Private to Self, Private to Myron Wagtail
This is positively ridiculous! Fifteen years, I spent the summer holidays in that house utterly alone and reveled in my solitude! For three years I occupied it almost continually, with only the rat for dubious 'company' and rejoiced at his demise so I could return, yet again to my isolated existence.
Then they moved into that house, and I feared I would never have a reasonable moment's peace again.
Apparently, they were far better companions than I had previously realised.
One week, surrounded by hundreds of people - most of them, admittedly, infantile dunderheaded children without enough rational cognition to be considered completely human, yet I have scarcely been 'alone' from the moment I reach the Great Hall for Breakfast until my last detention blessedly ends at near midnight.
Never alone, yet never more 'lonely'. Even with June here every day and Lupin not more than three people away at any meal.
A dozen times or more, I have considered Flooing Myron - but what does one say? We already established that he is the sort of young man who can kiss anyone when the mood strikes him, and it means 'nothing'. Why should it matter to him that he was the first person to exchange that sort of kiss with me in over twenty years? Or that I am incapable of doing such things 'lightly'? What meant 'nothing' to him has left me a great deal discomposed.
And what to do about it? I have no idea. I had not thought myself to be seeking that sort of 'companionship', yet now I find that the concept is not disagreeable. Then again, much as I find Myron entertaining and amusing, I cannot fathom that there would be any stability in such an arrangement. He who 'loves everyone' could not be tied to one such as myself, and I am far too possessive to 'share'.
Myron attracts me for that which he possesses and I lack - a lighter view of the world than I have ever possessed - but he could never understand my innate darkness, or the travails of my past. Then again, I doubt anyone ever could, at least not any better than Lupin has done, so the thought of companionship that would truly 'match' what I might need is as ludicrous as it is improbable.
He, at least, seems to truly like me for no apparent reason. That is a heavy argument in his favour, indeed. Besides which, I cannot deny the lingering anger and apparent jealousy over witnessing the kiss between he and Lupin. This has continued far longer than even my implacable resentment could normally account for, and I am forced to assume that some portion of my subconscious is more fond of Myron than I am consciously aware. I can imagine no other explanation for it. That, alone, seems to justify at least making an attempt at open-mindedness in this issue.
I shall not be in a hurry to either expect nor forbid the possibility of something more interesting there. For once in my life I will attempt to suppress my own doubts and prejudice and merely be content to see what happens.
Terrifying though it may be.
I suppose I ought to at least contact him in some fashion. /End Private
Private to Myron Wagtail:
Myron,
Should your touring schedule permit it, consider dining with me at Hogwarts. Enough advance notice is necessary that I might arrange someone else to cover my detentions, but Filch is usually more than willing to assist me.
~Severus/End Private to Myron