Advent, part 4
Rating: M
Thanks so very much to knifeedgefic for the super-speedy beta, and, as well, to lightup_tea and for their feedback.
Cross-posted at Labyfic.
Advent
Part 4
*
*
That June I took Debbie Applebaum to the freshman dance. I almost didn’t have the nerve to ask her, but she was in the Star Wars club at school and I was getting taller instead of wider - and she seemed to like me, which was kind of cool. We had a good time. Neither of us liked the dance part (Jason and the goons were there, just like Cindy and the cheerleaders for her) so we ended up going bowling with some other people who didn’t like to dance either.
I started tenth grade. My English teachers were making noise about me taking a class or two at the local community college, but I wanted to keep on with the clubs at school and the scheduling wouldn’t work out. I wanted to try out for track, too.
I would have given a lot of money for a picture of Mom and Dad’s faces when I told them I would run track that year. Like they were having a contest to see whose jaw could drop lower. Coach Kowalksi wanted me to try shot-put but said that we should definitely hold off on steeplechase until maybe I stopped growing. That was code for how I was still kind of clumsy … but I felt fine, because I could run really fast now.
I knew I had Jareth to thank for it. I thought of him a lot that fall. I remembered running through the forest with him, leaping over the bushes and low-lying branches … That was why I wanted to try steeplechase. I wanted to get that feeling of flying again.
I thought about what Sarah was doing with that drawing, too. But then I thought there was no sense really worrying about it until she came back in the winter.
*
When she did come back, though … well. It wasn’t fun. We had a really big fight.
Here’s what happened.
She came home looking seriously antsy, but she waited until Mom and Dad had gone out to dinner with friends, one night in mid December. She hadn’t even unpacked her suitcase. I was antsy too, because Jareth hadn’t come yet - I was running through the doors in my mind. Mother-of-pearl, red and gold, starry blue, green leaves, sunrise, underwater castle …
Then Sarah interrupted, with - “Toby!” - in her ‘do not mess with me, shit is about to go down’ voice.
I almost dropped my book; Myths and Folktales of the World, my fourth one. “What?”
She stood in front of my chair with her arms crossed and her eyes flashing. “Let me see your wrist.”
“Why?” I started, but she grabbed it. I was too surprised to yank it back. She stared at the lines, which were faded a bit but still visible.
“Damn it!" Her grip hurt. "Oh, god damn him.”
“Uh, who, Sarah?”
“Jareth, that’s who!”
I froze.
“The Goblin King,” she spat, “who rules the Labyrinth.”
Oh, shit - total ‘deer in headlights’ moment --
“Don’t tell me you don’t know who I’m talking about, Toby! When did he come here?!”
“What the hell, Sarah?"
“Do you have any idea of what he’s doing?” She fumbled in her pocket, pulled out a square of paper and shoved it beneath my nose. “Do you know what that thing on your wrist means?!”
I stared at the drawing on the paper as she kept yelling. “It means ownership, Toby. That is like a personal ‘Property of Whoever the hell writes it’ stamp. Now when did he put it on you?”
“It’s not like that! He only helped heal my wrist!”
That was my first mistake.
Sarah crumpled the paper and let it fall on the floor. “Right. He was here.”
“No he wasn’t - he only -”
“When was he here, Toby?”
“Last year,” I muttered, defeated. “He came to visit.”
Sarah was watching me, narrowly. “And that’s it?”
“Yeah. We just - talked.”
“So how did you hurt your wrist?”
“I fell.” Then I got a moment of nasty inspiration. “Like when I fell down the stairs, when I was six, Sarah. Remember that?”
Sarah let out a puff of breath like I had punched her. Then she took a few steps back and sank into a chair.
I was really mad, so I kept going. That was my second mistake.
“Oh wait, you don’t remember that because you kind of didn’t notice when it happened.”
“It wasn’t like that.”
“Yeah? What was going on, then? How do you not fucking notice your brother falling down a flight of stairs when you’ve just gone out to look at the pretty snow?” I watched her go paler and then aimed a low blow. “Were you on drugs or something? Is that why they kicked you out, too?”
“Toby,” Sarah choked. “I was trying to protect you.”
“Protect me? From what?”
“From - from Jareth.”
The hairs on the back of my neck prickled. “Why would you need do that?”
Then I remembered my lie from earlier and tried to cover my tracks. “I mean, even if he had come here when I was six, which he totally didn’t.”
It was like Sarah hadn’t heard me. She was looking at her hands in her lap. Then she reached up and pushed her long hair away from her face, behind her ears.
“I …” She swallowed. “Toby, I … I met Jareth once.”
“You mean - when I was six? Like then? Or -”
“Earlier. Much earlier. I’m not surprised you don’t remember. You were just a baby.”
“So?” Part of me was curious but a bigger part was angry - really angry. Jareth was my secret - mine.
Sarah looked off to the side. “It’s so strange, to talk to someone who’ll believe me. For the longest time … I thought I could never say anything. To anyone.”
Then she took my hands and looked into my eyes. “Toby - you have to understand. I think Jareth has wanted to kidnap you since you were little. For some reason - whatever reason,” she stuttered, “he wants to take you to the Labyrinth.”
I’ve been to the Labyrinth, I thought, but I said: “So?”
“… So?” Sarah’s voice skirled up. “So, leaving this world forever to go be turned into a goblin is not a good thing, Toby!!”
He wouldn’t do any of that. I hadn’t seen a goblin for years. Besides, I knew him better than Sarah did. So I said, “Don’t you think you’re being a bit - dramatic - Sarah?”
She had always hated it when Mom had called her dramatic, so it wasn’t any surprise to me to see her flush up and blink really hard. “You have no idea what I’ve done, to keep you safe.” She stood up and her voice got louder. “If you had any idea of what I’ve done, you wouldn’t be talking to me like this, you -”
“Hey, Sarah.” I kept my voice calm. “Did I ever ask you to protect me?”
And that did it. That was my third mistake.
The flush drained away from her face, as she stared down at me.
“No."
I almost couldn’t hear her.
“No, I guess you didn’t.”
She turned and left the room.
I was too stunned by that whole fight to register the sounds - but then I heard the door thump shut. I called to her and ran upstairs to her room to look, but her suitcase was gone.
Sarah must have hailed a cab down by the drugstore, because when I looked outside for her, I couldn’t find her anywhere.
The next day Mom and Dad said what a shame it was that work called Sarah back. But they sounded a little happy about it too, like Our Sarah is so important at her work. I went upstairs and faked sick. It wasn’t that hard, because I felt sick. I felt worse than I had in a while.
*
So when Jareth came to me that night I almost cried, I was so glad to see him.
The door appeared in a flash and with a whoomph of noise that made me gasp. It was bright and sparkling like a diamond. I felt I could cut myself by looking at it.
He twirled the metal-crystal-whatever-it-was up and aside with one finger and stepped into my room, grinning all the time - until he saw me. Then his grin faded away.
“Why, Toby,” he said, quiet. “Whatever is the matter?”
“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “Stuff. Life.”
His eyes were intent on mine. I had never really cared that they didn’t match, but for some reason I wondered what had made them that way … And then I wondered if he really had met Sarah when I was a baby, and I felt a wave of sick jealousy wash through my stomach.
“Surely there is only one cure for the doldrums of adolescence. Shall we run?” His voice was light but his grip on my hand was strong as he walked with me through the door.
*
I was quiet for a long time, even when Jareth did that thing with the magic and I was able to run far and fast through the woods. That much running and leaping helped me feel a bit better. Then he reversed the spell and set a tiny fire to burning in an overgrown circle of rocks. We sat down together. Well, he sat down. I kind of fell down.
“So, young Toby …” Jareth’s voice was low. His eyes were heavy-lidded as he stared at the fire. “Will you tell me what the matter is?”
“Well -” and then I felt my eyes start to sting as the whole argument with Sarah came pouring out. It didn’t take a long time to repeat - it sure had felt longer when it was happening. Jareth didn’t say anything. He just listened, his eyes reflecting the firelight.
“And then she left and now I feel like shit. I mean, except for visiting here with you - that always makes me feel better. But I just - I don’t know - did you actually meet her, Jareth? Were you guys friends? Has she come back to the Labyrinth, too?” I heard my voice crack on that last bit, but I didn’t care.
“No …” Jareth’s voice was almost too low to hear. “No. She has never returned here.”
Good, I thought. “But you knew her once?”
Jareth didn’t say anything for a long time. I listened to the snapping and pop of the fire.
“Ah, Tobias.” It sounded like he had to scrape the words up from somewhere deep inside. “Toby - your sister once came to the Labyrinth. She fell into a piece of magic that brought her here. And when she was here, I …” He paused. “I thought she might be persuaded to stay.”
I felt a big lump in my throat. “Oh.”
“Say rather, ‘Oh, no’ - for that is what she said.” Jareth’s laugh was cold. “Sarah would not be a princess, any more than she would have a moment of time for a world outside herself. She said ‘no’ and returned to your world.” He paused again. “Truth be told, I had no idea the magic would work to bring me to you in turn. Perhaps it is something about your family.”
My family, I thought to myself. Sarah was only half in my family, so that didn’t really make sense. But Jareth had once said he didn’t have a family … so maybe …
“A princess,” I croaked. “And you called me a prince.”
The fire crackled between us. “Yes,” Jareth said.
“Why?”
“Toby.” He sounded tired. “I think you know why.”
I bit my lip. Then I said, “You once told me that you never had a family. Is that why you call children, or teenagers or whatever, to you? To get a family?”
His lips twisted. “Well spoken.”
I frowned. Something still seemed wrong. I was still curious. “What are you, exactly?”
“I?” Jareth closed his eyes. “I am the Goblin King, Lord of the Labyrinth, the King of Dreams -”
“Yeah, I know all that, but -”
He kept going. “But who am I, truly? I am not completely certain. Perhaps I am a ghost. Perhaps I am an hallucination. Perhaps I am mad. Perhaps I am a monster in the middle of a maze, one that has searched through time for seven young men and seven young women - to take them to myself in proper tribute. Or perhaps …”
I waited. “… Perhaps?”
Jareth opened his eyes and stared at me. “Perhaps I am one who was locked in his own labyrinth, and who never found any means of escape. Perhaps I tried for far too long. And perhaps … perhaps, Toby, my son tried to fly out of our prison on a day when the sun was high - and flew too high, and fell to his death before I could rescue him.”
I didn’t say anything. I stared right back at him.
Jareth’s mouth twisted. “And perhaps I’ve been looking for a son, or a daughter, to name a Prince or Princess of the Labyrinth, so I can then crown a new King or Queen and lay my own life down. I have lived far, far too long.”
“Don’t say that.” My eyes watered; I knew it wasn’t smoke from the fire. “Please - don’t.”
“Very well.” He smiled, but his eyes were still serious. “Know this, Tobias. Whatever anyone says to you, whether it is Sarah,” her name hissed between his teeth, “or anyone else - you are a prince here. And if you choose, I will name you Prince of the Labyrinth. And that is a gift that no mortal has ever been given.”
We were quiet for a long time. Then I tried to speak. “Um.” I swallowed. “Wow.” I sneaked a look at Jareth; he was watching me, intent.
I poked at the fire with a stick. “Do I need to decide right now?”
“No. Surely not.” He drew his cloak close around himself. “But I would ask that you decide before too many years pass.”
“Not that many,” I said, confident. “How about my last year of high school?”
He frowned. “That might be too soon -”
“Nah.” I grinned at him. “I could tell people it was a special spring internship, or something.”
Jareth smiled back at me. “Very well. And now …” he tipped his head, “I must return you to your home.” He stretched. “Help an old man to his feet, will you?”
I leapt to my feet and helped him up. We covered the fire and walked back through the forest. And I woke up the next day with a secret that made all the other secrets in my life look small.
Thanks so very much to knifeedgefic for the super-speedy beta, and, as well, to lightup_tea and for their feedback.
Cross-posted at Labyfic.
Advent
Part 4
*
*
That June I took Debbie Applebaum to the freshman dance. I almost didn’t have the nerve to ask her, but she was in the Star Wars club at school and I was getting taller instead of wider - and she seemed to like me, which was kind of cool. We had a good time. Neither of us liked the dance part (Jason and the goons were there, just like Cindy and the cheerleaders for her) so we ended up going bowling with some other people who didn’t like to dance either.
I started tenth grade. My English teachers were making noise about me taking a class or two at the local community college, but I wanted to keep on with the clubs at school and the scheduling wouldn’t work out. I wanted to try out for track, too.
I would have given a lot of money for a picture of Mom and Dad’s faces when I told them I would run track that year. Like they were having a contest to see whose jaw could drop lower. Coach Kowalksi wanted me to try shot-put but said that we should definitely hold off on steeplechase until maybe I stopped growing. That was code for how I was still kind of clumsy … but I felt fine, because I could run really fast now.
I knew I had Jareth to thank for it. I thought of him a lot that fall. I remembered running through the forest with him, leaping over the bushes and low-lying branches … That was why I wanted to try steeplechase. I wanted to get that feeling of flying again.
I thought about what Sarah was doing with that drawing, too. But then I thought there was no sense really worrying about it until she came back in the winter.
*
When she did come back, though … well. It wasn’t fun. We had a really big fight.
Here’s what happened.
She came home looking seriously antsy, but she waited until Mom and Dad had gone out to dinner with friends, one night in mid December. She hadn’t even unpacked her suitcase. I was antsy too, because Jareth hadn’t come yet - I was running through the doors in my mind. Mother-of-pearl, red and gold, starry blue, green leaves, sunrise, underwater castle …
Then Sarah interrupted, with - “Toby!” - in her ‘do not mess with me, shit is about to go down’ voice.
I almost dropped my book; Myths and Folktales of the World, my fourth one. “What?”
She stood in front of my chair with her arms crossed and her eyes flashing. “Let me see your wrist.”
“Why?” I started, but she grabbed it. I was too surprised to yank it back. She stared at the lines, which were faded a bit but still visible.
“Damn it!" Her grip hurt. "Oh, god damn him.”
“Uh, who, Sarah?”
“Jareth, that’s who!”
I froze.
“The Goblin King,” she spat, “who rules the Labyrinth.”
Oh, shit - total ‘deer in headlights’ moment --
“Don’t tell me you don’t know who I’m talking about, Toby! When did he come here?!”
“What the hell, Sarah?"
“Do you have any idea of what he’s doing?” She fumbled in her pocket, pulled out a square of paper and shoved it beneath my nose. “Do you know what that thing on your wrist means?!”
I stared at the drawing on the paper as she kept yelling. “It means ownership, Toby. That is like a personal ‘Property of Whoever the hell writes it’ stamp. Now when did he put it on you?”
“It’s not like that! He only helped heal my wrist!”
That was my first mistake.
Sarah crumpled the paper and let it fall on the floor. “Right. He was here.”
“No he wasn’t - he only -”
“When was he here, Toby?”
“Last year,” I muttered, defeated. “He came to visit.”
Sarah was watching me, narrowly. “And that’s it?”
“Yeah. We just - talked.”
“So how did you hurt your wrist?”
“I fell.” Then I got a moment of nasty inspiration. “Like when I fell down the stairs, when I was six, Sarah. Remember that?”
Sarah let out a puff of breath like I had punched her. Then she took a few steps back and sank into a chair.
I was really mad, so I kept going. That was my second mistake.
“Oh wait, you don’t remember that because you kind of didn’t notice when it happened.”
“It wasn’t like that.”
“Yeah? What was going on, then? How do you not fucking notice your brother falling down a flight of stairs when you’ve just gone out to look at the pretty snow?” I watched her go paler and then aimed a low blow. “Were you on drugs or something? Is that why they kicked you out, too?”
“Toby,” Sarah choked. “I was trying to protect you.”
“Protect me? From what?”
“From - from Jareth.”
The hairs on the back of my neck prickled. “Why would you need do that?”
Then I remembered my lie from earlier and tried to cover my tracks. “I mean, even if he had come here when I was six, which he totally didn’t.”
It was like Sarah hadn’t heard me. She was looking at her hands in her lap. Then she reached up and pushed her long hair away from her face, behind her ears.
“I …” She swallowed. “Toby, I … I met Jareth once.”
“You mean - when I was six? Like then? Or -”
“Earlier. Much earlier. I’m not surprised you don’t remember. You were just a baby.”
“So?” Part of me was curious but a bigger part was angry - really angry. Jareth was my secret - mine.
Sarah looked off to the side. “It’s so strange, to talk to someone who’ll believe me. For the longest time … I thought I could never say anything. To anyone.”
Then she took my hands and looked into my eyes. “Toby - you have to understand. I think Jareth has wanted to kidnap you since you were little. For some reason - whatever reason,” she stuttered, “he wants to take you to the Labyrinth.”
I’ve been to the Labyrinth, I thought, but I said: “So?”
“… So?” Sarah’s voice skirled up. “So, leaving this world forever to go be turned into a goblin is not a good thing, Toby!!”
He wouldn’t do any of that. I hadn’t seen a goblin for years. Besides, I knew him better than Sarah did. So I said, “Don’t you think you’re being a bit - dramatic - Sarah?”
She had always hated it when Mom had called her dramatic, so it wasn’t any surprise to me to see her flush up and blink really hard. “You have no idea what I’ve done, to keep you safe.” She stood up and her voice got louder. “If you had any idea of what I’ve done, you wouldn’t be talking to me like this, you -”
“Hey, Sarah.” I kept my voice calm. “Did I ever ask you to protect me?”
And that did it. That was my third mistake.
The flush drained away from her face, as she stared down at me.
“No."
I almost couldn’t hear her.
“No, I guess you didn’t.”
She turned and left the room.
I was too stunned by that whole fight to register the sounds - but then I heard the door thump shut. I called to her and ran upstairs to her room to look, but her suitcase was gone.
Sarah must have hailed a cab down by the drugstore, because when I looked outside for her, I couldn’t find her anywhere.
The next day Mom and Dad said what a shame it was that work called Sarah back. But they sounded a little happy about it too, like Our Sarah is so important at her work. I went upstairs and faked sick. It wasn’t that hard, because I felt sick. I felt worse than I had in a while.
*
So when Jareth came to me that night I almost cried, I was so glad to see him.
The door appeared in a flash and with a whoomph of noise that made me gasp. It was bright and sparkling like a diamond. I felt I could cut myself by looking at it.
He twirled the metal-crystal-whatever-it-was up and aside with one finger and stepped into my room, grinning all the time - until he saw me. Then his grin faded away.
“Why, Toby,” he said, quiet. “Whatever is the matter?”
“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “Stuff. Life.”
His eyes were intent on mine. I had never really cared that they didn’t match, but for some reason I wondered what had made them that way … And then I wondered if he really had met Sarah when I was a baby, and I felt a wave of sick jealousy wash through my stomach.
“Surely there is only one cure for the doldrums of adolescence. Shall we run?” His voice was light but his grip on my hand was strong as he walked with me through the door.
*
I was quiet for a long time, even when Jareth did that thing with the magic and I was able to run far and fast through the woods. That much running and leaping helped me feel a bit better. Then he reversed the spell and set a tiny fire to burning in an overgrown circle of rocks. We sat down together. Well, he sat down. I kind of fell down.
“So, young Toby …” Jareth’s voice was low. His eyes were heavy-lidded as he stared at the fire. “Will you tell me what the matter is?”
“Well -” and then I felt my eyes start to sting as the whole argument with Sarah came pouring out. It didn’t take a long time to repeat - it sure had felt longer when it was happening. Jareth didn’t say anything. He just listened, his eyes reflecting the firelight.
“And then she left and now I feel like shit. I mean, except for visiting here with you - that always makes me feel better. But I just - I don’t know - did you actually meet her, Jareth? Were you guys friends? Has she come back to the Labyrinth, too?” I heard my voice crack on that last bit, but I didn’t care.
“No …” Jareth’s voice was almost too low to hear. “No. She has never returned here.”
Good, I thought. “But you knew her once?”
Jareth didn’t say anything for a long time. I listened to the snapping and pop of the fire.
“Ah, Tobias.” It sounded like he had to scrape the words up from somewhere deep inside. “Toby - your sister once came to the Labyrinth. She fell into a piece of magic that brought her here. And when she was here, I …” He paused. “I thought she might be persuaded to stay.”
I felt a big lump in my throat. “Oh.”
“Say rather, ‘Oh, no’ - for that is what she said.” Jareth’s laugh was cold. “Sarah would not be a princess, any more than she would have a moment of time for a world outside herself. She said ‘no’ and returned to your world.” He paused again. “Truth be told, I had no idea the magic would work to bring me to you in turn. Perhaps it is something about your family.”
My family, I thought to myself. Sarah was only half in my family, so that didn’t really make sense. But Jareth had once said he didn’t have a family … so maybe …
“A princess,” I croaked. “And you called me a prince.”
The fire crackled between us. “Yes,” Jareth said.
“Why?”
“Toby.” He sounded tired. “I think you know why.”
I bit my lip. Then I said, “You once told me that you never had a family. Is that why you call children, or teenagers or whatever, to you? To get a family?”
His lips twisted. “Well spoken.”
I frowned. Something still seemed wrong. I was still curious. “What are you, exactly?”
“I?” Jareth closed his eyes. “I am the Goblin King, Lord of the Labyrinth, the King of Dreams -”
“Yeah, I know all that, but -”
He kept going. “But who am I, truly? I am not completely certain. Perhaps I am a ghost. Perhaps I am an hallucination. Perhaps I am mad. Perhaps I am a monster in the middle of a maze, one that has searched through time for seven young men and seven young women - to take them to myself in proper tribute. Or perhaps …”
I waited. “… Perhaps?”
Jareth opened his eyes and stared at me. “Perhaps I am one who was locked in his own labyrinth, and who never found any means of escape. Perhaps I tried for far too long. And perhaps … perhaps, Toby, my son tried to fly out of our prison on a day when the sun was high - and flew too high, and fell to his death before I could rescue him.”
I didn’t say anything. I stared right back at him.
Jareth’s mouth twisted. “And perhaps I’ve been looking for a son, or a daughter, to name a Prince or Princess of the Labyrinth, so I can then crown a new King or Queen and lay my own life down. I have lived far, far too long.”
“Don’t say that.” My eyes watered; I knew it wasn’t smoke from the fire. “Please - don’t.”
“Very well.” He smiled, but his eyes were still serious. “Know this, Tobias. Whatever anyone says to you, whether it is Sarah,” her name hissed between his teeth, “or anyone else - you are a prince here. And if you choose, I will name you Prince of the Labyrinth. And that is a gift that no mortal has ever been given.”
We were quiet for a long time. Then I tried to speak. “Um.” I swallowed. “Wow.” I sneaked a look at Jareth; he was watching me, intent.
I poked at the fire with a stick. “Do I need to decide right now?”
“No. Surely not.” He drew his cloak close around himself. “But I would ask that you decide before too many years pass.”
“Not that many,” I said, confident. “How about my last year of high school?”
He frowned. “That might be too soon -”
“Nah.” I grinned at him. “I could tell people it was a special spring internship, or something.”
Jareth smiled back at me. “Very well. And now …” he tipped his head, “I must return you to your home.” He stretched. “Help an old man to his feet, will you?”
I leapt to my feet and helped him up. We covered the fire and walked back through the forest. And I woke up the next day with a secret that made all the other secrets in my life look small.