unsure

[summerperfume]

Dear diary, ( or the few that actually read this!)
today, i am frantic and drinking alot of wine.
it makes my lips red and my mouth dry and my cheeks tingle.
i bought red hairdye and red gloss for my lips and a red scarf.
I think the colors of the leaves are fucking with my mind.
i named the turkey today and now i don't even want to look at it.
ronda.
Oh

Comments

[llvllindgames]

There is so much to say. And I have no idea what.
I want to watch movies and sleep on a couch. I love it.

I always feel most lonely when I am around many people.
Do you ever just feel out of control. Scared?
Have you ever admitted to something you shouldn't have just because someone has been so persuading....I can't even spell it.

[summerperfume]

i feel out of control every single day. and it's really frustrating to..think you are in control of something only to realize that it's complete bullshit and you have NO control whatsoever.
i'm terrified of life and living and doing stuff that is out of the norm for me,because the times i did just..do something..it got really fucked up and messy.

yes i have, do you want actual details? or would you like to be more specific :)

[llvllindgames]

tell me
tell me everything.
I told that lady that I have had anxiety attacks before.

[summerperfume]

i always tend to admit things more out of..me being awkward and things coming out of my mouth before i think about it OR when someone admits something to me so i feel like..they feel awkward and i should admit something so they don't feel so bad.

likkeee..
i told someone that i used to have an eating disorder and the way it came out was..

" i'm not even hungry and i shouldn't be eating this"
"OH THAT'S OK. I KNOW HOW THAT IS. I USED TO HAVE AN EATING DISORDER AND HARDLY EVER ATE!"

*awkward silence*
and then me wanting to die because all of the questions come after that.
and the only reason i said it was because..there was so much silence that..they first thing they said i tried to relate to it haha.
fuck i suck