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i got my uni place
BUT
i am not acceptign it
BUTI AM STILL MOVING TO WALES ( Read more... )

i have my uni interview on wed, i so hope i get in, not just for the course but for the bloody wales living.
and i want to go to the prophets show at brixton so bad i dont know how i can tho :(

i went to see the prophets show was awesome, hung out afters watched mike scoff so much chinese it was unreal.
lee loved his mugwent out for a bit afters to a packed bar and laughed at the drunken girls throwing themselves at ian was kinda amusing ( Read more... )

my brother keeps going round pulling faces and saying oh i am havign a heart attack. i feel so myuch hatred for him. my mum things i am talking shit aswell. i mean so it was prob nothing the dr is sending me for an ecg and blood tests but whats the point??i mean if my own mother thinks i am lying. i am really hurt to be honest i care for her so ( Read more... )

today i had a real scary thing happen.
my heart sometimes beats real fast, like triple speed but only ever for a couple of minutes.
today it did it for about 45 mins, i couldnt breathe properly i felt really faint, it panicked me so much i started crying which made it worse. eventually it stopped but it scared me SO much. i am worried.

i just watched sex and the city, the episode where miarnda gets married, and samantha discovers she has cancer and i couodnt stop crying!!!what is wrong with me!!!

fears
i fear being alone
i fear moving away from home
i fear change
i fear hurting people
i fear hurting myself
i fear making decisions
i fear leaving my friends even tho they are just a train ride away
they are everything
they are what makes me
with out them i couldnt be

my biggest fear is being alone
and i hope the fear doesnt come true

i cant be bothered to cut this, look in awe

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i love life and i do have a good time etc....
but sometimes
i wonder whats the point.whats the point of making the effort to look nice when no one notices.no one appreciates it. just a blur in the crowd, thats not what i want to be.
to fall in love. thats all this girl really wants.