(no subject)
This has been a rough week.
Well, first, 2 weeks ago, I lost all of my tumblr stuff for no good reason, and no one has responded to my support requests. So, yeah, that's one way to just really start figuring out what I've been doing the last few years.
And then, just as I feel like I've recovered most of my stuff, and started re-posting and archiving elsewhere ... tumblr basically imploded. On Monday I got home, opened my laptop to order some food, and encountered basically all of my fandom groups yelling and freaking out. So now I'm faced with not just the collapse of my own internet presence, but the community that I've been part of for the last 4 years. People are either going to DW or Pillowfort, and right now everything is in utter chaos. I don't know what sort of thing will emerge, but ... it's a lot to take in, and a lot to hold together.
Lastly, a few things happened recently that made me feel really excluded. It's not on purpose, but it's frustrating nonetheless. I'd RSVPed to a faculty of color dinner a few weeks ago, and then apparently they forgot to send me an email with the details yesterday, so I sat there during faculty meeting watching all the dinner people walk out and being like "what's going on? should I go?" (And of course, my email being like "please include me on the email next time" got no response, same as the last email I sent to the organizer, which, added on top of Tumblr support never responding to my support requests, just makes me very invisible. Woo.) And then this morning I found out that my comics elective isn't going to run next semester. That's ... very disappointing. At work it's just all these demands on my time and energy, asking me to volunteer and sign up for stuff, and none of it works with my outside-of-work schedule, and of course when I try to write to people, I don't hear back. And I know it's irrational, but all of this pulls on the feeling that I'm always on the outside, listening in, and that people are just humoring me. I know, rationally, that if I actually ask to join the faculty group text, or the stucky discord, or whatever else, I'll get an invite and then I'd promptly feel overwhelmed by the amount of social interactions. So it's better that I don't join these things. But at the same time, it's definitely frustrating when it seems like everyone is having conversations around me and not to me.
In a bit, I'll get over these dumb feelings and start rebuilding, but for a moment, I'm going to wallow.
All right, wallowing done. I'm going to rebuild. Use this time to figure out my community and creative needs, and to keep poking people until I hear back.
Well, first, 2 weeks ago, I lost all of my tumblr stuff for no good reason, and no one has responded to my support requests. So, yeah, that's one way to just really start figuring out what I've been doing the last few years.
And then, just as I feel like I've recovered most of my stuff, and started re-posting and archiving elsewhere ... tumblr basically imploded. On Monday I got home, opened my laptop to order some food, and encountered basically all of my fandom groups yelling and freaking out. So now I'm faced with not just the collapse of my own internet presence, but the community that I've been part of for the last 4 years. People are either going to DW or Pillowfort, and right now everything is in utter chaos. I don't know what sort of thing will emerge, but ... it's a lot to take in, and a lot to hold together.
Lastly, a few things happened recently that made me feel really excluded. It's not on purpose, but it's frustrating nonetheless. I'd RSVPed to a faculty of color dinner a few weeks ago, and then apparently they forgot to send me an email with the details yesterday, so I sat there during faculty meeting watching all the dinner people walk out and being like "what's going on? should I go?" (And of course, my email being like "please include me on the email next time" got no response, same as the last email I sent to the organizer, which, added on top of Tumblr support never responding to my support requests, just makes me very invisible. Woo.) And then this morning I found out that my comics elective isn't going to run next semester. That's ... very disappointing. At work it's just all these demands on my time and energy, asking me to volunteer and sign up for stuff, and none of it works with my outside-of-work schedule, and of course when I try to write to people, I don't hear back. And I know it's irrational, but all of this pulls on the feeling that I'm always on the outside, listening in, and that people are just humoring me. I know, rationally, that if I actually ask to join the faculty group text, or the stucky discord, or whatever else, I'll get an invite and then I'd promptly feel overwhelmed by the amount of social interactions. So it's better that I don't join these things. But at the same time, it's definitely frustrating when it seems like everyone is having conversations around me and not to me.
In a bit, I'll get over these dumb feelings and start rebuilding, but for a moment, I'm going to wallow.
All right, wallowing done. I'm going to rebuild. Use this time to figure out my community and creative needs, and to keep poking people until I hear back.