woooooooooosh.... sleep..
welp, I came home this morning, and made the mistake of watching "the passion of the christ" heh.
wasnt a bad movie or anything, just. It was really slow, and of course, depressing.
I watched elf, not a bad movie, for a will ferrel movie. heh. I hate will ferrel.
I think it wasnt such a bad movie only because James Caan was in it. at least I think thats what his name is. eh.. and freakin bob newhart was will ferrels adopted elf dad at the north pole.
and the guy who was in rodger rabbit was santa claus.
anyways. I crochetted (is that how you pluralize that word?)a green scarf, and made about a bazzilion bracelets. heh.
My mom doesnt want me to go look for work until I hear back from walmart. she also doesnt want me to go back to walmart until I've had at least a week off, before even going back to a dayshift.
she says I need "me" time.
eh, I get bored too easily. I need to keep my hands busy. I need to get up,and go, and have something to do.
today they wouldnt let me go anywhere, because they were trying to medicate me into sleeping. which worked. OMG I slept like 14 hours today. it was beautiful.
I still feel like sleeping, but I know if I take anything else, I'll miss my appointment in the morning. Yep. They're gonna gimme drugs. Good drugs. Apparently, at the evaluation, they decided I'm like.. Bipolar. HA! who'da thought it.
seriously though, they keep asking if I have suicidal thoughts. I DONT. gawd. I'm not that bad. I wouldnt ever think of doing that. I just wish I could fix what I've messed up. and any attempt I've made at doing that, I've made worse.
I just need to take a step back, breathe, and then GO BACK to being happy andrea.
Talking on the phone today with ambie made me feel better. Kathryn was going to come and rescue me from my family, but her car broke down, so she had tamara call me.
Tamara kept saying "I know this isnt the real you, you're happy ALL THE TIME, and you're obviously NOT HAPPY now."
I know I'm happy. I know that is me. And if what everyone else says is true, its probably the job stress and sleep deprivation thats turned me into this awful sad facade of what I am now.
ugh.
I feel better after having slept. Just REALLY bored. Twiddling your thumbs only gets you so far. I've even run out of movies to watch.
seriously folks, if you find yourself bored, gimme a ring/beep I'll be there. well, unless you're in TROUTDALE cause then I dont think I've got the gas to get there! *nudge nudge*ambie*nudge nudge*
heh.
really though. I do feel better. right now, at least. and nighttime is when I usually feel the worst all the time. like, when I'm sick, I feel sickest at night, when I'm sad, nighttime is the saddest time. cause its cold and dark.
I just wanna be around people. heh.
I snuggled my paz to sleep. it was a warm and wonderful benedryl induced sleep.
ah.... mmm... sleeeeeeeeeeeeep.
anyways. I love you Brian.
Thanks guys for being there for me.
and, your welcome seth for introducing you to the wonder that is the shatner. *smile*
G'nite.