So Far From Crete (Ch 4/12[?])
Kurt just breathes as he closes his door behind him and makes his way down the hall, passing one, two, three doors before stopping in front of Blaine’s and wrapping his arms around his waist.
You can do this. He doesn’t have to come to you. YOU’RE the one who ran away.
His eyes rove over the door, a deep walnut brown with Blaine’s schedule carefully slipped into a page protector and clipped in the clamp on the door, his name neatly typed at the top. Next to the door at eye level is his mini-white board. Kurt’s eyes widen as he takes in what Blaine’s written there in his (surprisingly) messy scrawl:
“And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cuz sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight.”
I’m ready. Are you?
This can’t be for him. It can’t... but who else could it be for? And why did he leave it HERE? Was it here last night? Yesterday? Kurt can’t recall. Last night he had doggedly passed this spot with his eyes downcast as he finally returned to his room after an hour of hiding in the emergency stairwell.
I am. I so am. He tells himself as he moves forward and knocks on the door and waits.
And waits.
And waits.
He’s just not there or maybe I’m too late Kurt thinks... but then there’s movement from within and the knob is turning.
Red-rimmed amber eyes search his and he sucks in a breath before speaking. “See, what’s really embarrassing is that I think,” Kurt begins, his eyes never leaving Blaine’s, “I think I already maybe love you and I really didn’t know if I could deal with that AND with the win-”
“I think I love you, too.” Blaine whispers, reaching out to drag his fingers down Kurt’s arms, gently pulling them away from his stomach and pulling Kurt close to wrap them around Blaine’s waist, bringing his nose up to brush against Kurt’s before speaking again, louder even though they are so, so close. “Please don’t run away from me again. Please. I- it took everything I have not to come to you, to wait for you to choose and I can’t... I don’t think I can do that again without you to talk to about it, you know? You’re, well, you’re my best friend now, Kurt. The best thing in my life, actually, and I just-”
Kurt kisses him then, moving them into Blaine’s room and closing out the rest of the world.
***
“ee - AH - nah.”
“Okay, wait. That’s how you say his name?”
“No, Blaine. That’s how you say HER name. Iana is a woman, okay?”
“It does not even look like that on this piece of paper. Wow, okay.”
Kurt’s lying on Blaine’s bed, stomach down with his sock feet in the air. He sighs before answering.
“Well, Dr. Togapi insists I’ll like her. I was a little weirded out by the fact that she’s a she but we’ll see...”
His appointment is in fifteen minutes. Iana is supposed to meet him in his room. She doesn’t know it yet, but Blaine will be there, too.
In the five days since Kurt had stood in front of Blaine’s door willing himself to be brave, a lot had happened. Blaine had insisted that they go to talk to Dr. Togapi, who had in turn insisted Kurt be seen by the school physician, Dr. Marcos. Dr. Marcos had given him a thorough examination and then she had informed him that it was time - beyond time, actually - to seek out the assistance of a transformation counselor and that one would be assigned to him as soon as possible.
Which brings us to right now. This moment. He’s about to meet this woman and he’s terrified.
“What if... what if she thinks I’m stupid because I don’t know much about it other than, well, what we’ve heard on the news?” Kurt asks Blaine, burying his face in the rich fabric of his comforter.
Blaine crosses the room and Kurt feels the bed dip beside him and then Blaine is draped over his back, warm comfort that awakens something deep in his stomach.
He keeps trying to tell it to shut up. That it isn’t necessary to feel like this every time Blaine so much as breathes on him but... he can’t help it. Kissing Blaine has been... heaven and so, so sexy and... awkward, actually. Kissing Blaine heats like burning and when it happens it’s like his whole body just thrums and his blood beats out his name. So things... come up. Between them.
Kurt doesn’t know where it’s coming from, either, because even a week ago he swears this wouldn’t happen... that he could be stronger - smarter, and ignore all the temptation that swirls around Blaine, even at this moment. But right now, on this day? Never. It’s like Blaine has the sweetest skin and even him in his t-shirt right now is an absurd amount of skin to be showing to Kurt. Doesn’t he even see how it effects him? Guh, it’s so frustrating.
“Blaine... Blaaaaine,” he whines and Blaine makes some sound of question in return. “You have to get off of me, okay, or this is going to be really embarrassing when she gets here... I mean, more than it already will be, okay?”
Blaine giggles low in his throat and shitfuckNO he’s dragging his tongue over the back of Kurt’s neck and nuzzling into the tender spot at the base of his skull and oh, hey NOW biting at the tendons there. It’s too much, Blaine over him and biting him, making him hard in moments and he can’t take this at all-
Kurt rolls, knocking Blaine off of the bed in his attempt to break free and hears Blaine laughing on the other side of the bed, sprawled out on the floor.
“Oh, ha ha. Yes, oh, okay. It’s so funny to you, right? Yeah? It’s not funny, Blaine... I mean... okay, so it’s not like you don’t know or anything so, like, look at me. Just... just LOOK. Ohhhhhhh my god.” Kurt’s embarrassed and teasing, a half-smile playing at the corners of his mouth.
Blaine’s eyes appear over the edge of the bed to inspect Kurt, whose ears are bright red, cheeks flushed, and whose chest rising and falling swiftly. His eyes descend and oh lord he did that to Kurt and jesusfuck is that hot and-
“So sweatpants are not so good at camouflage, huh?” Blaine smirks, pulling his arms up and crossing them on the duvet before lying his chin on them and lifting and staring pointedly at Kurt’s crotch before looking up into the clearly irritated eyes of his boyfriend.
“C’mon, you. You’re lucky I’m still letting you come with me,” replies Kurt airily.
***
When she comes, she is unlike anything Kurt or Blaine have ever seen. Kurt doesn’t know what he was expecting... he has seen some winged that look very... well, normal. Just... blend in with the crowd in yoga pants and a shirt until you notice the bag on their back is not a backpack.
Not Iana.
He opened the door at her knock and took a step back, awed. If Iana were what all of the winged looked like he could see how once they were revered as godlike. She’s wearing a form-fitting grey sweater dress with black swaths of fabric criss-crossing the front giving it an asymmetrical quality. Her toned legs are wrapped in skin-tight black leggings and she’s wearing leather boots that hug the length of her calf with buttons up the sides. Her strawberry blonde hair is swept up and held by shimmering miniature black fabric roses, ringlets cascading down her back. Her eyes are warm and inviting, deep green and expressive. Kurt is immediately taken with her sense of style and her confident air.
It is her wings, though, that capture them both. Arching at least an inch above her shoulders with tips brushing the tops of her thighs they are easily the longest wings either boy has ever seen. The effect is breathtaking.
After a moment or two of both boys just staring, Iana takes command of the situation.
“You can touch them, you know. I won’t bite.”
Kurt just stares, afraid to even breathe on the exquisite creature in his room. Iana senses his fear and steps closer to turn and spread her wings in front of him.
“It’s okay, Kurt. They’re covered - you might not have seen it before, but it’s a bio-film that-”
“I’ve seen it,” he whispers, thinking of the last feathers he had touched, the way they had felt beneath his fingertips and then- how they had twisted and burned in the pit that day. His fingers twitch and he realizes he’s trembling, the weight of his control shaking him to the core. He takes a deep breath and reaches out, closer, closer until he’s brushing the gentle slide of her red-tinged down and he is lost; his fingers stroking and feeling. Remembering.
He has to remind himself to breath as he steps forward and pushes his cheek to Iana’s back, tears welling up and running over, his heart full to bursting with memories.
“Oh my god,” he breathes, “You are so beautiful.”
***
“I’m so sorry, I-” Kurt begins but Iana shushes him and sips at her coffee, settling down into the comfortable easy chair in the corner of his spacious room.
“So, Kurt. I know that your mom was winged but she’s gone now... what did you learn, if anything, from her and what do you know?” Iana asks quietly, settling in, her folded wings draped gracefully behind her.
“Well,” he begins, nervously glancing at Blaine. He knows Blaine knows something about this and it’s going to be an awkward conversation but... if they are together they need to do this together. “... I know that my mom had bio-film like you do. I know it cost my entire grandfather’s estate to have it made for her, too. Uh, I know that our kind used to be revered and now we’re more like... a novelty... viewed as a species almost designed for...”
He gulps. He doesn’t want to say this, to admit to what he fears for his future but he has to. Iana needs to know what he knows - or thinks he knows.
“... designed for sexual pleasure. Our wings are... responsive to touch and many people have turned our kind into slaves and prostitutes. Where we were once revered, we are now manipulated, used. Um... I know that it hurts to become until it doesn’t but no one says what happens then and I really want to know because, well...”
And he stands to show her, to be honest with her because that is why she is here. To know and to help.
Kurt pulls on the bottom of his shirt and pulls it up and off, turning his back on Iana and revealing the puffed, bruised skin there. His entire back is swollen, filled and tight with becoming. He straightens his back and peels down the back of his sweat pants, unashamed of showing Iana his body because, he tells himself, it has to be done. He glances at Blaine and is relieved to see that the other boy has averted his gaze.
The welts continue down the curve of Kurt’s ass and over the tight muscles of his thighs, all the way down to the back of his knees. Bending his legs has become more and more difficult over the last few days, and he just wants answers. Is this normal? Should he expect it to go lower?
“Well now, Kurt,” Iana murmurs, her fingers laced around her coffee cup, “it seems as though yours will be even longer than mine are, and that, my dear, is a rare feat indeed!”
Kurt pulls himself back together and turns to smile at her as he eases himself onto his bed, assuming the same position he had had at Blaine’s. Lately, it’s his most comfortable position.
“Well,” Iana begins, “It seems that you are getting pretty close to the actual reveal, my friend. The tightness of your skin, the size of the welts - all tell-tale signs. I would give you 3 days - 5 tops. Which means we have a lot to talk about. I’m going to give you a run down of what I know, okay? And then we’ll start making plans.”
Kurt nods, eager to hear what she has to say.
“What you say is true. Our kind has become a spectacle in this century. Long ago we were revered. Held in such esteem that even kings would bow to us. We are still held in high esteem, of course, but in a different way. I’ve had many women ask me what it’s like to have sex because of my race. I’ve had men who stroke me, pet me, and undress me with their eyes before they have ever even heard me speak. On some twisted level it’s flattering, really, to have so many be so interested in you. It can be dizzying at times.”
She sips her coffee again and Kurt watches her, the grace of her legs sitting crossed loosely in a knot as her lithe body relaxes into the chair. She glances at Blaine and moves on.
“Under your skin you are growing your wings, Kurt. Your body is made to begin creating feathers with a thin protective layer enveloping it close to your body. I know it looks almost blister-like, but what’s inside is not an infection or anything bad. On that contrary, it’s a bit like emerging from a chrysalis. They form under your skin and then, when they are close to bursting, we help you remove and dispose of the outer covering.”
“So... what’s the catch, though. I’ve heard rumors and I just... I need to know.”
Iana eyes Kurt then and glances pointedly at Blaine before continuing.
“When I was assisted with my becoming my counselor was a woman as well. She was a mother with three small children. The idea is to give you someone that you will not become awkwardly sexually needy of. One has a tendency to become incredibly attached to their counselor once they have gone through the process together and thus they attempt to give you someone with whom you would rather not have sex.”
Kurt shakes his head, “I don’t understand... why is it such a big deal?”
Iana sighs. “Listen, Kurt. I don’t know how much sexual experience you have here but... you know why feathers need a bio-covering, right?”
Kurt breathes deep, settling himself. “Yes. Because if you touch them you... well, you orgasm, right?”
“Right,” Iana continues, “but it’s a little more complicated than that. I don’t know much about you, Kurt, other than what’s in your file about your mom and all. So. Let me be clear - I am going to be as specific as possible in this discussion and it may be a little uncomfortable for you to hear... are you sure that you want Blaine here for this?”
Kurt can tell she’s not trying to be condescending; on the contrary, she’s trying to be as helpful and open as possible. He glances at Blaine, who is sitting by his side on the bed, his fingertips loosely twined in Kurt’s. Blaine gives a small nod and Kurt nuzzles his head into the soft curve of his boyfriend’s thigh before looking back to Iana.
“I’m sure.” He replies simply.
Iana nods and begins.
“Okay then. I know how you’re feeling right now, Kurt. It’s like every touch that Blaine gives you makes you burn with need, right?”
Kurt blushes right down to the soles of his feet and nods, feeling Blaine still beside him. Okay, so we ARE getting right to it, then he thinks.
“It’s not like that’s uncommon for anyone your age,” Iana continues, “but what’s different for you - and was for me - is how intense and lingering it is. It’s like it’s in your blood and nothing will sedate you. I know because I’ve had it happen. And before you ask, we don’t know why. Some think that it’s the natural instinct to continue the race, some believe it has to do with the wings themselves representing freedom of all - including sexuality. No matter what it is though, Kurt, it burns within us at a greater pace, a more intent need. Science and technology are on our side in that - hundreds of studies have been done on our bodies and minds and it is not just your imagination or your inability to properly control yourself. During the time of leading up to becoming and during the act itself it is the most heightened - at times almost a painful need that your body will stop at nothing to acquire. Thus the need for Transformation Counselors.”
Kurt feels like he can barely breathe. Had this happened to his mother? This need? From what Iana said the answer was most surely yes but-
“You said that counselors are picked so that we will not become - sexually dependant on them. What does that mean?”
Iana clears her throat. “Well, that’s the thing. When one chooses to be a counselor we know how you work - biologically - during becoming. We know that the process is an incredibly, um, erotic one.”
“Erotic?” Kurt echoes, disbelieving. “But... but I thought it was painful?”
“Oh, well you’ve done the painful part, actually. Growing them under your skin, it stretching to accommodate their growth, finding ways to move while it’s happening. All of that IS very painful. But the actual act - no. It’s... it’s something else entirely.”
Kurt is quiet a moment, lost in thought before speaking.
“Is that why it’s you? I mean... you’re beautiful and obviously intelligent and - thank god for small favors - incredibly stylish. But... you’re a woman so I wouldn’t get... attached?”
Iana smiles, the gesture meeting her eyes. “You are too kind, but yes. That’s why. Because we know with certainty that this will be an experience for you that will be incredibly intimate and things may... happen that could make you think that you are attached to me in a romantic way when we are not. I hope this isn’t too confusing for you... I know your sexuality. But Kurt, in that moment, it’s about need. Pure, carnal, older than life need. I know what I’m doing and why I’m there, which tethers me to reality. It will be harder for you.”
Kurt realizes that Blaine is shaking beside him and he glances up to see his jaw clenched, his eyes bright with unshed tears.
“Blaine what’s wro-”
Blaine shakes his head firmly, and motions to Iana to continue.
“I know, Blaine,” she said. “It’s hard. It really is. Many times people choose their partner to be with them during their becoming if they are over 16. It is an option for you both if Kurt is wanting to do that, but I don’t know how, um, experienced either of you are or if this is something you are both ready for. It’s a thing that happens to our kind and it just... it’s not something that I’m proud of but it IS the way it has always been.”
Kurt shifts uncomfortably on the bed, his back aching to be touched as he realizes why Blaine is so upset.
Because he has no choice. No choice in how his first real sexual experiences will play out... he’ll be like an animal, something feral that needs to be placated and yeah, he’ll always remember it but it’s not the romantic gesture that he has dreamed of - that Blaine knows he has thought of for a long time.
He has known for a long time that Aligerians are viewed as sexual creatures and that some view them as toys to be used and then forgotten.
But he didn’t know that the physiology of the Aligerians themselves added fuel to the fire.
“That’s why the wings are covered,” he pipes up, putting two and two together, finally. “It’s not just to protect people from having their feathers taken for religious rituals or weird voodoo charms, is it? It’s because the wings have something about the-”
“Yes,” Iana interrupts, setting aside her finished coffee cup. “The bio-film that I have on my wings is exorbitant in cost but has made my life much more bearable. Most cannot afford to use the film as it is an exact genetic match to my wings. Only I can put it on - it fuses to my feathers by genetic code - and only I know how to take it off - it’s a series of taps and slides at a certain point on my wings. I can still feel that people are touching them if they choose to do so, but the human touch that seems to activate the sexual response is effectively neutralized.”
“What if...” Kurt begins, looking away, embarrassed.
“Kurt, you can ask me ANYthing. That’s why I’m here,” Iana soothes, exiting the chair and settling next to him on the floor by the bed. “I asked for this assignment because you - your story, your flair called to me. So be honest with me and let me know how to help you.”
Kurt’s chest fills with appreciation for this young woman - she can’t be more than 24 - and he pulls himself together to carry on.
“What if you touch your wings? Is that like... is it like... masturbation? That’s weird.”
Iana laughs a little and smiles. “Okay, yeah that WOULD be weird. But it’s kind of like tickling. You can’t tickle yourself, right? Not really? Because your body is anticipating it. Besides, it’s about other people touching for some reason or another. So... no, it’s not like that. I would never leave my house, right?”
All three laugh at that. Iana makes them feel so comfortable and then Blaine speaks, quietly but surely. “Iana?”
“Yes, Blaine?”
“So if Kurt were to have someone else be there for his... for his becoming, what would they have to do?”
Kurt turns to Blaine, eyebrow upraised but Blaine is determinedly avoiding his gaze.
Iana looks from one boy to the other and considers them a moment before responding.
“Well, if Kurt were to have someone else there I would need to train that person how to cut open the back tissue when it begins its cracking process and properly remove all traces of it to prevent infection. I would need to show them how to unfold and cleanse the wings to begin the drying process and-” She cuts off here, eyeing Blaine as if coming to some conclusion. “Well, you would need to watch an actual becoming to know what to expect. Kurt would be the same person. The same man you love and the same soul that drew you to him in the first place but... you would need to know that everything about him and his... sexual energy... would be compounded tenfold. You would need to learn to train yourself to focus on what he will need and want and to put aside any expectations that you thought you had and just do. There will not be room for excessive thought, just acceptance, deftness of hand and... well...”
Iana pauses and looks into Kurt’s eyes.
“Flexibility.”
***
“Do you want to do it?”
Blaine chokes, bringing his water glass down from his hand and setting it down with a clatter while he sputters and coughs the water out of his windpipe.
Kurt laughs and rubs good-naturedly at his back while he composes himself.
“Uhhh, do what?” Blaine questions, fixing Kurt with his amber stare.
“Be there for my becoming. I-” Kurt stops, gathering his thoughts and realizing how very vulnerable he feels in this moment where Blaine can deny him, albeit for perfectly understandable reasons. “-I know that we’re new, us is new, this is new, but... I mean, I just want it to be you, you know? I just... it’s not like I’m ready but I don’t think that’s something that I have control over at this point so I completely understand if you aren’t ready for it but I have to ask. I just have to because you’re... you.”
Kurt waits for what feels like the longest few moments of his life, watching Blaine’s face and hoping.
“Actually,”Blaine confesses, “I would be honored.”