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[suburbancoyote]

I'm starting to realize that one of my biggest problems in life is that I don't know how to relax. I worry and think way too much. I'm noticing that the muscles in my body are never really relaxed, even for the most calm-spirited tasks. They don't get any real rest until I'm asleep, and even then I spend the night grinding my teeth so much that

Comments

[dreamneonblack]

You can have my brain but I'd bet money I worry more than you do.

[suburbancoyote]

Can I just lease it out for a while and see if it takes?

[dreamneonblack]

Sure man, but my brain likes its daily dose of amphetamines and THC so you got to keep up a regimine.

[coolnerd]

yeah I definitely know what you mean. I constantly worry and think about things that I shouldn't be and logically shouldn't be a problem. Ever since this whole heart/anxiety/whatever is causing this situation I've been thinking about death daily, almost without exception, in a variety of capacities. Pondering the inevitability of it, trying, obviously in vain, to grap the concept of death, how it'll feel before I die, where I'll go, if anywhere. and just basically thinking about death in every capacity. Life just hasn't seemed quite the same since all of this started happening. I don't feel quite as invincible. Also I've been pondering if I will grow old, how I'll look with my wrinkled skin and gray hair, how I'll act, how tired and weak my body will be. Stuff like that. Stuff that's a waste of time to ponder, but I can't help it.

[dreamneonblack]

I know what its like to be on the brink of death. My ex-boyfriend cut my wrist open and i was bleeding profusely. He put me in his car and was rushing to the hospital, but in his haste he passed the closer one and went to one farther away. I remember just sitting slumped against the car door, holding my wrist, feeling weaker and more out of it as the blood kept rushing out. I was more scared then I'd ever been in my life, but as the seconds ticked by I just felt everything drain out of me. I looked up at the sky and asked God to let me live. It was kind of like slowly falling into a deeper sleep then you've ever slept before. The most terrifying moment of my life, but I wasn't hysterical or anything, my brain was freaking out but my body was just letting go. I just want to be ready when I die. Thats all I ask.

[thatsmyfoot]

may i make a suggestion? thats how i was before i moved. now, even though im working 40 hours a week and im tired a lot, im really happy. I cannot explain it. at the end of an 11 hour day working in cinderellas castle with numb feet and being sunburned and having answered the same question ten million times, ive found that im incredibly happy. so if anything, methinks that uprooting yourself and making yourself do something different is a great thing to do for yourself.

oh, and having a wicked awesome sunglasses tan doesnt hurt.

[suburbancoyote]

I don't know if you're talking to Erik or me, but I think moving to Oregon qualified as 'uprooting' myself, and it didn't really help in that regard. The problem is more deep-seated, methinks. Although, distractions do help. And work/hobbies/traveling do serve as a good distractions.

In fact, I've always believed that life is just a series of distractions...