Forgetting to Remember
Title: Forgetting to Remember
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Billy, Sean A
Warnings: AU. This is a ficlet within my BTS universe, and occurs during the events of Chapter 9 of the sequel, Threadbare Gypsy Soul. Read that one first.
Feedback: is loved.
Summary: What Dom didn't see at the stables.
“I’ll show you where that goes, Bill.”
Billy had stuffed back the sense of déjà vu he’d felt when they’d arrived, brought back by the scent of horse, and the sounds they made. The leatherwork was not quite the same, heavier and bigger than racing gear, but similar enough that he knew his way around it. It had been so long, and yet, this place brought it all back.
The little pinch appeared between Dom’s brows when Sean took hold of his sleeve and pulled him away down the barn aisle. Billy gave him a smile, but he knew perceptive Dom wasn’t appeased.
Billy had expected something like this. Granted, not so soon, but he followed Sean into the tack room and let the door fall shut behind them. He’d only helped untack the horse in an effort to get them away from here faster, and then he’d put his foot in it talking to little Allie. Kids were just easy to open up with and he’d forgotten himself.
The smell of leather and saddle soap was rich and heavy here in the dimly lit tack room, like an old picture memory. Sean settled the saddle into its rack, and took the bridle from Billy’s hands to place on its hook with finality and expectance.
Billy pocketed his hands, looking for nonchalance and feigning it. “Something you need to say to me, Sean?”
“Yeah,” Sean turned back and moved right up into Billy’s face, “You want to watch yourself from here on, Boyd. I saw what you did to Dom’s place, and your hand. I saw what you did to him.”
Billy blinked. “I didn’t touch him.”
“I mean mentally, asshole.” Sean lowered his voice, “You broke him apart that night. And I can still see it, no matter what you two pretend about your ‘happily ever after’. I see him every day at work staring off into space and worrying himself to death. You put one more crack on him, and I swear…“ Sean paused, searching for a threat.
“You’ll what?” Billy jumped the hesitation, steeling his footing and raising his chin. Rage fired through his gut and tightened his fists. Sean was his equal in height, but had more mass, reacted slower. Billy could drop him to the floor in two sharp blows before Sean could blink, but he tamped the desire down hard, grinding his teeth.
Sean didn’t have an answer for him, and he looked away under Billy’s fierce glare. It lit a flame of satisfaction, but Sean’s words had hit their mark, and Billy didn’t hesitate to strike back with a few of his own. “You’re a pissing teddy bear, Sean. You’ll do nothing.”
Sean flared back up at that, “I’ll still be there when you aren’t. Seems to me you’re good at disappearing when it suits you, if your sister’s any example-“
Sean’s back collided with the wooden plank wall, Billy’s forearm shoved against his collarbones, eyes wild and voice a slow hard growl, “Don’t you ever fucking talk about my sister.”
Sean eyes flew wide with fear at this outburst, mouth trembling, and in an instant, Billy felt a cold, sick clarity drop through his gut.
The door opened, and a girl of maybe twelve entered, struggling to handle the door as well as a saddle. Billy jumped swiftly away from Sean as she darted a look between them before attempting to lift the heavy leather onto a rack above her head.
“Here, lass, I’ll get that. Dunno why they always put them so high up, eh?” Billy quickly stepped to her aid, babbling to cover the rising hysteria of what he’d just done. He’d attacked Sean. He’d gone after Dom’s best friend.
She muttered thanks before hurrying away, the door falling shut behind her field boots and swinging ponytail and leaving them alone again.
Billy tore his hat off, raked his fingers through his hair and collapsed on a trunk, breathing hard through his teeth. He had made a mistake, the very same stupid mistake that got him in the worst kind of trouble, and he’d done it to someone Dom loved and trusted.
Sean stood back up in the mean time, straightening his clothes with contempt thick on his face. “That’s exactly your problem, Bill. You’re a fucking loose cannon. How long before you do it to someone more important?”
“I’m sorry. Sean, please, I’m sorry.” Billy looked up to search Sean’s features and the door, terrified he’d made enough commotion that Dom might come running, might see. “Don’t tell Dom. Please? I really am sorry!”
“Really? Because so far, you’re nothing like you pretend to be.” Sean moved to block the tack room door with folded arms, his voice low and measured, “You’re on strike two with me, Bill. Don’t make it three. For his sake.”
“I didn’t mean to.“
“D’you have friends, Bill? Have you ever seen them fall so desperately in love that they can’t see through it? It changes them. It’s changed him. So give me a reason why he shouldn’t know that you’re not quite as perfect as he wants you to be.”
“I’m not perfect. I don’t deserve him.” Sean had his hand on the doorknob, but paused as Billy spoke earnestly, standing up, “I know I don’t. I’ve made a million mistakes from the day I was born to just a minute ago, but he’s not one of them.”
Billy put a trembling hand over Sean’s on the knob, trying to soften this mess. “Please. I’m an idiot. I’m a selfish prick. But he’s the only right thing I’ve ever had. I don’t deserve him, and I love him all the more for it. If you believe nothing else about me, believe that. Please. Sean?”
Sean shook his head, sighing down at the dusty floor. “I want to, Bill.”
“Then please, don’t tell him,” Billy begged, “What do you want me to do to prove I’m truly sorry?”
Sean’s hazel eyes met his, and this time they were firm. “Make me believe it. Make this up to him, not me.”
Billy didn’t understand. “What?”
Sean shook his head again, eyes wandering the room. “Allie asked about you a few nights ago. You and Dominic,” he said, pointedly looking up. “And I told her the truth. I told her it’s no different than me and Chris. We share everything in my family, Bill. No secrets. So don’t make me a liar. If you love him as much as you claim, then don’t take the easy way out of whatever this was and leave me to pick up the pieces.”
Billy’s eyes darted between Sean’s. Sean just explained exactly what he wanted as though it was that simple. He shook his head minutely, at a complete loss. “How do I do that? What do I do to make it like that?”
Turning the knob beneath Billy’s hand, some of the hardness in Sean’s face left for sympathy, “Just have a little faith. Talk to him, and listen. That’s all.”
The door opened and Sean was gone, leaving Billy to shut his jaw and compose himself. Have a little faith.
Dom had given him too much of that already. He was no better than the people Dom dealt with everyday, the only people Dom ever became angry over, on those days he came back from work and vented frustration and vitriol. What would Dom think of him if he learned the truth?
He twisted his hat, stretching the knit and shoving it in has coat pocket. Back on the boat, he’d had absolutely nothing to lose. He’d told Dom some of his many mistakes, and Dom had listened. Back then, it was a relief to speak them, have them out, accepted and forgotten by the end.
Billy had hoped and dreamed to one day get that call, but when it happened, he’d all but forgotten the consequences. And Dom had not forgotten those secrets. He remembered every one.
He’d never been in love before. It stunned him to his core that he could feel so strongly about anyone, that someone like Dom could feel this way about him. So much so, that when Billy would usually run, he had turned back and faced it. But could it really outweigh his worst mistake?
He bit his lip and pulled open the door, nicking a few molasses biscuits someone had left. Dom smiled brightly, beautifully at him from down the barn aisle in the dusk, and Billy dropped his eyes. He didn’t deserve such a man at all.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Billy, Sean A
Warnings: AU. This is a ficlet within my BTS universe, and occurs during the events of Chapter 9 of the sequel, Threadbare Gypsy Soul. Read that one first.
Feedback: is loved.
Summary: What Dom didn't see at the stables.
“I’ll show you where that goes, Bill.”
Billy had stuffed back the sense of déjà vu he’d felt when they’d arrived, brought back by the scent of horse, and the sounds they made. The leatherwork was not quite the same, heavier and bigger than racing gear, but similar enough that he knew his way around it. It had been so long, and yet, this place brought it all back.
The little pinch appeared between Dom’s brows when Sean took hold of his sleeve and pulled him away down the barn aisle. Billy gave him a smile, but he knew perceptive Dom wasn’t appeased.
Billy had expected something like this. Granted, not so soon, but he followed Sean into the tack room and let the door fall shut behind them. He’d only helped untack the horse in an effort to get them away from here faster, and then he’d put his foot in it talking to little Allie. Kids were just easy to open up with and he’d forgotten himself.
The smell of leather and saddle soap was rich and heavy here in the dimly lit tack room, like an old picture memory. Sean settled the saddle into its rack, and took the bridle from Billy’s hands to place on its hook with finality and expectance.
Billy pocketed his hands, looking for nonchalance and feigning it. “Something you need to say to me, Sean?”
“Yeah,” Sean turned back and moved right up into Billy’s face, “You want to watch yourself from here on, Boyd. I saw what you did to Dom’s place, and your hand. I saw what you did to him.”
Billy blinked. “I didn’t touch him.”
“I mean mentally, asshole.” Sean lowered his voice, “You broke him apart that night. And I can still see it, no matter what you two pretend about your ‘happily ever after’. I see him every day at work staring off into space and worrying himself to death. You put one more crack on him, and I swear…“ Sean paused, searching for a threat.
“You’ll what?” Billy jumped the hesitation, steeling his footing and raising his chin. Rage fired through his gut and tightened his fists. Sean was his equal in height, but had more mass, reacted slower. Billy could drop him to the floor in two sharp blows before Sean could blink, but he tamped the desire down hard, grinding his teeth.
Sean didn’t have an answer for him, and he looked away under Billy’s fierce glare. It lit a flame of satisfaction, but Sean’s words had hit their mark, and Billy didn’t hesitate to strike back with a few of his own. “You’re a pissing teddy bear, Sean. You’ll do nothing.”
Sean flared back up at that, “I’ll still be there when you aren’t. Seems to me you’re good at disappearing when it suits you, if your sister’s any example-“
Sean’s back collided with the wooden plank wall, Billy’s forearm shoved against his collarbones, eyes wild and voice a slow hard growl, “Don’t you ever fucking talk about my sister.”
Sean eyes flew wide with fear at this outburst, mouth trembling, and in an instant, Billy felt a cold, sick clarity drop through his gut.
The door opened, and a girl of maybe twelve entered, struggling to handle the door as well as a saddle. Billy jumped swiftly away from Sean as she darted a look between them before attempting to lift the heavy leather onto a rack above her head.
“Here, lass, I’ll get that. Dunno why they always put them so high up, eh?” Billy quickly stepped to her aid, babbling to cover the rising hysteria of what he’d just done. He’d attacked Sean. He’d gone after Dom’s best friend.
She muttered thanks before hurrying away, the door falling shut behind her field boots and swinging ponytail and leaving them alone again.
Billy tore his hat off, raked his fingers through his hair and collapsed on a trunk, breathing hard through his teeth. He had made a mistake, the very same stupid mistake that got him in the worst kind of trouble, and he’d done it to someone Dom loved and trusted.
Sean stood back up in the mean time, straightening his clothes with contempt thick on his face. “That’s exactly your problem, Bill. You’re a fucking loose cannon. How long before you do it to someone more important?”
“I’m sorry. Sean, please, I’m sorry.” Billy looked up to search Sean’s features and the door, terrified he’d made enough commotion that Dom might come running, might see. “Don’t tell Dom. Please? I really am sorry!”
“Really? Because so far, you’re nothing like you pretend to be.” Sean moved to block the tack room door with folded arms, his voice low and measured, “You’re on strike two with me, Bill. Don’t make it three. For his sake.”
“I didn’t mean to.“
“D’you have friends, Bill? Have you ever seen them fall so desperately in love that they can’t see through it? It changes them. It’s changed him. So give me a reason why he shouldn’t know that you’re not quite as perfect as he wants you to be.”
“I’m not perfect. I don’t deserve him.” Sean had his hand on the doorknob, but paused as Billy spoke earnestly, standing up, “I know I don’t. I’ve made a million mistakes from the day I was born to just a minute ago, but he’s not one of them.”
Billy put a trembling hand over Sean’s on the knob, trying to soften this mess. “Please. I’m an idiot. I’m a selfish prick. But he’s the only right thing I’ve ever had. I don’t deserve him, and I love him all the more for it. If you believe nothing else about me, believe that. Please. Sean?”
Sean shook his head, sighing down at the dusty floor. “I want to, Bill.”
“Then please, don’t tell him,” Billy begged, “What do you want me to do to prove I’m truly sorry?”
Sean’s hazel eyes met his, and this time they were firm. “Make me believe it. Make this up to him, not me.”
Billy didn’t understand. “What?”
Sean shook his head again, eyes wandering the room. “Allie asked about you a few nights ago. You and Dominic,” he said, pointedly looking up. “And I told her the truth. I told her it’s no different than me and Chris. We share everything in my family, Bill. No secrets. So don’t make me a liar. If you love him as much as you claim, then don’t take the easy way out of whatever this was and leave me to pick up the pieces.”
Billy’s eyes darted between Sean’s. Sean just explained exactly what he wanted as though it was that simple. He shook his head minutely, at a complete loss. “How do I do that? What do I do to make it like that?”
Turning the knob beneath Billy’s hand, some of the hardness in Sean’s face left for sympathy, “Just have a little faith. Talk to him, and listen. That’s all.”
The door opened and Sean was gone, leaving Billy to shut his jaw and compose himself. Have a little faith.
Dom had given him too much of that already. He was no better than the people Dom dealt with everyday, the only people Dom ever became angry over, on those days he came back from work and vented frustration and vitriol. What would Dom think of him if he learned the truth?
He twisted his hat, stretching the knit and shoving it in has coat pocket. Back on the boat, he’d had absolutely nothing to lose. He’d told Dom some of his many mistakes, and Dom had listened. Back then, it was a relief to speak them, have them out, accepted and forgotten by the end.
Billy had hoped and dreamed to one day get that call, but when it happened, he’d all but forgotten the consequences. And Dom had not forgotten those secrets. He remembered every one.
He’d never been in love before. It stunned him to his core that he could feel so strongly about anyone, that someone like Dom could feel this way about him. So much so, that when Billy would usually run, he had turned back and faced it. But could it really outweigh his worst mistake?
He bit his lip and pulled open the door, nicking a few molasses biscuits someone had left. Dom smiled brightly, beautifully at him from down the barn aisle in the dusk, and Billy dropped his eyes. He didn’t deserve such a man at all.