Fic: Ultimate Ninja Technique
Prompt: How to open a champagne bottle with a sword.
Title: Ultimate Ninja Technique
Fandom: Nabari no Ou
Genre: crack
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1300
Summary: The drunken revelry of the Kairoushuu.
Notes: AU from the end of the Kouga arc. Also assumes Yoite isn't so direly wounded at the end of that arc, and that everyone's in a proper mental state for crack. Unbeta'd, please let me know if you notice any problems. Comments are loved -- I'd love to meet more people who would squee about this fandom with me!
***
"Only one scroll left to go!" Yukimi cackled. "And it's just the Banten one, that our boy king's old boss is hiding, so we're home free! I think this calls for a celebration," he said. The boy king himself had seemed a little down on the trip home; perhaps a little celebrating would cheer him up. Yukimi ushered his charges toward his sister's sushi shop, with Raikou following close behind.
"Sis! Sake! And hurry it up, we're--" Yukimi swooped inside the doorway and stopped dead as he spotted Gau sitting on a stool at the counter. Yoite and Miharu bumped into him from behind and knocked him forwards, and then Raikou shoved him across the room in his haste to get inside.
"Gau!" Raikou wrapped his arms around a blushing Gau in a tight bear hug, which Gau endured stoically until he began to gasp and choke from lack of oxygen.
The tears streamed down their faces and they held on to each other as if for dear life. Yukimi rolled his eyes, but had to look away from the scene -- he found Yoite and Miharu doing much the same.
"Sis! Where are you? We need sake, now!" he bellowed.
"Way ahead of you, brother," Kazuho chimed, appearing next to him with two bottles of sparkly golden champagne in each hand. "I got a whole case!"
"Where's my sake, Sis? I don't want any of that stuff!" Yukimi growled.
Kazuho abandoned the champagne and shoved a bottle of sake into his gut. "That's not what you'll say in an hour or so -- but I got a case of sake too!" she beamed.
"That's more like it! We'll start with the good stuff." Taking advantage of what was sure to be a short-lived state of sobriety, he poured the first round of sake for everyone, including Yoite and Miharu -- although he only poured them one glass to share. Yoite shook his head and managed a weak smile when Miharu offered it to him. Miharu took a tiny sip and made a face.
Yukimi had to physically pry Raikou and Gau apart to give them their glasses, which he did gleefully. "Sit on separate stools and drink this, or else get a room!" he scolded.
An hour later, Yukimi's cheeks were almost as pink as Raikou's and Gau's. Those two had an extra excuse, since they seemed drunk on each other's presence as well as the alcohol. They'd all heard the story of Gau waking up in the hospital and being more concerned about Raikou than his own injuries. He'd wanted to travel to Kouga, but Kazuho had put her foot down.
Miharu and Kazuho managed to convince Yoite to try both the sake and the champagne, as an experiment to see if he could taste it, or if it would have any effect on his body. He appeared to have had enough to loosen his inhibitions, as he was leaning against Miharu, arms draped around him with his head on the smaller boy's shoulder, his eyes closed and his cheeks pink.
Miharu looked very satisfied with himself.
This was how a proper team should celebrate, no doubt about it. Yukimi felt quite self-satisfied too, until he noticed that both his glass and his sake bottle were empty. "More alcohol, Sister Wench!" he demanded. She ignored him, so he went off in search of the bottles himself, complaining with each wobbly step.
He found the champagne bottles hidden in plain view on the counter, took one, and eyed the cork suspiciously. He thought for a few seconds, as hard as his muddled brain would allow, shrugged, then set the bottle in the doorway and backed up a few steps.
"Brother! What do you think you are doing?" Kazuho exclaimed, as Yukimi laughed and pulled his gun. He aimed at the top of the bottle, squinted one eye shut, and fired.
Gau shrieked as shards of glass flew everywhere, accompanied by bubbly liquid.
"Idiot! You can't honestly have thought that would work, even drunk!" shouted Kazuho, whacking Yukimi on the forehead with her fist.
"What a waste," whined Gau.
"What a mess," added Raikou.
"Like you could do any better!" Yukimi challenged. He took up another bottle -- Kazuho was a saint for getting them an entire case, perhaps he would admit that later -- and shoved it at Raikou. "Let's see you open it then, Mr. High and Mighty!"
Raikou eyed the cork suspiciously, then reached towards the corkscrew on the counter.
Remembering what those were for, Yukimi felt obligated to object. "No way! That's cheating!" He snatched away the corkscrew. "It's a new challenge for the Wakachi of Kairoushuu," he goaded, leering into Raikou's face.
Raikou drew Kurogamon with a dangerous swish, swiping it an inch in front of Yukimi's nose. Yukimi let out a startled yelp, and stumbled backwards. Raikou twirled around to place the doomed champagne bottle in the doorway, his boots crunching glass as he stepped back a pace. He scrunched up his face determinedly, while Kazuho sighed and shook her head. Miharu looked on with interest, and appeared to be trying to use his body to shield Yoite.
Swoosh! Kurogamon connected with the top of the bottle, but only managed to shave off a disk of cork.
Raikou bit his lip and tried again.
Smash! Another layer of glass pieces and champagne littered the floor. Raikou's shoulders fell, and Gau rushed to comfort him.
"What a stupid challenge, anyway!" he yelled at Yukimi. "Who do you think you are, ordering Raikou around?! He's a thousand times better at any task than you'll ever be!"
"Shut up, Ballistic Boy!"
"Like I would listen to your orders, Mr. Chickenhea--"
"Gau," said Raikou sternly, and Gau went still at once, still looking daggers at Yukimi.
Suddenly there was an odd tinkle of glass, and the topmost two inches of one of the unopened champagne bottles popped upwards and off to the side. It rolled in a circle on the counter while they all stared at it blankly.
"Yoite!" said Miharu, dismayed. Everyone turned to look at Yoite, who had his index finger pointed at the bottle in question. He looked a bit smug, and quite drunk.
"What were you thinking?" Miharu demanded, tugging on Yoite's scarf and his sleeve. Kazuho descended upon him as well, scolding.
Yoite curled inwards defensively. "It didn't take much! Don't touch me!" he said.
"This is why I hate kids," Yukimi muttered. Then he raised his voice at his charge. "Using Kira is definitely cheating! Never try that again, Yoite. I mean it!"
A soft popping noise came from across the room, and everyone turned to see Gau with an open, unbroken champagne bottle in his lap, the white foam overflowing and pouring all over his legs. Judging by his pleased expression, he didn't mind. Kurogamon was in his hand, with the cork stuck on the end of it.
Yukimi was the first to recover. "Congratulations, Ballistic Boy!" He laughed and thunked Gau on the back, then offered him his glass to be filled. Both Raikou and Gau looked inordinately pleased with themselves, though Yukimi didn't see what Raikou had to be so proud of.
Raikou reached into the backpack he'd carried to Alma Academy, drew out something round and sparkly, and placed it on Gau's head. "We have a winner!" he proclaimed delightedly. "My beloved Gau!"
"Raikou!" Yukimi gasped, utterly appalled. "Did you have that tiara in your bag the whole time we were in Kouga?"
"Yes!" exclaimed Raikou happily. "You never know when you'll be needing to crown someone!"
Title: Ultimate Ninja Technique
Fandom: Nabari no Ou
Genre: crack
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1300
Summary: The drunken revelry of the Kairoushuu.
Notes: AU from the end of the Kouga arc. Also assumes Yoite isn't so direly wounded at the end of that arc, and that everyone's in a proper mental state for crack. Unbeta'd, please let me know if you notice any problems. Comments are loved -- I'd love to meet more people who would squee about this fandom with me!
***
"Only one scroll left to go!" Yukimi cackled. "And it's just the Banten one, that our boy king's old boss is hiding, so we're home free! I think this calls for a celebration," he said. The boy king himself had seemed a little down on the trip home; perhaps a little celebrating would cheer him up. Yukimi ushered his charges toward his sister's sushi shop, with Raikou following close behind.
"Sis! Sake! And hurry it up, we're--" Yukimi swooped inside the doorway and stopped dead as he spotted Gau sitting on a stool at the counter. Yoite and Miharu bumped into him from behind and knocked him forwards, and then Raikou shoved him across the room in his haste to get inside.
"Gau!" Raikou wrapped his arms around a blushing Gau in a tight bear hug, which Gau endured stoically until he began to gasp and choke from lack of oxygen.
The tears streamed down their faces and they held on to each other as if for dear life. Yukimi rolled his eyes, but had to look away from the scene -- he found Yoite and Miharu doing much the same.
"Sis! Where are you? We need sake, now!" he bellowed.
"Way ahead of you, brother," Kazuho chimed, appearing next to him with two bottles of sparkly golden champagne in each hand. "I got a whole case!"
"Where's my sake, Sis? I don't want any of that stuff!" Yukimi growled.
Kazuho abandoned the champagne and shoved a bottle of sake into his gut. "That's not what you'll say in an hour or so -- but I got a case of sake too!" she beamed.
"That's more like it! We'll start with the good stuff." Taking advantage of what was sure to be a short-lived state of sobriety, he poured the first round of sake for everyone, including Yoite and Miharu -- although he only poured them one glass to share. Yoite shook his head and managed a weak smile when Miharu offered it to him. Miharu took a tiny sip and made a face.
Yukimi had to physically pry Raikou and Gau apart to give them their glasses, which he did gleefully. "Sit on separate stools and drink this, or else get a room!" he scolded.
An hour later, Yukimi's cheeks were almost as pink as Raikou's and Gau's. Those two had an extra excuse, since they seemed drunk on each other's presence as well as the alcohol. They'd all heard the story of Gau waking up in the hospital and being more concerned about Raikou than his own injuries. He'd wanted to travel to Kouga, but Kazuho had put her foot down.
Miharu and Kazuho managed to convince Yoite to try both the sake and the champagne, as an experiment to see if he could taste it, or if it would have any effect on his body. He appeared to have had enough to loosen his inhibitions, as he was leaning against Miharu, arms draped around him with his head on the smaller boy's shoulder, his eyes closed and his cheeks pink.
Miharu looked very satisfied with himself.
This was how a proper team should celebrate, no doubt about it. Yukimi felt quite self-satisfied too, until he noticed that both his glass and his sake bottle were empty. "More alcohol, Sister Wench!" he demanded. She ignored him, so he went off in search of the bottles himself, complaining with each wobbly step.
He found the champagne bottles hidden in plain view on the counter, took one, and eyed the cork suspiciously. He thought for a few seconds, as hard as his muddled brain would allow, shrugged, then set the bottle in the doorway and backed up a few steps.
"Brother! What do you think you are doing?" Kazuho exclaimed, as Yukimi laughed and pulled his gun. He aimed at the top of the bottle, squinted one eye shut, and fired.
Gau shrieked as shards of glass flew everywhere, accompanied by bubbly liquid.
"Idiot! You can't honestly have thought that would work, even drunk!" shouted Kazuho, whacking Yukimi on the forehead with her fist.
"What a waste," whined Gau.
"What a mess," added Raikou.
"Like you could do any better!" Yukimi challenged. He took up another bottle -- Kazuho was a saint for getting them an entire case, perhaps he would admit that later -- and shoved it at Raikou. "Let's see you open it then, Mr. High and Mighty!"
Raikou eyed the cork suspiciously, then reached towards the corkscrew on the counter.
Remembering what those were for, Yukimi felt obligated to object. "No way! That's cheating!" He snatched away the corkscrew. "It's a new challenge for the Wakachi of Kairoushuu," he goaded, leering into Raikou's face.
Raikou drew Kurogamon with a dangerous swish, swiping it an inch in front of Yukimi's nose. Yukimi let out a startled yelp, and stumbled backwards. Raikou twirled around to place the doomed champagne bottle in the doorway, his boots crunching glass as he stepped back a pace. He scrunched up his face determinedly, while Kazuho sighed and shook her head. Miharu looked on with interest, and appeared to be trying to use his body to shield Yoite.
Swoosh! Kurogamon connected with the top of the bottle, but only managed to shave off a disk of cork.
Raikou bit his lip and tried again.
Smash! Another layer of glass pieces and champagne littered the floor. Raikou's shoulders fell, and Gau rushed to comfort him.
"What a stupid challenge, anyway!" he yelled at Yukimi. "Who do you think you are, ordering Raikou around?! He's a thousand times better at any task than you'll ever be!"
"Shut up, Ballistic Boy!"
"Like I would listen to your orders, Mr. Chickenhea--"
"Gau," said Raikou sternly, and Gau went still at once, still looking daggers at Yukimi.
Suddenly there was an odd tinkle of glass, and the topmost two inches of one of the unopened champagne bottles popped upwards and off to the side. It rolled in a circle on the counter while they all stared at it blankly.
"Yoite!" said Miharu, dismayed. Everyone turned to look at Yoite, who had his index finger pointed at the bottle in question. He looked a bit smug, and quite drunk.
"What were you thinking?" Miharu demanded, tugging on Yoite's scarf and his sleeve. Kazuho descended upon him as well, scolding.
Yoite curled inwards defensively. "It didn't take much! Don't touch me!" he said.
"This is why I hate kids," Yukimi muttered. Then he raised his voice at his charge. "Using Kira is definitely cheating! Never try that again, Yoite. I mean it!"
A soft popping noise came from across the room, and everyone turned to see Gau with an open, unbroken champagne bottle in his lap, the white foam overflowing and pouring all over his legs. Judging by his pleased expression, he didn't mind. Kurogamon was in his hand, with the cork stuck on the end of it.
Yukimi was the first to recover. "Congratulations, Ballistic Boy!" He laughed and thunked Gau on the back, then offered him his glass to be filled. Both Raikou and Gau looked inordinately pleased with themselves, though Yukimi didn't see what Raikou had to be so proud of.
Raikou reached into the backpack he'd carried to Alma Academy, drew out something round and sparkly, and placed it on Gau's head. "We have a winner!" he proclaimed delightedly. "My beloved Gau!"
"Raikou!" Yukimi gasped, utterly appalled. "Did you have that tiara in your bag the whole time we were in Kouga?"
"Yes!" exclaimed Raikou happily. "You never know when you'll be needing to crown someone!"