drabble dump; iv
oh love, it gets better
+ kyuhyun-centric
He remembers when he was a kid, with his too-large blazers and stuffy shirts. He remembers going to church and being sat down between his sister and his mother and having to follow along with the processes, singing hymns and listening to an old man preach on the greatness of god. He remembers going to school and having people smile at him and then jeer at his back when it was turned.
He remembers a dark-haired boy with a crooked smile that said that he was his friend, and then said that he was a piece of trash when Kyuhyun wasn't there to hear. And he remembers how much it hurt - still to each day - and he remembers his mother smiling at Ahra when she won her compititions and ignoring him when he presented his math olympiad to her - and he remembers his father patting Ahra's head and telling him he could do better - and he remembers the cold stillness of being alone.
Kyuhyun remembers a lot, because they all come together like notes of a masterpiece in his brain, like a song being constantly replayed. He remembers singing and listening to his own voice, the echoes of trailing piano notes in his too-small, too-empty room. He wishes that someone would pat him on the back and tell him that he was wonderful.
He remembers a singing compitition and getting third place, third best, never first. He remembers the pang of emptiness in his stomach and the goosebumps on his skin.
But he remembers a call, SM Entertainment would like to train you and start you on a project group, remembers the proud smiles and the surprised eyes. He remembers ignoring them and remembers spending his days in solitude with a man that didn't care for him, only his voice, but that was okay - at least it was someone. And he remembers wanting to be recognized by anyone - anyone.
He remembers walking in on the first day, the loud voices that shouts from behind closed doors. There's a Super Junior sign on the front and he fiddles with his fingers and keeps his cap low over his head and there's the manager behind him, not patting his back or pushing him gently in like the other managers, just opening the door with a bang and smiling as he's met with hyung! how are you?
But Kyuhyun remembers walking in, being introduced, and he remembers the quiet that suddenly entranced them all. And he remembers how when he looked up slightly, everyone just stared at him; stared, with ghost eyes, with eyes of wary and hate and - oh, maybe he just feels a little hurt, but hey, he's used to it by now.
He remembers sleeping on cold floors on the side to himself, of not wanting to go home because the time he gets to the front door he knows in his heart that it's not home anymore. He remembers waking up before everyone else and sleeping after everyone else too. He remembers quiet murmurs around him and flickering glances, the way the room would die as soon as he entered. He remembers a lot of things that he doesn't want to remember.
But he also remembers the smile of one of them - what's his name, Donghae Sungmin or was that Siwon? - gave him, an invite to dinner, and he remembers declining. He remebers the same guy trying again and again, and he remembers other joining in as well, Heechul and Hankyung and Shindong and Ryeowook and Kibum and Kangin and Yesung and so many names and faces. He remembers declining them all. He remembers Leeteuk walking up to him and patting his back, giving him a small, secret smile, and telling him to come over for lunch. He remembers taking his hand and following him all the way there.
He remembers happiness, and warmth, and he remembers smiling so much until his cheeks hurt, and he remembers feeling whole and completely and joyful and he remembers being crowded. He remembers being surrounded by so much people that there's no more room for silence and emptiness anymore.
He remembers going up on stage, smile on his face, genuine. He remembers squinting from the harsh stage lights and fighting to remember the dance steps as he's singing - it gets easier with time they said - and he remembers the crowd chanting, cheering, he remembers trying to hear what they say.
He remembers the way that his smile slipped off his face when he realizes that it's not cheers they're saying, it's hate.
He remembers knowing that they don't want him up there, they want twelve men that are their supermen, he remembers knowing that they didn't want him, and outsider in the world of perfection that Super Junior has created, not belonging and not supposed to be there and he remembers the silent pitter patter of his heart beating in his ears and he blinks tears back in his eyes. He remembers not facing anyone else for the rest of the day - week - and wondering why it hurts so much.
He remembers crying on his bed, the ones that his hyungs bought for him, and he remembers being so cold, even though there's so many blankets over him. Stress and nervousness, the manager said to keep away the rest of the members. Later, he remembers the manager hyung shooting him an understand look. Leave him alone for a while.
He remembers wishing that he could be better, be worthy of not being alone, not such a loser. He remembers wanting to fit in somewhere, have a family like the one that his hyungs - an empty title now - have, he remembers wanting the hurt to end. And he remembers that it was cold, really cold, so cold and silent and suffocating.
He remembers one of them - Donghae? - breaking in at night while he's staring off out the window blankly, dark circles under his eyes, and he remembers the other man wrapping his arms around him and sobbing into his shoulder. You're not alone, Kyuhyun-ah, he remembers his hyung saying. Don't ever think that.
And he remembers so many more hugs, warm embraces and words and mixing voices, and suddenly there's all of Super Junior on his bed and Leeteuk's stroking his hair with Kyuhyun's head to his chest, Donghae's arms across his shoulders and Ryeowook patting his leg and Sungmin and Yesung and Heechul and Hankyung and Kibum and Shindong and Kangin and Siwon and Eunhyuk and there's just everyone and he remembers not being able to help it, he just starts crying even though he thought he was out of tears already.
We're a family, he remembers Leeteuk saying, knows it's Leeteuk because he can tell their faces apart. And that means you're our baby brother. And finally, he remembers feeling whole.
rapunzel, give me your crown
yewook ; implied!kangteuk ; written for my beautiful emily. c:
"You know, if only you had gotten the ladder like I said from before, we wouldn't be in this mess right now."
Ryeowook fights the urge to pout and glare at the man beside him, who's holding on to his waist an keeping him upright as he tries to climb the cobblestones of the large, looming tower really in the middle of nowhere.
"If I brought the ladder, Siwon would get tired," Ryeowook says patiently, though his patience is wearing thin. Siwon, their majestic white horse waiting a few feet away and munching on grass below, whinnies. "And I don't want him to over-exert himself."
Yesung snorts. "That horse is spoiled. And you're the one doing all the spoiling."
Ryeowook favours to ignore him as he tries to climb up again, only to lose his footing and slip again. Yesung's hands had only let go of him for a moment before his arms are there to catch him again, and Ryeowook lets out a gush of air as Yesung sets him down with almost no effort.
"That was try number thirty one," the older man comments. "By this rate, you'll make up there by the next solstice."
"I'm supposed to save the damn princess, okay," Ryeowook finally snaps, face flushing as red as his hair, and he points upward. "And she's over there! My parents will kill me and take away my music room priviliges if I don't-well, whatever, get her down or something."
"Actually, I'm a guy," comments a voice from above, and they look up to see that it is, indeed, an angel-faced man with a dimple on his cheek. "And I've already got a prince, thanks. He should be here in about like, an hour or something, and you woke me up from my nap."
Ryeowook gapes as Yesung grins. "Seriously? Seriously? Did we get the address wrong or something?"
The angel-faced guy shakes his head. "This is the North Tower. Far as I know, Sungmin's in the East Tower, Kyuhyun's in the South Tower, and there's Heechul in the West Tower. And we're all taken too." The angel-faced man smiles. "I'm Leeteuk. The guy that's supposed to be coming for me, his name is Kangin. And I would tell you the other princes' significant others too, but that's going to take too much space in the fic and there's no time for that."
Both Yesung and Ryeowook stare at him, wondering where his head's sanity has gone, and Siwon whinnies impatiently again.
"Anyway, I'll leave you guys to go sort it out by yourselves." Leeteuk pipes cheerfully, and pops his head back in inside.
Ryeowook sighs and shakes his head. "Well, that was a failure."
Yesung ponders on this for a while before saying, "Well, maybe not." And he reaches forward and pecks the other on the cheek, sweet and short enough for the promise of more. "At least I got to see you try. Come on; my place for a drink?"
"Yeah, let's go," Ryeowook agrees as Yesung slings an arm around his waist and hoists him up on Siwon, making sure to kiss the other man on the mouth long enough for both of them to get dizzy. Siwon stomps his hooves in protest, but both Yesung and Ryeowook are just too busy to care.
Later on...
"You know, maybe you should go up on a tower and grow long hair and then I can come and heroically swoop down to save you."
"...you drank too much again, didn't you, Yesung?"
you're to blame
+ broken!minkyu ; kyuhae
Sungmin wishes he could take it all back. He wishes he can kiss soft eyelids and pale skin and hold close a warm body, made of soft lines and broad shoulders. Female groans and the smell of perfume on pillows makes him sick. It's a wonder how he's ever managed to deal with it before.
He shouldn't have done what he did. He shouldn't have ruined the best thing in his life (super junior or kyuhyun - chose) and he shouldn't have woken up to see Kyuhyun's blanky face while a sleepy, pitched voice mumbles from beside him with small pleads of sleep. And he should've gone after him after he left, his movements quiet and empty. He should've this, he should've that, he should've known.
Whatever feelings had been part of their deal before he went off the deep end was done for. Over. Kyuhyun wasn't his; he wouldn't come into Sungmin's room and trail his fingers up his arm and stare at him with those eyes anymore. They had a deal; just friends with benefits. Not hyungs. Not lovers. No feelings or emotions.
He should've known better. He should've known from the start that it was a bad idea.
Should've known that to him, Kyuhyun meant more than just a night in bed. Many nights in bed. He was smiles and music and life and the beat in his chest. He was a lot. Everything. He was not just lidded eyes and harsh kisses. He was Kyuhyun, he was beautiful, and Sungmin tricked himself into loving him.
And then he fucked up by sleeping with a girl.
He wishes he could take it back, bring back those moments when Kyuhyun would turn to his side and smile after a round, eyes closed. He wishes he could've reversed time and shoved himself forward to make them closer than just hyung-dongsaeng, a broken relationship and meaningless looks. He should've worked on the meager things that Kyuhyun felt for him - because Sungmin knew that he felt them too.
But he threw it away. And he knows, and it just kills him - that he's not the one that wakes up by Kyuhyun's side anymore, he's not the one that kisses him in the middle of the day for no reason at all, he's not the one that makes him smile, he's not the one that can make his eyes light up like stars, he's not the one that can hold the younger's face in his hands and whisper words of love to him. Not anymore. That right was flushed down the drain by him.
Another person has that right now; a person that stares at Kyuhyun in a way that Sungmin's only done from closed doors and behind corners. A person who smiles and cries and laughs and gets mad freely, who tells Kyuhyun that he loves him daily, who's name ends with hae and starts with dong and for some reason Sungmin wants to hate him but he never can, because it's not Donghae's fault, it's Sungmin's and Sungmin is the only one that's causing himself pain.
Sungmin stares all he wants at Kyuhyun, but Kyuhyun only looks at Donghae, and Sungmin wishes that he wasn't such a coward and grabbed the chance while he still could, before it had all crumbled at his feet and was blown away.
oh shisus look it's a minkyu! i refuse to call it kyumin ok. and ugh, no inspiration to write these past few days. D: what's wrong with me /sobs
oh, and emily, love, you're yewook as promised ^^ though i don't think it came out how you wanted it to...lol.