Part Five
Title: Finding Our Way Back
Author: sunalsosets
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 8,331
(19)
“Hey Ali.”
Alison had just rounded the corner, having completed her rounds, when she heard the friendly voice behind her.
“Hey Luke,” she said, smiling. “What are you doing here?”
Burying his hands a little nervously in his pocket, Luke muttered, “Um, I’m meeting Reid.”
Alison hated how awkward Luke got whenever the topic of Reid was brought up. Yes she was Noah’s roommate and yes she’d be thrilled if they could find their way back to each other but that wasn’t the case and she cared about Luke as much as she cared about Noah. At the end of the day, she really just wanted them both to be happy. Without saying all that, she simply smiled at Luke and said, “You don’t have to feel uncomfortable around me Luke. It’s not like it’s a secret you guys are dating.”
“I know,” Luke said, “it’s just still a little weird you know, talking about being with another guy; especially after only being with Noah for so long.”
“I understand.”
“Plus, I know Reid isn’t exactly a lot of people in this town’s favorite person.”
“No comment,” Alison wisely responded. She didn’t think it would be nice to badmouth the guy to Luke, who for whatever reason clearly liked him, no matter what her opinion was of him.
“Right,” Luke chuckled. As Alison walked behind her nurse’s station, the slightly nervous look slowly crept back on his face. “So um how’s Noah,” he asked, rushing to add, “I haven’t seen him since I told him about me and Reid and I’d just like to know how he’s doing.”
“He’s okay I guess.” Alison said, and before even thinking about it, added, “He’s really excited about USC.”
“What?”
“You know, USC…Noah got accepted to their Graduate program with a full academic scholarship and everything. I know you guys haven’t spent time together but I just assumed he’d call and tell you.” Alison’s words had dissolved into a bare whisper by the time she was done. Taking in the obvious confusion and more importantly hurt reflected on Luke’s face, she mumbled, “I guess I was wrong.” Then trying valiantly to fix the mess she believed she’d inadvertently created, she quickly added, “I’m sure he just hasn’t gotten around to telling you.”
The only words out of Luke’s mouth, was a sarcastic, “right.” And before Alison could dig herself further and make the situation even worse, Reid showed up. Luke gave her a quick goodbye before turning around and leaving without another word.
“Shit,” Alison muttered, frustrated.
******
Reid was saying something. He needed to focus and pay attention but he couldn’t. Luke had been on autopilot since he’d left the hospital and Alison had stunned him by letting it slip that Noah had gotten accepted to USC.
USC...as in the University of Southern California. There was no way Noah could turn down that opportunity, which meant that he was leaving - leaving Oakdale and specifically, leaving Luke. Logically, Luke knew he was being ridiculous considering they weren’t even together anymore but try telling that to his heart. Aside from the heavy weight in his chest over Noah possibly leaving Oakdale forever, there was also incredible hurt that he wouldn’t even bother to tell him. A river of emotions ran slowly through him…hurt, sadness and right now, anger.
“Luke, did you hear me?”
Crap, Reid was speaking to him again.
“Sorry, no, I missed that. What did you say?”
“I asked if you had time for dessert.”
‘Oh umm, actually no, I don’t.” Luke rushed out. “In fact, I actually have something really important I need to get back to.” He was already reaching for his jacket, when he felt Reid’s hand on his, stilling his movement.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong, why are you asking?”
“You’ve been distant since we got here and barely said two words throughout lunch which is not like you. No offense, but you talk a lot Luke.”
“None taken,” Luke smiled. Then deciding to be mature and honest, he slowly pulled his hand away, folding it in his lap, before saying, “I just found out that Noah’s probably leaving town. It kind of threw me for a loop.”
“Hmm,” was Reid’s only reply.
“You’re not even going to try to pretend that you care, are you?”
“No,” Reid said honestly. “However,” he added softly, “I understand why you care so much.”
“Thanks,” Luke said. The bill came and as he wordlessly watched Reid reach for it, Luke said softly, “I have to go see him.”
“I figured,” Reid said, inserting his credit card into the bill holder. Then staring back up to meet Luke’s apologetic brown eyes, he stated simply, “go.”
“Thank you,” Luke smiled before getting up. He placed a soft, tender kiss on Reid’s lips before promising to call him later.
******
Noah’s head was buried deeply in his copy of Film Journal magazine when he heard the chair across from him being pulled a little roughly and its occupant sitting abruptly. Staring up, he took in the stiff, rigid set of Luke’s face. “Somebody’s pissed off about something,” Noah thought. Treading lightly, he laid the magazine aside, before saying, “Umm, hi?”
“Hi,” Luke practically squeaked out. It was obvious he was trying to restrain himself from yelling. “Is that really all you have to say?”
“How’s it going,” Noah added with a shrug.
Looking even more irritated than he was a few moments ago, Luke snapped out, “I cannot believe you. Tell me something Noah, what were you going to do...just up and leave town and not even bother to say goodbye? Or were you going to drop me a random email months down the road that read, “oh hey, remember me, the guy you loved for three years, who meant the world to you, yeah I’ve moved.”
Noah slowly leaned back in his chair, casually folding his arms across his chest. Enunciating every single word, he asked softly, “What the hell are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about you getting accepted to USC and not bothering to tell me.” Luke had given up the fight and was yelling by this point.
“Oh.”
“Oh…that’s all you have to say?”
“How did you find out?”
Before Luke could utter a word, Noah answered his own question, “Alison told you.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
The fight seemed to go out of Luke. Now he just sounded a little beaten and most of all, incredibly hurt.
“I found out two days ago,” Noah sighed. “It’s not like I’m leaving right now. I have a ton of things I need to put in place before I can leave and school doesn’t start until the Fall. That’s almost two months away.”
Gazing up at Luke beneath his lashes, every emotion he felt for him written across his face, Noah continued tenderly, “I would never leave without saying goodbye to you. And in fact, that’s part of the reason I didn’t tell you yet because it would feel like I was saying goodbye and I’m not ready to do that.”
“Neither am I.”
A hush fell between them. It was loaded with thoughts and feelings not shared and as Luke met Noah’s stare, he saw so much hungry longing and most importantly love reflected in his eyes, that it made him almost breathless.
Nervously clearing his throat, he stated lovingly, “USC huh…I’m so proud of you. I know how badly you wanted that.”
“Thanks,” Noah said, forcing himself out of the brief daze he’d been in.
They spoke a little longer, Luke asking about the details of the school and when he planned to leave. They both avoided the topic of Reid and for that, Luke was grateful. He still wasn’t ready to answer questions about his relationship with Reid because he wasn’t sure he really had any answers. He still thought of their relationship as casual, except they’d gone out every week since their first date, sometimes hanging out two, three times a week. They hadn’t slept together but Luke hadn’t shied away from all kinds of intimacy with him. There’d been plenty of making out and lots of touching over clothes. He was positive he was not in love but, and this especially scared him a little, he was definitely experiencing feelings of caring.
The whole situation was nerve-racking, scary, exhilarating and painful. Painful because the closer he got to Reid, the more it felt like he was letting go of Noah and he still loved him too much to be ready for that. It was sick and twisted, but in a way, as painful as it was, Luke wanted to keep holding onto the hurt, the pain and the loss because it was a way of still having Noah even if they couldn’t be together.
Checking his watch, Luke said, “I should go.” As he stood up, he said, “Before you leave, make sure you say goodbye to my family and I should probably warn you from now that they’ll be plenty of tears from both my mom and grandmother.”
Smiling tenderly up at him, Noah said simply, “I’m looking forward to it.”
“Bye, Noah.”
“Bye, Luke.”
Luke had almost moved forward to place a chaste kiss on Noah’s cheek but quickly thought better of it. Neither of them was at the place where they could touch or hold each other intimately. There was still too many emotions and passion bubbling under the surface, between them.
(20)
The next month and a half passed by in a flash for Noah. In between putting in his 30-day notice for his apartment, finding one in California, talking with the Dean at USC to confirm his scholarship, registering his classes, looking for a part-time job in California, he’d barely had a second to breathe. And suddenly, before he knew it, his plane ticket was purchased and he was leaving in less than two weeks.
He was putting the first of his belongings in boxes when the doorbell rang. Reaching for the door handle, he wasn’t sure who he was expecting but was completely surprised to find Maddie smiling widely back at him.
Drawing her into a tight hug, Noah yelled out excitedly, “Mad, oh my god, what are you doing here?”
“Nice to see you too,” Maddie laughed, returning his hug just as tightly. As Noah slowly laid her down on her feet, she added, “It’s been awhile so I just decided it was time for a short visit. And I knew you were leaving soon so it seemed like the perfect time.”
Gently pulling her by the hand, Noah said, “well come in.” And as he shut the door, added, “It’s really great to see you.”
“Ditto,” Maddie said. As she settled comfortably on the couch, she took in the few boxes lying open on the living room floor. “Wow, so you’re really leaving huh?”
“Yeah,” Noah said, joining her on the couch, “pretty much. It’s been kind of an emotional trip, especially the last few days. I’m excited and a little nervous for what’s coming but sad about everything else.”
“Like the fact that you’ll be leaving Luke?”
Not even trying to deny it, Noah said softly, "I love him so much," the agony and despair clear in his voice as he added, "and it’s killing me to know that I have to leave him.”
“So tell him that, tell him how you feel,” Maddie said sensibly.
“I can’t,” Noah cried. “There have been too many mistakes on both our part, too much hurt and pain. Luke feels like he can’t do it anymore and he’s with someone else who might make him happy in a way I can’t or never could. I need to let him have that.”
Staring sadly at Maddie, Noah’s voice took on a wistful tone. “You know, I remember coming to this town for the first time. Back then I was just hoping for a cool internship that would allow me to work behind the cameras and possibly save enough money to pay for my first semester at Northwestern, if it came to that. More than anything, I was just happy to get away from my dad for a summer. I never dreamt that more than three years later I’d still be here, that I’d come to terms with who I really am, lose both my parents and most of all, meet the most amazing person I will probably ever know and have him love me unconditionally. It’s been a pretty incredible journey and now it’s time to move on. I love Luke and I always will, but without him, there’s nothing left for me in Oakdale.”
Lovingly caressing his cheek, Maddie said, “That’s not true. As long as there are people here who love you, you’ll always have a place in this town.”
“Thanks,” Noah smiled, before leaning in to accept the comforting hug Maddie offered.
******
Luke was reading through a promotional campaign for one of the charities the Foundation sponsored, when his mom after knocking just once, strolled into his office.
“Hi honey.”
“Hey mom,” he answered distractedly. “What’s up?”
“I wanted to talk to you about something.” The nervous tone in her voice got Luke’s attention. Putting the file aside, he stared up, giving her his full attention.
“I’m all ears.”
“Okay,” Lily began tentatively, “well you know that Noah’s leaving soon and I thought it would be a good idea to throw him a small going away party at the house. I know Faith and the kids really want to say goodbye to him, as well as Emma and Lucinda and your dad. Anyway, I’m running it by you in case there’s any weirdness for you.”
Looking confused, Luke said, “why would there be?”
“Well I know you’re dating Reid now honey and I don’t want there to be any awkwardness between you two because your mom is throwing a party for your ex.”
“Mom,” Luke stated slowly, “it’s your house; you can throw a party for whoever you want. More than that, Noah’s been like a son to you, it would be weirder if you didn’t want to do something for him and as for anyone being bothered by that, they’ll get over it.”
“Okay,” Lily smiled. The party was clearly not the only reason she had for coming to see him. Softly she asked, “So, how do you feel about his leaving?”
He knew what she was asking but Luke did not feel up to having that discussion. Trying to sound nonchalant, he picked up his file again, before saying, “It’s not like this is sudden. We’ve known about his leaving for months.”
Taking the hint and realizing she wasn’t going to get anything out of him, Lily turned to leave, but before she did, she added quietly, “Honey, if you have any doubts or any feelings you still have unresolved for Noah, you need to tell him before he leaves because you may never get the chance to again.”
He pretended like he hadn’t heard her. Luke stared determinedly at the file until he heard the door shut and was certain his mom was long gone; at which point he slowly raised his head, the tears he’d been fighting gently running down his face.
This had been happening a lot in the last few weeks. The random tears - sometimes it came from a movie he and Noah had watched together or that Noah had raved about, or his stumbling across one of Noah’s shirts in his closet or a scent that reminded him of Noah or something else that triggered a memory. They all caused him to clutch his chest, feeling like his heart was practically breaking right out of it. Along with the tears, also came the dreams.
Luke had missed Noah almost every day since they’d broken up and he’d certainly had his fair share of NC-17 dreams about him on occasion but in the last few weeks, those dreams had increased to every night and they’d stopped being just sexual. They’d become snapshots of their life together, interspersed with fantasies of what could have been. They were so vivid, felt so real that more than once Luke had woken up expecting fully to find Noah nestled deeply in his arms. Then he’d realize it was all a dream, be reminded that Noah was actually leaving and he wasn’t coming back and the tears would come again.
This would all have not been so bad if he wasn’t technically seeing someone else. Luke knew that things between him and Reid were getting very serious on Reid’s end. He’d been making it more and more obvious that he wanted to be with Luke completely. Reid was hardly one for subtlety and he didn’t bother hiding how much he wanted Luke and how much he cared about him. It left Luke torn because while he did care about Reid and enjoyed being with him, he didn’t feel that same intensity for him that he felt for Noah. He was human and he certainly got horny but he never felt so turned on by Reid that it felt like he could hardly breathe or that he would just die if he didn’t have him then and now. And while he enjoyed the times when they were together, he hardly found himself missing him terribly when they weren’t together.
Unfortunately, Luke’s not loving Reid the way he loved Noah didn’t change the things that were wrong about him and Noah and it’s for that reason that he was willing to let Noah go, no matter how much it was tearing him apart to do so.
(21)
Luke had been right about the tears. Noah had thought he was prepared for it but he really wasn’t. He held it together as best he could all through Faith, Natalie and Ethan’s presents to him, even when Lily started crying but his undoing came when Emma hugged him tightly, letting him know that there would always be a place for him at her Thanksgiving table. He’d almost had to excuse himself to the bathroom at that point, not wanting to break down in front of everyone.
Luke showed up an hour late and spent most of the party quietly standing back, letting everyone else have their moment with Noah. Without saying a word, it was obvious to both that they were putting off having to exchange the last and most significant goodbye. After giving final kisses and handshakes, and promising to call and write, Noah finally got ready to leave. Not saying a word, Luke quietly followed him to the door. Once outside, they faced each other, a myriad of feelings playing across both their faces. Luke slowly opened his mouth, getting ready to say what, he wasn’t exactly sure. However, Noah beat him to the punch.
“Do you want to put this off a little longer?”
“What do you mean?”
“Alison planned this small, farewell thing at our apartment. It’s really just the two of us, Maddie and Casey and hopefully you. So what do you say?”
Smiling brightly, Luke said, “let me grab my keys. I’ll be right behind you.”
And that’s how they found themselves two hours later, hanging out in Noah and Alison’s apartment, along with Maddie, Casey and Alison. It had mostly been a lot of talking, laughing, drinking and smoking. None of them, with maybe the exception of Casey, were major stoners but it wasn’t something they shied away from entirely. Luke had naturally passed on the alcohol but had taken a few hits and was feeling mostly relaxed and possibly a little sleepy. They were all quietly lost in thought when Alison, who’d only had a few sips of beer, since she was working in a few hours, yelled out, “speech…we need to make speeches.”
“Please, no,” Noah groaned. “I can’t take any more emotional speeches tonight.”
“Tough,” Alison stated. “I planned this little event so I make the rules.” With that, she struggled onto her feet, saying, “I’ll go first.” She spent the next few minutes talking about how much she loved being roomies with Noah and how much she was going to miss him. Noah listened while silently sipping on his beer. Maddie came next.
“Gosh, what is there to say,” she started. “Well first, of all my ex-boyfriends, I have to say you are probably my favorite, no offense Casey…”
“None taken,” Casey yelled out.
“Even though,” Maddie continued, “you did dump me for Luke.”
“Are we really going back there,” Noah said, as everyone else in the room cracked up.
“But seriously,” Maddie concluded, “I am so happy that I met you and that I get to call you my friend. I love you and if you even think of forgetting about us when you’re a big time director, I will hunt you down and kill you.”
“Deal,” Noah said, smiling.
Reaching behind her for a small package on the coffee table, Maddie said, “Oh, before I forget, this is for you.”
“You didn’t have to get me something Mad,” Noah said, reaching for the package. He turned it over in his hands before quickly ripping it open. Frowning a little, he pulled out a black baseball cap.
“All great directors wear one right,” Maddie explained.
“Yeah, I guess they do,” Noah laughed. “Thanks Mad.”
“Okay, my turn,” yelled Casey.
“Oh great, this should be good.” Alison muttered.
Ignoring all their snickers, Casey said, “You’re pretty cool man, and I’m really going to miss hanging out with you. And I have to say, I have so much respect for how you stuck to your dreams despite every crappy thing you’ve been through.”
“Thank you Casey,” Noah said, sounding truly touched.
They should have all known it was unlike Casey to simply end there. “And on a totally shallow note,” Casey added, “if I were into guys, I would totally be into you.”
Completely deadpan, Noah replied, “I’m flattered Case.”
Rolling her eyes, Alison said, “Okay who’s next?”
Eight pairs of eyes suddenly turned towards Luke, who was lounging on the couch. Suddenly, a tension so thick, it was almost stifling, filled the room. Luke stared across at everyone else, finally landing on Noah’s mostly impassive face. This was stupid, he decided. They were all adults here and his and Noah’s history wasn’t a secret. Taking a sip of his soda, he said calmly, “I’d rather say goodbye to Noah in private.”
All eyes suddenly shifted to Noah. He remained silent but a flurry of emotions ran across his face as his eyes locked with Luke’s. As they continued to stare intensely at each other, everyone else in the room slowly vanished until it felt like it was just the two of them. Neither seemed willing or capable of looking away, afraid to break whatever spell they were currently under. Somewhere in the distance, Noah heard Maddie say, “I should probably get going anyway.”
He shook his head slightly, coming back to the present. He watched as everyone else rose to their feet and got ready to leave. Maddie pulled him in for a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek, telling him again that she loved him. Casey gave him the one-handed guy hand shake, before playfully pulling him in for a loud smack on the cheek. Alison got up and headed to her room to change for work. While she was gone, Noah and Luke quietly cleaned up the living room, dumping the dishes into the sink. By the time they were done, Alison came out of her room, fully dressed.
Laying her bag on the counter, she turned to Noah with a sad sigh. “I’ll probably still be at work when you leave tomorrow morning so I guess this is goodbye.”
“Guess so,” Noah said.
Pulling him firmly into her body, Alison, “I’ll miss you. Call me when you get settled.”
“I will,” Noah promised, placing a soft kiss on her forehead. With that, she picked up her bag and keys and left. And just like that, Luke and Noah were left alone together.
******
They stared a little uncomfortably at each other before Luke said, “so are you all packed?”
“Pretty much,” Noah said, adding, “Actually, I have something for you.” Luke followed him into his room, which was cluttered with suitcases and boxes. On the edge of the bed was a decent size stack of clothes. Picking it up, Noah turned and handed them to Luke. “These all belong to you. Half of them I didn’t even know I had until I was cleaning out my closet.”
Luke stared silently at the clothes, before looking up at Noah. “You don’t have to give those back, you can keep them. In fact, I want you to keep them.”
Placing the clothes back on the edge of the bed, Noah muttered not unkindly, “I don’t want to keep them.” He quickly added, “I don’t need anything else to remind me of you Luke…the memories are hard enough.”
“You don’t want to remember me?” Luke asked, sounding confused and heartbroken.
“Like I have a choice in the matter,” Noah scoffed at the thought. “I couldn’t forget you even if I tried Luke. Your smile, your eyes, your taste, they’ll all be there haunting me every single day.”
Luke said nothing. For one of the rare times in his life he was mostly silent, just listening. Turning back to the bed, avoiding Luke’s eyes, Noah continued, “I’m going to miss you so much. I need you to know that.”
Luke stared at him, hearing the heartache in his voice, watching the muscles in his back tense and retract. A multitude of emotions ran desperately through him. Without thinking about it or even aware of what he was going to say until it was out of his mouth, Luke finally spoke.
“I don’t want you to go.”
Noah turned slowly, a stunned expression on his face. “What?”
“Dammit,” Luke yelled, sounding angry with himself. “I know how unfair this is, to put all this on you the night before you have to leave. And I know that logically I can’t ask you to stay, to give up something so important to you for someone you’re not even with anymore. And I know that the problems we had were real and they’re still there and we can’t ignore them or will them away just because you’re leaving. I know all that, I do but I also know that the thought of waking up tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that, knowing that you’re no longer here is killing me.”
By the time he was done, Luke’s tears were coming full force and his voice had dissolved into a squeaky mess. Looking like it was taking every ounce of self-control to not rush into Luke’s arms, Noah said brokenly, voice cracking from all his emotions, “I have to go Luke.”
“I know, I know you do,” Luke cried out. Tears flowing freely by this point, falling past his quivering lips, Luke added, “But I don’t want you to. I know that’s selfish but I just, I…”
He never finished the thought because Noah’s lips were suddenly on his, silencing him. “Shh,” Noah whispered in between kisses, “It’ll be okay,” he promised. “I’ll make it okay.”
“I…I love you,” Luke stuttered.
“I love you too,” Noah breathed huskily on Luke’s lips, “I love you so much.”
And with that, he slammed his mouth down on Luke’s, kissing him hungrily. Luke quickly wrapped his hand around Noah’s waist, clutching a handful of his t-shirt, as he kissed him back just as desperately. He moved his body closer, as close as he could get, trying to mold his body into Noah’s.
Their mouths opened at the same time for each other’s tongue. They tasted, teased and stroked, not caring a damn about needing air or the ability to breathe. Noah snaked his hand into Luke’s hair, pulling a little roughly but gently, at it. Luke responded by slipping a hand slowly down Noah’s firm back, guiding it down to Noah’s ass. Once there, he slowly and deliberately caressed it, before grabbing firmly and grinding his crotch into Noah’s. He could taste Noah’s moan inside his mouth.
“I want you,” Noah murmured huskily.
“I want you too,” Luke returned, sounding just as turned on as Noah. Pulling his head away for a second, he stared intently into Noah’s eyes before whispering, “Make love to me.”
Noah said nothing, simply staring at Luke. However, Luke felt like he didn’t need words. Noah’s face was flushed and he could feel the tremble of his hands as Noah slowly, lovingly caressed his cheeks and then his lips. He could practically feel Noah’s need and desire for him like it was reflecting off of him. Noah wanted this as much as he did.
They reached for their clothes at the same time, quickly ripping off shirts and shoes. The act proved a little more difficult than normal because they couldn’t seem to keep their hands or their lips off each other for a second. After a few close calls where Noah almost fell on his ass and Luke almost bumped his head, they both had their shirts and their shoes off. Noah was reaching for his pants when he suddenly felt Luke’s hand on his, stilling the act. Staring up in confusion, he met Luke’s gentle smile, as he said quietly, “let me.”
Immediately dropping his hands to his side, Noah stood still as Luke began to slowly and methodically remove first his belt and then his pants. Noah held his breath, the tension in the room thick with sexual energy, as he silently watched Luke slowly pull the belt out of the pants loops. Throwing it aside, he turned his attention to the fly of Noah’s pants, first popping the button open and then pulling the zipper down, painstakingly slow. With that done, he pulled the pants down around Noah’s hips, pushing them down. Noah took over at this point, helping Luke get the pants down to his ankles and completely off.
With his pants off, Noah reached for Luke and prepared to return the favor. He was a lot more calculating than Luke had been, running his hand down Luke’s chest every time he reached for his belt, the button at the top of his pants, then his zipper. He felt Luke’s body tremble a little every time his finger nails scrapped down his chest. Finally, after what felt like a lifetime, both their pants were off. They wordlessly stared at each other, soaking in each other’s near nakedness.
Noah moved first, coming forward to place a whisper of a kiss on Luke’s forehead. Luke closed his eyes, absorbing every taste, every feel of Noah’s lips as he kissed down from the top of Luke’s head, to his cheeks, his earlobes, right down to his tender and willing lips. Noah shoved his tongue back into Luke’s mouth which he eagerly lapped up, caressing and fondling it with his own tongue. The kiss went from slow and seductive to desperate and passionate in no time.
As the two battled each other’s tongues, their moans increasing, Noah brought his hand down to palm Luke’s growing erection through his underwear. Luke groaned loudly, as Noah fondled his already hard cock. Pulling away from his mouth, Noah quickly dropped to his knees, licking down the length of Luke’s chest on his way down. He wasted little time getting his mouth on what he craved. He first sucked and nibbled Luke through his underwear, driving him insane with his teasing. When he could almost taste a little of Luke’s pre-cum even through the material, Noah decided he’d wasted enough time.
Quickly getting rid of the barrier, Noah had Luke in his mouth before either of them could catch a breath. He licked and sucked in a rhythm he’d perfected a long time. Above, Luke grabbed at anything he could, Noah’s hair, his neck, anything that could keep his legs from giving out. The fire in his stomach kept increasing until he felt ready to scream. He was so close and the second Noah swallowed all of him whole, drawing Luke’s throbbing cock all the way to the back of his throat, Luke let out a deep, guttural moan. Noah stared up at him as he eagerly swallowed every drop. Before he could swallow the last bit, Luke stopped him, desire making his voice sound rough and ragged. “Wait, I want some.”
Getting his meaning, Noah stood up quickly and grabbed Luke’s face, roughly reaching for his mouth. Luke excitedly opened wide as Noah deliberately passed the last bit of cum he had in his mouth, into Luke’s and quickly sucked on his tongue as he did.
A few moments later, after being probed and fucked with not one but three fingers, Luke’s body was practically screaming with need. He wanted, needed Noah inside him like he’d never needed anything more. Noah stroked a hand slowly down the length of Luke’s body, whispering, “You’re so beautiful.”
“Please,” Luke begged, desire making him almost incoherent by this point. “Please fuck me.”
Tired of the teasing himself, Noah quickly reached for the condoms in the first drawer of his nightstand. He was just about to grab one when Luke stopped him. Staring at Noah with all the love in his heart, he breathed out, “without. I want to feel every inch of you inside me. Please.”
He didn’t have to ask twice. Pulling his hand away from the condoms, Noah grabbed just the lube, applying a generous amount on his now rock hard cock. Luke braced his weight on his arms, pushing up his ass, offering it up wholeheartedly to Noah. Noah stared at the perfect round bottom before him, gingerly caressing it for some seconds until he heard Luke’s plea again, sounding like he was about to go out of his mind. Noah quickly grabbed his penis, holding firmly onto Luke’s ass with one hand as he prepared for entry. He pushed in slowly and delicately, ignoring Luke’s yells at him to go faster.
Things started off tenderly, Noah wanting to make the moment last forever but Luke was having none of that and a demanding Luke was a very, very persuasive Luke. Before long, Noah was slamming hard into Luke, giving him what he said he wanted, pulling roughly at his hair. The sounds coming out of both of them were loud and almost inhuman. Noah felt like he was having an out of body experience, like he was no longer in control of his own body. Somewhere in the back of his mind he worried that he might be hurting Luke but he felt like he couldn’t stop and he couldn’t slow down. His worry proved unfounded however.
In his foggy state he could hear Luke, when he was able to mutter something resembling words, yelling at him to “fuck him harder, faster…” Noah felt Luke’s ass tighten harder around his cock and knew when he was close. The scream of satisfaction came mere seconds later. Noah allowed Luke a few moments to come down from his high before slowly pulling out and reaching for his own aching cock. Luke turned over, staring up at him with so much love and passion that it alone was almost Noah’s undoing.
“Do it,” Luke whispered, “cum on me.” Groaning from deep inside his chest, Noah stroked hard and fast, finally letting out a very satisfied yell as he spilled his semen all over Luke’s chest. Taking a few deep, open mouth breaths, he slowly bent forward; lapping up every bit he could find before finding Luke’s eagerly waiting mouth. They passed their taste back and forth on each other’s tongue before finally coming up for air. Noah laid his head heavily on Luke’s chest trying to bring his heart rate down to something resembling normal. They laid in the quiet, just enjoying the scent of their lovemaking still heavy in the air and the almost weightless feel of their bodies.
They made love two more times that night, the last time slow and drawn out as they were both exhausted but still not able to stop wanting to touch each other, to be inside each other. When they came that last time, Luke tasted the saltiness of tears mixed with their sweat because the last time felt like goodbye. They fell asleep holding on to each other tightly, whispering “I love you”.
(22)
Noah heard the alarm on his cell phone go off. It was time to leave. He felt a sudden heaviness in his heart. He put off turning his head for a few seconds, knowing he’d find Luke, looking perfect, sleeping next to him. When he finally turned his head, the ache that rose in Noah’s chest almost made him cry out in pain. Luke looked so beautiful, his hair falling adorably over his face, his lips still red and bruised from last night.
Noah closed his eyes and leaned in to inhale the soft strands of Luke’s hair, trying to capture the scent that was uniquely him. He stayed like that for god knows how long, until he knew he couldn’t put off leaving any longer. He tried hard to not wake Luke, thinking it’d be easier on both of them if he just left. They’d said their goodbyes last night.
Crawling to the shower, he got dressed quickly. The taxi he’d requested the night before was already outside waiting for him. Noah slowly picked up his suitcases, Alison promising to mail his boxes later, trying desperately to ignore the aching in his chest. He was almost at the door when he stopped. Grabbing a piece of paper and pen from his backpack, he scribbled a quick note and placed it on the pillow next to Luke. With one last feather like kiss on Luke’s lips, he picked up his bags and quietly left the apartment, willing his legs to keep moving the entire time. The second the front door of the apartment closed, Luke opened his eyes.
He’d been determined to pretend he was sleeping, not wanting to make leaving harder on him and Noah. He saw the piece of paper on the pillow and tentatively reached for it. It was simple and to the point.
“I love you and I always will.
Noah”
Luke brought the note up to his lips, inhaling deeply, hoping for a small taste of Noah on it. The tears came suddenly and as they flowed slowly, Luke buried his head into the pillow feeling like he would never stop crying.
He remained in Noah’s bed until he couldn’t stand it anymore. Eventually, having the memory of the night before; of every touch, every taste, hanging so thickly in the air, on the covers, on the pillows, became too much for him. Less than an hour after Noah left, he got up slowly and headed for the shower. He used Noah’s body soap, a big part of him getting a thrill from the possibility of having Noah’s scent on him all day. He took his time getting dressed, trying to prolong the inevitable. A part of Luke felt like once he left the apartment, it would mean he and Noah were really and truly over. Unfortunately, he couldn’t put it off much longer. With one last long look around the room, images of the previous night flashing across his mind, Luke slowly closed the door and left.
******
He drove home mostly on autopilot, his mind not thinking about anything other than curling up under his covers and never coming out. He’d only taken a few steps up the driveway, when he walked up on Reid waiting for him on the porch. He’d been so distracted that he hadn’t even noticed Reid’s car across the street.
“Hi,” Reid smiled.
“Hi,” Luke replied nervously.
Sounding concerned, Reid asked, “Are you okay? I tried calling you last night but you never picked up.”
“Oh sorry,” Luke mumbled, still distracted, this time by huge amounts of guilt mixed in with all his other emotions. “I must have dropped my phone somewhere.”
“It’s okay.” Reid reassured him. “Anyway, I was wondering if you’re not busy this morning, if you’d like to have breakfast, especially since we didn’t see each other at all yesterday.”
Luke stared at Reid, watched his lips move and all he could hear was the voice inside his head screaming that he couldn’t do this. Not wanting to lose his nerve, he didn’t hesitate or question what he was about to do and instead just blurted out, “I slept with Noah last night. I spent the night with him.”
He watched nervously as Reid mutely opened and shut his mouth. And then, he saw the flash of hurt and pain slowly spread across Reid’s face and he immediately felt like scum.
“I’m sorry Reid, I’m so sorry. I know you probably don’t believe a word I have to say right now but I truly never meant to hurt you.”
He wasn’t sure what he was expecting - an angry word perhaps or a biting and hurtful remark - but Luke was surprised when neither happened. Instead, Reid dug his hands into his pockets and finally muttered casually, “well, I can’t say I’m that surprised.” Staring off into the distance, he added, “I guess that’s what happens when one of the reasons you fall for a guy is because of the way he loves someone else.”
“What are you talking about?” Luke asked, looking very confused.
With a heavy sigh, Reid turned around to meet Luke’s eyes. “Just to be clear,” he said, “I really was pissed off at you for having the nerve to try to blackmail me into helping Noah. However, part of me couldn’t help being fascinated and intrigued by you because of it.” Reid’s voice took on a soft, wistful tone as he added, “I’ve never really been the relationship type Luke. It just didn’t seem feasible with my career and frankly, I didn’t particularly miss it. I liked living alone and I liked not having to answer to anyone or have to be considerate of someone else’s feelings and all the other annoying crap that comes with being in relationship.”
Luke couldn’t resist the slight smile in response to Reid’s bold and unapologetic candor.
“And then suddenly, one day you showed up in my life and for the first time, I started to wonder what it would be like to have someone love me that much. Love me so much that they’d be willing to do something as stupid and as crazy as you did for Noah.”
Luke was stunned. Fortunately, it didn’t seem like Reid really needed him to say anything. “I think a part of me always knew,” he continued, “that you’d eventually find your way back to Noah.”
“I…”
“It’s okay,” Reid smiled sadly; “you don’t have to apologize anymore.”
“Thank you,” Luke whispered.
“I should probably get going.”
Pulling out his keys, Reid said tenderly, “Good luck Luke. I hope it works out with Noah.”
A tiny, rueful smile on his lips, Luke said, “That’s doubtful. He left this morning. Last night was pretty much goodbye.”
“Wait, I’m confused, did you want him to go?”
“Of course not, but I couldn’t ask him to stay. Noah’s worked too hard for this and he deserves it.”
“So let me see if I get this straight,” Reid said, “you love each other and you don’t want to lose Noah but he has to leave.” Slowly, the subtle hint of sarcasm obvious, he added, “and you don’t see a solution here?”
“I can’t go to California.”
“Why not,” Reid asked, sounding genuinely confused.
“Because, I…” Luke searched for a reason. The obvious answers were all there; like his family, the Foundation but a voice inside his head quickly brushed aside all those excuses. He could visit his family anytime and that’s what phones and email were for and as for the Foundation, he loved it but Luke knew it wasn’t his true passion. Also, his mother would be more than happy to handle the day to day operations. Reid watched silently as all those thoughts played out in Luke’s head, noting the exact moment when everything came together.
“There’s no reason why I can’t,” he acknowledged, mostly to himself. Staring up gratefully at Reid, he stepped forward and pulled him into a warm and comforting hug. Reid hesitated for a moment, before slowly putting his arms around Luke’s waist and returning the hug.
“Thank you,” Luke whispered, sounding slightly choked up. Reid said nothing but Luke felt his acknowledgment. Giving one last squeeze, he slowly pulled back and without a second thought, walked away from Reid. He practically ran to his car, one thought racing through his head. He had to get to Noah.
(23)
Luke drove like a madman, praying the entire time that he didn’t crash or worse, accidentally kill someone. The second he got to the airport, he was flying out of his driver’s seat, running like the wind. And still, he was too late. The lady at the counter pleasantly informed him that the flight to LAX had left almost half an hour ago. Luke wasn’t deterred however.
The only reason he had wanted to get to Noah before he got on the plane, was to let him know he wanted to be with him and was willing to come to California to make that happen. It seemed a better idea than just showing up on his doorstep in California with little or no warning. Thanking the woman for her help, he headed back home, already planning ahead. He called his mother and told her he needed to talk to her about something very important and left a message on Noah’s cell phone, begging him to call him as soon as he landed. He really hated that they’d have to have this conversation over the phone but what choice did he have.
As he walked back towards his house, Luke’s thoughts turned to his family and more importantly how he’d break the news to them and also, how soon he could be packed and ready to leave when he suddenly came to standstill. The keys he’d been holding in his hands fell to the ground with a loud clang. For a second, Luke wondered if he was seeing things. Maybe he was so excited at the possibility of being with Noah again, that he was imagining him. But then he heard the soft, “hi,” and knew his eyes weren’t playing tricks on him.
He’d know that voice anywhere. Noah was real and he was right there. He was really sitting on the porch, surrounded by his luggage. Luke was so stunned that he could only muster a simple, “hi.”
“I couldn’t do it,” Noah said suddenly. As he spoke, for the first time, Luke noticed the redness of his eyes and the slight puffiness just beneath the lids. His face look anguished and his hair was standing on ends, like he’d ran his fingers through it multiple times. “I was at the airport, at my gate, getting ready to board and I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t get on that plane. I couldn’t leave you.”
Luke was down on his knees, crouching next to Noah by the time he was done. Caressing Noah’s face in his palms, he brought their foreheads together, breathing against his lips.
“I know. I feel the same.”
Pulling back to stare up into Luke’s eyes, Noah frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I was just at the airport,” Luke smiled, “I was coming to tell you that I love you and that I want to be with you.” He paused for a second, letting his words slowly sink in, “even if it means coming to California.”
“What?”
“I love you Noah, but I know you have to go to California. USC is too important for you to give up but I also know that I can’t give you up.”
Looking hopeful but sounding afraid to be, Noah argued, “but what about your family, the Foundation…”
“My family will be fine,” Luke interrupted. “That’s what planes and telephones are for and as for the Foundation, my mom can run it and in fact I’ve been thinking about expanding its reach and I can do that in California.” Suddenly, Luke paused, his face etched with concern, like a troubling thought had just occurred to him. “I mean, that’s if you want me to come to California with you,” he said softly.
“Are you kidding?” Staring at Luke like he was insane, Noah blurted out, “I can’t think of anything I want more.” Laughing through his tears which were threatening to spill out, Luke brought his lips down hard on Noah’s, alternating between kissing him and telling him how much he loved him.
“I love you too,” Noah replied breathlessly, kissing Luke back with every bit of passion and intensity inside him. When things had escalated to the point that they were practically pawing at each other and were moving dangerously close to undressing each other right there on the porch, Noah slowly pulled away. He turned his head away so he wouldn’t have to be distracted by Luke’s very tasty, perfectly bruised and oh so very tempting lips.
“There’s still a lot we have to work out,” he said huskily.
“I know,” Luke said, running a few fingers through Noah’s hair. “We will.” With that, he took Noah’s hand in his, intertwining their fingers and added quietly, “I have faith in us.”
Noah stared silently at their joint hands before slowly drifting his gaze up to Luke’s face. With all the love in his heart, he smiled gently and said, “Me too.”
Epilogue