The Weighted Wind
Title: The Weighted Wind
Author: suchreverie
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Per Manum
Classification: VRA
Summary: There's an energy that exists between two people, a tingling feeling that connects us in invisible ways.
Title: The Weighted Wind
Author: suchreverie
Date: Nov. 23, 2008
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Per Manum
Classification: VRA
Keywords: MSR, Per Manum post-ep, Mulder POV
Archive: Ephemeral, Gossamer, others by request
Summary: There's an energy that exists between two people, a tingling feeling that connects us in invisible ways.
Disclaimer: These characters are not mine and no copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Notes: This is a Per Manum post-episode story that I'd been encouraged to write. Apparently a lot of people think something snazzy happened after that episode.
Feedback would be wonderful. suchreveries @ yahoo.com or find/comment on my fic at http://suchreverie.livejournal.com
****************************************
Her body was shaking like I'd never felt it before. I held her tightly. It was the one thing I couldn't soothe inside her head, the one thing I couldn't cure inside her body. The one thing I couldn't give her no matter how hard I tried. And it was driving me slowly crazy with its elusiveness, with its uncertainty.
This is the path we had followed, and I'd found that along the way, the turns we took were often the ones we most wanted to avoid. Endless forks in the road, endless choices to be made, but now, more than ever, I realized that we weren't doing the choosing.
She shook in my arms and I didn't let her know that I could feel her crying.
I buried my face in her hair, my lips pressed against her neck. I was desperate to breathe a part of her deep inside my body, to hold it and let her become a part of me.
Her fingers on the back of my neck tensed and I pulled her even more tightly against me, not knowing if it was possible to get any closer without pushing the breath out of her. Maybe that's what she needed; to clear it out, all of it, to start anew one more time.
She pulled away and her forehead met mine again and all I could hear was my heartbeat in my head.
There's an energy that exists between two people, a tingling feeling that connects us in invisible ways. I felt it as her lips hovered over mine. I watched her face with my eyes barely open. Her eyes were closed, her lips slightly parted, the look on her face a mix of conflict and resolution. She tilted her head and I felt a pull in my chest and waited for her to make her choice.
She was soft, so soft, when she kissed me.
I held onto the reins as the world threatened to spin out of control. I felt her breath on my cheek. She nudged her mouth against mine and waited for a response. My hand found her hair and I realized I'd never paid much attention to how it felt before, any other time I'd touched it suddenly not seeming quite as important as now.
I took her bottom lip between mine and kissed it. She pulled my head down to kiss me harder, and soon it felt like my body was wrapping around hers, that I could completely envelop her in me, protect her, hide her from the burning rays of reality that filtered through our defenses.
I let out a small moan--I had tried to hold it back when I felt her tongue tease the edge of my lips. That sound seemed to snap her out of the reverie she'd created and she pulled away quickly, opening her eyes.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered, her brow furrowing.
"Why?" I asked, my hand still buried in her hair. I tried to ignore the pulse I felt flooding my body everywhere, even the places I wished it wouldn't at the moment.
"It's not…it's not the right time." She sniffled, a tiny Scully sniffle, and her tear-streaked face was more than I could handle. I kissed each cheek, the gentle salt of her release on my lips.
"Okay," I said on a breath, nodding my head. She searched my eyes. Her mouth moved closer again and I felt a tingle cascade down my body.
"Is it?"
"Scully…I…" Her mouth was just an inch away. Her look was questioning yet resolute, like she knew the answer as well as I did. I could barely speak. "Scully, that's…up to you."
She closed her eyes and stood her ground. I closed mine to feel every inch of her pressed against me, the quiet tension buzzing between us.
When I felt her kiss me again I didn't hold back, responding to her more, wanting her to know this was exactly what I wanted, exactly the choice I wanted her to make.
Our tongues met gently and I let her taste me, let her enter my mouth in her own time. She guided me. The tiny whimper she made was the most breathtaking sound I'd ever heard.
She pulled away again, more reluctantly this time. I was still lost in the feeling of her soft mouth caressing mine. "Mulder," she whispered.
It took me a few seconds to open my eyes, as if waking from a deep sleep. Her hand dropped from the back of my neck and she twined her fingers with mine. I could see her thinking. I wanted to read her thoughts if for only a split second of epiphany.
She pulled out of my embrace and tugged on my hand, meeting my eyes steadily for a defining, fleeting moment as she led me away from the living room.
****************************************
We sat on the edge of her bed, her hand still lost in mine, and we looked out the gauzy curtains of her windows. We were separated from the outside. We were ourselves, alone.
"I'm having a hard time believing it," she said, her voice hitching on held-back tears. "It seemed perfect, like everything was falling into place."
I looked at her as she studied the window. "I know."
Her face fell then and she pulled my hand into her lap. She looked down at it. "Thank you for trying to help me."
I bit my lower lip, feeling the threat of tears. "Scully...I'd do anything to give that to you. Anything."
I felt her tear hit my hand and she met my eyes. "I just want to feel you right now."
I nodded. It was all I could do.
****************************************
I'd searched the night sky for what felt like centuries, had seen the unexplainable, encountered the unbelievable, watched miracles happen, and yet at this point in the journey, I had nothing to give her, no remedy for her pain. I'd given her what I could, and I don't know why it didn't work. It should have worked.
It should have worked.
She lay back on her pillows and I followed, resting next to her side. She tilted her head and I kissed her lips, tentatively taking control of her mouth. I rested my hand on the flat plane of her stomach, warmth radiating from under her clothes, and I felt a pang of ache at the turmoil that lay beneath.
She kissed me back, her fingers sliding through my hair, pulling me more deeply into her. Her tongue slipped past my lips and I heard a soft moan from the back of her throat. And I felt the pulling desire to do so much more, but I was worried about balancing what she needed and what she didn't need, what she wanted or didn't want.
"Touch me," she breathed against my lips. "Don't be afraid."
Sometimes I think she has a doorway into my mind that she can open with the slightest touch of her fingers, the softest echo of my name.
I looked into her eyes while I unbuttoned her shirt slowly, afraid at first to look at her chest as her shirt fell away from her body. I was surprised at the feeling of newness, but always knew it would feel different with her, like I was discovering what this should all truly be like with someone.
I didn't look, more transfixed by the look in her eyes that asked me to continue. I slid my fingers up her soft, warm skin, leaving an instant trail of goose bumps. All my breath left me when I felt her shiver.
I let my hand travel over her exposed skin, everywhere I could reach, teasing her. She began arching her back to my touch, began shifting her hips restlessly while we kissed harder, mouths open, stealing breaths. I couldn't get enough of her.
I jumped when I felt her fingernails graze the front of my jeans, followed by her palm, firm and pressing into me. It felt incredible, and I pushed into her hand, wanting more yet feeling guilty for it. I broke away from her kiss and pressed my cheek into the pillow next to her head.
"Sorry," I said softly, inhaling a slight scent of her perfume. She kept rubbing me with her palm. I held back the thrust of my hips, feeling tingles down my thighs. I slid my hand over her breast, feeling her hardened nipple through the fabric. My fingers inched underneath, finding her hot skin, running in circles over the rippled flesh. She moaned, her eyes fluttering closed. My jeans were becoming more uncomfortable by the minute.
"Why are you sorry?" Her palm worked slow, rhythmic circles and her fingers followed the line of my zipper. I gritted my teeth to hold back a groan.
"Just…I know you…today was hard and I think, I think…"
She kissed me slowly and I answered her mouth. She broke away with a gentle tug on my upper lip.
"Mulder," she said, sincerely looking into my eyes. "Can we stop thinking?"
I nodded.
She pulled down my zipper.
****************************************
We had kissed and kissed, her hand tucked into my jeans, fingers tracing the rigid muscle she found, while my hand explored both of her breasts, taking sweet time with it. I finally let my mouth follow, pulling down the fabric to greet her nipples with my lips. She tasted forbidden, sweet and salty and my thoughts were quickly running down unmentionable avenues.
I slipped my hand down her pants, I couldn't help myself. I was surprised at how my hand cupped her so perfectly, how we fit together that way.
"Oh God, Mulder," she moaned, barely audible, her head rolling to the side. My breath caught in my throat, at her words, at the hot, slick feeling under my fingers. I slowly traced the intricate designs I found under my fingertips, reading her like Braille, discovering her secrets.
She clutched at me through the fabric of my boxers and I groaned against her breasts, moving up to kiss her, taken back a bit by her eager response. My fingers worked circles around her most sensitive spot and her hips writhed with them. Her soft moans soon followed the rhythm of her body.
She moved her hand down over mine. "Wait. Please."
"What's wrong?" Little alarms went off in my head. Too soon. Too soon.
"Not yet," she whispered. "Not yet."
She kissed me again and I let my fingers rest against her.
****************************************
She was perched on top of me, her panties still on, my boxers still on, her knees straddling my hips, and we were participating in what was to be noted as yet another exercise in self-restraint. We had quite a comprehensive list going.
It wasn't for lack of trying. She worked her hips on mine so hard that I could feel her heat against my hardness, grinding and teasing. My hands slid up her bare back, so smooth and sensitive, and they met her breasts again. They were so perfect. She was so perfect.
"Scully," I whispered. She smiled and moved up to kiss me, her chest pressed against mine. I cupped her bottom, letting my fingers roam under her panties. I quickly lost any sense of control after discovering new inches of unexplored, hot skin under my touch.
"Yeah?" she whispered in a quick break from our kiss.
So many words and phrases whirred through my head in that instant. "I want to give you everything."
She kept my gaze steadily, the rhythm of her hips slowing against me. "You do."
I shook my head. "No, I don't. I haven't yet. But I'll try."
She pressed her forehead against mine.
****************************************
She tasted amazing, like she was meant for me.
My tongue traced the designs my fingers had recently followed, finding secret spots that made her quiver, other spots that made her moan. I loved the way her fingers stroked the top of my head, gently prompting. I loved the way her hips rocked up to my mouth as she moaned, the way her thighs tensed and the way her heels slipped against the sheets when she started losing her inhibitions completely.
I took slow enjoyment out of discovering this secret of hers, not wanting her to come too quickly because I didn't want it to end. I led her to the edge slowly and brought her away again. I thought of the times I'd dreamed of doing just this, exactly this way, and how even in my dreams she didn't taste this sweet or feel this soft or sound this beautiful, like an angel.
Her soft moans increased in frequency and I knew it was time to let her go, and so I did, moving my tongue against her in a way I'd quickly discovered was her favorite. She responded with a lift of her hips and a whimper, with a pull on my hair, and then I heard her coming, and felt her coming, and I was pulled under into the most heavenly place I'd ever been. I wanted to stay there with her forever, in an afterglow of things certain and pure.
I rose and slid next to her on the bed, pulling her into me. She turned on her side and curled into my body and I realized then that she was crying.
I wrapped an arm around her and slid a leg over hers, pulling her closer, storing my questions and concerns within, trying to fight back the self-conscious criticisms inside my head.
"Why, Mulder?" she said against my chest, her breaths steadying.
I bit my lip hard, knowing she didn't expect an answer I didn't have for her.
"I don't know," I whispered, stroking her bare back.
We rested together and I stared out the window again, watching trees move under the weighted wind that was pushing us into another day.
"I just want what I deserve to have," she said, sounding drowsy, her head firmly pressed against my chin. "Nothing more. What I want is so simple. It should be so easy."
I closed my eyes and listened to her breathe, slowly, softly, until she fell asleep.
* end *
Author: suchreverie
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Per Manum
Classification: VRA
Summary: There's an energy that exists between two people, a tingling feeling that connects us in invisible ways.
Title: The Weighted Wind
Author: suchreverie
Date: Nov. 23, 2008
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Per Manum
Classification: VRA
Keywords: MSR, Per Manum post-ep, Mulder POV
Archive: Ephemeral, Gossamer, others by request
Summary: There's an energy that exists between two people, a tingling feeling that connects us in invisible ways.
Disclaimer: These characters are not mine and no copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Notes: This is a Per Manum post-episode story that I'd been encouraged to write. Apparently a lot of people think something snazzy happened after that episode.
Feedback would be wonderful. suchreveries @ yahoo.com or find/comment on my fic at http://suchreverie.livejournal.com
****************************************
Her body was shaking like I'd never felt it before. I held her tightly. It was the one thing I couldn't soothe inside her head, the one thing I couldn't cure inside her body. The one thing I couldn't give her no matter how hard I tried. And it was driving me slowly crazy with its elusiveness, with its uncertainty.
This is the path we had followed, and I'd found that along the way, the turns we took were often the ones we most wanted to avoid. Endless forks in the road, endless choices to be made, but now, more than ever, I realized that we weren't doing the choosing.
She shook in my arms and I didn't let her know that I could feel her crying.
I buried my face in her hair, my lips pressed against her neck. I was desperate to breathe a part of her deep inside my body, to hold it and let her become a part of me.
Her fingers on the back of my neck tensed and I pulled her even more tightly against me, not knowing if it was possible to get any closer without pushing the breath out of her. Maybe that's what she needed; to clear it out, all of it, to start anew one more time.
She pulled away and her forehead met mine again and all I could hear was my heartbeat in my head.
There's an energy that exists between two people, a tingling feeling that connects us in invisible ways. I felt it as her lips hovered over mine. I watched her face with my eyes barely open. Her eyes were closed, her lips slightly parted, the look on her face a mix of conflict and resolution. She tilted her head and I felt a pull in my chest and waited for her to make her choice.
She was soft, so soft, when she kissed me.
I held onto the reins as the world threatened to spin out of control. I felt her breath on my cheek. She nudged her mouth against mine and waited for a response. My hand found her hair and I realized I'd never paid much attention to how it felt before, any other time I'd touched it suddenly not seeming quite as important as now.
I took her bottom lip between mine and kissed it. She pulled my head down to kiss me harder, and soon it felt like my body was wrapping around hers, that I could completely envelop her in me, protect her, hide her from the burning rays of reality that filtered through our defenses.
I let out a small moan--I had tried to hold it back when I felt her tongue tease the edge of my lips. That sound seemed to snap her out of the reverie she'd created and she pulled away quickly, opening her eyes.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered, her brow furrowing.
"Why?" I asked, my hand still buried in her hair. I tried to ignore the pulse I felt flooding my body everywhere, even the places I wished it wouldn't at the moment.
"It's not…it's not the right time." She sniffled, a tiny Scully sniffle, and her tear-streaked face was more than I could handle. I kissed each cheek, the gentle salt of her release on my lips.
"Okay," I said on a breath, nodding my head. She searched my eyes. Her mouth moved closer again and I felt a tingle cascade down my body.
"Is it?"
"Scully…I…" Her mouth was just an inch away. Her look was questioning yet resolute, like she knew the answer as well as I did. I could barely speak. "Scully, that's…up to you."
She closed her eyes and stood her ground. I closed mine to feel every inch of her pressed against me, the quiet tension buzzing between us.
When I felt her kiss me again I didn't hold back, responding to her more, wanting her to know this was exactly what I wanted, exactly the choice I wanted her to make.
Our tongues met gently and I let her taste me, let her enter my mouth in her own time. She guided me. The tiny whimper she made was the most breathtaking sound I'd ever heard.
She pulled away again, more reluctantly this time. I was still lost in the feeling of her soft mouth caressing mine. "Mulder," she whispered.
It took me a few seconds to open my eyes, as if waking from a deep sleep. Her hand dropped from the back of my neck and she twined her fingers with mine. I could see her thinking. I wanted to read her thoughts if for only a split second of epiphany.
She pulled out of my embrace and tugged on my hand, meeting my eyes steadily for a defining, fleeting moment as she led me away from the living room.
****************************************
We sat on the edge of her bed, her hand still lost in mine, and we looked out the gauzy curtains of her windows. We were separated from the outside. We were ourselves, alone.
"I'm having a hard time believing it," she said, her voice hitching on held-back tears. "It seemed perfect, like everything was falling into place."
I looked at her as she studied the window. "I know."
Her face fell then and she pulled my hand into her lap. She looked down at it. "Thank you for trying to help me."
I bit my lower lip, feeling the threat of tears. "Scully...I'd do anything to give that to you. Anything."
I felt her tear hit my hand and she met my eyes. "I just want to feel you right now."
I nodded. It was all I could do.
****************************************
I'd searched the night sky for what felt like centuries, had seen the unexplainable, encountered the unbelievable, watched miracles happen, and yet at this point in the journey, I had nothing to give her, no remedy for her pain. I'd given her what I could, and I don't know why it didn't work. It should have worked.
It should have worked.
She lay back on her pillows and I followed, resting next to her side. She tilted her head and I kissed her lips, tentatively taking control of her mouth. I rested my hand on the flat plane of her stomach, warmth radiating from under her clothes, and I felt a pang of ache at the turmoil that lay beneath.
She kissed me back, her fingers sliding through my hair, pulling me more deeply into her. Her tongue slipped past my lips and I heard a soft moan from the back of her throat. And I felt the pulling desire to do so much more, but I was worried about balancing what she needed and what she didn't need, what she wanted or didn't want.
"Touch me," she breathed against my lips. "Don't be afraid."
Sometimes I think she has a doorway into my mind that she can open with the slightest touch of her fingers, the softest echo of my name.
I looked into her eyes while I unbuttoned her shirt slowly, afraid at first to look at her chest as her shirt fell away from her body. I was surprised at the feeling of newness, but always knew it would feel different with her, like I was discovering what this should all truly be like with someone.
I didn't look, more transfixed by the look in her eyes that asked me to continue. I slid my fingers up her soft, warm skin, leaving an instant trail of goose bumps. All my breath left me when I felt her shiver.
I let my hand travel over her exposed skin, everywhere I could reach, teasing her. She began arching her back to my touch, began shifting her hips restlessly while we kissed harder, mouths open, stealing breaths. I couldn't get enough of her.
I jumped when I felt her fingernails graze the front of my jeans, followed by her palm, firm and pressing into me. It felt incredible, and I pushed into her hand, wanting more yet feeling guilty for it. I broke away from her kiss and pressed my cheek into the pillow next to her head.
"Sorry," I said softly, inhaling a slight scent of her perfume. She kept rubbing me with her palm. I held back the thrust of my hips, feeling tingles down my thighs. I slid my hand over her breast, feeling her hardened nipple through the fabric. My fingers inched underneath, finding her hot skin, running in circles over the rippled flesh. She moaned, her eyes fluttering closed. My jeans were becoming more uncomfortable by the minute.
"Why are you sorry?" Her palm worked slow, rhythmic circles and her fingers followed the line of my zipper. I gritted my teeth to hold back a groan.
"Just…I know you…today was hard and I think, I think…"
She kissed me slowly and I answered her mouth. She broke away with a gentle tug on my upper lip.
"Mulder," she said, sincerely looking into my eyes. "Can we stop thinking?"
I nodded.
She pulled down my zipper.
****************************************
We had kissed and kissed, her hand tucked into my jeans, fingers tracing the rigid muscle she found, while my hand explored both of her breasts, taking sweet time with it. I finally let my mouth follow, pulling down the fabric to greet her nipples with my lips. She tasted forbidden, sweet and salty and my thoughts were quickly running down unmentionable avenues.
I slipped my hand down her pants, I couldn't help myself. I was surprised at how my hand cupped her so perfectly, how we fit together that way.
"Oh God, Mulder," she moaned, barely audible, her head rolling to the side. My breath caught in my throat, at her words, at the hot, slick feeling under my fingers. I slowly traced the intricate designs I found under my fingertips, reading her like Braille, discovering her secrets.
She clutched at me through the fabric of my boxers and I groaned against her breasts, moving up to kiss her, taken back a bit by her eager response. My fingers worked circles around her most sensitive spot and her hips writhed with them. Her soft moans soon followed the rhythm of her body.
She moved her hand down over mine. "Wait. Please."
"What's wrong?" Little alarms went off in my head. Too soon. Too soon.
"Not yet," she whispered. "Not yet."
She kissed me again and I let my fingers rest against her.
****************************************
She was perched on top of me, her panties still on, my boxers still on, her knees straddling my hips, and we were participating in what was to be noted as yet another exercise in self-restraint. We had quite a comprehensive list going.
It wasn't for lack of trying. She worked her hips on mine so hard that I could feel her heat against my hardness, grinding and teasing. My hands slid up her bare back, so smooth and sensitive, and they met her breasts again. They were so perfect. She was so perfect.
"Scully," I whispered. She smiled and moved up to kiss me, her chest pressed against mine. I cupped her bottom, letting my fingers roam under her panties. I quickly lost any sense of control after discovering new inches of unexplored, hot skin under my touch.
"Yeah?" she whispered in a quick break from our kiss.
So many words and phrases whirred through my head in that instant. "I want to give you everything."
She kept my gaze steadily, the rhythm of her hips slowing against me. "You do."
I shook my head. "No, I don't. I haven't yet. But I'll try."
She pressed her forehead against mine.
****************************************
She tasted amazing, like she was meant for me.
My tongue traced the designs my fingers had recently followed, finding secret spots that made her quiver, other spots that made her moan. I loved the way her fingers stroked the top of my head, gently prompting. I loved the way her hips rocked up to my mouth as she moaned, the way her thighs tensed and the way her heels slipped against the sheets when she started losing her inhibitions completely.
I took slow enjoyment out of discovering this secret of hers, not wanting her to come too quickly because I didn't want it to end. I led her to the edge slowly and brought her away again. I thought of the times I'd dreamed of doing just this, exactly this way, and how even in my dreams she didn't taste this sweet or feel this soft or sound this beautiful, like an angel.
Her soft moans increased in frequency and I knew it was time to let her go, and so I did, moving my tongue against her in a way I'd quickly discovered was her favorite. She responded with a lift of her hips and a whimper, with a pull on my hair, and then I heard her coming, and felt her coming, and I was pulled under into the most heavenly place I'd ever been. I wanted to stay there with her forever, in an afterglow of things certain and pure.
I rose and slid next to her on the bed, pulling her into me. She turned on her side and curled into my body and I realized then that she was crying.
I wrapped an arm around her and slid a leg over hers, pulling her closer, storing my questions and concerns within, trying to fight back the self-conscious criticisms inside my head.
"Why, Mulder?" she said against my chest, her breaths steadying.
I bit my lip hard, knowing she didn't expect an answer I didn't have for her.
"I don't know," I whispered, stroking her bare back.
We rested together and I stared out the window again, watching trees move under the weighted wind that was pushing us into another day.
"I just want what I deserve to have," she said, sounding drowsy, her head firmly pressed against my chin. "Nothing more. What I want is so simple. It should be so easy."
I closed my eyes and listened to her breathe, slowly, softly, until she fell asleep.
* end *