Comments | stupidphuck: May Your Words Bring Worlds

stupidphuck

May Your Words Bring Worlds

Jan 18, 2007 20:48

May your words choose the path of Shangrilah
for the one that gets I do
Please be gentle gets your innocence, I love you gets your heart
I need you gets your loyalty, I'm sorry gets the dark

May your voice spark life in the mind of a child,
Bliss within their irises and heaven for their ears
Cascading off your lips

Like never gets my tears

Comments 10

autumnsea January 19 2007, 03:33:51 UTC

This got better and better as it went along. The emotion too became stronger. :)

I felt "I'm sorry gets the dark." Most people would think if you get an apology then everything is fine. It generally isn't or it is not the same ever again.

I love, love:

May your voice spark life in the mind of a child,
Bliss within their irises and heaven for their ears
Cascading off your lips

Like never gets my tears

stupidphuck January 19 2007, 04:22:44 UTC

a part of me wanted to write it like:

Cascading
off
your
lips

Like never gets my tears

but i didn't want to be too showy.

thanks for the nice comments though. that's what i was trying to convey.

autumnsea January 19 2007, 05:14:34 UTC

I know stylistically it looks good having the words go one by one like that especially with the meaning of the words, but I like better how you left it simply on one line. It leaves the greater emphasis then on the very last line which you do want. The impact is deeper this way. :)

stupidphuck January 19 2007, 09:51:05 UTC

Yeah, I agree. Cascading words would take a lot from that last line. :)

jamese15 January 19 2007, 04:16:34 UTC

nice that is a good poem my friend.

stupidphuck January 19 2007, 04:34:51 UTC

thanks buddy :)

blackened__soul January 19 2007, 05:48:35 UTC

...i like it. Simplisitic. Yet Deep and intuitive. Reminds me of Emily Dickinson. Few words, deep intellectual thoughts

I approve with a *thumbs up*

<3

stupidphuck January 19 2007, 09:44:53 UTC

Comparing me to Emily Dickinson? Now you're just poking fun :P

I hope everything is ok with you... are you still coming to UTSA for college?

blackened__soul January 20 2007, 22:16:37 UTC

lol, i still like it

I'm not so sure anymore, most likely i will finish my basic as I graduate, and maybe i'll stay here for a year (its in debate) but i'm really looking at U of H.

stupidphuck January 23 2007, 14:31:01 UTC

Oh... that sucks but that's cool too.

How's life in general?