Asphyxiated
Title: Asphyxiated
Pairing: HanHae
Rating: PG
Genre: Romance, angst
Summary: Inferiority often does one in, but strangely though, no one can ever resist the pull of it... because it often speaks the truth, and only the truth.
“Hi there.” A voice chirped happily.
Hangeng smiled to himself. He turned his head slightly towards the direction of the voice, knowing whom it belongs to.
“Hey.” He sang in reply.
“I’m sorry you had to wait this long for me.” Donghae said apologetically. “We can go now.”
“It’s all right. We’re not late anyway.” Hangeng said as he got up from the usual table at their favourite café near their house.
Hands interlocked, Donghae lead their way out onto the busy street. He walked them to his car, opened the door to the passenger seat and ushered his boyfriend in. Rounding the front to get in himself, he buckled up before starting the engine. He turned his head excitedly to the person next to him, “Are we ready for some rocking good time?”
Hangeng almost had to brawl out in laughter. Keeping his head to the front as his lips were stretched taut at the younger man’s question, “It’s an orchestra ensemble, Donghae.”
Donghae found himself chuckling. “Let’s go.”
Hangeng felt a single tear slid down his cool cheek in the biting cold of the winter chill as memories drifted past his mind. He sets his gaze straight into the unseen magnificence of green that surrounded him as he sat rigidly on the only wooden bench amidst. The call of crickets, the beautiful rhythmic melody of the night birds, and the hiss of the snakes that provided no threat at all… His ears caught on the sounds of nature as they spun themselves into a mourning serenade as though it was meant for him.
“Hae…”
The whoosh of the wind was the only reply he got. Hangeng shuddered as cold traveled from where its icy fingers touched his face to the rest of his body. Goose pimples broke out onto his skin causing the hair on his limbs to stand, before they slowly ease back down. He tightened his grip on the cane in his hand laid between his legs.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“D-do you mind… Letting me know how you looked like?”
“Ah, why would I? Here,” Donghae moved closer. “Go on.”
Hangeng puts out both his hands and started feeling the air in front of him only to be stopped by two warmer, smaller hands. The hands then guided both of his and let them rest on a face.
Smiling in gratitude, Hangeng started tentatively drifting his hands lightly across the skin.
“These are my eyes.”
Hangeng nodded in comprehension. His fingers feathered lower to the smooth expanse of skin below the eyes.
“My cheeks…”
He moved his hand up, trailing his finger over a rigid structure.
“We all need this to breathe.”
Hangeng smiled at the fact. He trailed the same finger down again, coming to rest on a pair of fleshy twins. They parted as he moved back and forth and felt a breath escape. The whisper of breath felt like a caress on his finger. He stopped.
“Hannie-“
“Shh.”
He pressed his finger lightly onto the lips and silenced any words that was about to come. He smiled.
“You are beautiful.”
More tears slid down his face as he reminisced. Sometimes he really wondered if he really was worth the younger man’s love and affection. His body shook and trembled in the cold of the wilderness.
“Hannie!”
He heard someone running before a pair of arms came around him from behind. They wounded tight around his neck.
“What are you doing here? I was worried sick for you.” There came a breathy exclamation.
Hangeng felt his breath caught in his throat as the smaller man behind him laid his cheek against his. Emotions washed through him as he turned his head away.
Realising that he wasn’t himself, Donghae went around the bench and sat himself next to Hangeng.
“Hannie, what’s wrong?”
He frowned when said person didn’t reply him. Silence, a thick vacuum wrapped around them, leaving Donghae breathless. Even though the wind was beating furiously at the lapels of his coat, he still felt suffocated. He was worrying himself to desperation and yet his boyfriend here, the main culprit of it all, could remain so calm and unmoving beside him.
“Hannie…” Donghae shook him gently at the shoulder.
“I’m blind, Donghae.”
The sudden statement had the younger man staring and blinking in confusion at the other.
“Hannie ah,” Donghae moved closer to Hangeng on the bench. “Are you all right?”
There was silence again. Donghae was starting to get impatient and he looked around in restlessness. Sighing aloud, he pulled on his wrist. “Hannie, why don’t we go home first?” And the other person continued sitting there, not budging an inch.
Looking at him helplessly, Donghae slumped on his shoulders in defeat. He dropped his head as he thought about what he could do to have Hangeng respond to him.
“Hae…”
He snapped his head up. “Hannie-“
Donghae grabbed both Hangeng’s hands and draw them towards him. Kissing him frantically at the knuckles, he said quickly. “Let’s go home, okay?”
“Donghae,” Hangeng’s voice was thick with emotion. “I’m blind.”
“Aish! What’s with the ‘Hae, I’m blind’, Hannie?” Donghae shot up on his feet and frowned down at his boyfriend. “Didn’t I already know that since the first day I met you?” He breathed heavily with a sudden surge of anger coursing through his body. His breaths came out in puffs of white mist as they escaped his mouth.
Hangeng swallowed tightly.
“…”
“Why are you so nice to me, Hae…”
Donghae was surprised at the words Hangeng chose to use. He was even more surprised that it came as a statement, not a question. He sat back down beside him.
“What do you mean?” He shook Hangeng hard with both hands. “Why are you being so weird all of a sudden? Weren’t we just having a nice dinner with Leeteuk hyung a few hours ago?”
“I-I just…” Hangeng looked down. “I just feel that maybe I don’t deserve yo-“
“Don’t you dare say that.” Donghae said fiercely as he pulled Hangeng hard against him. He hugged him tightly as if he would run away if he let go. “Don’t pity yourself like that because it’s lowly. Hannie, do you hear me? I despise you like that.”
Donghae drew back to find tears streaming down the angelic face. He reached up to take off the shades Hangeng always wore to cover his expressionless eyes and wiped at the tears. Cupping his face, he felt his heart ache at the devastation clearly shown on the other’s face.
“Why, Hannie?” He whispered as he leaned forward to give each eye a soft kiss on the lids. “Why are you suddenly like this? Did you hear anything from anyone?”
Hangeng shook his head. “I-I, please, don’t do this. Please don’t-“
“Please don’t what?” Donghae cupped his face and held him firm. He glared down at him even though knowing that he can’t see him doing so. “Please don’t love you? Is that what you’re trying to say?” He felt as if he was a running a marathon as he panted in frustration. He loves Hangeng so much, but why can’t the man just see that.
“Hangeng,” Donghae softened his tone and brushed his thumbs over where fresh tears escaped his boyfriend’s blank eyes. He leaned their foreheads together, their lips only a breath away. “I love you.”
Hangeng stopped all motion and held his breath. The declaration, a caress that drifted across his lips and he shuddered at the erotic whisper. Soft lips covered his then. Moist heat sucked at his upper lip, then his lower one before claiming his mouth in a heated kiss. He gave a whimper when Donghae pushed his wet tongue against his lips, a silent request for entrance that was answered without hesitation. When his tongue swept over the roof of his mouth, all thoughts were lost. It wasn’t domination that Donghae was after, but rather, it was acceptance and understanding.
Moments later, both men parted heaving from the passion. Donghae straightened and pulled Hangeng against his chest. Arms secure around the taller man as he cradled his head, he lays his cheek affectionately against it. “I love you Hannie. Please let me love you.”
Hangeng nodded weakly as he listened to the erratic heartbeat of his boyfriend that has yet to calm after their kiss. “Please let me love you more.” His whisper a muffled reply that was inaudible to the other as the howling winter wind danced around them.
Because your love leaves me breathless and craving for more.
END--