fanfic review: Gaining Your Love (ryosukekoibito)
Story: Gaining Your Love: A Heisei Kumi spinoff
Author: ryosukekoibito
Chapters: 14 + epilogue
And so marks the end of a wonderful story.
(Sorry for the late review! I assure you that I have been reading them the whole time, though.)
Rarely does such a fantastic story appear in the hey-sayfanfic's community page. Sure, they're all great, but it's been a long time since tsubasaquill's own Ariyama story that I have posted long and detailed reviews. Such reviews are, I think they go without saying, evidence of my appreciation of a story that has been written with much thought put into it. And every time I see such dedication for a story from its author I feel as if it deserves at least a thorough review from a reader who's journeyed the same path as the person who wrote it, to let them know that the steps they have taken were not in vain.
Aside from my fangirly tendencies to read anything Ariyama because it is my top OTP, I must say: this is a very good story. Of course as a writer you probably aren't satisfied with just a 'very good' for a review. I mean, come on, the least I could say was great. Fine. It was great. But why?
The characters. I've said this over and over again, but I think the way you captured each of your characters' thoughts and actions perfectly was something admirable. Too many times have I seen stories in the fanfic comm making their characters do weird things not like the personality defined by their author (e.g. a timid character suddenly doing something brave but without enough thought or reason beforehand), but I think you've got it right. Killing someone is never an easy task except for the unfeeling, and we all know that Daiki, as seen by how brash and aggressive he is, is nothing close to 'unfeeling'. He is a passionate character and will naturally feel the fear of having to take someone's life, and coupled with the emotional sensitivity he had gotten from realising his feelings for Yamada and his newfound maturity, he starts to break under the consequences of his crime. It is natural. Realistic. I would have been slightly disappointed if Daiki had enough emotional strength to pull through such an act with barely a nudge at his conscience. I applaud you for keeping things real with your characters.
The pace. The entire time throughout the story the reader knows that eventually, Yamada and Daiki are going to end up together. (Of course they will! They're Ariyama! Meant to be! But anyway.) But what makes the story exciting despite knowing the outcome is the journey of Daiki trying to win over Yamada's trust, and it took fourteen chapters to do it. Fourteen long chapters, with evenly distributed drama and development throughout. I throw my hat off to you. :D It is an admirable feat to be able to keep the pace consistent throughout a story, and you did it. Yamada did not suddenly love Daiki the next day and even near the end of the story we still have the boy needing time to think before giving Daiki an answer. I thought that little detail was really nice; it showed me that you put a little thought into making the story realistic. I mean, just because Daiki showed him how sincere he was in loving him with the jacket and the picnic, it doesn't mean he completely won the boy over and erased all his previous doubts and fears, right? Clap clap for you!
The atmosphere. This is a yakuza clan story. Yakuza equals to violence equals to drama equals to need to be alert all the time equals to enemies equals to peace doesn't last long. Throughout the story you have consistently put in bouts of violence and gang wars in between the chapters to further pump up the tense atmosphere of living with a yakuza, which is great. You didn't forget to always remind the reader that hey, even though this is a love story, you're not going to forget that there's gonna be violence and guns and people injured, right? Daiki's Glock is a great way to combine both the theme of yakuza and his character development into one whole major event in the story. Where's the hug button on your story? I'd totally spam it. /hearts/
The other characters. When writing a story it's easy to forget the other side characters. You focus too much on the main people and the rest are just little puppets awaiting the spotlight in the backstage. This isn't the case for your story, though. Despite being a spinoff on the Heisei Kumi story and targeted on the Ariyama pairing, you still managed to successfully gathered all of your characters into the spotlight. You've made sure that all of them have a unique purpose in the story, and they're not just standing there for the sake of standing there. You gave them all personalities and you give them adequate screen time, and at the same time still managing to keep the contrast between main and side characters. No one can say that you've given Ariyama too much spotlight, and no one can say that they've hardly heard from __ character in more than four chapters. yaaaay
The Ariyama.
I.. cannot say anything for this part..
it was just perfect. ;w;
The whole suspense built up throughout all the chapters, all the running away and holding on and threads and dreams and almost giving up but seeing his smile and his angel and the chick flicks and the research and the sappy Daiki and the adorable Yamada and idk ok I JUST LOVE EVERYTHING ARIYAMA AND I LOVE YOU TOO
The epilogue. I just.. after satisfying my needs as a reader and critic, you went on and gave fodder to my fangirl side. I cannot thank you enough omg it's like one big cookie after a delicious meal. Thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuu! It's so sweet sigh just the way I love Ariyama.
I'd make another label and call it 'The realism of it all', but I think it's already evident in all of the other paragraphs that I simply love the realistic ..ness of this story. Nothing is rushed, nothing is drawn out to a fault, no one is a saint, no one is a demon, everything has a reason for existing and being the way it should be and it is all.. realistic. There you go.
The more I type, the more my sentences are reduced from being coherent, logical and sensible thoughts to frazzled, spastic spouts of nonsense from my dizzied mind. I'm sorry. :C
But once again I thank you for such a great read, and for contributing to the Ariyama community that's dying out (and which I'm trying to find time to save)! Yes, there should be a sequel to Heisei Kumi but of course, before making a decision you should always think deeply on whether you want to embark on this project or not. I'm behind you no matter what decision you make! All the best, and keep writing!