Catch-up
I'm finally starting to come to terms with some things. The main one being that I cannot keep up with everything. I have reduced my friend's list to people who I actually know and people who I have connected with online. No offense to anyone, I'm just having a hard time.
Over the past few months, I have been having a lot of pain, fatigue, depression, etc. I haven't been able to read anything on this site, due to the enormous quantity of posts that I knew there would be. I have finally gotten to the point where I realize that I do not HAVE to read everything, and I do not have time to read everything. I'm even deleting email without reading it sometimes, just because it is too much.
The good news is that I am doing better. My neighbor has a dog. She calls me when she is walking him in the evening (if it is a decent time), and I am walking with them. I am also eating more fish and vegetables, less carbs, less sugar, etc. I am taking vitamins, minerals, and other supplements. I am taking Bach Flowers Rescue Remedy for the ongoing and constant anxiety that keeps washing over me. We went to a movie this weekend, there were people on either side of us in the theater, and I did not freak out. (When the movie started getting violent, however, I did pull out my Palm and played solitaire for the rest of the movie.) My reward for going on these walks (thus getting some form of exercise) is that I am going on field trips to places like the zoo, Butterfly World, the Morikami, etc... so that I can walk in different scenery and enjoy places that I don't often get to otherwise.
I went to the zoo today and enjoyed myself, not getting upset knowing that I needed to be in a wheelchair to avoid over-exerting myself and causing another flare-up. It was kinda cool seeing the babies in their strollers and being at eye level with them. I even saw cool birds that were below all the big people's eye levels, and it was kinda cool being the height I was when I used to go to the same zoo when I was a little girl.
I'm going to see a therapist to find out if I will be able to go to free group therapy. I still don't have a 12-step sponsor, and I have not been to a meeting in months. I tried to go to one on Saturday, but it was not where it was supposed to be, and I don't know where it went. It has been difficult for me to get out of bed other than for work. I'm amazed that I have had the energy to sit here and write for this long.
Lifestyle-related Last night, we went out to a club together for the first time in a couple months. Lochai has been shooting at parties while I slept, since I haven't been up for much. He just got a violet wand, which we experimented with and I enjoyed it thoroughly. Followed that up with some caning, spanking, and time with good friends, and it made for quite an enjoyable night. We have been experimenting with ways to play that I can handle as my skin has been much more sensitive to touch than it used to be, so it was nice to be able to really play.
I'm looking forward to Shibiaricon. The Laughter in Rope class should be a lot of fun. Terry, I look forward to starting to get to know you there. (I'm allowed to *type* her name right, Lochai? Even though I'm not supposed to say it.)
Anyway, this has gotten long. I'll write more when I get a chance. I will try to catch up on reading your journals as time permits. Thank you all for being here.
Over the past few months, I have been having a lot of pain, fatigue, depression, etc. I haven't been able to read anything on this site, due to the enormous quantity of posts that I knew there would be. I have finally gotten to the point where I realize that I do not HAVE to read everything, and I do not have time to read everything. I'm even deleting email without reading it sometimes, just because it is too much.
The good news is that I am doing better. My neighbor has a dog. She calls me when she is walking him in the evening (if it is a decent time), and I am walking with them. I am also eating more fish and vegetables, less carbs, less sugar, etc. I am taking vitamins, minerals, and other supplements. I am taking Bach Flowers Rescue Remedy for the ongoing and constant anxiety that keeps washing over me. We went to a movie this weekend, there were people on either side of us in the theater, and I did not freak out. (When the movie started getting violent, however, I did pull out my Palm and played solitaire for the rest of the movie.) My reward for going on these walks (thus getting some form of exercise) is that I am going on field trips to places like the zoo, Butterfly World, the Morikami, etc... so that I can walk in different scenery and enjoy places that I don't often get to otherwise.
I went to the zoo today and enjoyed myself, not getting upset knowing that I needed to be in a wheelchair to avoid over-exerting myself and causing another flare-up. It was kinda cool seeing the babies in their strollers and being at eye level with them. I even saw cool birds that were below all the big people's eye levels, and it was kinda cool being the height I was when I used to go to the same zoo when I was a little girl.
I'm going to see a therapist to find out if I will be able to go to free group therapy. I still don't have a 12-step sponsor, and I have not been to a meeting in months. I tried to go to one on Saturday, but it was not where it was supposed to be, and I don't know where it went. It has been difficult for me to get out of bed other than for work. I'm amazed that I have had the energy to sit here and write for this long.
Lifestyle-related Last night, we went out to a club together for the first time in a couple months. Lochai has been shooting at parties while I slept, since I haven't been up for much. He just got a violet wand, which we experimented with and I enjoyed it thoroughly. Followed that up with some caning, spanking, and time with good friends, and it made for quite an enjoyable night. We have been experimenting with ways to play that I can handle as my skin has been much more sensitive to touch than it used to be, so it was nice to be able to really play.
I'm looking forward to Shibiaricon. The Laughter in Rope class should be a lot of fun. Terry, I look forward to starting to get to know you there. (I'm allowed to *type* her name right, Lochai? Even though I'm not supposed to say it.)
Anyway, this has gotten long. I'll write more when I get a chance. I will try to catch up on reading your journals as time permits. Thank you all for being here.