Insecurities
Title: Insecurities
Pairing: HanHae
Rating: NC-17
Genre: romance, sexual situations
Summary: When insecurities get cornered... One can only hang on to their sanity.
Donghae have always had Hangeng. He loves him. He loves him so much there were no ways of explaining it. All that could help explain was the slight ache pulling at him whenever he looks at him and the flutter in his lower abdomen whenever Hangeng’s eyes lit up as he smiled. They date like normal couples, share little kisses, and then sex. There was sex.
It was great, and that was all Donghae could capture in his mind. They were both desperate and shirts were ripped, and the younger man had found himself limping as the deep sore settled for a good whole day. Their first time was a white flash of heat, passion, and lust. It ran through his body as they found their release and collapsed into a heap of white sticky mess, contented.
Hangeng sighed into the other’s hair as he held his lover against his chest. Donghae felt a smile at the top of his head and smiled himself, as he drifted off. And he could remember all too well the last thing that was on his mind.
I love you.
***
Hangeng had never been hesitant to show. To show how much he loves Donghae. He ruffles his hair whenever his younger lover did something silly. He gave a playful peck on the cheek whenever Donghae does something for him. He even smacks him right on the butt to shoo him when the other gave a pout and a puppy face to try to shirk off his scheduled duty of washing their shared toilet.
All of which Hangeng did so naturally, without a single consideration. Little did he think that Donghae would find it not to be enough. It was not enough.
2 years into their relationship and Donghae just gets more and more paranoid each day. Calling until Hangeng picks up his phone, whereby he will start screaming when he does so. Turning to glare at whoever who ogles at his boyfriend clearly conveying that ‘he’s mine’.
The honeymoon period for the couple soon ended and both were immediately plunged into a nightmare. They argued over the slightest of matters and it always ended with hot steamy sex. The sex was great, but Donghae’s heart broke a little every time this thought invaded his peace as he lay against that firm thudding chest.
Must they always fight and quarrel just in order to exchange for these few hours of peace between them? Donghae doesn’t know anymore.
***
They had quarreled again. Like a routine, it ended with Donghae starting it.
“No-Dongh-We can’t-Nugh-We’re not going to have sex after we quarrel each ti-“ Hangeng said in between Donghae’s attack on his lips. It was forceful, teeth met teeth and Hangeng knew he’d wake up with a split lip the next morning.
Not that the sex wasn’t good. It was rough and hard, just the way he likes it. But he doesn’t like it like this, when both are in the heat of their anger and not passion. Donghae had just screamed at him and the next second, he was throwing him against their door and attacking him with groping hands and abusing lips.
He moaned. As much as he hated it, Hangeng knew he can never reject Donghae. No, not when this is Donghae. Not when Donghae is rubbing their fronts together harshly and ripping the buttons on his shirt. Not when the ragged breath of Donghae’s was against his ear. Not even when Donghae threw him on the bed and growled “You’re mine” next to his ear before his voice broke as if he desperately needs Hangeng to drill that claim into his mind.
“I need to be yours.” Donghae choked on a sob as he kissed his boyfriend fervently on his lips brief but firm.
“And I need you to be mine… All mine.“ Hangeng replied as he reversed their position with him on top of Donghae, cupping his lover’s face with both hands and held him so that he could kiss him properly. Hard and punishing, Hangeng wants Donghae to know that he loves him and only him. There was Donghae and only Donghae for him.
The younger man reached his hand down to wound around Hangeng’s hard member, gripping it in his firm fist and the other growled low in pleasure. Donghae puts his thumb to the dripping tip and spread the pre-cum over the head of his cock, earning a groan from the taller man. Brushing his hand away, Hangeng reached over to their nightstand and fumbled in the drawer.
Coating himself, Hangeng looked through lust filled gaze at Donghae, who had his legs spread in invitation. He nearly groaned when his lover started stroking himself. Bucking into his own hands, Donghae arched his back in pleasure as he kept his eyes on Hangeng.
The scene was erotic as both lovers watched each other stroke themselves. It wasn’t until Donghae could stand it no longer and cried out in frustration.
“Hannie, please-“
The plea in his voice was unmistakable, but Hangeng doesn’t want that. Donghae didn’t have to plead. He never had to. He only had to demand, demand for it and Hangeng will gladly offer. Just like his love for him.
“Tell me what you want Hae.” Hangeng all but grounded out as he continued stroking his member.
Donghae gave a cry as he stroked faster at the heightened pleasure and anticipation. “Y-you.”
“Say that again.”
There was that voice and Donghae knew Hangeng’s control was hanging on a thin thread.
“You, I want you. I want you inside me.”
That was when Hangeng reached over, grabbed a pillow and stuffed it under Donghae’s hips. Donghae cried out in surprise as he lay more exposed than he had been before.
Bracing on his forearm, Hangeng positioned at Donghae’s opening. Gripping the other’s hips, keeping their gazes locked, he slowly pushed. Hangeng took his time until he was completely in, careful not to hurt Donghae. Pumping slowly, Hangeng leant down and put his mouth near to Donghae’s ears while the smaller man moaned with the length moving slowly in and out of him.
“I want you to listen now.” He whispered before biting Donghae’s earlobe and sucking it, earning a long moan from the other. “Only you can do this to me.”
Hangeng moved downward and lick at the collarbone, nibbling along the ridge. Licking an invisible path lower, he circled Donghae’s nipple and the smaller man cried out. Hangeng sucked the little nub into his hot wet mouth, tongue circling furiously around it and teeth occasionally biting, and gets a sharp hiss of breath from the man beneath. Donghae combed both his hands through Hangeng’s hair and held on, pulling him closer. He whimpered when Hangeng tilted his hips and thrust, hitting a spot deep inside him.
Hangeng swirled his tongue on his chest, around the place where his heart is, “And this is where my heart beats for you.” He whispered light feathery kisses as he spoke in a low dark tone.
With that, Donghae came undone. He cried out and pulled Hangeng up to meet his lips. They kissed, tongue meeting tongue, breath mingling with breath. It was hot and wet and Donghae almost felt he was suffocating from the onslaught of the emotions the sentence evoked in him.
“How am I to survive without you loving me?” The taller man spoke again, this time on a softer tone.
Hangeng knew he hit the right spot inside him when the other gasped in pleasure. He increased his pace and continued thrusting against Donghae’s sensitive spot.
“Hannie-Ugh-I lo-I love you.” Donghae arched his back and felt his eyes roll backwards.
That did it. Hangeng began thrusting blindly, hard and fast, and Donghae bucked his hips to meet him, thrust with thrust. Hangeng buried his face against the other’s neck and groaned. He bit down on the tender flesh there before licking the spot to soothe the pain. He reached between them and gripped Donghae’s cock, hand moving in rhythm with his thrusting. The other growled and covered his hand, showing him how he wants it.
Suddenly, Donghae tensed under him. His face contorted into pure ecstasy, shuddering as white heat spurted out onto Hangeng’s hand and stomach as he continued stroking and thrusting. Hangeng wasn’t far behind. He gave a few more hard short thrust and with a loud cry, he released into his lover’s hole. Feeling his seed fill up and overflowing, dribbling out and down Donghae’s thighs and he could feel the sticky heat as their thighs rubbed together.
Hangeng collapsed onto Donghae and nuzzled his face into his neck. The only sound in their room now wasn’t the loud shouts and screams that Donghae hated, but the heavy breathing of the two lovers and Donghae felt content. He was happy, feeling wonderfully sore, and a smile crept up, embracing his face. His hand came to rest weakly on Hangeng’s head and began stroking lightly.
Hangeng forced himself onto his elbows and looked down at his lover. Brushing his hand over the strayed locks that had fallen into Donghae’s eyes, Hangeng never thought he’d seen anything more beautiful than him at the moment. His lover’s eyes were wide and shimmering as he was still trying to catch his breath, looking earnestly and lovingly at Hangeng.
“I can never live without you loving me.” His voice broke as the emotions washed over him.
Donghae’s chin wobbled. He could see something in those mesmerising orbs. It was soft yet at the same time, demanding. He knows that Hangeng is demanding that he understands what Donghae meant to him. They were more than lovers, they are soul mates. A bond shared between them that will never break and Hangeng demands with those eyes that Donghae understands. He pulled Hangeng down onto his chest. Hugging him tightly he almost thought he could strangle him, he nestles his head against the other’s.
“And I can never do the same without you loving me too.” So much was spoken in those words and Donghae shuts his eyes as he brought Hangeng tighter to his chest. It was making both of them breathless, but he doesn’t care. He just wants to feel, to feel his lover in his arms.
It wasn’t until he felt lips softly touch his breastbone, a soft voice saying “breathless”, did he loosen his hold. But still, keeping his arms loosely wrapped around the other, not letting go.
Hangeng suddenly turned, pulling Donghae with him, a gasp escaping the other at the sudden movement. Tucking his smaller lover’s head under his chin, an arm possessively around him as he snuggled closer, Hangeng whispered.
“Sleep.”
***
Hangeng smiled and winced slightly from the protest of his split lips. He looked down at Donghae who was sound asleep nuzzled against his chest. His breathing was even, coming out in soft mewling snores which Hangeng had always found adorable. He loves Donghae, more than said person himself could ever know. However, for some reason, his lovely boyfriend had completely no idea of it. He knew of his insecurities, he knew he was unsure, he knew he was jealous, and Hangeng had tried ways to assure him. He had tried so hard to let him know how much he loves him and that he will never leave him.
Fights after fights, quarrels after quarrels and he knew that Donghae could only take this much. He sighed.
Donghae stirred and mumbled something which Hangeng couldn’t make out. Turning his face deeper into his chest, the smaller man snuggled and wound his arms tighter around Hangeng’s waist. And that brought a smile to Hangeng’s face again. How easy his lover made him smile…
Hangeng bent his head a little and pressed a firm kiss onto the top of Donghae’s head. Reaching his other arm to around Donghae, he laid his head lightly onto the other’s and both men slept in each other’s embrace that night. Insecurities assured at last.
END--
A/N: afdijwfiuhefiwohjfujjilj what is this! Okay, so I cheated. I couldn't sleep last night and actually wrote this (-.-) But OMG SKAJFRJEFNIOJFOWIJG NC-17!!! Uh, *scratches head* Hope this is good enough. Lol.
Aha~ so this is for all hanhae lovers. ^^ Just praying that you dont come wacking me for the super turn off fail!sex