And god, i know it feels like forever...
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home...sitting all alone inside your head...
Ok enough singing.
I haven't written in here in a long time... Haven't really felt compelled to, however. I usually save my writing for days where I've got so much bottled up that I can't stand it, or have just bottled up so many thoughts and questions and comments that I just write. No matter how stupid and petty it sounds. I know a lot of times the things I end up writing in here seem petty and childish and in al reality, they are. But I'm also strongly aware of the fact that more often than not, the things that bother me most ARE the petty and stupid things, not the big things.
I'm still having issues at the Children's Place... it's getting old fast; the bullshit that is. Every time I turn around it's something else, from "Oh its not MYYYY fault," "We need more staff members," "you're unreliable because of your migraines." Wait-back up a second- YES. They actually told me my migraines make me totally unreliable. I don't see how if i find someone to COVER for me, that really maes me unreliable. Not to mention, in the 4 months I've been there, I've called out ONCE. Soooo fuck that, I don't wanna play. I really do want to go back to a daycare tho, I miss my kids, and that unconditional love they give you. It's amazing <3.
So I definitely have this new boy I'm playin with. He definitely makes my life interesting. Took him to Devil's Hopyard today to show him Chapman Falls and just chill out outside and outta town for a while... And while I'm not really the outdoors type, he's REALLY not the outdoors type. Grew up in a city for God's sake. He apparently hates getting dirty... hah I laughed. I do that a lot around him.. it's nice... I like being happy. : ) He listened to me rant and rave about certain things in my life for a long time too...just sat and quietly listened to me and then goes... "hey. You're beautiful and amazing. That's why." And I just smiled. Then we got some Burger King, then rented Troy. Came home, cuddled up and watched the movie.
This is him...
I had to laugh tho, when he left, he left his hat here. So I called to tell him he left his DR hat (he's from the Dominican Republic) and he goes, No, I want you to have it. Marc ha given me a hat of HIS last summer too, and I was thinking that it's so weird. But the hats I now possess both stand for exactly who they each are: he's Dominican. Marc gave me a camo one: he's a bit of redneck. I just rolled my eyes at the irony and left it at that.
Though as I stated before, I usually only write in this when I'm anxious or have a lot on my mind and whatnot. And I have to say, I don't have MUCH on my mind at all. Just for some reason, I can't shut my mind down enough to actually sleep.
Ed just informed me that he's pay for my phoenix... and that he finally picked out what he wants for HIS tattoo... So when we go to lunch on friday, I'm gonna look at the design and help fine tune it, then decide on color/grey shading and have him do the same for me with my phoenix. I told him if I could save the money by the time he wants to get his done, I'd get my phoenix the same day. : ) so now I'm excited. Just gotta actually SAVE some money now... Ack. Been having a hard time with that again.
I have money, so I spend it. Constant flow of cash, both in AND out.
It's an issue. Gotta work on that. BADLY.
Got 2 new bathing suits today. Couldnt pick which one I liked better. So I got both and decided that I'll bring them home and figure it out, then either sell one to my sister or bring it back. I gotta go to the mall anyway, cuz I need to fetch a bear for Jen's baby. <3.
Annnyway, thinking bout trying to sleep again...only laid here for 2 hours, unable to sleep. I figured rambling might help a bit... Hopefully it has.
<3