Fic post: Umbreller
Prompt: 10 - How to defend yourself with nothing but an umbrella
Fandom: Stargate SG-1
Title: Umbreller
Author: tresa_cho
Rating: PG on account of curses
Summary: A rainy day, a rainy planet. How to defend yourself amongst friends.
Ooh this was longer than I expected. :D Enjoy!
“I regret that you have come at the height of our wet season. When our sun is high, the land shines green as far as the eye can see. Flowers bloom and trees stand tall, their leaves unbent by the torrent. Animals and birds roam the land, creating a gentle orchestra of calls and noises. Our children go outdoors and play in dry fields, not worrying about floods or lightning --”
“Right, all right, we get it,” Jack interrupted. He gave an exaggerated shiver. “Can we please get somewhere inside?” The brim of his hat was a waterfall. The man he had cut off blinked from under his nice, warm, dry, umbrella. Carter snorted something unintelligible behind his back, but at the moment he didn’t care.
“Yes, yes, this way please.” The umbrella shook and dipped as the man bowed, splattering Jack’s front with even more water. He sighed heavily and followed the bobbing umbrella.
“A little moist, Carter?” Jack groused.
“I believe the words were ‘humidity is 100%, sir’. Sir.”
Daniel slipped in the mud. Jack’s hand shot out to steady him, and he shoved the linguist up in front of them. Daniel scowled but trudged ahead. In typical Daniel fashion, he hadn’t worn even a bandana and his hair was soaked, sticking to his forehead and matted down with the rain. Jack couldn’t even see his eyes behind the splatter of water on the man’s glasses, and his BDUs were soaked through.
Their uphill trek ended at a plateau. A community of buildings was settled in the moist earth, streetlights blinking against the torrential downpour. Their sheltered guide led them to the first house in the commune, and with a collective sigh they stepped out of the rain. The room they entered had a rubber matted floor and vents on opposite walls. The wall facing the one they had just entered also had a door, presumably leading to the rest of the house. Teal’c stood stolidly next to it as their guide closed his umbrella and started shedding his water-repellant outer layer.
“You may discard your wet clothes and leave them on the floor to dry.”
Jack started doffing his heavy BDUs, and as he stepped out of his boots, he realized the floor was heated. “Mm, toasty,” he chirped, wiggling his toes. Carter was buzzing around the room.
“This is incredible, sir. The floor is heated, yet there is no evidence of mildew from the moisture of water evaporating, and the air temperature is comfortable. If we could heat our homes this efficiently, we would go a long way to preserving our planet’s atmosphere and lowering energy costs.”
“Good, Carter, you work on that.” Jack knew better than to try and waylay her while she was in geek-mode. The people around here seemed friendly enough, and his shit-is-going-to-happen radar hadn’t pinged yet. Hopefully it would wait until after they were warmed and fed. He turned and saw Daniel about to remove his white undershirt. A sliver of tanned, firm skin peeked out before Jack barked at him. “Daniel!”
Daniel paused, peering at Jack through fogging glasses. “Jack?”
“Keep your shirt on at least. Don’t want the alien women going into fits of apoplexy. You don’t know the customs around here.”
“I don’t know whether to be impressed that you used a huge word like apoplexy or insulted that you think I wouldn’t understand the customs.” Daniel blinked. “These people stemmed from the Celts who lived in the British Isles. The Celts were very big on equality and openness. I’m assuming some of it translated to their current standards. Celtic men were known to take other men to bed, and even offer to bed strangers passing through. If the strangers refused, and refusal was seen as an insult.”
“Right, right. All right, I get it. Open society. Gotcha.” Jack removed his hat and dropped it next to his tack vest. He turned to Teal’c. “Are you even wet at all?” he asked.
“No, O’Neill. I was offered an umbrella by our gracious guide.”
Jack scowled. Once they were finished divesting their soaked clothes, their guide opened the second door and allowed them to pass. The room adjoining was warm and spacious, brightly lit with soft electric(?) lights. Carter, excited by the shiny new things, went over to one immediately and started examining it.
“Hey,” Jack murmured as Daniel walked past him. Daniel stopped and glanced at him. “How did you know all that? You haven’t taken a look at anything around here yet.”
“See the necklace he’s wearing? The one that looks a bit like a twist of metal? That’s a torc. They were awarded to Celtic warriors for feats of battle or worn as a sign of status. Most Celts went to battle wearing nothing but their torc.”
“I’m sorry I asked,” Jack muttered under his breath. Daniel didn’t hear, intent on their guide as another alien friendly entered the room.
“Greetings, my name is Brice. The dolt who brought you and probably forgot to introduce himself is Dallas,” the newcomer said, smiling brightly. Daniel made a small noise at their guide’s name. Brice smiled encouragingly.
“Dallas; from the field of water. Fitting,” Daniel explained, gesturing at the windows where the rain still poured down.
“Indeed. There is a baby boom nine months after the rainy season starts.” Brice grinned wickedly. Jack whistled.
“Cabin fever much?” he asked. Daniel shot him a look, but Brice and Dallas laughed.
“Come, we shall feed you and settle you in for the night. Tomorrow we will arrange for a meeting with our leader.” Brice gestured towards another room off the one they stood in. A full kitchen opened from the doorway, and Carter nearly exploded as she walked into the room. She was technobabbling before she had gotten two steps into the room, and Daniel, bless his soul, gave up his ear to her. Jack chocked one to Daniel’s tab in his head. It was Teal’c’s turn next.
Dinner was a stately affair, with warm, exotic foods and soups and some sort of hot brandy (which Jack steered clear of, thank you very much). Daniel and Carter were fuzzily blinking sleep away by the time the meal had finished, and their hosts stood to show them their rooms. Jack hooked a hand under Daniel’s elbow, and Teal’c hoisted Carter to her feet. She giggled and leaned solidly against him as he followed Brice to a pair of rooms. Dallas lead Jack and Daniel to their rooms and let them bed down for the night.
“Would you like to hear the rain?” Dallas asked as Jack stood in his assigned room.
“What?”
“Would you like to be able to hear the rain, or would you like me to silence the noise for you?” Dallas motioned to the ceiling. Jack could hear the incessant pounding of water against the roof of the building.
“No, leave the, er, rain on.” Jack waved absently. Dallas nodded.
“If you require anything, Brice and I are in the room at the end of the hall. Your Daniel Jackson is in the room adjacent, Teal’c and Samantha Carter are across from you. Sleep well.” Dallas ducked out of the room and closed the door. Jack was mildly disappointed the door didn’t slide and hiss like other civilizations. So much for advanced tech.
Jack checked and double checked the safety on his sidearm before laying it on the bedside table and reclining and setting his hat over his eyes.
…*…
“I trust you slept well?” Dallas murmured the next morning during breakfast. Daniel pinched the bridge of his nose, wincing.
“MajorCarter was most intrigued by your ceiling,” Teal’c rumbled, tucking in to his breakfast fruit.
“Not the ceiling, Teal’c, the technology. They’ve sound-proofed their roofs. It’s pretty incredible.” Carter also looked like she was suffering a slight hangover, yet not enough to deter her from her mission to figure out how the universe worked.
“Samantha Carter will be allowed access to our scientists and engineers, of course. They are ready to see her immediately. Unfortunately, those in our community who would be of interest to Daniel Jackson are unable to see you until after midday. Colonel O’Neill, your meeting with the community leaders will be tonight at dinner. Until then, you are free to roam as you please. I would recommend you staying out of low-lying areas, however, because they flood easily and quickly. If you require a guide, Dallas or I will be more than happy to escort you.”
SG-1 nodded as a collective. Carter grabbed her books and bags and computer and everything she needed to do her little nerd-thing, and was off with Brice as soon as she had finished eating. Dallas left to do whatever it was he did during the day, and Jack, Daniel, and Teal’c were alone at the table. Daniel, being Daniel, had brought a notebook to the table and was pouring over it.
“You know your staff weapon is pretty scary, T,” Jack said. Teal’c raised an eyebrow curiously.
“Indeed, O’Neill,” he responded.
“But what if you didn’t have that with you? Could you defend yourself with an umbrella?” Jack challenged. Teal’c’s face didn’t move.
“Indeed. An umbrella is unbalanced for fighting, but with proper adaptation of technique it will suffice to defend oneself.”
“C’mon, Dannyboy. Let’s get you trained in umbrella fighting.” Jack stood and hoisted Daniel up by the elbow. Daniel protested the motion, dropping his notebook back onto the table. Jack led them back towards the room they had entered first, the one with the heated floor, and grabbed two umbrellas from the stand beside the door. Teal’c followed them and shut the door when they were all in the drying room.
Their BDUs were dry by now, and Carter’s was gone. She had put them back on to go meet with the scientists. Daniel stared at Jack as he picked up one of the umbrellas.
“Avast,” Jack challenged. Daniel scowled at him.
“I have more important things to be doing than playing with you, Jack. I should look over the languages in the books Brice has in his library.”
“You’re going to need this, Daniel. What if you’re stuck somewhere and all you have is an umbrella?”
“Jack.”
“Daniel?”
“I’ll at least have a textbook with me too.”
Jack was winning, a smirk graced Daniel’s lips. Jack grinned. “Fine, a textbook and an umbrella. Come on!” Daniel shook his head in exasperation but picked up the other umbrella. He held it by the handle. Jack snapped his umbrella open and Daniel started, blinking.
“Step one, distract the enemy.” Jack twirled the umbrella. Daniel frowned but released the umbrella. It unfurled slowly. “No. Distraction. Means it’s gotta be fast. Again.”
Daniel looked as if he were about to throw one of his patented hissy fits, but he restrained himself and closed it. Jack stared at him, waiting. Daniel cast his eyes to Teal’c, who hadn’t moved. Jack followed his gaze, and as soon as he looked away he was hit with a wave of air and he flinched as the sound of metal snapping cracked the air. His peripheral vision was full of blue, and as he returned his gaze to Daniel, the umbrella dropped and the linguist smirked.
“Distracting enough?” he asked, spinning the object. Jack grinned.
“Right. After distracting the enemy, you can use the cover to get away, or to knock him off balance.”
“Him?”
“Him, her, whatever. Whoever you’re fighting.”
“Umbrella to umbrella?”
“Yes! Just listen. Watch.” Jack closed his umbrella and settled into an unassuming posture. Then, he whipped up the item, released it with a snap and shoved it in Daniel’s face. Daniel jerked back against the wall and Jack rolled clear of any weapon Daniel might have been holding. “See? You try.”
Jack walked him through all the things he could do with an umbrella; fencing, jabbing, distracting, defending, and beating. The nature of the ‘weapon’ didn’t lend towards accidental injury, though Daniel managed to bruise Jack’s hand with an intentionally hard slap.
“Oh, here you are.” Dallas poked his head into the room several hours later. “Lunch has been set out if you’re hungry. What are you doing, if I may ask?”
“Practicing!” Jack grinned. He reentered the house, depositing his umbrella in the container. Daniel followed him out, replacing his ‘weapon’ with a bit more care. After lunch, Dallas took Daniel out into the rain and returned a few moments later, soaked but smiling.
“Daniel Jackson was quite enthusiastic to get started,” Dallas said, rubbing his hair into wet spikes.
“Yea, he gets like that when you show him something older than a million years.”
“That must explain why DanielJackson still tolerates your presence, O’Neill,” Teal’c rumbled absently. Jack opened his mouth; found nothing was coming out, and closed it again, settling for casting Teal’c a wounded glare.
Dallas left them alone for the afternoon, which was probably a bad idea. Jack managed to get into the lamp system and short circuit it for a good half hour, plunging them into darkness until Dallas fixed it. Something similar to a cat leapt out at Jack when he opened a cupboard. He fell backwards into a table and knocked over a vase of something resembling flowers. The critter got away. After that he scalded his hands trying to get a drink of water. Dallas tried not to laugh as he handed Jack the cold compress and a glass. Teal’c watched the proceedings with one eyebrow up.
They were getting ready to leave for Jack’s thing (finally), when a frantic pounding arose at the door. At the same time, Jack’s walkie crackled to life. Dallas quickly moved to the door, a frown on his lips.
“Sir, we’ve run into some problems.” Carter’s voice rang across the frequency.
“Explain,” Jack snapped back. Dallas reentered the room, followed by someone else from his society. They were pale, and the stranger had a black eye.
“They’ve got Daniel, sir,” Carter said. Jack closed his eyes and cursed under his breath.
“Explain. More. Carter,” Jack ordered. “Never mind. Our host is going to explain.” Dallas was opening his mouth.
“It’s only three or four people. A rebel group. They want you to go back to your planet, they are afraid you’re going to ruin us and our life here on this world. This is Cale. He was with Daniel Jackson.” Dallas cast his eyes to his companion. The man started, and reached into his coat. He drew out Daniel’s glasses and handed them to Jack. Jack scowled. Both lenses were cracked and the frame was bent, as if Daniel had taken a solid hit to the head.
“And you neglected to tell us this… why?” Jack growled, glaring at Dallas.
“To be honest, we did not even know they existed until they broke into the building your Daniel Jackson was in. We were under the impression that the entire community was excited and enthusiastic about your coming.” Cale shrugged his shoulders. “I was just as stunned as you undoubtedly are. I’m sorry.”
“Three or four, you say?” Jack was already walking to his room to get his weapons. Why couldn’t things ever go smooth? And why was it always Daniel, dammit? He stalked back to the front hall as he released the safety on his P90. “Come on, T, let’s go get our boy back.”
“They’ll kill him, Colonel,” Dallas cautioned.
“Two words, Texas, ‘covert ops’. If these people are civilians we should have the upper hand.” Jack shot Teal’c a look. The Jaffa had been ready to go as soon as Carter radioed in. “They are civilians, right? No military training? What weapons do they have?” Jack eyed Cale.
“Knives. We don’t really have much use for projectile weapons so they’re very rare.”
Jack nodded. “Right. Teal’c, let’s go.”
They entered the rubber-floored room after instructing Carter to stay put. “Should we not take an umbrella with which to defend ourselves, O’Neill?” Teal’c asked as they opened the door to outside.
“Later, T. Cale, can you show us where the building is?” Jack bounced on the balls of his feet as Cale entered the drying room. He was slipping the last button of his rain slicker into place when a knock came at the door. Jack eyed it warily as Dallas, being the proper owner of the house, opened the door and let a soaked Daniel Jackson stumble inside.
“Daniel!” Jack caught an elbow and righted Daniel. The linguist grimaced and shook water out of his eyes. “Are you all right?” Jack’s eyes were already cataloguing signs of abuse on their linguist. He had a forming bruise on his temple; he had been decked fairly hard.
“Yea, yea, I’m fine. Uh, Dallas, I’m sorry but your umbrella… um it got a bit damaged…” Daniel held up the umbrella he had borrowed. It was slashed in some places, and a few of the supports were bent. Dallas took it, unable to close his mouth. “Jack, thanks for showing me all those moves with the umbrella. It actually came in handy.” Daniel paused, and finally seemed to notice the looks Jack, Cale, and Dallas were giving him. “What?”
“Daniel,” Jack started. He placed a hand on Daniel’s shoulder. “Are you implying that you escaped four armed guerillas with nothing but an umbrella?”
“Er, yea. Isn’t that what you were teaching me to do this morning?” Daniel blinked.
Jack patted him on the shoulder and let him through to see Teal’c. “Carter.” He clicked the walkie.
“Yes sir.”
“Our wayward linguist has been retrieved. Go back to doing whatever nerd-stuff you were doing.”
“Yes, sir. With pleasure sir.” Jack could hear her grin. He turned and saw Daniel start to take off the wet clothes. He supposed he could conveniently forget to mention that he had just been playing around this morning. Everything he had shown Daniel had been off the top of his head to stave off boredom.
Fandom: Stargate SG-1
Title: Umbreller
Author: tresa_cho
Rating: PG on account of curses
Summary: A rainy day, a rainy planet. How to defend yourself amongst friends.
Ooh this was longer than I expected. :D Enjoy!
“I regret that you have come at the height of our wet season. When our sun is high, the land shines green as far as the eye can see. Flowers bloom and trees stand tall, their leaves unbent by the torrent. Animals and birds roam the land, creating a gentle orchestra of calls and noises. Our children go outdoors and play in dry fields, not worrying about floods or lightning --”
“Right, all right, we get it,” Jack interrupted. He gave an exaggerated shiver. “Can we please get somewhere inside?” The brim of his hat was a waterfall. The man he had cut off blinked from under his nice, warm, dry, umbrella. Carter snorted something unintelligible behind his back, but at the moment he didn’t care.
“Yes, yes, this way please.” The umbrella shook and dipped as the man bowed, splattering Jack’s front with even more water. He sighed heavily and followed the bobbing umbrella.
“A little moist, Carter?” Jack groused.
“I believe the words were ‘humidity is 100%, sir’. Sir.”
Daniel slipped in the mud. Jack’s hand shot out to steady him, and he shoved the linguist up in front of them. Daniel scowled but trudged ahead. In typical Daniel fashion, he hadn’t worn even a bandana and his hair was soaked, sticking to his forehead and matted down with the rain. Jack couldn’t even see his eyes behind the splatter of water on the man’s glasses, and his BDUs were soaked through.
Their uphill trek ended at a plateau. A community of buildings was settled in the moist earth, streetlights blinking against the torrential downpour. Their sheltered guide led them to the first house in the commune, and with a collective sigh they stepped out of the rain. The room they entered had a rubber matted floor and vents on opposite walls. The wall facing the one they had just entered also had a door, presumably leading to the rest of the house. Teal’c stood stolidly next to it as their guide closed his umbrella and started shedding his water-repellant outer layer.
“You may discard your wet clothes and leave them on the floor to dry.”
Jack started doffing his heavy BDUs, and as he stepped out of his boots, he realized the floor was heated. “Mm, toasty,” he chirped, wiggling his toes. Carter was buzzing around the room.
“This is incredible, sir. The floor is heated, yet there is no evidence of mildew from the moisture of water evaporating, and the air temperature is comfortable. If we could heat our homes this efficiently, we would go a long way to preserving our planet’s atmosphere and lowering energy costs.”
“Good, Carter, you work on that.” Jack knew better than to try and waylay her while she was in geek-mode. The people around here seemed friendly enough, and his shit-is-going-to-happen radar hadn’t pinged yet. Hopefully it would wait until after they were warmed and fed. He turned and saw Daniel about to remove his white undershirt. A sliver of tanned, firm skin peeked out before Jack barked at him. “Daniel!”
Daniel paused, peering at Jack through fogging glasses. “Jack?”
“Keep your shirt on at least. Don’t want the alien women going into fits of apoplexy. You don’t know the customs around here.”
“I don’t know whether to be impressed that you used a huge word like apoplexy or insulted that you think I wouldn’t understand the customs.” Daniel blinked. “These people stemmed from the Celts who lived in the British Isles. The Celts were very big on equality and openness. I’m assuming some of it translated to their current standards. Celtic men were known to take other men to bed, and even offer to bed strangers passing through. If the strangers refused, and refusal was seen as an insult.”
“Right, right. All right, I get it. Open society. Gotcha.” Jack removed his hat and dropped it next to his tack vest. He turned to Teal’c. “Are you even wet at all?” he asked.
“No, O’Neill. I was offered an umbrella by our gracious guide.”
Jack scowled. Once they were finished divesting their soaked clothes, their guide opened the second door and allowed them to pass. The room adjoining was warm and spacious, brightly lit with soft electric(?) lights. Carter, excited by the shiny new things, went over to one immediately and started examining it.
“Hey,” Jack murmured as Daniel walked past him. Daniel stopped and glanced at him. “How did you know all that? You haven’t taken a look at anything around here yet.”
“See the necklace he’s wearing? The one that looks a bit like a twist of metal? That’s a torc. They were awarded to Celtic warriors for feats of battle or worn as a sign of status. Most Celts went to battle wearing nothing but their torc.”
“I’m sorry I asked,” Jack muttered under his breath. Daniel didn’t hear, intent on their guide as another alien friendly entered the room.
“Greetings, my name is Brice. The dolt who brought you and probably forgot to introduce himself is Dallas,” the newcomer said, smiling brightly. Daniel made a small noise at their guide’s name. Brice smiled encouragingly.
“Dallas; from the field of water. Fitting,” Daniel explained, gesturing at the windows where the rain still poured down.
“Indeed. There is a baby boom nine months after the rainy season starts.” Brice grinned wickedly. Jack whistled.
“Cabin fever much?” he asked. Daniel shot him a look, but Brice and Dallas laughed.
“Come, we shall feed you and settle you in for the night. Tomorrow we will arrange for a meeting with our leader.” Brice gestured towards another room off the one they stood in. A full kitchen opened from the doorway, and Carter nearly exploded as she walked into the room. She was technobabbling before she had gotten two steps into the room, and Daniel, bless his soul, gave up his ear to her. Jack chocked one to Daniel’s tab in his head. It was Teal’c’s turn next.
Dinner was a stately affair, with warm, exotic foods and soups and some sort of hot brandy (which Jack steered clear of, thank you very much). Daniel and Carter were fuzzily blinking sleep away by the time the meal had finished, and their hosts stood to show them their rooms. Jack hooked a hand under Daniel’s elbow, and Teal’c hoisted Carter to her feet. She giggled and leaned solidly against him as he followed Brice to a pair of rooms. Dallas lead Jack and Daniel to their rooms and let them bed down for the night.
“Would you like to hear the rain?” Dallas asked as Jack stood in his assigned room.
“What?”
“Would you like to be able to hear the rain, or would you like me to silence the noise for you?” Dallas motioned to the ceiling. Jack could hear the incessant pounding of water against the roof of the building.
“No, leave the, er, rain on.” Jack waved absently. Dallas nodded.
“If you require anything, Brice and I are in the room at the end of the hall. Your Daniel Jackson is in the room adjacent, Teal’c and Samantha Carter are across from you. Sleep well.” Dallas ducked out of the room and closed the door. Jack was mildly disappointed the door didn’t slide and hiss like other civilizations. So much for advanced tech.
Jack checked and double checked the safety on his sidearm before laying it on the bedside table and reclining and setting his hat over his eyes.
…*…
“I trust you slept well?” Dallas murmured the next morning during breakfast. Daniel pinched the bridge of his nose, wincing.
“MajorCarter was most intrigued by your ceiling,” Teal’c rumbled, tucking in to his breakfast fruit.
“Not the ceiling, Teal’c, the technology. They’ve sound-proofed their roofs. It’s pretty incredible.” Carter also looked like she was suffering a slight hangover, yet not enough to deter her from her mission to figure out how the universe worked.
“Samantha Carter will be allowed access to our scientists and engineers, of course. They are ready to see her immediately. Unfortunately, those in our community who would be of interest to Daniel Jackson are unable to see you until after midday. Colonel O’Neill, your meeting with the community leaders will be tonight at dinner. Until then, you are free to roam as you please. I would recommend you staying out of low-lying areas, however, because they flood easily and quickly. If you require a guide, Dallas or I will be more than happy to escort you.”
SG-1 nodded as a collective. Carter grabbed her books and bags and computer and everything she needed to do her little nerd-thing, and was off with Brice as soon as she had finished eating. Dallas left to do whatever it was he did during the day, and Jack, Daniel, and Teal’c were alone at the table. Daniel, being Daniel, had brought a notebook to the table and was pouring over it.
“You know your staff weapon is pretty scary, T,” Jack said. Teal’c raised an eyebrow curiously.
“Indeed, O’Neill,” he responded.
“But what if you didn’t have that with you? Could you defend yourself with an umbrella?” Jack challenged. Teal’c’s face didn’t move.
“Indeed. An umbrella is unbalanced for fighting, but with proper adaptation of technique it will suffice to defend oneself.”
“C’mon, Dannyboy. Let’s get you trained in umbrella fighting.” Jack stood and hoisted Daniel up by the elbow. Daniel protested the motion, dropping his notebook back onto the table. Jack led them back towards the room they had entered first, the one with the heated floor, and grabbed two umbrellas from the stand beside the door. Teal’c followed them and shut the door when they were all in the drying room.
Their BDUs were dry by now, and Carter’s was gone. She had put them back on to go meet with the scientists. Daniel stared at Jack as he picked up one of the umbrellas.
“Avast,” Jack challenged. Daniel scowled at him.
“I have more important things to be doing than playing with you, Jack. I should look over the languages in the books Brice has in his library.”
“You’re going to need this, Daniel. What if you’re stuck somewhere and all you have is an umbrella?”
“Jack.”
“Daniel?”
“I’ll at least have a textbook with me too.”
Jack was winning, a smirk graced Daniel’s lips. Jack grinned. “Fine, a textbook and an umbrella. Come on!” Daniel shook his head in exasperation but picked up the other umbrella. He held it by the handle. Jack snapped his umbrella open and Daniel started, blinking.
“Step one, distract the enemy.” Jack twirled the umbrella. Daniel frowned but released the umbrella. It unfurled slowly. “No. Distraction. Means it’s gotta be fast. Again.”
Daniel looked as if he were about to throw one of his patented hissy fits, but he restrained himself and closed it. Jack stared at him, waiting. Daniel cast his eyes to Teal’c, who hadn’t moved. Jack followed his gaze, and as soon as he looked away he was hit with a wave of air and he flinched as the sound of metal snapping cracked the air. His peripheral vision was full of blue, and as he returned his gaze to Daniel, the umbrella dropped and the linguist smirked.
“Distracting enough?” he asked, spinning the object. Jack grinned.
“Right. After distracting the enemy, you can use the cover to get away, or to knock him off balance.”
“Him?”
“Him, her, whatever. Whoever you’re fighting.”
“Umbrella to umbrella?”
“Yes! Just listen. Watch.” Jack closed his umbrella and settled into an unassuming posture. Then, he whipped up the item, released it with a snap and shoved it in Daniel’s face. Daniel jerked back against the wall and Jack rolled clear of any weapon Daniel might have been holding. “See? You try.”
Jack walked him through all the things he could do with an umbrella; fencing, jabbing, distracting, defending, and beating. The nature of the ‘weapon’ didn’t lend towards accidental injury, though Daniel managed to bruise Jack’s hand with an intentionally hard slap.
“Oh, here you are.” Dallas poked his head into the room several hours later. “Lunch has been set out if you’re hungry. What are you doing, if I may ask?”
“Practicing!” Jack grinned. He reentered the house, depositing his umbrella in the container. Daniel followed him out, replacing his ‘weapon’ with a bit more care. After lunch, Dallas took Daniel out into the rain and returned a few moments later, soaked but smiling.
“Daniel Jackson was quite enthusiastic to get started,” Dallas said, rubbing his hair into wet spikes.
“Yea, he gets like that when you show him something older than a million years.”
“That must explain why DanielJackson still tolerates your presence, O’Neill,” Teal’c rumbled absently. Jack opened his mouth; found nothing was coming out, and closed it again, settling for casting Teal’c a wounded glare.
Dallas left them alone for the afternoon, which was probably a bad idea. Jack managed to get into the lamp system and short circuit it for a good half hour, plunging them into darkness until Dallas fixed it. Something similar to a cat leapt out at Jack when he opened a cupboard. He fell backwards into a table and knocked over a vase of something resembling flowers. The critter got away. After that he scalded his hands trying to get a drink of water. Dallas tried not to laugh as he handed Jack the cold compress and a glass. Teal’c watched the proceedings with one eyebrow up.
They were getting ready to leave for Jack’s thing (finally), when a frantic pounding arose at the door. At the same time, Jack’s walkie crackled to life. Dallas quickly moved to the door, a frown on his lips.
“Sir, we’ve run into some problems.” Carter’s voice rang across the frequency.
“Explain,” Jack snapped back. Dallas reentered the room, followed by someone else from his society. They were pale, and the stranger had a black eye.
“They’ve got Daniel, sir,” Carter said. Jack closed his eyes and cursed under his breath.
“Explain. More. Carter,” Jack ordered. “Never mind. Our host is going to explain.” Dallas was opening his mouth.
“It’s only three or four people. A rebel group. They want you to go back to your planet, they are afraid you’re going to ruin us and our life here on this world. This is Cale. He was with Daniel Jackson.” Dallas cast his eyes to his companion. The man started, and reached into his coat. He drew out Daniel’s glasses and handed them to Jack. Jack scowled. Both lenses were cracked and the frame was bent, as if Daniel had taken a solid hit to the head.
“And you neglected to tell us this… why?” Jack growled, glaring at Dallas.
“To be honest, we did not even know they existed until they broke into the building your Daniel Jackson was in. We were under the impression that the entire community was excited and enthusiastic about your coming.” Cale shrugged his shoulders. “I was just as stunned as you undoubtedly are. I’m sorry.”
“Three or four, you say?” Jack was already walking to his room to get his weapons. Why couldn’t things ever go smooth? And why was it always Daniel, dammit? He stalked back to the front hall as he released the safety on his P90. “Come on, T, let’s go get our boy back.”
“They’ll kill him, Colonel,” Dallas cautioned.
“Two words, Texas, ‘covert ops’. If these people are civilians we should have the upper hand.” Jack shot Teal’c a look. The Jaffa had been ready to go as soon as Carter radioed in. “They are civilians, right? No military training? What weapons do they have?” Jack eyed Cale.
“Knives. We don’t really have much use for projectile weapons so they’re very rare.”
Jack nodded. “Right. Teal’c, let’s go.”
They entered the rubber-floored room after instructing Carter to stay put. “Should we not take an umbrella with which to defend ourselves, O’Neill?” Teal’c asked as they opened the door to outside.
“Later, T. Cale, can you show us where the building is?” Jack bounced on the balls of his feet as Cale entered the drying room. He was slipping the last button of his rain slicker into place when a knock came at the door. Jack eyed it warily as Dallas, being the proper owner of the house, opened the door and let a soaked Daniel Jackson stumble inside.
“Daniel!” Jack caught an elbow and righted Daniel. The linguist grimaced and shook water out of his eyes. “Are you all right?” Jack’s eyes were already cataloguing signs of abuse on their linguist. He had a forming bruise on his temple; he had been decked fairly hard.
“Yea, yea, I’m fine. Uh, Dallas, I’m sorry but your umbrella… um it got a bit damaged…” Daniel held up the umbrella he had borrowed. It was slashed in some places, and a few of the supports were bent. Dallas took it, unable to close his mouth. “Jack, thanks for showing me all those moves with the umbrella. It actually came in handy.” Daniel paused, and finally seemed to notice the looks Jack, Cale, and Dallas were giving him. “What?”
“Daniel,” Jack started. He placed a hand on Daniel’s shoulder. “Are you implying that you escaped four armed guerillas with nothing but an umbrella?”
“Er, yea. Isn’t that what you were teaching me to do this morning?” Daniel blinked.
Jack patted him on the shoulder and let him through to see Teal’c. “Carter.” He clicked the walkie.
“Yes sir.”
“Our wayward linguist has been retrieved. Go back to doing whatever nerd-stuff you were doing.”
“Yes, sir. With pleasure sir.” Jack could hear her grin. He turned and saw Daniel start to take off the wet clothes. He supposed he could conveniently forget to mention that he had just been playing around this morning. Everything he had shown Daniel had been off the top of his head to stave off boredom.