To be or not to be... a parent? (1/2)
Title: To be or not to be... a parent? 1/2
Pairing: ChulKyu; SiHan; JoongBo a.k.a. Ssangchu couple, Lettuce couple
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Relationships are hard, and when both in the relationship are the same gender, issues like children, may or may not tear them apart.
Disclaimer: If I owned Suju, I wouldn´t be writing fanfiction....
A/N: Well this is a sort of sequel to It works both ways : Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 2.5 / Part 3 / Part 4 Which is a sequel to I Found You, You´re Mine, Because Chullie was bugging me about it, he wanted to be next to his Kyu baby...
To be or not to be... a parent?
"What!!!! You've left Siwon again??!!" Heechul was ready to strangle his best friend. "You're really an idiot."
"Yah why are you always blaming me?? I'm the one that got dumped, here!!" Hangeng's voice faltered as he said the last sentence.
As soon as Heechul heard that tremor in Han Geng's voice, he grabbed him by the arm and dragged him out of the office.
"wha- where are you taking me?"
"We're going to go talk to him."
"We can't, it's the middle of the work day! We have a lot of work! We have to start setting up the schedules for K.R.Y.'s debut, then we have to see about the auditions we'll be holding next month, there's a lot of set-up involved."
"Work can wait, we have most of it figured out, I can come early tomorrow to do it, You need to figure out what's happened... I thought that after what happened you guys would be able to live happily ever after like me and Kyu..."
"Yah! why can't you talk about my sorrows without having to point out how happy you are with Kyuhyun?"
Heechul winced, he hadn't meant to but his personal life was going so well, that sometimes he forgot to tone it down a bit.
"Mianhe, but really, why are you two so troublesome?"
Even though he really just wanted to drag Hangeng to see Siwon, Heechul realized that perhaps pulling Han Geng around wouldn't be the wisest course of action, so he let him immerse himself in work for the moment.
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Kyuhyun currently had no idea on how to respond to a crying Siwon, really... it was strange... such a strong-looking handsome man, weeping in his room, instead of joining him on the Wii and enjoying some manly bonding... he really was lost on how to handle this...
"Siwon-ah... if this is so hard for you, why don't you just go talk to Han Geng hyung and fix this?"
"I can't Kyuhyun-ah, really I can't be a burden to him. I'm always afraid that his life will be hard having me in it, his mother will be so disappointed at him for not producing a grandson, his father will not be thrilled that his only son won't give him an heir... really, it's much better if he found a wonderful, loving woman who could help him continue his lineage, having wonderfully beautiful children that share his lips, his forehead, his eyes... I really want to see that."
Kyuhyun frowned, because it hit home to him too, he'd also wondered off and on if Heechul perhaps wouldn't be better off with his own children. but he smiled inwardly, he could just hear Heechul saying something like " Children with my face and beauty? Hell no! I will not permit even my own flesh and blood to be more or as beautiful as me! The world can only handle such beauty as mine once a millenia"
"Hyung, have you asked Han Geng hyung if he even wants children? I think that he needs to have his opinion heard before you decide that he's better off without you so that he could go and have children."
Siwon didn't look up at Kyuhyun, his gaze fixed inward as he remembered something. "He loves children... We went to dinner the other day, a big family was seated next to us... the children were lively and all over the place. One of the youngest ones wandered to our table while the parents were busy trying to control the others, and Han-" Siwon lifted his hands to press them against his eyes to prevent the tears that were threatening to spill from falling. "He lifted her so carefully and wiped her face lovingly, in that moment I could see it flash through his eyes."
"What flashed through his eyes?"
"Longing, it was only for a second, but it was there. When he took the child back to her parents, he looked regretful. I didn't say anything then, and maybe I should have, but I have thought it over, one hundred million times and I think that it's better if we stop here, right now, before this gets more painful... before he hates me for not being able to give him what he needs."
Silently Kyuhyun got up and sat next to Siwon and pulled him down until Siwon's head was on his lap, there he began stroking his head as if he were a child, and he began to talk, more than he's ever talked in one single moment, almost like he's working through the problem as he speaks.
" I know this is hard, I've wondered the same thing... Chullie, gets that same look too sometimes, I've asked him what he thinks of children, if he wants any of his own, and he says 'No' and 'Life's good with just the two of us' or something ridiculous about how jealous he'd be of his own children if they were more beautiful than him, etc. But his look, when he sees a child and thinks I'm not watching him betrays how much he wants to be a father, and be called 'appa'... and sometimes... even I get that way,too... I also would like to have children some day, someone to protect and pamper and coddle. I want to present my parents with a grandchild that they will adore and spoil-rotten. However, when I think about how much it would hurt to have them and be without Heechul, I decide that I'm too selfish to be apart from him, I can't provide him with children, but perhaps loving each other is worth that sacrifice."
After Kyuhyun's long monologue, they both stayed silent with Kyuhyun still stroking Siwon's hair in a comforting way. They fell asleep as they were, each thinking of their own second half...
Hwangbo slipped in silently with a tray of sandwiches which she set down on the small center table and stood there looking at her precious boy... She hadn't meant to eavesdrop, but she had heard everything... she'd never realized just how much he thought about them... wanting to give them grandbabes... really, he was a great son... she sighed, because she too would have liked to see children running around with his ever curly messy hair, and sensitive eyes, but even if he didn't, it wouldn't matter as long as he was happy.
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Heechul climbed the stairs to Kyuhyun's room slowly... really that boy should have just stayed on the spacious bedroom downstairs instead of turning it into a billiards room... but... ravishing Kyuhyun accross the billiards table had been so sexy... mmhhmm, maybe it was worth it after all.
As he reached the top he heard soft steps coming his way and he looked up "Noona! I haven't seen you in a long time! " and he ran up the last few steps to hug her.
"Heechul! Sorry, sorry, you know I've had to make the rounds, since I've come back from Japan... thanks to my darling's promotion and raise, our family has decided that I'm worth visiting with again... and well you know, family is family after all." Hwangbo was pleased to see Heechul. Ever since they'd been back she'd only managed to see him once or twice... As he'd run up to her she remembered how he had followed her around even when she was only a neighbourhood friend of his cousin... he'd been like an adorable kitty, a little snappy at the beginning but overall harmless when you got his trust.
" Ah, they were idiots, and I'm glad that they won't be bothering you anymore... I never understood why they were so aweful with you... just because you couldn't have a child... that's ridiculous..." a slight wince from Hwangbo made him realize that perhaps he'd said too much. " sorry, noona, I didn't mean to remind you."
"no, no it's alright. It's been a long time, and I think it's because they never forgave me for my mistake... ah, don't worry about it." Heechul started at her mention of a mistake... and he wasn't sure if it was alright to intrude on what must be a painful story, but he wanted to know... it was something he'd never known about his favourite noona and he didn't want to let her go while she was clearly upset at remembering.
"Can you tell me now, noona?"
Hwangbo glanced at him and sighed, "ok, but let's sit down here, I'm a bit tired, and I'm going to be telling you about a hard time in my life"
AS they sat down Hwangbo began to narrate her story,
"As you know, your father is Hyun joong's father's dongsaeng... the headship of the Kim family would normally be Hyun Joong's" Heechul nodded, he'd always found it strange that it had been his father that became the head.
"Your father, was temporary head, as Hyun Joong was deemed too young at the time to be one... his father having died too soon. Hyun Joong has never resented that, so don't worry Heechie... it's what happened afterwards, I guess it's my fault... I was pregnant at one time..." Heechul drew in a sharp breath, but let her continue,
"I was happily married, I was pregnant with my first child and I was ecstatic... However, I wasn't ever really conscious of how dangerous things could be for me... I would stand out waiting for Hyun Joong at night, I didn't pay attention to my surroundings..." she sighed.
" Aunties were always nagging me about not doing this or that, but I really thought it wasn't a big deal...You know it's not just overprotectiveness on shillang's* part when he hires body guards for Kyuhyun, it has happened before...to me... as I was waiting one day, I was kidnapped. I was brought back and the bastards were imprisoned, but the damage had been done. I had been battered so much so that when shillang found me I was almost unrecognizable... I had also lost my baby... my darling baby that I had dreamed so much about... and to make it even worse the doctors told me I'd never have a baby, my uterus had been too damaged by the miscarriage." Heechul gripped her hand tightly.
"The aunties were not sympathetic... they had warned me, they said, about the dangers... and truthfully i knew they were right, I'd been the one who didn't pay attention to their warnings...
'Divorce her' they began to say, 'she's useless', "Divorce her or give up your position" it became their mantra... only your father and mother were on my side... but even the Head can't control what the body feels and says, and shillang... well he's not the most patient person... but he's the most loving and loyal... he refused to leave my side... even when I begged him to so that he could fulfill his role as head of the family... He decided to give up his spot... only if your father were the one to keep it. The Kim family is large and influential, and there are always power hungry individuals who would use the family resources wrongly, only your father was 100% reliable..."
"Do you wish you could have your own child, a mix of your genes and hyung's? noona?" Heechul wanted to know, really just how much that not coming true affected her.
Hwangbo closed her eyes as she answered, " I can't say I've never wished to see what my 별** would have looked like... my darling little star child..." She opened her eyes and squeezed Heechul's eyes, "but I have Kyu baby now... I think my unborn child sent him to me, because he saw how lonely I was... I have never loved Kyuhyunnie any less because he doesn't share our genes, he's our special darling child... coming from the same gene-pool- that's not a pre-requisite for loving your child. Do you understand?"
Heechul smiled, " Yes, thank you noona..." as they got up. "Noona, is Kyu home?"
"Ah yes! he's with his friend Siwon, they're asleep though. Perhaps you can wake them up? We'll have dinner in an hour." she turned to leave as she talked.
"Noona!"
"yes?"
"Won't you leave hyung and marry me?"
Hwangbo broke out in a grin, " When will you stop repeating that question? It loses it's power in the face of how much you love my son, you silly."
"Noona! Ah how can you refuse this dashing, youthful man, for an ahjusshi like hyung?" Heechul channeled his younger self pre-kyuhyun days where he would be hurt at his favourite noona picking someone else to love.
"You go and be youthful with Kyuhyun, I'm an ahjumma now... I'm getting too old for this you cheeky brat!" and she turned around laughing more gayly than before, seemingly having forgotten the pain that had resurfaced as she talked.
Heechul was glad that Hwangbo and Hyun Joong had such a solid, loving relationship even through all of the trials they had gone through... It was a love like theirs that he wanted for himself and Kyuhyun.
When he walked into the room he saw the two friends sleeping as Hwangbo had said. He took a look at Siwon's face and saw how puffy and tear-stained it was. He took a picture. And sent it to Han Gen along with a message, Does this look like a happy to leave you face? I don't think so! So do something about it you ditherer!
Kyuhyun opened his eyes at the sound of the shutter the phone made as Heechul took a picture. He smiled at the intent look that Heechul had as he sent a text.
"Hyung, can you help me move Siwon? He's kind of heavy and his head is killing my legs.."
"Bah! is this the greetings I get? No happy excited declarations of love? Instead you're more interested in Siwon... I might take it as you're really interested in him... after all this is a rather incriminating pose.... what were you doing? snuggling... kissing? should I be killing someone right now?"
Kyuhyun blushed... "Hyuuung! why are you like that... he's just upset over breaking up with Han Geng hyung. Besides you know I'm only in love with you."
Heechul smirked as he leaned over to grab a pillow from the bed behind Kyuhyun. "Here let's switch your bony excuses for legs with this soft pillow, he might actually be more thankful this way."
Kyuhyun wrinkled his face at him in a mock pout, before he laughed and grabbed the pillow from Heechul's hands and slid out from under Siwon's messy haired head.
Once he was standing and the pins and needles sensations in his legs was gone Kyuhyun grabbed Heechul in a huge hug and gave him a quick kiss on the lips, or what was supposed to be a quick kiss, if Heechul hadn't twined his arm behind Kyuhyun's neck and deepened it, as the other hand began to wander under his shirt.
Reluctantly Kyuhyun pulled away, and began to scold, " Hyung, we have company! We shouldn't be doing this with Siwon here!"
"Yah, he's seen us makeout before, plus he's asleep! He won't even notice."
"Chullie, you know he's just broken up with Han Geng hyung, it's not nice to rub it in that we're happy together."
"That is where you are wrong... tsk...tsk.. I thought I taught you better than that Kyuhyunie, what happened to your malipulative mad skills you learned from me? See, if he catches us kissing each other oh so very intensely, he'll definitely want to get some lips of his own, and to do that he will see the need of going to speak to Geng. See?"
Kyuhyun narrowed his eyes, "no, you just like to flaunt PDA at people. You're an exhibitionist by nature, and by all accounts Siwon is a ready made audience."
"Maybe, maybe not, but I like to grab my kisses when I can, or don't you like my kisses?" and here Heechul made puppy eyes at Kyuhyun.
"Hyung, stop making those puppy-dog eyes at me, it's weird, you're a cat, not a dog... so please put that look away." Kyuhyun refused to fall under the spell of Heechul's aegyo.
"Yah! well since you didn't answer my question if you like my kisses, it means you don't..." Heechul pulled away and made as if to walk out of the room, "I guess I'll have to go and practice.. hmm, maybe I'll call Han Geng to practice with me"
Kyuhyun swiveled Heechul around almost as soon as the last words had left his mouth and kissed him hard and bit his lower lip as revenge.
"Hey!! That's going to mar my face!" Heechul winced as his fingers prodded his lip.
"Well that'll teach you to make unnecessary comments!"
"Oh..." Heechul started laughing, his shoulders shaking as the sound was stuck in his throat. " Well I was going to practice the MOTIONS, not the actual kiss..."
Kyuhyun glared at him, not finding the joke all that funny.
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* 별=Byeol=Star
end of part 1
oh and that last part about practicing kissing... that was totally real life...ㅋㅋㅋㅋ
I'll share the vid with you all, so that you can recall it ^^
Click to view