widower wears mourning for a year. His mourning must consist of a black suit, black gloves and necktie, and a deep weed on his hat. Those are very punctilious in such matters, wear black-edged linen and black studs and cuff-buttons."

The extract is from this: http://www.victoriana.com/VictorianPeriod/mourning.htm
which gives very full information about mourning etiquette for people and for the home. An arm band would generally be for soldiers and, more commonly, people who were too poor to afford a new set of clothes. There are also different etiquettes depending on how close you were to the deceased ie spouse, sibling, parent, distant relation, friend etc, have only skimmed through it so if that's not in there and you can't find anything feel free to poke me cos I LOVE this shit! <3

The reply that wouldn't end

[chiapetzukamori]

ooh thanks!
Yeah, this is all fascinating! I'll admit, I didn't know a thing about the Victorian era until I first read the Holmes canon back in October - and now I can't get enough of it!
As unhealthy for your mental recovery as I'm sure this 1-2 year mourning period was, I love the almost-ritual behind it.

That page seemed to focus on what to do if the deceased was a spouse, parent, sibling, or child. It didn't really go into detail about other relations other than by saying:
Gentlemen in mourning wear weeds, whose depth is proportioned to the closeness of their relationship to the dead. Their mourning is adhered to only as long as the ladies of their household wear it.I'm assuming this means that the mourning clothing was either full morning or half mourning, depending on the relationship with the deceased? Like, perhaps they would only wear half mourning if say, an uncle died, but full mourning if a parent died. I can definitely understand this, because with all the people you get to know in your life, you'd eventually be

Re: The reply that wouldn't end

[katead]

Seriously, I love this stuff, or I wouldn't be here so don't be sorry. It was up to the individual in the sense that no one would make you, but people would think you were very callous if someone close to you died and you really didn't seem to care. Think of it like your wife dying and you going out clubbing the next week - not like anyone's gonna stop you but people would definitely not feel right about it. For distant acquaintances and relatives mourning would be totally optional and not deep mourning, for example a dull colour like you'd wear to a funeral now a days when you were in attendance would be acceptable - mourning really was for the loss of a loved one

*pulls out soapbox*

[chiapetzukamori]

I'm not saying people shouldn't display their grief...lord knows I think some of the traditional practices that are dying out should be brought back (I went to a funeral recently, and I was literally the only female wearing any somber colors. I don't know, something about the mood of a funeral makes me not want to wear pastels for some reason ^_^;;;) Plus, I wore black for a couple days when my dog died (but he was a black lab so maybe it can be interpreted as in memory of him rather than me just grieving. Although I was. Gah, I know I'm crazy *ahem

[love_bug_54]

A good example of male mourning is in the Granada series in the episode The Final Problem. At then end when Watson is summing up for the viewer what happened, he is wearing full mourning for Holmes. I thought that was a touching thing for the producers to do. I'm sure most people at the end of the 20th Century would never notice such a thing or care. It's just another example of the care and attention to detail this series took.

[gaedhal]

That would also have been VERY unusual for a man
to do for another man, especially one who was not
a blood relative. It would have certainly been
commented on and perhaps even criticized at the
time. The "rules" in Victorian times were very
precise and any deviation was notable.

[love_bug_54]

Yeah. Slashy, ain't it? :D

[w_a_i_d]

I never noticed that. Oh, that's adorable. Holmes, you bastard.

[gaedhal]

Men would also wear "mourning bands" on their sleeves --
black cloth or velvet bands on their suit coats. They
might also wear "mourning jewelry" -- especially small
pins or rings with the hair of the loved one under glass.
Women might wear a pin or a necklace. A man might also
have the loved one's hair inside a watchcase, along with
a picture.

Men didn't go into outward mourning in the same way as
a woman. For one thing, male clothing, especially in
the late 19th century, was already pretty sober and
heavy in black (frock coats were generally black, etc.).
Plus, mourning was part of the "domestic sphere" which
was the world of women. Men lived in the outside world
and too much mourning or a prolonged mourning period
would have been considered over the top or even "unmanly."

[love_bug_54]

In the book, "Daily Life in Victorian England" (a great resource, BTW), it states this:

"Even among the poorest, it was important for immediate relatives to wear black clothing. In more prosperous families the entire household, including the children and servants, would be outfitted in mourning wear. The conventions varied by class and neighborhood and changed somewhat during the course of the century. ...

By the end of the century, the rule among the middle classes was to wear some sort of mourning for one year for a member of the immediate family, and for six months for aunts, uncles, or cousins. When Queen Victoria died, almost everyone in England wore black for three months."

[chiapetzukamori]

Regarding your second paragraph -
Yeah, that's pretty much what I figured, but that's why I'm asking so that I can be sure :-)

Now, where are you getting this mourning bands information? Like I said before, whenever I see the bands mentioned it's always that they were only worn by men in uniform and by the poor (please don't think I don't believe you - I just want to know if your sources are better than mine, which is entirely possible since I'm working mostly from the internet lol)