Comments | summer_flinging: Harry Potter

far_dareismai in summer_flinging

Harry Potter - Harry/Draco

Sep 09, 2006 00:10

Title: The Way to Thomason Foss
Fandom: Harry Potter
Characters: Harry/Draco
Word Count: 6900 words
Rating: NC-17
Summary: The second time it happened, they blamed it on the rain.
Author's Notes: Many thanks to J for helping me get this off the ground with a well-placed plot device suggestion, to C for the beta, and to T for the Brit-pick.

( The Way to Thomason Foss )

harry potter, far_dareismai

Comments 21

(The comment has been removed)

far_dareismai September 23 2006, 01:28:20 UTC

Thank you.

brixxx September 9 2006, 15:39:26 UTC

That was lovely! The characterisations were perfect! You write the antagonism between them wonderfully. Very enjoyable.

far_dareismai September 23 2006, 01:28:56 UTC

Thank you. I'm pleased that you enjoyed the characterisation.

(The comment has been removed)

far_dareismai September 23 2006, 01:29:03 UTC

Thank you.

lire_casander September 9 2006, 18:13:51 UTC

Awwwwwwwwwww

A part of him was expecting this to be another game, a way for Draco to save face, but Draco didn't push him away, didn't laugh, didn't crow that he'd known Harry still cared, didn't Disapparate with triumph in his eyes. He just made a small sound in his throat and tightened his hold. Harry could feel Draco's heartbeat against his chest, rapid and erratic as a frightened bird's. --> I think that's my fave part in thw whole story, but I had some trouble chosing one line because I really loved it all.

far_dareismai September 23 2006, 01:29:24 UTC

Thank you. I'm glad you liked the story.

shywild September 9 2006, 18:24:57 UTC

That was wonderful! The heat and the twisty angstiness really caught my attention. nI think at the start some of your narrative let you down, like the para He followed Ron out of their tiny chamber through a well-lit corridor. The Order of the Phoenix was now headquartered in a secret series of South Wales caves. Voldemort had taken over the Ministry and had access to the entire magic detection framework. This made it impossible to do magic anywhere but underground tunnels and caves, unless one wanted to be surrounded by Death Eaters after casting a spell.

You need to keep an eye out for 'show, don't tell' - it's awkward for a reader to be told their own impressions, you need to make your characters experience the atmosphere instead. Still, your prose quickly became powerful and fluent and by the end I was absolutely hooked. I do hope Draco's got the sense to summon some champagne up at Thomason Foss!

far_dareismai September 23 2006, 01:31:00 UTC

Thank you. I'm pleased that you enjoyed reading.

You need to keep an eye out for 'show, don't tell'
Yes; I'm constantly working on that. Thank you.