Save Yourself (5/8): Sleep with Me
There are 225 ceiling tiles in this drop ceiling, Kurt thought to himself. This was not something he necessarily needed to know, but he had been staring at the ceiling for the better part of an hour now and there are some things your brain just gets drawn to when you are unable to sleep and your dad recently remodeled your old room.
Kurt sighed heavily, beat his pillow with open palms and shifted to his left side, muttering darkly.
This is not me, this is not me, this is not me, he chanted to himself like a mantra. Where did that kiss come from? I do not kiss men like that. Ever. I'm Kurt fucking Hummel. Men woo me. I don't declare my affection for them. Fuck them, blow them, kiss them, whatever - but I don't tell them to stick around and I certainly don't ask to see them again. Technically he hadn't asked - Blaine had - but he had made it quite clear that he wanted to see Blaine again Blaine had just reciprocated the feeling.
That thought made Kurt's fingers tingle and his toes curl as he burrowed deeper into his pillow and finally felt the tug of sleep.
He wanted to see me again Kurt thought, and he smiled into his pillow. Feeling wanted by men had always been great but occasionally Kurt wondered what they really wanted from him. If it would always been the physical part. Blaine hadn't even tried any of that. Blaine had talked to him for hours and sex hadn't even come up; a rarity in Kurt's life.
He realized he wanted to like Blaine. It was scary. Terrifying, even. Kurt found that he didn't really care as he let sleep take him down.
***
“So are his boots under your bed?”
Blaine laughed as he cradled his cell between his shoulder and ear, slicing tomatoes for taco salad, beef simmering on the stove. He went to his sink, rinsed his hands and reached blindly for the towel attached to the refrigerator handle, drying them and steadying the phone in a sure grip.
“No, San. I walked him to his door and then I went home. No big deal.”
“No big deal, huh? So Hummel's not packing a ginormous dick, then? I always wondered about that...”
Blaine felt his ears turn bright red and he almost dropped the bowl he was taking from the cupboard.
“Oh. My. God, Santana! It wasn't like that okay?” He put his bowl on the single place setting at the marble table and went to retrieve cutlery, reaching in quickly and shutting the drawer with a flick of his hip.
“So what WAS it like...I can tell there was something else that happened. I can hear that smile, boy.”
Blaine couldn't help it. He had been smiling all day. He felt like someone should probably come in and remind him to be a responsible adult but honestly, that had never been a problem. Quite the opposite, in fact. He had responsibility coming out of his ears.
“Well, after everyone left Kurt and I stayed and talked about New York and Lima. I didn't remember him from competition but he remembered me. I believe his exact words were 'oh my god I never knew one person could get so many solos'. At about 1am we left the club and I brought him home. End of story.” Blaine turned off the stove and finished arranging his salad, glancing slyly out of the corner of his eyes at the phone, waiting.
“BLAINE ANDERSON! That is NOT all that happened. You know it and I know it. Now tell me before I sic Britt on you. You know she'll get it out of you!”
Blaine sat down at the table and caved, smirking.
“Ok, San. No need to bring out the big guns. He kissed me.”
“Holy shit! Was it hot? Of course it was hot, this is you and Kurt we're talking about. Wait, wait. What else?”
Blaine sighed and adjusted the cell phone at his ear.
“There was nothing else, San. Just a kiss. A sweet, beautiful, lovely kiss. There wasn't even any tongue.” Blaine paused. Well, there was a little tongue he thought, rubbing his lower lip unconsciously. “He was a perfect gentleman. I get to see him tonight at Open Mic.”
“Oh really. That is so not the Kurt Hummel I know. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I thought you two would hit it off. I totally thought that he would take you home and finally get you properly laid. I speak for the business when I say this, of course.” Santana laughed and Blaine could feel the agitation on his face. What did she mean ‘not the Kurt Hummel she knows’? He also knew he was blushing again by how hot his ears felt.
“What do you mean? And I don’t mean about the getting me laid part, San.”
“All I’m saying is that Kurt must REALLY like you if he wasn’t actively trying to get in your pants, Blaine. Kurt doesn’t get close to anyone.”
Blaine bid Santana farewell soon after, sending his love to Brittany and Cecelia. He didn’t know whether to be excited or nervous about this new information. It was a bit nerve-wracking knowing Kurt’s “usual” dating style and oh god, how “usual” is “usual” he thought to himself. But he told himself that he knew that when the time came that he actually found someone who was interested and that he was interested in turn he wouldn’t shy away because of the sex thing. He knew he was an oddity but that didn’t preclude a life of celibacy. DEFINITELY not a monk he snickered to himself, remembering the feeling of his palms flat on Kurt’s lower back.
Excited, he decided. He was excited about Kurt only kissing him and insisting upon seeing him again. It may just mean something special could be finally - finally- around the corner.
***
Kurt arrived at the club at 8:30. He had realized halfway through the day that he and Blaine had never arranged a time to meet at the club and that he didn’t have a number to call or text to. He decided that he would just show up and see what happened; let the chips fall where they may, sort to speak.
He parked Carole’s car and made his way into the club, checked his coat and smoothed out his heather-grey Louis Vuitton sweater. He thought this one made him look particularly good with its large black buttons that trailed from his left shoulder all the way down to the hem, which brushed the middle of his thighs. He had decided on simple Calvin Klein jeans and simple black dress shoes tonight as height was not needed.
Kurt was stunned to see the interior of the club. Where last night was dark and moody with flashing lights and pulsing beats inviting writhing bodies to the dance floor, tonight was stark and laid back, bare brick walled and single-spotlight lit. There were many people here eating, drinking, but not nearly as many as the night before. All eyes were on the piano player, however, as his fingers swept gracefully across the keys, playing a unique arrangement of Silent Night as his voice sang the familiar words.
Kurt stood transfixed as he watched Blaine play and let his tenor voice envelope him completely. He forgot about being nervous and just soaked this amazing man’s voice in, waiting patiently to talk to him again, to touch his hand and see where this may lead, this strange and new road.
Blaine announced the end of his set and settled himself on a stool next to the guitar stand. He picked up the guitar and began to play.
“Turn out the light
Just say goodnight…to yourself.
May I remind you
When you find you're all alone is when you've got to be strong
That's when they call you, in the night
He's got your picture in his mind
He's got your number on a paper at his disposal anytime
Is it really true
Could you save yourself for someone who, loves you for you
So many times we just give it away, to someone who
Someone who you met in bar
The back of a car
And for a moment you felt important but not in your heart
My self esteem, it's been low, go ahead and count it's been lower than low
I know the feeling of it stealing life out from under me
I want to learn, how you save yourself for someone who, loves you for you
So many times we just give it away to someone who, couldn't even remember your name
Could you save yourself for someone who, loves you for you, loves me for me
Give it away to someone who someone who will cherish your name
Cause I want to learn, can you save yourself for
Someone who will love you for you so many times we
Just give it away, someone who, couldn't even remember your name
You save yourself for someone who, loves you for you,
Loves me for me
Give it away to someone who, someone who will
Cherish your name
Cherish your name”
Kurt listened to the lyrics and looked around at the evening’s clientele. Most of them were college-aged or a little older. Kurt wondered if it had any bearing on Blaine’s song choice.
Blaine thanked the audience and made his way off stage while a trio of musicians - one with a guitar, another with a mandolin, and the third taking a seat at the piano - trouped onto the stage. Kurt watched as he made his way through the tables (where there had been nothing but dance floor the previous evening) and visited with the assembled audience. He made sure to check in on each table whether they were eating or not. He was completely open and in his element and Kurt could see that his charisma was not limited to chance encounters with Kurt’s friends. Last night hadn’t been an act; this was who Blaine was.
Kurt couldn’t help the smile that played at the corner of his lips. He realized how excited he was to see Blaine again and started moving toward him to make his presence known.
***
Blaine finished talking to table 7 and glanced up to find Kurt in the archway leading to the club's lobby. His face broke into a grin as he approached the fashionable man and he realized he was advancing in such a way that would lead to a hug as a greeting. I don't know if we're there yet his mind told his body, and he awkwardly slowed down and ended up stopping short a foot away from Kurt's chest, way more into his personal space than Blaine had intended to be. Kurt's eyes widened but his smile never faltered and he reached out his hand to stroke Blaine's left upper arm slightly before withdrawing it and settling both hands on his hips.
“Well hello, Mr. Anderson. It seems that you can play the piano, play the guitar, and sing, for god's sakes. What else have you been keeping from me?”
Blaine inwardly sighed with relief that Kurt hadn't seemed to notice his inability to choose his greeting properly and replied, “Well, I am mysterious. Didn't you know that Ohio is the intrigue capital of the world?”
Kurt swatted him lightly on the arm, “Oh my god, you are such a dork. Who even are you?”
Blaine dipped his head and blushed a little before answering, “Well, isn't that why you're here? To get to know me better?”
Kurt smiled and tugged gently on Blaine's left wrist, the hand attached to it having been stuffed into his pocket at some point. Blaine looked down at Kurt's insistent hand and removed his own from its confines watching as Kurt's long pale fingers intertwined with his own.
He looked up into Kurt's eyes, smitten.
“C'mon, let's get a table and have something to eat. I haven't eaten - have you?”
Blaine shook his head, not trusting his voice. All he could feel was Kurt's hand in his, his heart threatening to beat out of his chest, and the slow burn of wantwantwant sliding over his skin.
He felt a little drunk on how new this felt as he followed Kurt to a table happily.
***
Blaine was showing Kurt his office in the loft of the club when it happened. They had eaten hours earlier, basking in each others company, listening to a set from the Three Brothers Band who had taken to the stage after Blaine, and then made their way to the bar to have a few drinks and talk some more.
Blaine learned that Kurt had always loved performing but that he had felt the creative pull of set and costume design as well so he switched gears and that he had recently felt pulled to write, too, and given it a try. In fact, Kurt's flight back to New York was the following day at 5pm so that he could be home and rested for a meeting with producers on Monday morning.
Blaine was impressed.
Kurt learned that Blaine lived in the house that he had grown up in but simply for convenience. He just hadn't had the time to put it up for sale. He learned that Eclectic was turning enough of a profit now that Blaine might give up law altogether and sell his firm. He learned that Blaine had always followed the rules but that having Eclectic had changed things - for the better, Kurt thought inwardly.
Their hands never wandered far from each other while they talked. Soft touches, strokes, fingers melded. Blaine found himself staring at their hands often and then sneaking a glance at Kurt's lips as he spoke. Kurt did the same, although when he thought Blaine couldn't see him.
They had been taking a small tour of the loft and were in the office when Kurt sat down on a flat back bench in the room and stretched, fingers high above his head and back arched gracefully. He heard Blaine breathe - a quick intake of breath - and then his hands were on his face, in his hair, feeling, grasping the base of Kurt's skull and making him gasp. Blaine was leaning over him, breathing him in, his lips inches from Kurt's. Blaine's lips brushed his as he whispered, “Do you have any idea how beautiful you are? How much I want to kiss you right now?”
Kurt laughed low in his throat, barely there and more like a growl.
“Do you have any idea how much I have wanted to kiss you since I walked in this building tonight?” Kurt replied, not waiting for an answer as he stood quickly to kiss Blaine, slipping his fingers into his dark curls as their mouths met and opened, adding depth and slick spiraling sweetness to the kiss. Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine's neck, shifting closer as he licked into Blaine hungrily, tasting his mouth for the first time.
Oh my god, he's delicious he thought. I want to kiss him forever.
On and on they kissed, angling for different sensations, tongue, lips, and teeth mingling, merging.
Kurt moaned low in his throat as Blaine's teeth accidentally nipped at his lips and Blaine pulled back, eyes wide, irises obscured by lust blown pupils, hands shaking.
Kurt spoke first.
“Well, holy shit.” he said and squeezed Blaine's waist for emphasis.
“Yeah,” shuddered Blaine, completely out of his comfort zone and quietly freaking out while at the same time chanting to himself I did it! I did it! I did it! He was glad he didn't accidentally say that out loud. What he said instead was,
“Come home with me.”
Kurt blinked, stunned, as Blaine stilled and awkwardly rambled on.
“Well, not for, you know, not to sleep together - well, yes, to sleep together but not to have you know, well, not to have sex because I'm really not ready for that but...”
Kurt burst out laughing. It was really that adorable.
Blaine groaned and put his head on Kurt's shoulder, hating himself and hating his stupid virginity before amending himself.
“YES to sleep with me. To just...be with me a little longer. I'm not ready to say goodbye to you yet.”
And Kurt leaned into him, smoothing his hair as something clicked into place inside of him that he didn't even know was askew and replied, “I'm not, either.”
Part 6