I Saw Her Standing There Chapter 9/10
Almost at the end!
A/N: Ringo re-appears. A very Dark/Drunk version of him, though. Very much an Angry drunk this time around. Think it'd be well in the realm of possibilities for him.
Don't own. No harm meant.
Head and heart still reeling from her visit to Maureen and all that had been re-lived there, Alice opened the door to the apartment. It was Nell’s off-day, but there was no sign of her partner anywhere; the car was gone from its spot, and lights were off. Alice sighed in relief. There was much they needed to discuss- in no uncertain terms, with her typical ability get right to the heart of the matter, Maureen had pressed that no relationship could continue to grow if everything wasn’t out in the open- but there needed to be a moment or two for Alice to process things. She went straight to the kitchen, only turning on the light above the sink, filled the kettle and set it to boil. She sank down in the chair nearest the stove, staring off into space. Her mind was a swimming mess of thoughts and old emotions she’d buried, often at the expense of seeming cold, for years coming back.
It was exhausting and if it weren’t for the high-pitched screaming of the kettle she’d have fallen asleep there in the kitchen. It was of the rare times she didn’t wish for the convenience of the electric kettle she’d grown used to back in England. She pulled the kettle off the stove and pulled down a mug from the cabinet above the stove, and took down the nearly empty box of Earl Grey from beside it. The cubed sugar came with it. She fixed a cup of tea, watching sleepily as the water darkened, trying to find the strength to sit down and talk to Nell at the bottom of the mug. She dropped two cubes of sugar in and stirred until they dissolved. With tea mug in hand, she made her way to the living room, sinking down on the ratty old sofa, and tucking her feet up under her. She sipped on her tea, staring into space. At some point she mindlessly turned on the TV as background noise, but really just tried to collect her thoughts before Nell returned.
Which she did about twenty minutes after Alice sat down.
There was a rustling of shopping bags and a few muttered curses as keys dropped to the tiled entrance way. It jolted Alice out of her reverie. “Nell? I’m in the living room.”
“Be in in a minute. Gotta put these away.” Nell called back. Alice nodded, knowing full well Nell couldn’t see her, and sat up straighter.
In a very short time - Nell had a habit of just throwing groceries in whereever, which was why Alice liked to do the shopping and putting away, but that night she couldn’t be bothered to move- Nell came into the room. She perched on the arm of the sofa, flipped her feet over so they were resting on the cushion. “Um, I’d ask how it went but you’re whiter than paper and there is nothing on the wall that fascinating.”
Alice blinked, turning to face her partner. “It wasn’t …I don’t know. It was tough, no doubt. Not the time that passed, I could have gotten over that, I think. But seeing her so ill…when we parted, she was robust, healthy and just turned twenty. She’s so frail, I didn’t want to hug or hold her hand too hard at first. I was afraid I’d break her.”
Nell slipped down from her perch, and with a few deft moves was at Alice’s side. She slipped her arm around her partner’s shoulder, pulling Alice close. “I can’t imagine how hard that was. I’m sorry.”
Alice shook her head and pulled back. “It wasn’t that bad after a while. I needed to go and I needed to see for myself. And she - it’s this way she has about her, I can’t explain, it’s like a non-judgmental priest in a confessional. Except no penance and nothing I did was a sin. Except…my only sin was not being 100% truthful to you about my past.”
“But you were to her…” Nell’s eyes flashed a bit with jealousy.
“It has nothing to do with you, not exactly. You see, I’d been ashamed of myself. Of my past and some things that happened. And my mother, I haven’t faced all of her cruelty until now. She never struck me but she might as well have.”
Nell’s face changed from jealous to concerned and curious. “I don’t…what do you mean? I mean, I know she’s a horrid cow as you say, and those letters are awful…I’ve always wondered what happened. But I never wanted to push…”
Alice held up a hand. “It’s alright. I wouldn’t have told you anyway, I don’t think. I was so beyond ashamed of myself. Because of her words. You see, the daughter I had that died, my mother’s last spoken words to me were that God took her because of who I am and love. I was an abomination and Angelica’s death was my punishment.”
Nell grew red again. “I’d kill her if I could afford the flight to England. I know she’s your mother but she’s a cunt. Plain and simple.”
“She’s my mother, Nell. Bitch,maybe.” Alice tried to laugh but came out choked. “I believed her for all these years. I couldn’t stop thinking it was my fault. So I just bottled up things. And tried to be the exact opposite of what she thought of me.”
Nell pulled her girlfriend close again. “You know I have mixed feelings on God. But if He does exist, He has his reasons for what He does. And He doesn't hate people like us. Your mother is absolutely in the wrong there.” Her own parents had supported her since she’d come out at age sixteen, 22 years prior. It was baffling to her that a parent couldn’t still love their child.
Alice allowed herself to relax a little. “I know deep down, on an intellectual level, that she’s pretty worthless, but those words …I just couldn't get them out of my head for years. It’s why I worked so hard and get so distant sometimes. I start to hear her voice and I put all my energy into blocking her out and proving her wrong.”
Nell just silently held her for a while. Finally she spoke. “You proved her wrong many times over, just by being you. I do wish you’d told me more, though. I always wondered why you’d pull away sometimes, and …it’s not an excuse, I know, but I’d get jealous.Or worried.”
“It was never about you. Not directly at least. I was so worried I’d disappoint you somehow if I told you all the whole truth. It wasn’t just my mother’s words. It was everything preceding them. I never gave you the whole truth about Angelica. I was already in hospital for another reason when she came along…” Alice trailed off, drawing a slightly shaky breath as she recalled for the second time that day her lowest moments. “ I- I was in a psychology ward, under intense observation. I…I um… I’d tried to harm myself.”
“Oh, Al…” Nell whispered. She buried her nose in Alice’s hair and inhaled, a bit shakily.
Alice continued. “I just couldn’t stand myself. I couldn’t lie anymore because of Angelica but I didn’t like my true self either. I took a swipe or two at my wrists with a straight razor in Peter- I told you about him haven’t I?, my older mate I stayed with- in his bathtub. Deep enough to be at risk.If it weren’t for his partner, Billy, I wouldn’t be here. But because of that, my mother was able to convince social services that I wouldn’t be fit for Angelica. Had she lived, my mother would have raised my daughter. I couldn’t stand that idea, so I’ve always thought somehow my thoughts caused Angelica’s death.”
“No. Oh God, no, Alice. No. God wouldn’t be that cruel. If anything it was for the best. To be raised by that mother of yours - and probably never knowing you at all or the truth-would have been soul crushing.” Nell held her tightly.
It was comforting to hear Nell say and unconsciously echo what Maureen had said only hours earlier. It made Alice’s own convictions feel validated. A sense of a weight being lifted from her filled her. With each time the story was told, it felt a little better. She nuzzled closer to Nell, who just held more tightly to her.
The pair were lost in the silence for a while, each to her own thoughts. It was a lot to take in and process for each.
Finally Nell spoke up. “Changing subjects a bit, and hoping not to bring up a sore subject, but what became of you and Maureen. How’d you end? I mean you said it was horrible but…”
Alice sighed. “Not too sore a subject. Like a bad novel. We were found out by Ringo. In bed”
The air still smelled like sweat and sex. That much Alice would always remember. It was one of the hottest and most humid days of the late British summer. She lay panting on her back on top of the duvet in the little flat at Montagu Square. “That was…” Alice trailed off as a last shudder of pleasure shot through her. “Amazing. Absolutely fantastic.”
Maureen looked up from between Alice’s legs and grinned. “Only fantastic?” She quirked a teasing eyebrow up. She kissed her inner thighs and slowly crawled back up the bed. “I was aiming for Earth shatterin’.” She leaned in for a kiss “Taste yourself, maybe that’ll change your verdict.”
Alice eagerly kissed Maureen, reveling in the faint taste of her own pleasure on the elder woman’s lips. When she pulled away, she grinned. “Okay that earned you bonus points.”
Maureen giggled. “Sometimes you’re just so incredible; I could lie in bed all day with you.”
“Maybe not just lie here.” Alice giggled, deftly swapping places so that she was straddling Maureen’s svelte body. She kissed her on the lips once more then started to make her way down, lavishing attention on Maureen’s pert breasts, causing a soft moan to slip from the elder woman’s mouth, as Alice gently swirled her tongue around each nipple. With each moan and soft sound of encouragement, she got lost in the moment.At some point she thought she heard a door creak open and footsteps but she wasn’t sure nor about to stop. Only when Maureen gasped- a definite shock gasp, not one of pleasure- did Alice stop what she was doing. And, following Maureen’s wide eyed gaze, turned a bit.
She knew she wouldn’t like what she saw.
Out of the very corner of her vision, she picked up the form of a slightly staggering Ringo. He stood stock still - save for a stumble here and there to catch his balance- and the bottle of Scotch he clutched swung with the last of its stored momentum.
Once her brain would allow her to move, she immediately climbed off Maureen and scrambled for her clothing on the floor.
Stunned into stillness, unable to face off with him this time, Maureen could only eek out “Ritchie…it’s…just don't hurt her....please” . Seeing the normally so strong Maureen weakened and visibly terrified of her husband was a shock Alice couldn't reconcile.
“’S wha’?” He slurred. “S-slumber party?” He sneered, setting the Scotch down carefully on the carpet, before stumbling over to the bed. With only a few misses of his grip, he fairly easily grabbed Maureen by the wrist, narrowing his eyes at both, focusing his gaze on Alice with confusion and anger. For her part, Alice did manage to get at least dressed to her panties and bra and slip.
Ringo yanked his wife up to sitting and laughed bitterly. “At least coulda had the d-d-decency to d-do it wi’ a bloke. Sh-she ain’t even got a cock.” He pointed to Alice, and laughed mockingly again, while, once he was sure Maureen wasn’t going to move, he let go of her briefly, and undid his flies, withdrawing his dick just a bit. “Y’know, one of these.”
Somehow the sight of it all jolted Alice. She quickly finished dressing, grabbed her shoes and purse, and started to bolt from the room.
“Wait! Alice don't…” Maureen, shell shocked and panic rising in her voice, called out, scrambling to get off the bed only to have Ringo shove her back.
“No! I only was with you to get to him. Now I don't want either!” It was a lie, called angrily until her voice broke on the end, but Alice fled on that note. The last thing she heard was the desperate pleading of Maureen with Ringo for him to calm down.
“I ran. I was a coward. I didn’t mean it, of course. I just…I was scared.” Alice finished recollecting her story to Nell.
“You were a young girl. As was she.” Nell stated carefully. “People say all kinds of things in the heat of the moment.”
“I wish I’d been stronger then. I just panicked and bolted. I knew, deep down, when I left he did some atrocious things to her but…” Alice trailed off.
“No. You were scared, yes. Fight or flight kicked in. It’s survival. In hind-sight, maybe something could have been different but you can’t change it. And you got a second chance to explain. Something few people get.” Nell rubbed her back and upper arm. “You cannot change the past. Neither of us can. I think…maybe that’s why we get into these stand-offs sometimes. We both have things in our past that hurt. And we’re trying to change them without talking about them. Maybe we needed that letter to come. Stir us up once more and clear the water.”
Alice nodded. “Yeah. At first, when it came, I just wished it hadn’t. I didn’t want to remember. But I needed to. It wasn’t fair for me to keep it from you, it wasn’t. I am sorry about that.”
“I admit I was hurt, but I kind of see why now. And I know I’m not the easiest person to live with some times.” Nell softly kissed the top of Alice’s hair. “We both have a lot to work on. But now we know what it is for both of us. We can really start being true partners.”
Alice pulled back and looked at Nell with a new appreciation for her partner. “We can. I think that’s a great idea.” She leaned in and kissed her softly. “Wonderful even.” She murmured against Nell’s lips, feeling more connected to her partner than she had in years.