(no subject)
In honor of the start of the filming of Season 2 today- I give you this raw, unbetaed, RPS fic. The bunny just would not leave me alone. It just kept assaulting me. Freakin' monster bunny...
And so I give you a WIP RPS crack!fic, in which Jared and Jensen discover the SPN Newsletter, tentatively titled:
Jensen Ackles, for one of the few times in his life, had awoken bright-eyed and bushy-tailed this morning. He was actually kind of excited to start filming again today- he preferred it much more to the publicity tour they had been on anyway. Besides, the weather in Vancouver was nice this time of year, and he had missed schooling Jared in MarioKart during the downtime. Dude was freakin' dumb as a rock sometimes: Toad would ALWAYS beat Yoshi, and Bowser, and Peach (though the fucker had come close that one time scarily enough), and Mario, and-
Speak of the devil, that must be Jared pounding his large-ass fists on his door now.
Jensen opened the door with a wide grin and a lilting "Mornin' sunshine," but Jared stomped passed him, slamming something down on the table. A closer inspection informed Jensen that it was a laptop, which Jared was now opening, with his face as dark as Jensen had ever seen it.
"Isn't it a little early to be getting into character?" Jensen chuckled, never, ever going to let Jared live down what a whiny, little bitch Sam could be and how his own character completely schooled Jared's any day of the week. Jared's only response to that was to give him a look that would have probably killed him dead, if looks could do such a thing. Jensen raised his eyebrows; Jared was being serious about something for once. That was never a good sign.
"All right," he drawled, somewhat nervous now, "what's up?"
Jared turned the computer to Jensen. "SPN Newsletter," he read, obligingly. "SPN?"
"I'm pretty sure it stands for 'Supernatural'," Jared snapped impatiently. Jensen sighed with relief, and laughed.
"You've been googling yourself again, haven't you?" Jared was still looking daggers at him. Jensen laughed again, "Man, how many times do I have to tell you-"
"Just. Keep. Reading." Jared's jaw barely moved when he spoke this time. Christ. Jensen shrugged, uncomfortable, and leaned over to read the screen again.
"New communities... Meta-what's meta?"
"Freakin' essays, but that's not what I'm trying to show-"
"Okay, okay- jesus, calm down... Fic: Gen..." Jensen paused waiting for a response. None. He continued, "Fic: Sam-slash-Dean," Jensen paused again and this time Jared stopped him.
"Fic is short for fiction."
A pause. Jensen waited.
"And...?" Jensen offered.
"Look at the ratings, Jen." Jensen glanced through the list. All of these "fics" were unashamedly for adults only, the ratings varying between "R" and most explicitly, yet beautifully and simplistically, "porn". Jensen chuckled. Jared got way too worked up over the little things sometimes.
"Christ Jare, you're getting pissy like a four-year-old in the supermarket checkout line just because some stupid girls are writing stories about Sam coming to save their asses from ghosts and then fucking them in the back seat of the Impala for compensation- what's so wrong with that?" Jared smirked. Which wasn't quite the reaction Jared had been expecting... but he plodded on anyway.
"Dude, it's a compliment. Hundreds of girls all over the country are dreaming about you, acting like Sam, granted, but still you, fucking them in the backseat of a car. It all comes down to the same thing: they want to fuck you. Come on- get a grip. It's kind of-" Jared was laughing now, but with an all too ironic grin that froze Jensen's insides.
"Hot?" Jensen relaxed just a little bit.
"Yeah," Jensen replied, trying to keep the edge out of his voice. Jared was acting plain weird now.
"Why don't you read some then?" Jared replied, computer in hand, clicking around. "How about this one? It's one of my favorites," he offered, at first all too polite, but returning to all anger as he turned the computer back to Jensen. Jensen swallowed and started reading.
He skimmed through the title and stuff, almost missing the pained "disclaimer": I don't own Sam, Dean, or Supernatural, sadly. He smirked; yeah, she just wished. Jensen continued reading, but he really couldn't see what Jared was freaking about- it was just some made up story where Sam and Dean fought a "succubus" (he'd have to ask Eric what the hell that was) and then went back to a crappy motel, and...
OH CHRIST.
He quickly skimmed through the rest. He let out a breath.
"Dude..."
"Yes?" a hint of amusement in Jared's voice now.
"Dude, they're brothers," Jensen shook his head, looking to Jared hoping it was all some horrible dream.
"Yes, I know," Jared said all too calmly, and all too knowledgeable, "They call it 'wincest'. It's a combination of the words 'incest' and the name-"
"Dude! I'm not retarded!"
"There are pictures, too," Jared said, quietly, now openly enjoying the utterly horrified look plastered to Jensen's face.
"They...?"
"No, no: worse," which stunned Jensen because he really couldn't figure out how that was possible, "they use some computer program to take our faces and put them-"
"STOP." Well, that was one way. "Show me," Jensen grimaced, chest tight. He leaned over Jared's shoulder as Jared scrolled.
"Wait- stop. What's 'RPS' stand for?"
"I dunno, but those aren't-"
"And those," Jensen nearly yelled, "are our initials next to another NC-17 rating," mottling the screen where he touched the "JA/JP". Jared knocked his hand away before clicking. He opened a new tab and googled.
"RPS," he read, "a fictional piece of writing, generally authored by 'fangirls'," Jensen had to smirk: they had a name, "describing the romantic and sexual relationships of real life-" Jared abruptly stopped; they had both read enough. He clicked back and opened the first story. They read. Jensen whistled, but completely unable to draw his eyes away from the screen.
"Dude... that's just..."
"Yeah..." Jared agreed. "Do you think they know?" He asked, eyes barely able to keep up with the rapid scrolling. "Wait-DID YOU TELL SOMEONE?!"
"No! Of course not..." But now Jensen was wondering if something had slipped when they showed up wasted to that interview in Norway- that was SUCH a stupid idea in hindsight.
"No, you're right," Jared finally answered, "I can't bend that way...and we've never done that-this is all just made up, some sick teenage fantasy..."
Jensen's eyes darted to the particularly choice piece of text Jared was referring to. Jensen didn't think anyone could bend the way that Jared was supposedly bending, but he'd be a filthy liar if he said he didn't want to see Jared try. He swallowed.
"Look at one of the other ones," he said, suddenly curious. That was generally never a good sign either, and on this occasion, it was definitely a bad sign, and Jensen tried desperately to stop thinking it.
But Jared had clicked back and was skimming through the RPS section before Jensen could take it back.
"CMM... that must be Chad," Jensen murmured. Jared only groaned. Because Chad wasn't the only guest star in these episodes; among others, Jensen noted Tom and Chris had popped up, not to mention...
"Dude," Jensen grinned, turning to smirk evilly at Jared, "Your girlfriend is in this one..." Jared sat up immediately.
"Are you kidding?"
"Nope."
"Yeah? Well...don't get any ideas."
"Too late."
"This is now officially creepy..." Jared muttered, burying his face in his hands as Jensen kept reading.
"J3- what do you think that stands for?"
Jared reluctantly lifted his head, and held up his hands, helpless and completely clueless. Jensen hesitated before clicking. He was pretty damn sure that the '3' probably had something to do with a threesome- these girls were fucking kinky.
"What is it?" Jared asked.
Jensen clicked, and read.
"'No, "j3" is not a typo,'" Jensen read, "'because as hot as J-squared is' I know something that's hotter-'"
"J-squared must mean- the two of..." Jared trailed off in his interruption. Right. Jared and Jensen. Two "J"s. J-squared. Jared now had a haunted look in his eyes that was downright scaring Jensen, and he forced himself to turn back to the screen.
"Oh Christ..." he murmured once he continued reading.
"What?" Jared asked. Jensen could only point at the screen, smacking his hand to his face. Jared couldn't have read far before he suddenly exploded.
"THAT WAS ONE TIME!"
The other "J" was for Jeffrey Dean Morgan.
And now it was Jensen's turn to laugh, seriously afraid he was going to lose it- this was just crazy. This kind of shit didn't actually happen...
"ERIC!" Jared yelled, pacing furiously towards the door, and Jensen let out a barking, now sincere laugh at the fascinating impression of Ricky Ricardo that Jared was currently attempting, which he was simply much too tall for.
And as he thought about it, Jensen realized that that would make him Fred... or Ethel- which he stopped considering just in time to jump out of his seat and follow Jared out the door before it slammed in his face.
"Where's Eric?" Jared shouted, startling the nearby crew members.
Jensen smiled, embarassed and apologizing, as he trailed after Jared. They were already late for call; he and Jared would have to discuss this later.
Christ, he thought as he ran, what a way to start the season...
*~*~*
I think I might continue this with a look at how things change once there's a little more distance from the discovery... you know, that evening the boys realize that it's actually quite inspiring, and things would get hot and heavy real fast. *ponders as more bunnies attack*
*rises scarred from under a heap of white rabbits*
I give up- consider this a TBC with porn and major revisions on the way. Please feel free to leave comments and suggestions and requests, because, y'know, comments are love, and suggestions are helpful especially when the author is basically new to writing fic *hides*, and requests make people happy when they are fulfilled. So. Yes. Enjoy?
And so I give you a WIP RPS crack!fic, in which Jared and Jensen discover the SPN Newsletter, tentatively titled:
Jensen Ackles, for one of the few times in his life, had awoken bright-eyed and bushy-tailed this morning. He was actually kind of excited to start filming again today- he preferred it much more to the publicity tour they had been on anyway. Besides, the weather in Vancouver was nice this time of year, and he had missed schooling Jared in MarioKart during the downtime. Dude was freakin' dumb as a rock sometimes: Toad would ALWAYS beat Yoshi, and Bowser, and Peach (though the fucker had come close that one time scarily enough), and Mario, and-
Speak of the devil, that must be Jared pounding his large-ass fists on his door now.
Jensen opened the door with a wide grin and a lilting "Mornin' sunshine," but Jared stomped passed him, slamming something down on the table. A closer inspection informed Jensen that it was a laptop, which Jared was now opening, with his face as dark as Jensen had ever seen it.
"Isn't it a little early to be getting into character?" Jensen chuckled, never, ever going to let Jared live down what a whiny, little bitch Sam could be and how his own character completely schooled Jared's any day of the week. Jared's only response to that was to give him a look that would have probably killed him dead, if looks could do such a thing. Jensen raised his eyebrows; Jared was being serious about something for once. That was never a good sign.
"All right," he drawled, somewhat nervous now, "what's up?"
Jared turned the computer to Jensen. "SPN Newsletter," he read, obligingly. "SPN?"
"I'm pretty sure it stands for 'Supernatural'," Jared snapped impatiently. Jensen sighed with relief, and laughed.
"You've been googling yourself again, haven't you?" Jared was still looking daggers at him. Jensen laughed again, "Man, how many times do I have to tell you-"
"Just. Keep. Reading." Jared's jaw barely moved when he spoke this time. Christ. Jensen shrugged, uncomfortable, and leaned over to read the screen again.
"New communities... Meta-what's meta?"
"Freakin' essays, but that's not what I'm trying to show-"
"Okay, okay- jesus, calm down... Fic: Gen..." Jensen paused waiting for a response. None. He continued, "Fic: Sam-slash-Dean," Jensen paused again and this time Jared stopped him.
"Fic is short for fiction."
A pause. Jensen waited.
"And...?" Jensen offered.
"Look at the ratings, Jen." Jensen glanced through the list. All of these "fics" were unashamedly for adults only, the ratings varying between "R" and most explicitly, yet beautifully and simplistically, "porn". Jensen chuckled. Jared got way too worked up over the little things sometimes.
"Christ Jare, you're getting pissy like a four-year-old in the supermarket checkout line just because some stupid girls are writing stories about Sam coming to save their asses from ghosts and then fucking them in the back seat of the Impala for compensation- what's so wrong with that?" Jared smirked. Which wasn't quite the reaction Jared had been expecting... but he plodded on anyway.
"Dude, it's a compliment. Hundreds of girls all over the country are dreaming about you, acting like Sam, granted, but still you, fucking them in the backseat of a car. It all comes down to the same thing: they want to fuck you. Come on- get a grip. It's kind of-" Jared was laughing now, but with an all too ironic grin that froze Jensen's insides.
"Hot?" Jensen relaxed just a little bit.
"Yeah," Jensen replied, trying to keep the edge out of his voice. Jared was acting plain weird now.
"Why don't you read some then?" Jared replied, computer in hand, clicking around. "How about this one? It's one of my favorites," he offered, at first all too polite, but returning to all anger as he turned the computer back to Jensen. Jensen swallowed and started reading.
He skimmed through the title and stuff, almost missing the pained "disclaimer": I don't own Sam, Dean, or Supernatural, sadly. He smirked; yeah, she just wished. Jensen continued reading, but he really couldn't see what Jared was freaking about- it was just some made up story where Sam and Dean fought a "succubus" (he'd have to ask Eric what the hell that was) and then went back to a crappy motel, and...
OH CHRIST.
He quickly skimmed through the rest. He let out a breath.
"Dude..."
"Yes?" a hint of amusement in Jared's voice now.
"Dude, they're brothers," Jensen shook his head, looking to Jared hoping it was all some horrible dream.
"Yes, I know," Jared said all too calmly, and all too knowledgeable, "They call it 'wincest'. It's a combination of the words 'incest' and the name-"
"Dude! I'm not retarded!"
"There are pictures, too," Jared said, quietly, now openly enjoying the utterly horrified look plastered to Jensen's face.
"They...?"
"No, no: worse," which stunned Jensen because he really couldn't figure out how that was possible, "they use some computer program to take our faces and put them-"
"STOP." Well, that was one way. "Show me," Jensen grimaced, chest tight. He leaned over Jared's shoulder as Jared scrolled.
"Wait- stop. What's 'RPS' stand for?"
"I dunno, but those aren't-"
"And those," Jensen nearly yelled, "are our initials next to another NC-17 rating," mottling the screen where he touched the "JA/JP". Jared knocked his hand away before clicking. He opened a new tab and googled.
"RPS," he read, "a fictional piece of writing, generally authored by 'fangirls'," Jensen had to smirk: they had a name, "describing the romantic and sexual relationships of real life-" Jared abruptly stopped; they had both read enough. He clicked back and opened the first story. They read. Jensen whistled, but completely unable to draw his eyes away from the screen.
"Dude... that's just..."
"Yeah..." Jared agreed. "Do you think they know?" He asked, eyes barely able to keep up with the rapid scrolling. "Wait-DID YOU TELL SOMEONE?!"
"No! Of course not..." But now Jensen was wondering if something had slipped when they showed up wasted to that interview in Norway- that was SUCH a stupid idea in hindsight.
"No, you're right," Jared finally answered, "I can't bend that way...and we've never done that-this is all just made up, some sick teenage fantasy..."
Jensen's eyes darted to the particularly choice piece of text Jared was referring to. Jensen didn't think anyone could bend the way that Jared was supposedly bending, but he'd be a filthy liar if he said he didn't want to see Jared try. He swallowed.
"Look at one of the other ones," he said, suddenly curious. That was generally never a good sign either, and on this occasion, it was definitely a bad sign, and Jensen tried desperately to stop thinking it.
But Jared had clicked back and was skimming through the RPS section before Jensen could take it back.
"CMM... that must be Chad," Jensen murmured. Jared only groaned. Because Chad wasn't the only guest star in these episodes; among others, Jensen noted Tom and Chris had popped up, not to mention...
"Dude," Jensen grinned, turning to smirk evilly at Jared, "Your girlfriend is in this one..." Jared sat up immediately.
"Are you kidding?"
"Nope."
"Yeah? Well...don't get any ideas."
"Too late."
"This is now officially creepy..." Jared muttered, burying his face in his hands as Jensen kept reading.
"J3- what do you think that stands for?"
Jared reluctantly lifted his head, and held up his hands, helpless and completely clueless. Jensen hesitated before clicking. He was pretty damn sure that the '3' probably had something to do with a threesome- these girls were fucking kinky.
"What is it?" Jared asked.
Jensen clicked, and read.
"'No, "j3" is not a typo,'" Jensen read, "'because as hot as J-squared is' I know something that's hotter-'"
"J-squared must mean- the two of..." Jared trailed off in his interruption. Right. Jared and Jensen. Two "J"s. J-squared. Jared now had a haunted look in his eyes that was downright scaring Jensen, and he forced himself to turn back to the screen.
"Oh Christ..." he murmured once he continued reading.
"What?" Jared asked. Jensen could only point at the screen, smacking his hand to his face. Jared couldn't have read far before he suddenly exploded.
"THAT WAS ONE TIME!"
The other "J" was for Jeffrey Dean Morgan.
And now it was Jensen's turn to laugh, seriously afraid he was going to lose it- this was just crazy. This kind of shit didn't actually happen...
"ERIC!" Jared yelled, pacing furiously towards the door, and Jensen let out a barking, now sincere laugh at the fascinating impression of Ricky Ricardo that Jared was currently attempting, which he was simply much too tall for.
And as he thought about it, Jensen realized that that would make him Fred... or Ethel- which he stopped considering just in time to jump out of his seat and follow Jared out the door before it slammed in his face.
"Where's Eric?" Jared shouted, startling the nearby crew members.
Jensen smiled, embarassed and apologizing, as he trailed after Jared. They were already late for call; he and Jared would have to discuss this later.
Christ, he thought as he ran, what a way to start the season...
*~*~*
I think I might continue this with a look at how things change once there's a little more distance from the discovery... you know, that evening the boys realize that it's actually quite inspiring, and things would get hot and heavy real fast. *ponders as more bunnies attack*
*rises scarred from under a heap of white rabbits*
I give up- consider this a TBC with porn and major revisions on the way. Please feel free to leave comments and suggestions and requests, because, y'know, comments are love, and suggestions are helpful especially when the author is basically new to writing fic *hides*, and requests make people happy when they are fulfilled. So. Yes. Enjoy?