UGH !
Sorry for any miss-spelled words.
Yeah, lately I have been a bit moody. Way moody. HAHAHA Here are SOME reasons why. This isn't a cry for help, and I don't want stupid comments telling me that I am wrong in some way. This is mainly just an excuse to those that have noticed my mood swings, though I hide them well. I don't really want to talk over anything, just wanted to give you a heads up.
1) I have been more suicidal than usual. Yes, suicidal. I am an extreamly suicidal person, but I don't try suicide now-a-days. And it is tough, but I get by. But lately it has been way more tough than usual.
2) I am depressed more than I used to be. All the stress and crap I get has been building up and it's causing me to be a bit too depressed. Also adding onto the suicidal thoughts.
3) I have been feeling like I am going to break down, or bash someones skull in. Knowing me, it will be the breaking down part. Again, the stress is fucking killing me. I have so many people breathing down my back, knowing that I am fucking up, waiting, and wanting me to fuck up even more, it's just stressfull. Not good when you're depressed.
4) I have been wanting to bawl, but I can't. I don't know why I can't, but I can't. It wont come out. *Kind of part of the whole wanting to break down*.
5) One of my so called best friends chose to be a dumbshit and forget everything aboot me, call me a fucking ANTI-CHRIST FOR FUCKS SAKE, tried to put words in my mouth, tried to make me feel bad for saying "I hate ignorant Christians." and told people that I made her feel "oh so shitty from my words." That adds to the breaking down, depression, and wanting to cry.
6) *I will get shit for this one* I am lonely. Yep. I want lovin'. I want a boyfriend, but I am too fucking ugly to get one. Every day I wake up I feel more and more ugly to myself, I know a boyfriend will most likely not help with that, but I want one because I really want someone to love. To hold onto, someone that is always there for me no matter what. That adds onto the while depression part.
7) *Someone I know will comment on this* The guy I liked . . like . . . got with a guy I thought was (think is) fucking cute as all hell. After saying he was straight. This person I know was telling me that they got together . . . and telling me how fucking hot, or cute, they were. As my fucking heart stopped. I feel like a little sissy, but I do have emotions. No matter how hard I try not to feel this way towards a guy I know will never like me, I can't help but feel hurt. And the other guy I like likes my friend Natalie. He is bisexual, for the record.
That is all I am going to say, I don't feel like going on. Bye.