like i'm in the way
Title: Like I'm In The Way (1/?)
Originally Posted: Never; written 07/09/2005
Fandom: None- original fiction
Pairing: None
Rating: K
Summary: About a girl.
…what’s your name?
like I’m in the way.
-Wheat, “Don’t I Hold You?”
Thumbing through the pages of an old journal, she curls her pastelled toes against the sheets. In her hands she holds documentation of years of botched relationships, heated arguments, and cooler reconciliations. He is gone for the night, out with friends. God knows where and God also knows that she doesn’t care. Out is out and out of her hair. She has over the past several months given thought to why she is even still there with him when she knows that her heart isn’t in it. An answer has not yet come to her.
She reads. First an entry in which she waxed sentimental about the man she was seeing, only to extricate herself from the relationship the following week. Next an entry about a fight with the man who came next, detailing who said what and who stormed out and who did not try to follow. There is no more mention of that man in the journal. Next, an entry explaining her ambivalence about yet another relationship, complete with a lengthy list of pros and an even longer list of cons. Next, an entry comprised of her reasons for ending that relationship after the fact, all of which were negated by the following entry which listed her reasons for calling him again. She reads.
It’s all ambivalence and she knows what she wants yet she doesn’t. She loves and she doesn’t. She needs and she doesn’t. Needy and suffocated all at the same time, she is searching, always searching, sometimes finding but never for long enough to make a difference. She feels ephemeral and shuts the journal, setting it on the nightstand beside the bed. The red light on the alarm clock changes from PM to AM and she switches out the light, letting the night bear down upon her with no decisions having been made and knowing nothing more than before she had begun.
Originally Posted: Never; written 07/09/2005
Fandom: None- original fiction
Pairing: None
Rating: K
Summary: About a girl.
…what’s your name?
like I’m in the way.
-Wheat, “Don’t I Hold You?”
Thumbing through the pages of an old journal, she curls her pastelled toes against the sheets. In her hands she holds documentation of years of botched relationships, heated arguments, and cooler reconciliations. He is gone for the night, out with friends. God knows where and God also knows that she doesn’t care. Out is out and out of her hair. She has over the past several months given thought to why she is even still there with him when she knows that her heart isn’t in it. An answer has not yet come to her.
She reads. First an entry in which she waxed sentimental about the man she was seeing, only to extricate herself from the relationship the following week. Next an entry about a fight with the man who came next, detailing who said what and who stormed out and who did not try to follow. There is no more mention of that man in the journal. Next, an entry explaining her ambivalence about yet another relationship, complete with a lengthy list of pros and an even longer list of cons. Next, an entry comprised of her reasons for ending that relationship after the fact, all of which were negated by the following entry which listed her reasons for calling him again. She reads.
It’s all ambivalence and she knows what she wants yet she doesn’t. She loves and she doesn’t. She needs and she doesn’t. Needy and suffocated all at the same time, she is searching, always searching, sometimes finding but never for long enough to make a difference. She feels ephemeral and shuts the journal, setting it on the nightstand beside the bed. The red light on the alarm clock changes from PM to AM and she switches out the light, letting the night bear down upon her with no decisions having been made and knowing nothing more than before she had begun.