Rainy Days
Rainy Days
Pairing: JaSuk (JasonXPilsuk)
Rating: PG13
Genre: Angst with some sweet lemonade.
Summary: The one afternoon when Jason's world came down with the rain.
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It's dark. Definitely darker than my room. A different place but the same suffocating feelings are drowning me.
Ignoring the rain and thunder outside, I turn on the iPad, put on the headphones, press play, not caring if they got wet. Not caring that I'm drenched to the bone.
It was just a random song but it fit the cracks in me perfectly, breaking them more openly.
The song had rain too, just like outside. Just like my heart.
As each line, each word was sang, I could feel myself slowly sliding to the floor, as if all strength in me was being sung away.
I had you, I had you but I let it go. I threw it away.
Your smiles, your voice. The lollipops. Your heart.
I close my eyes. The image of you and that country bumpkin at the noraebang still burned in my mind. I let the tears fall in the vain attempt to wash the images away.
Your pained face. Your tears. Your shaking lips. Your red-rimmed eyes.
Your head in the crook of his neck.
His arms around you. His hand on the small of your back. His lips whispering gently to your ear.
Your hands gripping the front of his shirt. Your weak voice broken by sobs.
I leaned on the small bookshelf as I felt my heart fall away and break apart.
I should have been him.
My arms around you. My hand on the small of your back.
Your head in the crook of my neck.
My lips whispering gently to your ear.
I need you.
My lips on yours.
I love you.
Your voice, bright and happy.
I love you too.
But it is me. It's because of me that you're in pain.
It's because of me that you're crying.
And everything else is falling apart.
Singing, dancing. Nothing, they hold nothing. Not anymore. Not even fun.
I laughed at how I really looked forward to your confession.
I scoffed at how you said that you've given up because I wasn't worth it anymore.
I gritted my teeth at the fact that I can't not take every lollipop you stick on my locker door.
I clenched my fists at moments when you were just a reach away and you no longer fidgeted and I no longer snuck up on you.
I put dents on my locker three days after I realized that there were no more lollipops stuck to my locker door.
At the noraebang, I wanted to punch the lights out of Sam Dong.
I wanted to vomit every word I said about Ria.
I wanted to take back everything I said about you, about us.
I wanted to stop you from going, from taking everything I said to heart.
But I just watched, blankly, as you raced out of the building and into the rain.
I've no power left in me to keep the dam of emotions from flooding over, washing pain over me, again and again.
I don't care. I never did anyway, I tell myself.
As the songs repeats, I realize that that was the reason. The reason that led me to this place. The reason that led me to you.
The reason why you gave up on me.
The same fucking reason why I'm lying on the library floor, soaked to the bone, heart lying in pieces.
I couldn't stop the sobs from escaping.
I'm so stupid. Just when I find a reason to sing, to dance, to dream…I just--
I scream. The loudest I've ever had. The frustration after the realization brought on a new wave of pain and sobs.
Moments later, the pain turns into numbness. The shouting back to silent tears.
As the song repeats for the umpteenth time, something catches my eye.
Something from under the bookshelf. Some kind of light.
Like a child I move closer, reaching out my hand. Finally my fingers touch the light.
A cellphone? I was brought out of my reverie for a moment.
Grasping it in my hand, it felt cold and wet. Or did the water come from my hand? Slowly, I begin to withdraw my hand from under the bookshelf, with it the wet cellphone.
I gasp as I felt something stop my hand. I squint my eyes in the darkness.
Yes, it is a hand. A milky, white hand. The light from the phone shows that it's almost exactly like my rain-drenched one. Only it was shaking very badly.
I take off the headphones, willing myself to listen, to hear out whoever it was on the other side of the shelf.
A song is playing from the phone in my hand. The same song that I've been listening to.
My curiosity is piqued. I stare at the trembling hand that, I now realize, is accompanied by sobs.
The sound of pain resounded in the darkness, reaching for something, someone that will care. Reaching out to my own pain as if it mirrored it. Touched by the moment, my tears flow freely, silently.
I shift my hand and let go of the phone. Now, I'm holding the still shaking hand, squeezing it, trying to share my warmth. Trying to sympathize.
Eventually, the sobs even out, the silence returning, save for the occasional thunder from outside.
The hand squeezes back, little by little, shifting, twining our fingers together.
Suddenly, I feel the urge to talk, to just spill everything.
And so I do in english.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry about ignoring you.
About punching Sam Dong.
About shouting at you.
I lied when I said that you're not the only fan.
I lied when I said I like Rhia the way you like me.
I lied when I said I didn't care about dreams. When I said I didn't care about you.
I'm sorry for making you cry.
For making you sacrifice your favorite food for someone who doesn't deserve it.
I'm sorry for not making myself worth it and for letting you down.
Thank you.
For being there, for truly believing in me.
For seeing more than just the talented Jason, for treating me as me.
Thank you for standing up against me, for telling me about how stuck up and lazy I was.
Thank you for the smiles, for the laughter, for the strength.
Thank for the lollipops.
I love the lollipops. Good thing I don't get sore throats that easily.
I love your voice.
Your english.
Your smiles.
Your laughter.
Your occasional two left feet.
Your fidgeting.
Your determination.
Your fire.
Your lips.
Your perseverance.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I miss you. More than you'll ever know.
I need you. More than I'll ever know.
Kim Pilsuk, you show me how it is to dream and go after your dreams. You've given me something to strive for.
As I ended my monologue, my lips curve up in a small smile, a smile that immediately turns into a bittersweet one.
"Too bad I missed my chance." I add with a painful sigh.
"No you didn't... I heard everything."
"Pilsukie? How long have you been there?" A wave of panic sweeps over me.
A soft giggle is a yes, I guess. Suddenly, my throat is dries up and my heart speeds up.
"I was here before you. Jason?"
"Hmm?" I manage to say and prevent my other hand from slapping myself.
"I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"For all this." I scoff, squeezing her hand again.
"You have nothing to ask forgiveness for, nothing."
"But you were crying and shouting and I--"
"It's because I was stupid. Not because of you." I gently graze my thumb on the back of her smooth hand.
"Okay." She whispers loud enough.
A minute or so ticks by.
"Did you mean everything you said?" I smile and withdraw my hand.
"Jason?" The slight panic in her voice is cute.
"Jason?" She calls out again just as I lay on my back beside her.
"Yes." I whisper in english.
"EEK!" I laugh as I watched her try to scoot away from me, only to hit her head on the shelf.
"You okay?" I say, moving closer to her, my hand on the back of her head, checking for a bump.
The cellphone, now between us, serves as a good enough light. Just enough for me to see her - hair plastered on her head, cheeks, lips and eyes all red, and that pout, that pout that makes my insides feel butterflies.
"You were stupid to go out in the rain." I comment.
"So were you." A small smile forms on her lips.
"You're beautiful." I say as I push the damp hair away from her surprised face.
"So are you." She smiles and her eyes twinkle, making my heart flutter and race.
"Aren't you cold?" She nods once in response. I scoot closer until our bodies pressed together, until I can feel her hot breath on my face.
"Better?" She just stares as me. I guess that's a yes. I smirk.
"Yah!" Trying to look irritated, she pouts at me innocently, not knowing how fatal the effects can be for me.
"Stop it." My voice takes on a deeper tone I'm not familiar with.
"No, you stop it." She retorts, her eyes challenging me.
"If you say so…"
I kiss her before she can retort.
A gentle peck on her rosy lips, then slowly, slowly locking my lips on hers, nibbling gently, playfully. Savoring their softness, their sweetness, prodding her to respond.
With trembling lips, she responds softly, shyly. My hands slowly work their way to embrace her and to bring her closer. A little later, I can feel her hands move. A hand to my dry hair, the other above my heart.
The feeling of having her so close, her lips on mine, her hand over my heart, made me want to freeze the moment for eternity.
She sighs on my lips, a sweet sensation.
"I love you Kim Pilsuk." I whisper over her lips. Boldy she moves in to kiss me, my lips still parted from smiling.
"I love you too, Jason. I always have." She whispers back in the kiss, her tongue accidentally grazing my lips.
I pause with surprise and then react almost instantly, gently tasting her lips with mine. Soon she catches up to it, losing her shyness bit by bit.
We continue to kiss, a slow and lazy, gentle and hot, sweet and spicy kiss.
"This is definitely better than lollipops." I say as I place my forehead against hers.
"You think so?" She smiles.
"Definitely. Can I have this everyday too?" I rub my nose against hers gently, pouting and pleading with my eyes.
"Hmm. Maybe? But it's definitely not going to be posted on your locker door." I laugh as I lean in for another kiss.
Oh yes, I'm loving this way more than lollipop on sunny day.
Pairing: JaSuk (JasonXPilsuk)
Rating: PG13
Genre: Angst with some sweet lemonade.
Summary: The one afternoon when Jason's world came down with the rain.
--
--------
--
It's dark. Definitely darker than my room. A different place but the same suffocating feelings are drowning me.
Ignoring the rain and thunder outside, I turn on the iPad, put on the headphones, press play, not caring if they got wet. Not caring that I'm drenched to the bone.
It was just a random song but it fit the cracks in me perfectly, breaking them more openly.
The song had rain too, just like outside. Just like my heart.
As each line, each word was sang, I could feel myself slowly sliding to the floor, as if all strength in me was being sung away.
I had you, I had you but I let it go. I threw it away.
Your smiles, your voice. The lollipops. Your heart.
I close my eyes. The image of you and that country bumpkin at the noraebang still burned in my mind. I let the tears fall in the vain attempt to wash the images away.
Your pained face. Your tears. Your shaking lips. Your red-rimmed eyes.
Your head in the crook of his neck.
His arms around you. His hand on the small of your back. His lips whispering gently to your ear.
Your hands gripping the front of his shirt. Your weak voice broken by sobs.
I leaned on the small bookshelf as I felt my heart fall away and break apart.
I should have been him.
My arms around you. My hand on the small of your back.
Your head in the crook of my neck.
My lips whispering gently to your ear.
I need you.
My lips on yours.
I love you.
Your voice, bright and happy.
I love you too.
But it is me. It's because of me that you're in pain.
It's because of me that you're crying.
And everything else is falling apart.
Singing, dancing. Nothing, they hold nothing. Not anymore. Not even fun.
I laughed at how I really looked forward to your confession.
I scoffed at how you said that you've given up because I wasn't worth it anymore.
I gritted my teeth at the fact that I can't not take every lollipop you stick on my locker door.
I clenched my fists at moments when you were just a reach away and you no longer fidgeted and I no longer snuck up on you.
I put dents on my locker three days after I realized that there were no more lollipops stuck to my locker door.
At the noraebang, I wanted to punch the lights out of Sam Dong.
I wanted to vomit every word I said about Ria.
I wanted to take back everything I said about you, about us.
I wanted to stop you from going, from taking everything I said to heart.
But I just watched, blankly, as you raced out of the building and into the rain.
I've no power left in me to keep the dam of emotions from flooding over, washing pain over me, again and again.
I don't care. I never did anyway, I tell myself.
As the songs repeats, I realize that that was the reason. The reason that led me to this place. The reason that led me to you.
The reason why you gave up on me.
The same fucking reason why I'm lying on the library floor, soaked to the bone, heart lying in pieces.
I couldn't stop the sobs from escaping.
I'm so stupid. Just when I find a reason to sing, to dance, to dream…I just--
I scream. The loudest I've ever had. The frustration after the realization brought on a new wave of pain and sobs.
Moments later, the pain turns into numbness. The shouting back to silent tears.
As the song repeats for the umpteenth time, something catches my eye.
Something from under the bookshelf. Some kind of light.
Like a child I move closer, reaching out my hand. Finally my fingers touch the light.
A cellphone? I was brought out of my reverie for a moment.
Grasping it in my hand, it felt cold and wet. Or did the water come from my hand? Slowly, I begin to withdraw my hand from under the bookshelf, with it the wet cellphone.
I gasp as I felt something stop my hand. I squint my eyes in the darkness.
Yes, it is a hand. A milky, white hand. The light from the phone shows that it's almost exactly like my rain-drenched one. Only it was shaking very badly.
I take off the headphones, willing myself to listen, to hear out whoever it was on the other side of the shelf.
A song is playing from the phone in my hand. The same song that I've been listening to.
My curiosity is piqued. I stare at the trembling hand that, I now realize, is accompanied by sobs.
The sound of pain resounded in the darkness, reaching for something, someone that will care. Reaching out to my own pain as if it mirrored it. Touched by the moment, my tears flow freely, silently.
I shift my hand and let go of the phone. Now, I'm holding the still shaking hand, squeezing it, trying to share my warmth. Trying to sympathize.
Eventually, the sobs even out, the silence returning, save for the occasional thunder from outside.
The hand squeezes back, little by little, shifting, twining our fingers together.
Suddenly, I feel the urge to talk, to just spill everything.
And so I do in english.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry about ignoring you.
About punching Sam Dong.
About shouting at you.
I lied when I said that you're not the only fan.
I lied when I said I like Rhia the way you like me.
I lied when I said I didn't care about dreams. When I said I didn't care about you.
I'm sorry for making you cry.
For making you sacrifice your favorite food for someone who doesn't deserve it.
I'm sorry for not making myself worth it and for letting you down.
Thank you.
For being there, for truly believing in me.
For seeing more than just the talented Jason, for treating me as me.
Thank you for standing up against me, for telling me about how stuck up and lazy I was.
Thank you for the smiles, for the laughter, for the strength.
Thank for the lollipops.
I love the lollipops. Good thing I don't get sore throats that easily.
I love your voice.
Your english.
Your smiles.
Your laughter.
Your occasional two left feet.
Your fidgeting.
Your determination.
Your fire.
Your lips.
Your perseverance.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I miss you. More than you'll ever know.
I need you. More than I'll ever know.
Kim Pilsuk, you show me how it is to dream and go after your dreams. You've given me something to strive for.
As I ended my monologue, my lips curve up in a small smile, a smile that immediately turns into a bittersweet one.
"Too bad I missed my chance." I add with a painful sigh.
"No you didn't... I heard everything."
"Pilsukie? How long have you been there?" A wave of panic sweeps over me.
A soft giggle is a yes, I guess. Suddenly, my throat is dries up and my heart speeds up.
"I was here before you. Jason?"
"Hmm?" I manage to say and prevent my other hand from slapping myself.
"I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"For all this." I scoff, squeezing her hand again.
"You have nothing to ask forgiveness for, nothing."
"But you were crying and shouting and I--"
"It's because I was stupid. Not because of you." I gently graze my thumb on the back of her smooth hand.
"Okay." She whispers loud enough.
A minute or so ticks by.
"Did you mean everything you said?" I smile and withdraw my hand.
"Jason?" The slight panic in her voice is cute.
"Jason?" She calls out again just as I lay on my back beside her.
"Yes." I whisper in english.
"EEK!" I laugh as I watched her try to scoot away from me, only to hit her head on the shelf.
"You okay?" I say, moving closer to her, my hand on the back of her head, checking for a bump.
The cellphone, now between us, serves as a good enough light. Just enough for me to see her - hair plastered on her head, cheeks, lips and eyes all red, and that pout, that pout that makes my insides feel butterflies.
"You were stupid to go out in the rain." I comment.
"So were you." A small smile forms on her lips.
"You're beautiful." I say as I push the damp hair away from her surprised face.
"So are you." She smiles and her eyes twinkle, making my heart flutter and race.
"Aren't you cold?" She nods once in response. I scoot closer until our bodies pressed together, until I can feel her hot breath on my face.
"Better?" She just stares as me. I guess that's a yes. I smirk.
"Yah!" Trying to look irritated, she pouts at me innocently, not knowing how fatal the effects can be for me.
"Stop it." My voice takes on a deeper tone I'm not familiar with.
"No, you stop it." She retorts, her eyes challenging me.
"If you say so…"
I kiss her before she can retort.
A gentle peck on her rosy lips, then slowly, slowly locking my lips on hers, nibbling gently, playfully. Savoring their softness, their sweetness, prodding her to respond.
With trembling lips, she responds softly, shyly. My hands slowly work their way to embrace her and to bring her closer. A little later, I can feel her hands move. A hand to my dry hair, the other above my heart.
The feeling of having her so close, her lips on mine, her hand over my heart, made me want to freeze the moment for eternity.
She sighs on my lips, a sweet sensation.
"I love you Kim Pilsuk." I whisper over her lips. Boldy she moves in to kiss me, my lips still parted from smiling.
"I love you too, Jason. I always have." She whispers back in the kiss, her tongue accidentally grazing my lips.
I pause with surprise and then react almost instantly, gently tasting her lips with mine. Soon she catches up to it, losing her shyness bit by bit.
We continue to kiss, a slow and lazy, gentle and hot, sweet and spicy kiss.
"This is definitely better than lollipops." I say as I place my forehead against hers.
"You think so?" She smiles.
"Definitely. Can I have this everyday too?" I rub my nose against hers gently, pouting and pleading with my eyes.
"Hmm. Maybe? But it's definitely not going to be posted on your locker door." I laugh as I lean in for another kiss.
Oh yes, I'm loving this way more than lollipop on sunny day.