[YeMin] Life Before His Eyes [2/2]
Title: Life before his eyes
Chapter: Part 2 of 2
Pairing:Yesung/Sungmin, Kyuhyun/ Ryeowook
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Supernatural, tragedy, angst
Summary: Yesung has a traumatic past and present to remember, only after death can he finally understand and forgive himself
Warning: Character Death...
Disclaimer:If I could own Suju... I would not be writing fanfics...
So here is part two...
___________
As Yesung turned to follow his twin he felt his hand being grabbed.
"You don´t need to go, you don´t need to face it right now." Sungmin had appeared beside him and was holding him back almost desperately, and with almost as tortured a look as Yesung knew he sported himself.
"Sungmin-ah, I don´t want to go... can´t we go on like before?"
"No."
They both whirled around.
"Why not? We don´t want to face that right now." Sungmin answered for the both of them. His face becoming clouded with anger.. " We don´t have any obligation to face that right now. We will go on as before, this is just a bad dream, a nightmare, nothing more"
"It´s time that he faced what´s happened, you can´t protect him forever Lee Sungmin-ssi. It´s for his own good."
"Who are you to decide what´s for the best?"
" I´m both of yours assigned watcher. And he is my family"
Sungmin was ready to explode with anger at being excluded from the family and being set aside because of it. Yesung noticed this and gripped his hand.
"I´ll go, but Sungmin goes with me, ok?"
"Yesu-" Sungmin started to protest but he was cut off by Yesung.
"It´s alright Sungmin-ah, you seem to already know what happened, I don´t want you to bear this alone, besides he said it was a murder I committed... I need to know." Yesung turned to his brother, "Show me my second murder."
"Follow me"
As they walked further into the darkness the scene began to change and Yesung noticed a breeze beginning to play with his hair and the smell of wet earth filled his nose...
He saw two people, a couple fooling around in the creek. Yesung looked around and he recalled that this was Sungmin´s and his favourite mountain creek. In fact they came here each year to celebrate their anniversary.
He looked at Sungmin´s face to see if he too recognized the spot and he saw that a smile was playing on his face.
He turned to look at the couple frolicking near the creek... was that them? He began to approach the two happy people and he noticed that one was wearing a very familiar pink and blue checkered shirt... a shirt that he once bought for Sungmin....
He again looked back at Sungmin, and he asked him heart-breakingly, "It´s you isn´t it... I killed you."
Sungmin ran to him and hugged him.... "hush... don´t say anymore, we can go back, we don´t have to do this... This is all a figment of your imagination... you´ll wake up any second now and call me and I´ll answer like always... We can go on that trip to Jeju island we always talked about... how about that?"
As Yesung was being comforted he looked over Sungmin´s shoulder and saw his twin. No matter how much he wished this were all a dream, all a horrible horrible nightmare caused by eating to much before falling asleep, he knew that his imagination wasn´t this creative and detailed. He held Sungmin for a second more and then he let go and grabbed his hand. " No I wish I didn´t have to do this but I need to know, no, I want to know what´s behind all the strangeness back home... I´m just afraid that you´ll really leave me after this."
He gave a small nod to his brother and his brother took this as his cue to change the vision they were in. This time the Yesung and Sungmin of the past were in the car, singing crazy car songs and generally being happy and elated to have spent the whole day in each other´s company without worrying about school, or family problems. Yesung was driving the car and Sungmin was in the bucket seat next to him... suddenly Yesung´s phone began to vibrate and as he tried to get it, it slipped from hand and fell down besides his feet.
He leaned down to pick it up and by mistake he pressed on the accelerator.
Yesung and Sungmin from the present looked on in horror as once again they replayed the tragic event.
As Yesung pressed on the accelerator he also swerved and Sungmin tried to correct it but in what seemed torturous hours but were merely seconds they crashed into the containment barrier of the mountain ledge and flew off the side of the mountain.
Present Yesung saw as past Sungmin quickly undid his own seatbelt and hugged Yesung as if to shield him. Past Sungmin died almost instantly with the impact as they landed and he flew through the glass.
Yesung dropped to the floor kneeling and sobbing. He looked at Sungmin and then at his brother... He was a murderer. he was someone who had killed two of his dearest people...
"I´m sorry so sorry Sungmin-ah!" and as he was about to apologize to his brother another vision came to his mind.
This vision took him back to the day of his brother´s death, after his black out...
"Young Master, you´re awake now, can you tell me your name now, we need to know so that we can call your parents."
"Call me Yesung."
Yesung looked on and he remembered that it wasn´t his name... His own name was Leesung... but he had given his brother´s name in an attempt to kill his own identity and keep his brother´s. He had done it to forget that Yesung had died... He had forgotten after that who Leesung was, his own parent´s believed him to be Yesung, they were so much alike and he had managed to obliterate his own personality and had copied Yesung´s completely.
A touch on his shoulder brought him to a white room where his brother and Sungmin were standing.
"You´ve remembered my name, haven´t you brother?"
Yesung, no, Leesung nodded.
Sungmin went to hug him and just stand by his side.
"I´m sorry, I forgot, I´m sorry I tried to replace you, you must have hated me so much"
The original Yesung just smiled, "No I never hated you, I was angry, but not because you took my name as your own, but because you did it because you blamed yourself so deeply that you erased yourself."
"But that doesn´t stop me from being a murderer as you have agreed." Sungmin gripped his hands when he heard this, but decided to be silent while the two brothers talked.
"No, I only called you that because you thought that yourself, those voices you heard calling you a murderer were something you created, something you believed in. I merely used it to try to lead you to the source of your trauma. Now that you´ve faced it we can all move on. I couldn´t let myself move on until you faced it and you would never move on if you didn´t. Sungmin-ssi would also never take the next step if you weren´t by his side."
"How can you be so kind to me Yesung... I became Yesung and took away your identity, stole your right to a ceremony each year in your name... I was a fake..."
" Leesung and Yesung... we were like one... as long as you were healthy any name you used would have made me happy... that you used my name... doesn´t mean your life was fake, your emotions were yours, your thoughts were yours. You are as much a Yesung as I was, please keep it. Don´t be worried anymore, you can let go of your self-loathing and self-hatred. You did many good things as well as not so good things, but all of that is normal human nature."
"I´m so-"
"There´s no need for those words, I understood your heart long before you did, there is nothing to forgive." Turning around the original Yesung turned to Sungmin, "You have some time before you both must move on now that the problem is resolved, I´ll be waiting for you both." WIth that he turned around and light envoloped him and he disappeared from their view.
Yesung turned to Sungmin and hugged him ferociously and started speaking "You should have kept your seatbelt on, you could have survived, you might have still been alive, why did you do it? Why did you try to save my life?"
Sungmin´s eyes began to tear, " I thought that I might just be able to save you, your safety was all I thought of in that split second... Even if I could have survived, I´m somehow glad I didn´t, I can´t imagine going on without you. Even if I died but you survived I would have still been able to stay next to you, watching you, crying and laughing when you did. But you didn´t make it, I wasn´t good enough protection."
Yesung gripped him tighter and then separated a bit and kissed Sungmin passionately, deeply. As they parted Yesung caressed Sungmin´s cheek with his thumb, "If you couldn´t imagine life without me, do you think I would have been able to live without you? You say you would have stayed by my side, but I would never have seen you, never would have been able to speak to you, never be able to hold you. that would have been torture beyond the imaginable."
Sungmin looked away in embarassment as he had not thought about how hurt Yesung would have felt being left behind..."Before we go, we should say good by to our friends and your family... once this is over, I might meet my parents who left before me."
Yesung agreed to say good bye to his friends, but he was afraid to go see his parents, perhaps they would be elated to get rid of a burden. However, he decided that he must face them before he left, to get rid of his lingering hurt.
First they visited their friend Ryeowook... they decided to visit him in his dream.
They found him in a cottage in the middle of a snowfield. He was playing the piano and to their surprise Kyuhyun was also there, sharing the dream.
Yesung decided to be the one to interrupt...
"Wookie... Snarky Kyu "
Ryeowook and Kyuhyun turned at the familiar throaty voice that they both admired and secretly envied for his singing ability...
"Hyung!" Ryeowook ran to the pair standing next to the door and hugged them.
"I´ve missed you!"
Sungmin patted his head, he´d always been fond of this cute dongsaeng. "We were watching you, but now we have to go."
Kyu Hyun looked at Yesung, "We hoped that you at least would make it. you held out for a year... but we were told today that your brain activity was gone and that they were going to disconnect you... What made you hold on so long and then give up?"
Yesung didn´t know what to respond to that except to say, " I don´t know, I was lost, I knew nothing of what was going on, I kept going to school as if everything were normal and then not long ago I finally realized what I knew all along, I would never make it without Sungmin. It´s selfish I know, but think about what you would do if Ryeowook died leaving you alone."
Kyuhyun nodded in understanding, " So this is your goodbye, huh?"
Both Sungmin and Yesung nodded...
"So let´s end it with a song, Ryeong, please play the piano and let´s all sing the song we loved growing up,´Miracle.´ It´ll be a good song to say goodbye with, it´s upbeat and it promises good times for the future."
All four of them gathered around the piano and sang together in perfect harmony. As the song ended the dream faded out.
Ryeowook woke up with tears in his eyes and a smile on his lips, Kyuhyun turned towards him and gave him a hug. both thinking how great it was that they could finally say goodbye and be able to think of better times instead of the dark past year they had witnessed.
Sungmin and Yesung found themselves outside of yesung´s parent´s home. Surprisingly all the lights were lit and there seemed to be many many people gathered.
Yesung saw his mother and father sitting crying next to his funerary picture. He hadn´t really thought that they would grieve so much over him being that they hardly ever talked to each other. As he stood taking it all in his mother ran out of the room sobbing violently and his father ran after her. Sungmin pushed Yesung in their direction, "Go see them, here, this is a gift from your brother, it will allow you to be seen by your parents for a short while" Sungmin pinned a white ribbon to Yesung´s clothes once they reached the room where his mother was crying.
As he walked in he heard his mother calling out "Leesung my child, my poor child, I´m sorry for being such a bad mother... why did you leave me too?!"
Yesung was stunned when he heard this, his mother had known all along that he was Leesung?
"Omma, Abeuji" they turned around and stared at him..
"It´s me.. your son"
The first to react was his father "Is that really you?
"Yes it´s me. But I only have a short while to be with you and say goodbye. Tell me, omma, abeuji, you knew that I wasn´t Yesung? that I was Leesung?"
His mother wiped her tears as she walked over to him. "Yes, how could a mother not know her sons apart? I never confused you with each other."
"But why then did you let me take over his name..."
"Because we thought it might harm you to remember what happened, we wanted to have you stay healthy with whatever name you chose to be."
"But why did you never really try to get close to me, I always wished to be close to you both."
This time his father answered him, "Because I thought that having us too near you would make you remember your brother... Everytime we spent time together you seemed to get high fevers and you started calling out to your dongsaeng in your sleep. I couldn´t bear to see you like that and so we started avoided spending time with you so that you would not have another emotional and mental breakdown. I´m sorry, I regret not confessing to you now."
Yesung´s tears were flowing down his face as he heard his father speak. He had misjudged them greatly, in the end they had always looking out for him and he had never noticed.
He moved to hug them and he said, "I´m leaving for now, omma, abeuji, I´ll never be back the same as now but let´s meet again when you have crossed over. Please don´t come too soon, we will wait."
As he hugged them the little ribbon fell off and he began to disappear.
When he was gone, his parents began to sob more in earnest but this time they were more resigned and accepted that though he was gone, someday they would meet again.
As Yesung returned to Sungmin they held hands and smiled at each other. They turned around and there was his brother waving at them to approach... Sungmin and Yesung looked at each other and giggled, and their thoughts were one "Let´s live in eternity together" and they ran towards his brother who had his hands outstretched to them..
As they were enveloped in the light... the people around that area swore that they heard laughter where nobody had been standing.
The End...
_______
hmm it was angst and then hopeful at the end... hope you like
Chapter: Part 2 of 2
Pairing:Yesung/Sungmin, Kyuhyun/ Ryeowook
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Supernatural, tragedy, angst
Summary: Yesung has a traumatic past and present to remember, only after death can he finally understand and forgive himself
Warning: Character Death...
Disclaimer:If I could own Suju... I would not be writing fanfics...
So here is part two...
___________
As Yesung turned to follow his twin he felt his hand being grabbed.
"You don´t need to go, you don´t need to face it right now." Sungmin had appeared beside him and was holding him back almost desperately, and with almost as tortured a look as Yesung knew he sported himself.
"Sungmin-ah, I don´t want to go... can´t we go on like before?"
"No."
They both whirled around.
"Why not? We don´t want to face that right now." Sungmin answered for the both of them. His face becoming clouded with anger.. " We don´t have any obligation to face that right now. We will go on as before, this is just a bad dream, a nightmare, nothing more"
"It´s time that he faced what´s happened, you can´t protect him forever Lee Sungmin-ssi. It´s for his own good."
"Who are you to decide what´s for the best?"
" I´m both of yours assigned watcher. And he is my family"
Sungmin was ready to explode with anger at being excluded from the family and being set aside because of it. Yesung noticed this and gripped his hand.
"I´ll go, but Sungmin goes with me, ok?"
"Yesu-" Sungmin started to protest but he was cut off by Yesung.
"It´s alright Sungmin-ah, you seem to already know what happened, I don´t want you to bear this alone, besides he said it was a murder I committed... I need to know." Yesung turned to his brother, "Show me my second murder."
"Follow me"
As they walked further into the darkness the scene began to change and Yesung noticed a breeze beginning to play with his hair and the smell of wet earth filled his nose...
He saw two people, a couple fooling around in the creek. Yesung looked around and he recalled that this was Sungmin´s and his favourite mountain creek. In fact they came here each year to celebrate their anniversary.
He looked at Sungmin´s face to see if he too recognized the spot and he saw that a smile was playing on his face.
He turned to look at the couple frolicking near the creek... was that them? He began to approach the two happy people and he noticed that one was wearing a very familiar pink and blue checkered shirt... a shirt that he once bought for Sungmin....
He again looked back at Sungmin, and he asked him heart-breakingly, "It´s you isn´t it... I killed you."
Sungmin ran to him and hugged him.... "hush... don´t say anymore, we can go back, we don´t have to do this... This is all a figment of your imagination... you´ll wake up any second now and call me and I´ll answer like always... We can go on that trip to Jeju island we always talked about... how about that?"
As Yesung was being comforted he looked over Sungmin´s shoulder and saw his twin. No matter how much he wished this were all a dream, all a horrible horrible nightmare caused by eating to much before falling asleep, he knew that his imagination wasn´t this creative and detailed. He held Sungmin for a second more and then he let go and grabbed his hand. " No I wish I didn´t have to do this but I need to know, no, I want to know what´s behind all the strangeness back home... I´m just afraid that you´ll really leave me after this."
He gave a small nod to his brother and his brother took this as his cue to change the vision they were in. This time the Yesung and Sungmin of the past were in the car, singing crazy car songs and generally being happy and elated to have spent the whole day in each other´s company without worrying about school, or family problems. Yesung was driving the car and Sungmin was in the bucket seat next to him... suddenly Yesung´s phone began to vibrate and as he tried to get it, it slipped from hand and fell down besides his feet.
He leaned down to pick it up and by mistake he pressed on the accelerator.
Yesung and Sungmin from the present looked on in horror as once again they replayed the tragic event.
As Yesung pressed on the accelerator he also swerved and Sungmin tried to correct it but in what seemed torturous hours but were merely seconds they crashed into the containment barrier of the mountain ledge and flew off the side of the mountain.
Present Yesung saw as past Sungmin quickly undid his own seatbelt and hugged Yesung as if to shield him. Past Sungmin died almost instantly with the impact as they landed and he flew through the glass.
Yesung dropped to the floor kneeling and sobbing. He looked at Sungmin and then at his brother... He was a murderer. he was someone who had killed two of his dearest people...
"I´m sorry so sorry Sungmin-ah!" and as he was about to apologize to his brother another vision came to his mind.
This vision took him back to the day of his brother´s death, after his black out...
"Young Master, you´re awake now, can you tell me your name now, we need to know so that we can call your parents."
"Call me Yesung."
Yesung looked on and he remembered that it wasn´t his name... His own name was Leesung... but he had given his brother´s name in an attempt to kill his own identity and keep his brother´s. He had done it to forget that Yesung had died... He had forgotten after that who Leesung was, his own parent´s believed him to be Yesung, they were so much alike and he had managed to obliterate his own personality and had copied Yesung´s completely.
A touch on his shoulder brought him to a white room where his brother and Sungmin were standing.
"You´ve remembered my name, haven´t you brother?"
Yesung, no, Leesung nodded.
Sungmin went to hug him and just stand by his side.
"I´m sorry, I forgot, I´m sorry I tried to replace you, you must have hated me so much"
The original Yesung just smiled, "No I never hated you, I was angry, but not because you took my name as your own, but because you did it because you blamed yourself so deeply that you erased yourself."
"But that doesn´t stop me from being a murderer as you have agreed." Sungmin gripped his hands when he heard this, but decided to be silent while the two brothers talked.
"No, I only called you that because you thought that yourself, those voices you heard calling you a murderer were something you created, something you believed in. I merely used it to try to lead you to the source of your trauma. Now that you´ve faced it we can all move on. I couldn´t let myself move on until you faced it and you would never move on if you didn´t. Sungmin-ssi would also never take the next step if you weren´t by his side."
"How can you be so kind to me Yesung... I became Yesung and took away your identity, stole your right to a ceremony each year in your name... I was a fake..."
" Leesung and Yesung... we were like one... as long as you were healthy any name you used would have made me happy... that you used my name... doesn´t mean your life was fake, your emotions were yours, your thoughts were yours. You are as much a Yesung as I was, please keep it. Don´t be worried anymore, you can let go of your self-loathing and self-hatred. You did many good things as well as not so good things, but all of that is normal human nature."
"I´m so-"
"There´s no need for those words, I understood your heart long before you did, there is nothing to forgive." Turning around the original Yesung turned to Sungmin, "You have some time before you both must move on now that the problem is resolved, I´ll be waiting for you both." WIth that he turned around and light envoloped him and he disappeared from their view.
Yesung turned to Sungmin and hugged him ferociously and started speaking "You should have kept your seatbelt on, you could have survived, you might have still been alive, why did you do it? Why did you try to save my life?"
Sungmin´s eyes began to tear, " I thought that I might just be able to save you, your safety was all I thought of in that split second... Even if I could have survived, I´m somehow glad I didn´t, I can´t imagine going on without you. Even if I died but you survived I would have still been able to stay next to you, watching you, crying and laughing when you did. But you didn´t make it, I wasn´t good enough protection."
Yesung gripped him tighter and then separated a bit and kissed Sungmin passionately, deeply. As they parted Yesung caressed Sungmin´s cheek with his thumb, "If you couldn´t imagine life without me, do you think I would have been able to live without you? You say you would have stayed by my side, but I would never have seen you, never would have been able to speak to you, never be able to hold you. that would have been torture beyond the imaginable."
Sungmin looked away in embarassment as he had not thought about how hurt Yesung would have felt being left behind..."Before we go, we should say good by to our friends and your family... once this is over, I might meet my parents who left before me."
Yesung agreed to say good bye to his friends, but he was afraid to go see his parents, perhaps they would be elated to get rid of a burden. However, he decided that he must face them before he left, to get rid of his lingering hurt.
First they visited their friend Ryeowook... they decided to visit him in his dream.
They found him in a cottage in the middle of a snowfield. He was playing the piano and to their surprise Kyuhyun was also there, sharing the dream.
Yesung decided to be the one to interrupt...
"Wookie... Snarky Kyu "
Ryeowook and Kyuhyun turned at the familiar throaty voice that they both admired and secretly envied for his singing ability...
"Hyung!" Ryeowook ran to the pair standing next to the door and hugged them.
"I´ve missed you!"
Sungmin patted his head, he´d always been fond of this cute dongsaeng. "We were watching you, but now we have to go."
Kyu Hyun looked at Yesung, "We hoped that you at least would make it. you held out for a year... but we were told today that your brain activity was gone and that they were going to disconnect you... What made you hold on so long and then give up?"
Yesung didn´t know what to respond to that except to say, " I don´t know, I was lost, I knew nothing of what was going on, I kept going to school as if everything were normal and then not long ago I finally realized what I knew all along, I would never make it without Sungmin. It´s selfish I know, but think about what you would do if Ryeowook died leaving you alone."
Kyuhyun nodded in understanding, " So this is your goodbye, huh?"
Both Sungmin and Yesung nodded...
"So let´s end it with a song, Ryeong, please play the piano and let´s all sing the song we loved growing up,´Miracle.´ It´ll be a good song to say goodbye with, it´s upbeat and it promises good times for the future."
All four of them gathered around the piano and sang together in perfect harmony. As the song ended the dream faded out.
Ryeowook woke up with tears in his eyes and a smile on his lips, Kyuhyun turned towards him and gave him a hug. both thinking how great it was that they could finally say goodbye and be able to think of better times instead of the dark past year they had witnessed.
Sungmin and Yesung found themselves outside of yesung´s parent´s home. Surprisingly all the lights were lit and there seemed to be many many people gathered.
Yesung saw his mother and father sitting crying next to his funerary picture. He hadn´t really thought that they would grieve so much over him being that they hardly ever talked to each other. As he stood taking it all in his mother ran out of the room sobbing violently and his father ran after her. Sungmin pushed Yesung in their direction, "Go see them, here, this is a gift from your brother, it will allow you to be seen by your parents for a short while" Sungmin pinned a white ribbon to Yesung´s clothes once they reached the room where his mother was crying.
As he walked in he heard his mother calling out "Leesung my child, my poor child, I´m sorry for being such a bad mother... why did you leave me too?!"
Yesung was stunned when he heard this, his mother had known all along that he was Leesung?
"Omma, Abeuji" they turned around and stared at him..
"It´s me.. your son"
The first to react was his father "Is that really you?
"Yes it´s me. But I only have a short while to be with you and say goodbye. Tell me, omma, abeuji, you knew that I wasn´t Yesung? that I was Leesung?"
His mother wiped her tears as she walked over to him. "Yes, how could a mother not know her sons apart? I never confused you with each other."
"But why then did you let me take over his name..."
"Because we thought it might harm you to remember what happened, we wanted to have you stay healthy with whatever name you chose to be."
"But why did you never really try to get close to me, I always wished to be close to you both."
This time his father answered him, "Because I thought that having us too near you would make you remember your brother... Everytime we spent time together you seemed to get high fevers and you started calling out to your dongsaeng in your sleep. I couldn´t bear to see you like that and so we started avoided spending time with you so that you would not have another emotional and mental breakdown. I´m sorry, I regret not confessing to you now."
Yesung´s tears were flowing down his face as he heard his father speak. He had misjudged them greatly, in the end they had always looking out for him and he had never noticed.
He moved to hug them and he said, "I´m leaving for now, omma, abeuji, I´ll never be back the same as now but let´s meet again when you have crossed over. Please don´t come too soon, we will wait."
As he hugged them the little ribbon fell off and he began to disappear.
When he was gone, his parents began to sob more in earnest but this time they were more resigned and accepted that though he was gone, someday they would meet again.
As Yesung returned to Sungmin they held hands and smiled at each other. They turned around and there was his brother waving at them to approach... Sungmin and Yesung looked at each other and giggled, and their thoughts were one "Let´s live in eternity together" and they ran towards his brother who had his hands outstretched to them..
As they were enveloped in the light... the people around that area swore that they heard laughter where nobody had been standing.
The End...
_______
hmm it was angst and then hopeful at the end... hope you like