(Untitled)

[stupidphuck]

Suffering Symphony Soliloquy (Shakespearean Sonnet)

His skull was broken, no remorse from drugs.
Without a cause, effects would seem too dull.
A pluck, a strum of strings, a beat, a drum -
the music took his blood and shook his soul.
Instead of endless nights, an exit light
was sent in spite of facts arresting hope.
What else is there to dream or strive

Comments

[autumnsea]

I like the modern day taste to this Shakespearean Sonnet. Well done Will. :)

I have a couple of suggestions you can take or discard ...

"His skull was broken, no remorse from drugs.
Without a cause, effects would seem too dull."

Replace 'too' with 'so' dull.

"To cope, or don't, to focus all the pain -
the aim was just, the focus off and on."

Replace the word 'don't' with 'not'.

My absolute favourite part is :

A pluck, a strum of strings, a beat, a drum -
the music took his blood and shook his soul.
Instead of endless nights, an exit light
was sent in spite of facts arresting hope.

Beautiful passage. :)

[stupidphuck]

Those are very helpful suggestions! I was having a little trouble with word choice, thank you :)

and you captured the part I also liked the most, lol

[loree_elle]

i know that guy...intimately....you got 'im, ya did...manOHman...i need this'n...

wow, will

can i call you will? my name is loree...'friend-mom' to most in LJland

[stupidphuck]

lol, thanks

yeah, of course you can call me Will. I'll be calling you Loree then :)