I think your viewpoint is by far the healthier one. Far less chance of codependency and more ability to just ENJOY a relationship instead of choking it to death.
I can understand the desire to be needed. Wants can come and go, but needs stay around. I can totally understand that desire, as being wanted may feel like you're someone's whim. Being needed doesn't have to be something as drastic as "omg I will go back to heroin and rob banks," or "holy crap I can't give myself my own meds and will literally die without you." It can be something as simple as a revelation of "I am a much better person with you, and I need you in my life
( ... )
Well there's also shades of "need" too....arielographyJuly 9 2008, 16:58:23 UTC
Stalkers "need" the people they "want", for example. So it's all down to your personal 'syntax'. To you "NEED" might be a negative connotation, but to your friend, she may feel that you are "emotionally distant", because you won't call up some guy 38 times a day and ask him to have your babies.
Or something like that. :-))
I think that's more the crux of your post - how your friend has confused what "need vs. want" means. I mean, why should any of us "settle" for someone, just so we won't be alone. What's wrong with wanting that special person, and staying single should we not find them? Who's law are we breaking? That's what I'd like to know.
Maybe people get irritated that we don't "settle", and so they call us aloof. Maybe men get irritated that we don't "settle", and so they are stuck wacking off to Victoria Secret Catalogues that they steal from the neighbors.
Why should that be mine, or your, problem.
Hahahah
I don't "need" to "want" someone, just in order to "have" someone.
I think it's a healthy balance of both and the tension between the two that makes for a good relationship. Too much in either direction is the wrong direction.
But having said that, I think it's important to realize that not everyone needs or wants a romantic relationship. I think we have certain social needs as human beings, but they're filled in different ways for different people. I think everyone needs to be wanted in some way, but not everyone wants to be needed in the same way. ;)
I agree with you, wanted over needed. My husband doesn't need me, but he does want me around, and vice versa. We'd both be just fine without the other, but it wouldn't be nearly as much fun.
(Heh. I think my icon is more a case of need over want. :P)
I agree wholeheartedly with you. I would MUCH rather be with someone who really WANTED to be with me. Having someone NEED me, in the past I have felt more like a caregiver than a partner. Just my 2 cents.
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Stalkers "need" the people they "want", for example. So it's all down to your personal 'syntax'. To you "NEED" might be a negative connotation, but to your friend, she may feel that you are "emotionally distant", because you won't call up some guy 38 times a day and ask him to have your babies.
Or something like that. :-))
I think that's more the crux of your post - how your friend has confused what "need vs. want" means. I mean, why should any of us "settle" for someone, just so we won't be alone. What's wrong with wanting that special person, and staying single should we not find them? Who's law are we breaking? That's what I'd like to know.
Maybe people get irritated that we don't "settle", and so they call us aloof. Maybe men get irritated that we don't "settle", and so they are stuck wacking off to Victoria Secret Catalogues that they steal from the neighbors.
Why should that be mine, or your, problem.
Hahahah
I don't "need" to "want" someone, just in order to "have" someone.
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Yes, this.
I think it's a healthy balance of both and the tension between the two that makes for a good relationship. Too much in either direction is the wrong direction.
But having said that, I think it's important to realize that not everyone needs or wants a romantic relationship. I think we have certain social needs as human beings, but they're filled in different ways for different people.
I think everyone needs to be wanted in some way, but not everyone wants to be needed in the same way. ;)
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(Heh. I think my icon is more a case of need over want. :P)
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