I was supposed to forget you. I still find myself quietly desperate for your reassurance, cognisant of something you no longer feel, or at least no longer show. You have no time for pleasantries, but you have a good heart, which is the rarest of all things now. I wonder which one of us has been more unkind, more selfish, more childish. Or whether ( Read more... )

We kissed briefly while mildly drunk on the train that Friday, just before I had to leave. You didn't look me in the eyes after and I don't know why. Every time you tell me I'm beautiful and whether I know that, I look down and say nothing. I miss you more when you're away from me. I know what you want from me, I imagine what it would take for me ( Read more... )

You're a bad listless guy and I'm a sad lifeless girl. You'll only hurt me and I'm asking to be hurt ( Read more... )

If I could lie beside you every night, there would still be the way we become strangers to each other the morning after.

My antisociality wins over everything and governs my life. I finally realise now why I don't care about jobs, why I lack ambition so wholeheartedly. Because jobs are such an intrinsic part of being in society. And if I renounce and am disinterested in and shirk society, then naturally I am not drawn to jobs for what they represent socially. Both in ( Read more... )

There's a lyric in College Dropout that strikes a chord in me: "ain't no tuition for having no ambition". It’s true, despite my life to date being primarily devoted to my education, an arguably fundamental flaw of my nature is that I lack ambition. My very character is drawn towards escaping responsibility and accountability. I never speak in class ( Read more... )

I give away my cards too easily and too early. I am disgustingly transparent which only drives self-loathing and further internally alienates me from the source of my conflict. Once I get hit with it, I can never be at ease again. I don't know how to feign the casualness of before. I don't know how to be normal around you. You're the type of ( Read more... )

I only had one resolution in 2009 which was to write something in my Moleskine every day, which I did. Recording in order to remember in order to feel that life has colour and depth is no doubt contrived, but I deemed it necessary to give definition to the passing of time. I thought if I kept this up over the course of my life, I would have a ( Read more... )

I'm not interested in being profound.
Just honest.

How many different ways are there to say I miss you. That there will never be another better than you. How heartbreaking is it to say something like that and truly mean it? I miss you. I miss you. There will never be another one better than you ( Read more... )