shameless whining
I'm not feeling too good today. I've been having really bad pains just about everywhere for about a month and I'm also feeling a bit excluded.
I was sent to a hospital one morning after I had been stuck in the bed for 3 days. It really hurt to get up. I had a severe headache and horrible back pain. I was getting up and sitting back down constantly in the waiting room. I must have looked derranged. My mom said that all these ppl were giving me the sympathy glance and a few even asked if I was okay. I just think it's kinda funny when you're in a hospital and people are sitting right beside their sick loved ones yet you're getting the sympathy glance. LoL I must've looked pretty rough.
But to my dismay they ran the standard tests and found nothing and made me look like a hypochondriac. But they did give me muscle relaxers and some other junk. They worked and most of my pain is gone now. I think it was a pulled muscle combined with a bad reaction to my acne meds.
Any crappers I have been redicluously chipper for like the past year. Which is grossly out of character for me. In high school I was notorious for being a mute unless spoken to first and even then I just did the polite society thing and answered all questions simply and just enough so they couldn't say I was ever rude. I had more than a handful of ppl stand up in the middle of the class at the end of the year and proclaim that they had never heard me speak and demand know why/ try to embarass me. To which my response was always a blank stare and a shrug of the shoulders. Then usually the teacher would interject with something witty (which would typically be an intelligent way of telling the kid to stfu and sit down) to save me from my unwanted spotlight.
I guess that's why I've always sort of dug teachers. My mom was teacher. She is definatively my best pal but she worries way too much. It's gotten to the point where I have stopped telling her that my head hurts. She thinks I'm dying or something. I'm really ambivalent though. I use to feel that even though she's always been there that maybe that wasn't such a good thing. Maybe it caused my hindered social skills because of my dependent nature but of course dependency is very much a two-way street isn't it?
But point being, my lack of social skills equalled a lack of friends which in turned created (and still creates) a heighted sense of rejection. Well that and this whole big thing with my father but I digress. What I'm getting at is I have two friends that I call and make plans with besides my mother.
They are both social butterflies so naturally I take their friendship with a grain of salt but cherish it none the less. They are both very fun and very deserving of their connections. But one (Em) claims that we are "bestEst freinds foreva!!!1!1!!!!!". Okay well that could be the rejection talking. However, the claim does stand on good ground seeing as how we've really been thick as thieves since middle school. But lately I've been feeling largely ignored.
I have been busy a lot with the whole doctors appointments and I missed her birthday party. I feel bad but I would have loved to be there instead of in bed, in pain, which was where I spent the entire day. But I bought her b-day gift in advance so I have it here on my kitchen table. We've been trying to get together so I can give it to her but somethings always come up. Which isn't a big deal on it's own but I have just found out that her sister and her sister's baby came up on friday.
She invited me to go out to eat with her (didn't mention her sister) but then called back to cancel b/c of rain. I didn't think anything of it. Well two myspace comments from our old h.s. friends later and I find out she actually went out to eat with them and her sister whom I haven't seen in forever. And frankly that pisses me off. I know I kind of demand a lot of loyalty but I give it back ten fold and I don't even understand why she would cancel on me and not invite me. It really doesn't make sense at all.
But yeah, I'm also feeling less confident since I was completely ignored after trying to write to another friend from college but thats a different story and not a very good one at that.
I guess I've been chipper because of how well the past year has gone for me. I thought I was making friends and acting like a normal college student for a change. I hope I am. I hope it's just me and my poor social skills that are misinterpreting other's actions. I mena it's not the end of the world if I don't have friends again but it was kinda fun.
I was sent to a hospital one morning after I had been stuck in the bed for 3 days. It really hurt to get up. I had a severe headache and horrible back pain. I was getting up and sitting back down constantly in the waiting room. I must have looked derranged. My mom said that all these ppl were giving me the sympathy glance and a few even asked if I was okay. I just think it's kinda funny when you're in a hospital and people are sitting right beside their sick loved ones yet you're getting the sympathy glance. LoL I must've looked pretty rough.
But to my dismay they ran the standard tests and found nothing and made me look like a hypochondriac. But they did give me muscle relaxers and some other junk. They worked and most of my pain is gone now. I think it was a pulled muscle combined with a bad reaction to my acne meds.
Any crappers I have been redicluously chipper for like the past year. Which is grossly out of character for me. In high school I was notorious for being a mute unless spoken to first and even then I just did the polite society thing and answered all questions simply and just enough so they couldn't say I was ever rude. I had more than a handful of ppl stand up in the middle of the class at the end of the year and proclaim that they had never heard me speak and demand know why/ try to embarass me. To which my response was always a blank stare and a shrug of the shoulders. Then usually the teacher would interject with something witty (which would typically be an intelligent way of telling the kid to stfu and sit down) to save me from my unwanted spotlight.
I guess that's why I've always sort of dug teachers. My mom was teacher. She is definatively my best pal but she worries way too much. It's gotten to the point where I have stopped telling her that my head hurts. She thinks I'm dying or something. I'm really ambivalent though. I use to feel that even though she's always been there that maybe that wasn't such a good thing. Maybe it caused my hindered social skills because of my dependent nature but of course dependency is very much a two-way street isn't it?
But point being, my lack of social skills equalled a lack of friends which in turned created (and still creates) a heighted sense of rejection. Well that and this whole big thing with my father but I digress. What I'm getting at is I have two friends that I call and make plans with besides my mother.
They are both social butterflies so naturally I take their friendship with a grain of salt but cherish it none the less. They are both very fun and very deserving of their connections. But one (Em) claims that we are "bestEst freinds foreva!!!1!1!!!!!". Okay well that could be the rejection talking. However, the claim does stand on good ground seeing as how we've really been thick as thieves since middle school. But lately I've been feeling largely ignored.
I have been busy a lot with the whole doctors appointments and I missed her birthday party. I feel bad but I would have loved to be there instead of in bed, in pain, which was where I spent the entire day. But I bought her b-day gift in advance so I have it here on my kitchen table. We've been trying to get together so I can give it to her but somethings always come up. Which isn't a big deal on it's own but I have just found out that her sister and her sister's baby came up on friday.
She invited me to go out to eat with her (didn't mention her sister) but then called back to cancel b/c of rain. I didn't think anything of it. Well two myspace comments from our old h.s. friends later and I find out she actually went out to eat with them and her sister whom I haven't seen in forever. And frankly that pisses me off. I know I kind of demand a lot of loyalty but I give it back ten fold and I don't even understand why she would cancel on me and not invite me. It really doesn't make sense at all.
But yeah, I'm also feeling less confident since I was completely ignored after trying to write to another friend from college but thats a different story and not a very good one at that.
I guess I've been chipper because of how well the past year has gone for me. I thought I was making friends and acting like a normal college student for a change. I hope I am. I hope it's just me and my poor social skills that are misinterpreting other's actions. I mena it's not the end of the world if I don't have friends again but it was kinda fun.