lifeboats in water.
Fandom: Naruto
Characters: Hatake Kakashi & Haruno Sakura
Prompt: 06. the space between dream and reality & 363. listless winter & weather: 07. storm
Word Count: 4000
Rating: T
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Notes: Written for 30_kisses & 500themes & mission_insane. Prompt tables are here & here & here.
-
“Thank you, dear.”
Sakura offered the elder woman a sweet smile, “No problem, Aiko-san! Take care and keep warm!”
“Of course, Sakura-san. I’ll see you in a week’s time?”
“Definitely!”
Before donning her creamy shawl-like hooded cloak, Sakura gathered the elder woman up in a heartfelt hug. Aiko, though already in her mid-eighties returned the gesture with as much fervour as if she were twenty years younger. “Oh, before I forget, can you give his to Hanako? I usually give it to Hiro, but I forgot today.”
Sakura took the basket, carefully wrapping the top tightly. “Of course. I was going to visit Hanako-san next anyways.”
Aiko sighed then, and took Sakura’s calloused hands into her own, patting them lightly. “Don’t overwork yourself, dear. You shouldn’t come on days like this.”
“Don’t worry,” Sakura smiled, more at the motherly tone than the woman’s words. “I’m almost done my rounds for today.”
With a nod, Aiko let Sakura go. “You better hurry then,” she said with a worried glance out the window. “It’s getting dark fast.”
“I’ll make it,” Sakura replied. In one swift motion, the standard issue winter-jounin coat was zipped up tightly, and the cloak over everything, including the little homemade basket. As she stepped into her boots, she waved through her gloved fingers and stepped out the door.
Almost immediately, she wanted to shrivel into herself. Fear for Aiko’s health had her slamming the door shut behind her as promptly as possible, and what little warmth had seeped out dissipated immediately. In the hour she had spent at Aiko’s house, the snow had accumulated, growing from just drowning her mid-calf to her knee. It was at times like these that she missed her hometown the most. Before this, she had loved snow. It had been exotic, something the usual patterns of her life didn’t offer. Konoha, at the heart of the tropics, snowed once in a blue moon.
But now, there was nothing more she wanted than the comfort of her hot, sometimes stuffy town. And if she never saw snow again, she’d be perfectly content. But none of that was important at the moment - only one thing preoccupied her mind, and it was Hanako-san’s home. Or at least, the warmth the snug little cottage promised. Sakura squinted as another wave of the violent storm threatened to uproot her from the ground; a difficult feat, she mused sourly, as her feet were plunged rather firmly into the quickly amounting snow.
It didn’t surprise her that for the seven minutes it took her to travel from Point A to B, she didn’t see a single soul. She couldn’t deny that Hiroshi was a sweet little town with its own flair. In fact, she had been loving every moment of her stay ever since her arrival three months back. Then, rather abruptly, she’d been rudely awakened by the reality of her mission. No wonder the village had been in desperate need of a shinobi with medical abilities. Once the storms hit, only two types of people ventured out onto the roads. They were either fearless of the cold, frostbite and all that accompanied it, or they were like Sakura, unknowingly duped into the job.
Hiro, the sweet eighteen year old errand boy was the only one that was crazy enough to fall into the former category. Sakura wondered briefly if he was okay - fearless as his teenage hormones had allowed him to be, he was still only a civilian. Even Sakura felt like hiding in ten layers of duvets at the moment, and she was using a modified jutsu to keep herself insulated. Hiro however, was pushed from her mind when Hanako’s cottage came into view. Sakura nearly cried out at the sight, but, realizing the energy was better spent on a sprint to the house, decided on the latter instead.
Hanako, bless her soul, had been expecting Sakura’s visit, and was hovering near the door when Sakura rapped on the door once. The old lady smiled as she ushered the frozen girl into her home, the door slamming shut behind them.
“Sakura! Poor darling, you must be freezing.”
“It’s not that bad,” Sakura laughed as she de-robed. “My cloak is well insulated.”
“Insulated or not dear, it’s still just a cloak.”
Sakura could not agree more, but there was no sense in worrying the old woman. Instead, she handed the basket over. Despite her best efforts, the basket had suffered some damage in the storm, and Sakura could only smile sheepishly as she apologized. Hanako waved away her apologies as nonsense.
“While you’re here, Sakura, have a bite to eat,” Hanako offered, “Hiro’s still here, eating in the kitchen.”
At this, the two women rolled their eyes. They wandered into the kitchen a moment later, and upon seeing Sakura, Hiro lit up a hundred watts.
“Sakura-chan!” he exclaimed. “I knew if I stalled here long enough, I’d get to see you today.”
The cheesy grin he wore was contagious, as Sakura couldn’t resist the urge to laugh at his boyish charm. “I’m sure Hanako-san appreciated your company.”
“Of course, dear. Without Hiro I’d never finish all this food in the house,” Hanako replied easily. “But then of course, without Hiro, I wouldn’t have to buy all this food in the first place.”
Hiro had the decency to feign embarrassment, “It’s because you’re so wonderful, Hanako-san. Couldn’t imagine a day without you.”
“Oh, you little charmer,” Hanako teased. By this time, the three were comfortably settled at the cozy sit-in table in the kitchen, Hanako and Hiro engaged in light conversation, and Sakura bringing out the necessary medical supplies.
In less than twenty minutes, Hanako’s weekly check-up was finished, and Sakura joined in on the conversation, casually sipping her hot cocoa.
“Oh,” Hiro blinked suddenly. “The storm’s letting up a little.”
As if on cue, a solitary beam shot through the window as the sun struggled through the storm clouds. Hiro was right - though the storm continued to rage outside, the sun had come out, and Sakura could now see Hanako’s neighbour’s house. Sakura had been in the town long enough to know that it was now or never. Any moment, without any warning, the storm could start again, more furious than ever.
Sakura nodded at Hiro, who started to rise. “Thank you for the food, Hanako-san,” Sakura started, rising as well.
“You know you’re always welcome in my house,” Hanako breezed, walking alongside the young duo to the entrance.
As they started to pull on their winter gear, Sakura couldn’t help but laugh at the mountain of layers Hiro was putting on. “How do you manage to move in that?” Sakura asked lightly. “You’re going to look like a ball by the time you’re done.”
Hiro eyed her solitary cloak and jounin vest warily. “You’re crazy to just move outside in that. Even if you are a shinobi.”
Sakura shook her head as she moved to stop him from putting on a fourth layer. “Here,” she motioned for him to be still as she passed her other hand over his cloak. The chakra that passed through was visible only momentarily before she handed the now-insulated cloak back to him.
“The jutsu is only temporary. Next time I see you I’ll re-insulate it.”
Hiro still seemed a bit skeptical as they bid goodbye to Hanako, who had also put on a coat for the brief moment she would be exposed to the cold. As soon as they stepped out into the now thigh-high snow, Hiro winced on instinct. However a moment later he relaxed when he realized that he was not becoming hypothermic.
“Wow,” he muttered. “Things like this make me wish that I could’ve been a shinobi, too.”
Sakura chuckled, but the sound was lost to the howling wind. Unfortunately for the duo, the weather had started to escalate once more. For Sakura, this wasn’t much of a problem, as Hanako’s house was only a two minute walk away. It was the reason she was always the end of Sakura’s weekly medical rounds. Hiro however, lived on the opposite side of town and would have to walk at least another twenty minutes in normal weather - Sakura didn’t know how long it would take him in this blubbering storm. By the time they reached Sakura’s quaint little cottage, the storm had returned to its previous glory, and was perhaps even more furious than before.
Even with the insulated cloak and three layers under it, Sakura could see that Hiro was clearly struggling to stay warm. With a quiet sigh she ushered the eighteen year old into her home, and he wasted no time in entering. It wasn’t as if she didn’t enjoy Hiro’s company, or objected to keeping his frostbite at bay, but she had rather looked forward to an afternoon by herself after a long day. She was busy all day long, every single day in this town - she had no idea how they had survived without her before - and by Sunday, she was exhausted. Sunday afternoons were the only times she had to herself to think, relax and just be.
But Hiro was here, and by the looks of the storm, here to stay for a while. While Sakura had been thinking, she had also gone over to the side of her house to grab some firewood to replenish her dwindling supply. She had forgotten to bring some in this morning, when the storm was still relatively calm, and was now paying the bitter price for it. Sakura gritted her teeth through it though as she dug through the snow to retrieve a frozen armful. By the time she was back in the warmth of her home, Hiro had already taken off his three layers.
Sakura froze immediately upon entering.
There was a third presence in the room. It was no stranger, for her body had recognized his signature immediately, and for some reason, that irked her. Because of how accustomed she had been to him, she had failed to notice his presence until he was merely a few feet away. Their long absence from each other seemed to have dulled nothing, and that angered her even more. With one glance at Hiro, it was clear that he had yet to notice anything.
“Put these by the fire, won’t you?” Sakura said as she handed the pile to Hiro. The poor boy staggered a bit under the weight, but managed to do so nonetheless. With Hiro preoccupied, Sakura now turned towards her left, where the kitchen was.
“What are you doing here?”
She didn’t need to turn around to know that Hiro probably turned to look at her from his spot in the living room, to her right. She was proved right when Hiro gave a little yelp when Kakashi stepped out of the shadows and into sight. He had not changed at all in the five months they had not seen each other. While she had only exiled herself here for three, he had been conspicuously absent from her life in Konoha for two before that.
The memory of his negligence made her heart ache.
Then he smiled under his mask, the only evidence of it the ever-so-familiar eye twinkle. “I was passing through the area when this rather abrasive storm hit. So I thought I’d stop by and say hello to my favourite girl.”
Liar, she wanted to hiss. Liar, liar, liar, liar, liar.
But she said none of that, remembering that Hiro was still in the room. Instead, she settled for a calm “okay.”
By this time, Hiro had returned from his task, and was now peering curiously at the man. It was clear that he was a ninja, if not by his graceful stance then definitely by the vest he donned. It was identical to Sakura’s, Hiro noted. The man however, seemed to have no interest in Hiro, as his gaze was fixed entirely on the pink-haired woman.
His next words held none of the cheerful nonchalance as the words before it had. “When are you going to stop this nonsense and come home?”
“It’s not nonsense, Kakashi.”
“You’re wasting your abilities here.”
“Perhaps to you, saving lives is a waste,” Sakura replied easily, but the bite was unmistakable. “But I happen to cherish what I do.”
“You know what I mean.”
At this harmless line, Sakura bristled with anger and snapped. “No, I don’t know what you mean. I never know what you mean, Kakashi, and that’s the problem.”
“No, Sakura. The problem is you never ask. If you asked me, I’d gladly tell you.”
“Would you though, would you really tell me?” Sakura argued, exasperated. “That’s the thing. You think you would, but ultimately, you wouldn’t. You’re too closed off to even give me a chance. How many years have I known you, and what do I actually know about you? Nothing!”
“Again, you’ve never asked.”
“I have, Kakashi. You’ve just been too preoccupied to notice,” she whispered.
Hiro, god knows why, thought that this would be the opportune moment to interrupt. “Err, Sakura-chan, perhaps I should get going...the storm’s letting up again.”
But his words held no power over either shinobi, and even as he moved to get dressed and out the door, neither moved from their position.
It was a while before either spoke again.
“Why are you really here, Kakashi?” And with that phrase, all the grievances of the past five months came out as if some floodgate had broken. She had no more will within her to keep it in anymore, to pretend to be a warrior in ways that she simply wasn’t. “You left. You have no right to just come back like this. I’m not your toy.”
The look in his eye spoke bounds, screamed I know, but it simply wasn’t enough. It didn’t explain anything. In the end, all he chose to say was, “I’m sorry.”
Sakura sniffed. “You should be.”
“Not for leaving,” he continued. “I’m sorry that things have progressed to this. I’m sorry that this is where we are.”
“Not for leaving?” Sakura echoed. Not for shattering my heart?
“It was necessary. You were too...naive. Naive about this, naive about everything,” he said. “But you’ve grown, Sakura.”
She wanted to scream how could you call me naive?, but realized it would prove him right exactly. In truth, she agreed. She saw now that she had been naive, barely twenty years old, falling head over heels with a man fourteen years her senior, and her teacher no less. The worst was that she had expected everything to be perfect, had expected in her mind’s theatre that everything would work out like a shinobi fairytale. It had been, in the beginning, the first few months, but that wasn’t real, the part that would last. She knew all this, yet she could not properly forgive him for using her so unkindly.
Finally, she nodded. “I see.”
If he had been expecting immediate absolution, then he was just as naive as he gave her credit for. He saw this, too, and looked away. “It’s good that you understand.”
She nodded, and then realized that at this point in their relationship, there simply wasn’t anything more to say. He realized this too after a moment’s pause, when he started to move past her. Sakura said nothing as she watched him pull on his cloak, his boots, and his gloves. She said nothing even as he opened the door, stepped outside and disappeared.
Even though she said nothing, she would never forget the three words he whispered just before disappearing.
“Be happy, Sakura.”
-
Some months later.
“Sakura!” Ino looked up, surprised to see her best friend. “When did you get back?”
“Earlier today,” Sakura replied, bunkering down on the stool before the register. “How’s the family?”
Ino rolled her eyes. “Loud and lazy, as usual. Awful combination, if you ask me,” she said as she punched in a few more numbers. “How was the mission?”
Sakura shrugged. “Nothing too special, the usual with those idiots.”
Ino let out a wistful sigh. “I kind of miss that life, you know?”
“You’re good here though,” Sakura cooed. “This life suits you. Plus, in your condition...” Sakura waved generally at Ino’s noticeably round stomach.
“It just gets so damn boring sometimes. I need more excitement.”
“You’re married to Shikamaru,” Sakura’s eyes twinkled. “I’m sure you guys do a lot of exciting things. Shogi, for example.”
Ino whacked her best friend across the arm and rolled her eyes simultaneously. But too soon she sobered up, and her eyes softened, a solemn look filling her normally vibrant orbs. “And you, Sakura? How are you doing?”
The usual “I’m fine” was on the tip of Sakura’s tongue when she registered Ino’s serious expression. Sakura looked away then, knowing that the unimpressive answer she gave most curious friends these days would not work with the blonde. After a moment, she shrugged gently. “I’m dealing.”
“You deserve better than to just deal, Sakura,” Ino chastised softly. “It’s time to move on.”
“I'm trying.”
Ino clucked her sympathies as she patted Sakura gently. “I know you’ll be fine, sweetie, but I hate seeing you like this.”
Sakura looked entirely unconvinced as she agreed.
-
Sakura was sure she was seeing things when she saw the ghostly figure hovering at the entrance to her apartment complex. Even if he wasn’t an apparition of her overworked mind, she simply had no energy to deal with this now. She had spent the last four hours of her life locked away in the operating room, and was down to her last bits of energy. It was amazing that she hadn’t already collapsed, and if it weren’t for the fact that she had recently discarded the old couch in her office, she would’ve already been blissfully asleep.
As Sakura passed him, she did her best to ignore his existence. It didn’t help one bit that he followed her up the steps silently, and hovered behind her as she fumbled with the lock. By the time the door opened, she was exasperated and exhausted enough to let the door hang open after her entrance. As quietly as before, he slipped in behind her, closing the door with a mute click. They continued like this for the next few minutes; she ignoring his presence, and he shadowing her silently around the apartment. As usual, she was the first to bristle and break.
“What are you doing here?” she asked. The nauseous sense of déjà vu that hit her then was unavoidable, and she fought hard not to look away. I will not be weak and childish now, she determined.
He shrugged lightly. “I was in the area.”
“At two forty in the morning?”
Kakashi answered with a nod, as infuriatingly nonchalant as he always was. And then the conversation reached the ultimate standstill. There was so much to be said, so much that had gone unsaid, unacknowledged and unwarranted in the past year that neither knew what to say or do. In all honesty, Sakura wanted nothing more than to slap him. However, as the last of her control had yet to leave her, she instead settled for a hard glare before turning to head for her bedroom.
Sakura didn’t know whether to be exasperated or pleased that he started following her again. It was definitely the former however, that she felt once she started to change and he still showed no signs of departing or doing anything at all. Clad in only her sports bra and pants, Sakura wheeled around to face him, hands poised on her hips. “Okay Kakashi. Talk. This is getting ridiculous.”
Kakashi seemed to weigh this for a moment, leaning casually against the wall as if he belonged there. And he did belong there, Sakura thought with a pang of all the times he had stood exactly like that. Unexpectedly he asked, “Are you ready for this?”
“I don’t think that’s my question to answer, Kakashi.”
He seemed to ponder this for a moment before he silently acquiesced. When the same maddening silence claimed them once more, Sakura proceeded to pad around her room, finishing the last few necessities before going to bed. By the time she had brushed her teeth, washed her face (while silently blanching at the dark circles under her eyes), and changed into her rather unimpressive pyjamas, he was still standing there, pondering. When he finally spoke, it was as if he didn’t notice that she had already crawled into bed, halfway to sleep.
“Why aren’t you with anyone?”
Sakura blinked up at him through half-lidded eyes. “The person I want to be with isn’t available.”
“And if he was?”
Sakura shifted under her duvet for a better view. “But he isn’t. But to humour you - it wouldn’t really matter.” She paused, gaze hardening and softening at the same time. “You of all people should know that nothing’s so simple.”
She hardly noticed when he finally moved, wandering slowly until he finally dropped down at the foot of her bed. The slight shift in weight, of his weight was painfully familiar. She tried her best to hide the wave of nostalgia. Then, “I’m sorry.”
Sakura’s throat tightened. “For?”
“Assuming.” He tilted his gaze away from her, to the large window. The November air was pushing through, and the sheer curtains that Sai had installed the year prior billowed without consequence against the glass. Sakura watched as a strand of his impossible silver hair fall over his shoulder, and it was all she could do not to reach out. She missed him, that much she couldn’t deny. She missed waking up in his embrace, she missed running her hands through his unruly hair.
It’s different now, she reminded herself.
“But,” he continued, “Old habits die hard.”
And before she could protest, react or do anything at all, he was suddenly near her, face inches away from her own. “I assumed you would understand,” he said, placing a feathery kiss on her forehead. “I assumed that you needed to understand,” a kiss on the cheek this time, freezing Sakura like the cold winter storm, “And I assumed that we’d reach that point, eventually.”
He stopped just short of her lips, his eyes locked with hers. Sometime during this exchange, his mask had fallen, and Sakura was breathless at the sight of him. She suspected that she would never tire of it, of his deliciously defined jaw. “All you ever needed to do was say I understand.”
A year or so ago, she wouldn’t have understood. It was too cryptic, too out there for her naive, inexperienced heart to grasp. Happily ever after were the words she had wanted to understand back then. But now she saw it, the reality that had been plaguing his jaded mind. For months she detested him, cried for him and yearned for her fairytale. But it was obvious to her now, the thing he had needed her to so desperately understand. Reality wasn’t perfect, wasn’t her fairytale. Reality was a risk and burden that they needed to share, was something that would have drowned Kakashi on his own.
Still breathless and paralyzed with fear of the future, she reached up to caress his beautifully sculpted face. For the first time, she could see the raw turbulence of emotions within his normally marble eyes.
“I understand,” she breathed.
Without a moment’s hesitation, he crushed her into his embrace. Her salty tears left tiny puddles on his shirt, but they were nothing, for he could feel the silhouette of her smile against him. They stayed like that, she tucked into the crook of his neck, he breathing in the scent of soft lavender, until time was but a trifle to be forgotten.
Like this, they could make up for the stupidity of the past, and drift on into the uncertainty of the future, understanding what they could, and pardoning all else.
Characters: Hatake Kakashi & Haruno Sakura
Prompt: 06. the space between dream and reality & 363. listless winter & weather: 07. storm
Word Count: 4000
Rating: T
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Notes: Written for 30_kisses & 500themes & mission_insane. Prompt tables are here & here & here.
-
“Thank you, dear.”
Sakura offered the elder woman a sweet smile, “No problem, Aiko-san! Take care and keep warm!”
“Of course, Sakura-san. I’ll see you in a week’s time?”
“Definitely!”
Before donning her creamy shawl-like hooded cloak, Sakura gathered the elder woman up in a heartfelt hug. Aiko, though already in her mid-eighties returned the gesture with as much fervour as if she were twenty years younger. “Oh, before I forget, can you give his to Hanako? I usually give it to Hiro, but I forgot today.”
Sakura took the basket, carefully wrapping the top tightly. “Of course. I was going to visit Hanako-san next anyways.”
Aiko sighed then, and took Sakura’s calloused hands into her own, patting them lightly. “Don’t overwork yourself, dear. You shouldn’t come on days like this.”
“Don’t worry,” Sakura smiled, more at the motherly tone than the woman’s words. “I’m almost done my rounds for today.”
With a nod, Aiko let Sakura go. “You better hurry then,” she said with a worried glance out the window. “It’s getting dark fast.”
“I’ll make it,” Sakura replied. In one swift motion, the standard issue winter-jounin coat was zipped up tightly, and the cloak over everything, including the little homemade basket. As she stepped into her boots, she waved through her gloved fingers and stepped out the door.
Almost immediately, she wanted to shrivel into herself. Fear for Aiko’s health had her slamming the door shut behind her as promptly as possible, and what little warmth had seeped out dissipated immediately. In the hour she had spent at Aiko’s house, the snow had accumulated, growing from just drowning her mid-calf to her knee. It was at times like these that she missed her hometown the most. Before this, she had loved snow. It had been exotic, something the usual patterns of her life didn’t offer. Konoha, at the heart of the tropics, snowed once in a blue moon.
But now, there was nothing more she wanted than the comfort of her hot, sometimes stuffy town. And if she never saw snow again, she’d be perfectly content. But none of that was important at the moment - only one thing preoccupied her mind, and it was Hanako-san’s home. Or at least, the warmth the snug little cottage promised. Sakura squinted as another wave of the violent storm threatened to uproot her from the ground; a difficult feat, she mused sourly, as her feet were plunged rather firmly into the quickly amounting snow.
It didn’t surprise her that for the seven minutes it took her to travel from Point A to B, she didn’t see a single soul. She couldn’t deny that Hiroshi was a sweet little town with its own flair. In fact, she had been loving every moment of her stay ever since her arrival three months back. Then, rather abruptly, she’d been rudely awakened by the reality of her mission. No wonder the village had been in desperate need of a shinobi with medical abilities. Once the storms hit, only two types of people ventured out onto the roads. They were either fearless of the cold, frostbite and all that accompanied it, or they were like Sakura, unknowingly duped into the job.
Hiro, the sweet eighteen year old errand boy was the only one that was crazy enough to fall into the former category. Sakura wondered briefly if he was okay - fearless as his teenage hormones had allowed him to be, he was still only a civilian. Even Sakura felt like hiding in ten layers of duvets at the moment, and she was using a modified jutsu to keep herself insulated. Hiro however, was pushed from her mind when Hanako’s cottage came into view. Sakura nearly cried out at the sight, but, realizing the energy was better spent on a sprint to the house, decided on the latter instead.
Hanako, bless her soul, had been expecting Sakura’s visit, and was hovering near the door when Sakura rapped on the door once. The old lady smiled as she ushered the frozen girl into her home, the door slamming shut behind them.
“Sakura! Poor darling, you must be freezing.”
“It’s not that bad,” Sakura laughed as she de-robed. “My cloak is well insulated.”
“Insulated or not dear, it’s still just a cloak.”
Sakura could not agree more, but there was no sense in worrying the old woman. Instead, she handed the basket over. Despite her best efforts, the basket had suffered some damage in the storm, and Sakura could only smile sheepishly as she apologized. Hanako waved away her apologies as nonsense.
“While you’re here, Sakura, have a bite to eat,” Hanako offered, “Hiro’s still here, eating in the kitchen.”
At this, the two women rolled their eyes. They wandered into the kitchen a moment later, and upon seeing Sakura, Hiro lit up a hundred watts.
“Sakura-chan!” he exclaimed. “I knew if I stalled here long enough, I’d get to see you today.”
The cheesy grin he wore was contagious, as Sakura couldn’t resist the urge to laugh at his boyish charm. “I’m sure Hanako-san appreciated your company.”
“Of course, dear. Without Hiro I’d never finish all this food in the house,” Hanako replied easily. “But then of course, without Hiro, I wouldn’t have to buy all this food in the first place.”
Hiro had the decency to feign embarrassment, “It’s because you’re so wonderful, Hanako-san. Couldn’t imagine a day without you.”
“Oh, you little charmer,” Hanako teased. By this time, the three were comfortably settled at the cozy sit-in table in the kitchen, Hanako and Hiro engaged in light conversation, and Sakura bringing out the necessary medical supplies.
In less than twenty minutes, Hanako’s weekly check-up was finished, and Sakura joined in on the conversation, casually sipping her hot cocoa.
“Oh,” Hiro blinked suddenly. “The storm’s letting up a little.”
As if on cue, a solitary beam shot through the window as the sun struggled through the storm clouds. Hiro was right - though the storm continued to rage outside, the sun had come out, and Sakura could now see Hanako’s neighbour’s house. Sakura had been in the town long enough to know that it was now or never. Any moment, without any warning, the storm could start again, more furious than ever.
Sakura nodded at Hiro, who started to rise. “Thank you for the food, Hanako-san,” Sakura started, rising as well.
“You know you’re always welcome in my house,” Hanako breezed, walking alongside the young duo to the entrance.
As they started to pull on their winter gear, Sakura couldn’t help but laugh at the mountain of layers Hiro was putting on. “How do you manage to move in that?” Sakura asked lightly. “You’re going to look like a ball by the time you’re done.”
Hiro eyed her solitary cloak and jounin vest warily. “You’re crazy to just move outside in that. Even if you are a shinobi.”
Sakura shook her head as she moved to stop him from putting on a fourth layer. “Here,” she motioned for him to be still as she passed her other hand over his cloak. The chakra that passed through was visible only momentarily before she handed the now-insulated cloak back to him.
“The jutsu is only temporary. Next time I see you I’ll re-insulate it.”
Hiro still seemed a bit skeptical as they bid goodbye to Hanako, who had also put on a coat for the brief moment she would be exposed to the cold. As soon as they stepped out into the now thigh-high snow, Hiro winced on instinct. However a moment later he relaxed when he realized that he was not becoming hypothermic.
“Wow,” he muttered. “Things like this make me wish that I could’ve been a shinobi, too.”
Sakura chuckled, but the sound was lost to the howling wind. Unfortunately for the duo, the weather had started to escalate once more. For Sakura, this wasn’t much of a problem, as Hanako’s house was only a two minute walk away. It was the reason she was always the end of Sakura’s weekly medical rounds. Hiro however, lived on the opposite side of town and would have to walk at least another twenty minutes in normal weather - Sakura didn’t know how long it would take him in this blubbering storm. By the time they reached Sakura’s quaint little cottage, the storm had returned to its previous glory, and was perhaps even more furious than before.
Even with the insulated cloak and three layers under it, Sakura could see that Hiro was clearly struggling to stay warm. With a quiet sigh she ushered the eighteen year old into her home, and he wasted no time in entering. It wasn’t as if she didn’t enjoy Hiro’s company, or objected to keeping his frostbite at bay, but she had rather looked forward to an afternoon by herself after a long day. She was busy all day long, every single day in this town - she had no idea how they had survived without her before - and by Sunday, she was exhausted. Sunday afternoons were the only times she had to herself to think, relax and just be.
But Hiro was here, and by the looks of the storm, here to stay for a while. While Sakura had been thinking, she had also gone over to the side of her house to grab some firewood to replenish her dwindling supply. She had forgotten to bring some in this morning, when the storm was still relatively calm, and was now paying the bitter price for it. Sakura gritted her teeth through it though as she dug through the snow to retrieve a frozen armful. By the time she was back in the warmth of her home, Hiro had already taken off his three layers.
Sakura froze immediately upon entering.
There was a third presence in the room. It was no stranger, for her body had recognized his signature immediately, and for some reason, that irked her. Because of how accustomed she had been to him, she had failed to notice his presence until he was merely a few feet away. Their long absence from each other seemed to have dulled nothing, and that angered her even more. With one glance at Hiro, it was clear that he had yet to notice anything.
“Put these by the fire, won’t you?” Sakura said as she handed the pile to Hiro. The poor boy staggered a bit under the weight, but managed to do so nonetheless. With Hiro preoccupied, Sakura now turned towards her left, where the kitchen was.
“What are you doing here?”
She didn’t need to turn around to know that Hiro probably turned to look at her from his spot in the living room, to her right. She was proved right when Hiro gave a little yelp when Kakashi stepped out of the shadows and into sight. He had not changed at all in the five months they had not seen each other. While she had only exiled herself here for three, he had been conspicuously absent from her life in Konoha for two before that.
The memory of his negligence made her heart ache.
Then he smiled under his mask, the only evidence of it the ever-so-familiar eye twinkle. “I was passing through the area when this rather abrasive storm hit. So I thought I’d stop by and say hello to my favourite girl.”
Liar, she wanted to hiss. Liar, liar, liar, liar, liar.
But she said none of that, remembering that Hiro was still in the room. Instead, she settled for a calm “okay.”
By this time, Hiro had returned from his task, and was now peering curiously at the man. It was clear that he was a ninja, if not by his graceful stance then definitely by the vest he donned. It was identical to Sakura’s, Hiro noted. The man however, seemed to have no interest in Hiro, as his gaze was fixed entirely on the pink-haired woman.
His next words held none of the cheerful nonchalance as the words before it had. “When are you going to stop this nonsense and come home?”
“It’s not nonsense, Kakashi.”
“You’re wasting your abilities here.”
“Perhaps to you, saving lives is a waste,” Sakura replied easily, but the bite was unmistakable. “But I happen to cherish what I do.”
“You know what I mean.”
At this harmless line, Sakura bristled with anger and snapped. “No, I don’t know what you mean. I never know what you mean, Kakashi, and that’s the problem.”
“No, Sakura. The problem is you never ask. If you asked me, I’d gladly tell you.”
“Would you though, would you really tell me?” Sakura argued, exasperated. “That’s the thing. You think you would, but ultimately, you wouldn’t. You’re too closed off to even give me a chance. How many years have I known you, and what do I actually know about you? Nothing!”
“Again, you’ve never asked.”
“I have, Kakashi. You’ve just been too preoccupied to notice,” she whispered.
Hiro, god knows why, thought that this would be the opportune moment to interrupt. “Err, Sakura-chan, perhaps I should get going...the storm’s letting up again.”
But his words held no power over either shinobi, and even as he moved to get dressed and out the door, neither moved from their position.
It was a while before either spoke again.
“Why are you really here, Kakashi?” And with that phrase, all the grievances of the past five months came out as if some floodgate had broken. She had no more will within her to keep it in anymore, to pretend to be a warrior in ways that she simply wasn’t. “You left. You have no right to just come back like this. I’m not your toy.”
The look in his eye spoke bounds, screamed I know, but it simply wasn’t enough. It didn’t explain anything. In the end, all he chose to say was, “I’m sorry.”
Sakura sniffed. “You should be.”
“Not for leaving,” he continued. “I’m sorry that things have progressed to this. I’m sorry that this is where we are.”
“Not for leaving?” Sakura echoed. Not for shattering my heart?
“It was necessary. You were too...naive. Naive about this, naive about everything,” he said. “But you’ve grown, Sakura.”
She wanted to scream how could you call me naive?, but realized it would prove him right exactly. In truth, she agreed. She saw now that she had been naive, barely twenty years old, falling head over heels with a man fourteen years her senior, and her teacher no less. The worst was that she had expected everything to be perfect, had expected in her mind’s theatre that everything would work out like a shinobi fairytale. It had been, in the beginning, the first few months, but that wasn’t real, the part that would last. She knew all this, yet she could not properly forgive him for using her so unkindly.
Finally, she nodded. “I see.”
If he had been expecting immediate absolution, then he was just as naive as he gave her credit for. He saw this, too, and looked away. “It’s good that you understand.”
She nodded, and then realized that at this point in their relationship, there simply wasn’t anything more to say. He realized this too after a moment’s pause, when he started to move past her. Sakura said nothing as she watched him pull on his cloak, his boots, and his gloves. She said nothing even as he opened the door, stepped outside and disappeared.
Even though she said nothing, she would never forget the three words he whispered just before disappearing.
“Be happy, Sakura.”
-
Some months later.
“Sakura!” Ino looked up, surprised to see her best friend. “When did you get back?”
“Earlier today,” Sakura replied, bunkering down on the stool before the register. “How’s the family?”
Ino rolled her eyes. “Loud and lazy, as usual. Awful combination, if you ask me,” she said as she punched in a few more numbers. “How was the mission?”
Sakura shrugged. “Nothing too special, the usual with those idiots.”
Ino let out a wistful sigh. “I kind of miss that life, you know?”
“You’re good here though,” Sakura cooed. “This life suits you. Plus, in your condition...” Sakura waved generally at Ino’s noticeably round stomach.
“It just gets so damn boring sometimes. I need more excitement.”
“You’re married to Shikamaru,” Sakura’s eyes twinkled. “I’m sure you guys do a lot of exciting things. Shogi, for example.”
Ino whacked her best friend across the arm and rolled her eyes simultaneously. But too soon she sobered up, and her eyes softened, a solemn look filling her normally vibrant orbs. “And you, Sakura? How are you doing?”
The usual “I’m fine” was on the tip of Sakura’s tongue when she registered Ino’s serious expression. Sakura looked away then, knowing that the unimpressive answer she gave most curious friends these days would not work with the blonde. After a moment, she shrugged gently. “I’m dealing.”
“You deserve better than to just deal, Sakura,” Ino chastised softly. “It’s time to move on.”
“I'm trying.”
Ino clucked her sympathies as she patted Sakura gently. “I know you’ll be fine, sweetie, but I hate seeing you like this.”
Sakura looked entirely unconvinced as she agreed.
-
Sakura was sure she was seeing things when she saw the ghostly figure hovering at the entrance to her apartment complex. Even if he wasn’t an apparition of her overworked mind, she simply had no energy to deal with this now. She had spent the last four hours of her life locked away in the operating room, and was down to her last bits of energy. It was amazing that she hadn’t already collapsed, and if it weren’t for the fact that she had recently discarded the old couch in her office, she would’ve already been blissfully asleep.
As Sakura passed him, she did her best to ignore his existence. It didn’t help one bit that he followed her up the steps silently, and hovered behind her as she fumbled with the lock. By the time the door opened, she was exasperated and exhausted enough to let the door hang open after her entrance. As quietly as before, he slipped in behind her, closing the door with a mute click. They continued like this for the next few minutes; she ignoring his presence, and he shadowing her silently around the apartment. As usual, she was the first to bristle and break.
“What are you doing here?” she asked. The nauseous sense of déjà vu that hit her then was unavoidable, and she fought hard not to look away. I will not be weak and childish now, she determined.
He shrugged lightly. “I was in the area.”
“At two forty in the morning?”
Kakashi answered with a nod, as infuriatingly nonchalant as he always was. And then the conversation reached the ultimate standstill. There was so much to be said, so much that had gone unsaid, unacknowledged and unwarranted in the past year that neither knew what to say or do. In all honesty, Sakura wanted nothing more than to slap him. However, as the last of her control had yet to leave her, she instead settled for a hard glare before turning to head for her bedroom.
Sakura didn’t know whether to be exasperated or pleased that he started following her again. It was definitely the former however, that she felt once she started to change and he still showed no signs of departing or doing anything at all. Clad in only her sports bra and pants, Sakura wheeled around to face him, hands poised on her hips. “Okay Kakashi. Talk. This is getting ridiculous.”
Kakashi seemed to weigh this for a moment, leaning casually against the wall as if he belonged there. And he did belong there, Sakura thought with a pang of all the times he had stood exactly like that. Unexpectedly he asked, “Are you ready for this?”
“I don’t think that’s my question to answer, Kakashi.”
He seemed to ponder this for a moment before he silently acquiesced. When the same maddening silence claimed them once more, Sakura proceeded to pad around her room, finishing the last few necessities before going to bed. By the time she had brushed her teeth, washed her face (while silently blanching at the dark circles under her eyes), and changed into her rather unimpressive pyjamas, he was still standing there, pondering. When he finally spoke, it was as if he didn’t notice that she had already crawled into bed, halfway to sleep.
“Why aren’t you with anyone?”
Sakura blinked up at him through half-lidded eyes. “The person I want to be with isn’t available.”
“And if he was?”
Sakura shifted under her duvet for a better view. “But he isn’t. But to humour you - it wouldn’t really matter.” She paused, gaze hardening and softening at the same time. “You of all people should know that nothing’s so simple.”
She hardly noticed when he finally moved, wandering slowly until he finally dropped down at the foot of her bed. The slight shift in weight, of his weight was painfully familiar. She tried her best to hide the wave of nostalgia. Then, “I’m sorry.”
Sakura’s throat tightened. “For?”
“Assuming.” He tilted his gaze away from her, to the large window. The November air was pushing through, and the sheer curtains that Sai had installed the year prior billowed without consequence against the glass. Sakura watched as a strand of his impossible silver hair fall over his shoulder, and it was all she could do not to reach out. She missed him, that much she couldn’t deny. She missed waking up in his embrace, she missed running her hands through his unruly hair.
It’s different now, she reminded herself.
“But,” he continued, “Old habits die hard.”
And before she could protest, react or do anything at all, he was suddenly near her, face inches away from her own. “I assumed you would understand,” he said, placing a feathery kiss on her forehead. “I assumed that you needed to understand,” a kiss on the cheek this time, freezing Sakura like the cold winter storm, “And I assumed that we’d reach that point, eventually.”
He stopped just short of her lips, his eyes locked with hers. Sometime during this exchange, his mask had fallen, and Sakura was breathless at the sight of him. She suspected that she would never tire of it, of his deliciously defined jaw. “All you ever needed to do was say I understand.”
A year or so ago, she wouldn’t have understood. It was too cryptic, too out there for her naive, inexperienced heart to grasp. Happily ever after were the words she had wanted to understand back then. But now she saw it, the reality that had been plaguing his jaded mind. For months she detested him, cried for him and yearned for her fairytale. But it was obvious to her now, the thing he had needed her to so desperately understand. Reality wasn’t perfect, wasn’t her fairytale. Reality was a risk and burden that they needed to share, was something that would have drowned Kakashi on his own.
Still breathless and paralyzed with fear of the future, she reached up to caress his beautifully sculpted face. For the first time, she could see the raw turbulence of emotions within his normally marble eyes.
“I understand,” she breathed.
Without a moment’s hesitation, he crushed her into his embrace. Her salty tears left tiny puddles on his shirt, but they were nothing, for he could feel the silhouette of her smile against him. They stayed like that, she tucked into the crook of his neck, he breathing in the scent of soft lavender, until time was but a trifle to be forgotten.
Like this, they could make up for the stupidity of the past, and drift on into the uncertainty of the future, understanding what they could, and pardoning all else.