my first peice of prose...

[sugarintherain]

Critique

Comments

[twostar_hotel]

if you're listening to areoplane over the sea i'll love you forever.

and nice work. i'm no good at prose. i mean SUCK. i think my pet turtle could do a better job.

get ready to love me forever....

[sugarintherain]

COMMUNIST'S DAUGHTER, BABY!!!

"Oh, Comely" may my very favorite song ever. EVER. and i have alot of "favorite songs". but goddam.
that song is liquid poetry...or sex...or something.

now i REALLY think we are the same person...sylvia plath AAAND neutral milk hotel???? it's insane...

[sugarintherain]

***oh comely may BE...

[dromi_of_thunar]

prosetry!!!!!!!!

[cornman8700]

the only problem i have with it is where you say "seduced" twice very closely together."...my words seduced him. His lips seduced..." you may have meant to do that, but i think it sounds funny.

other than quite good deal

[yayforhannah]

i agree with this. Other than that, i love it bay-bah!

[risenfromhell]

i liked it