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[suburbiamustdie]

Sigh. What most people don't know about me is that I'm nearly constantly in a state of total depression. I can just act really well. Today, though, was not so good. And it was all my fault

Comments

[weetziebat2]

yay for constant states of depression. we hide it so well, no?
annnndrreeeeew.
I cannot even think how people could apply the words fake or untalented to you. You are not an ounce fake.. you have lived so true to yourself and been so uncompromising it's disgusting. and maybe you keep your pain to yourself, but hey so do i, and that doesn't make you fake at all. Nor are you untalented, you make me feel like a total failure.
I know that doesn't help. You are a very very good person Andrew. Everyone i know that has met you is struck by what a compassionate and real, maybe slightly crazy, person you are. You are truly kind and selfless. The fact that you feel this bad is a testament to that. If we are supposedly the same person, then just think about how great you think i am lol, and try and feel that about yourself.
i'm sorry ian doesn't understand, that's really sucky. hopefully his love for you can prevail over his insensitivity. i hope he calls you :)
love!!!

[suburbiamustdie]

It's not that Ian doesn't understand or that he's insensitive, because he's really not, it's just that I make it so difficult for him and I guess I just expect him to be like this super-hyper-sensitive person that's really unrealistic for anybody, even you. But he's not insensitive. Sigh. My thought process is just so twisted that it's hard to think like me. Ugh. I hate this. Love.

[weetziebat2]

yeah, sometimes i have unrealistic standards for people too. like, "ooh, dennis is my boyfriend and we love eachother- so he will be psychic and absolute perfection always" or "andrew is essentially me, so i shouldn't have to explain anything in full sentences." it just goes back to us looking to other people to get the affirmation we can't give ourselves(refer to your complete self-bashing post). and don't be hard on yourself, because you tried to not do that not-open thing by talking to him, the outcome was just out of your control.

[suburbiamustdie]

Yeah, I did try. I kind of forgot I did that. Too bad it majorly backfired and blew up in my face. Damn me for not being able to express my feelings in the words it takes to exactly define them. I dunno. Sigh. Things would be so easy if you just had enough time to type out what you were going to say in advance and proof-read like on LJ. Like I must have already changed this comment nine or ten times by now. The world would be so much easier to live in if you could do that. But you can't. Ugh. Whatever. I told you I was going back to sleep like an hour ago. So I guess I'd better go. Night night m'love.

[ecumenical]

I'm glad you feel better now! I'm not going to refer to any specifics in the entry, lest it make you dwell on it, but I want you to know that you ARE talented and wonderful (and beautiful) and the furthest thing from average. And I love you. :-)

[suburbiamustdie]

Hehe, the second right after I read things like that when I actually believe them makes it all worth it :) I love you too you silly boy. A lot. And stuff. And things.