It's Hard For You And Me
Heechul had always liked Sungmin. He was always so bright, cheerful and happy and he could always make Heechul smile. But - Heechul would never admit it. How could he, brat-master-times-a-hundred, admit that he actually liked a cute, innocent little kid? He always jealously albeit sneakily looked on while Sungmin laughing and giggling, chased around Ryeowook and Kyuhyun. They looked like they were having so much fun. But why couldn’t he be that way with Sungmin?
Whenever Sungmin came near him Heechul always regretted his answer. “Heechulie hyung, let’s play a game!” As much as Heechul would have loved to say “Oh yes, Minnie, let’s play a game!” the thought of his image always stopped him. Yes, he was playful but playing a game with Sungmin… was just unheard of. If it was with anyone else… his petals would understand. But not with Sungmin. So he was forced to snap back, “Ya! You think I have time for games, brat? Go away, I’m busy!” His heart always broke when he saw Sungmin’s bright eyes dim for that split second. But Sungmin being Sungmin, didn’t let it bother him for long and as if it never happened, he scampered off to annoy another member.
Heechul was extremely pleased when he heard the list for who would be in Super Junior Trot. He smirked when he heard Youngwoon’s name closely followed by Jungsu’s. One was never without the other. It only made sense to have Donghee and Hyukjae together; they were afterall, rapping partners in crime. And lastly, apart from himself, sweet Sungmin. But again, he refrained from being too affectionate with the younger man. However, if Sungmin chose to lean against Heechul, he wasn’t going to push him away. He craved that contact and he wasn’t going to push away something that was very rare.
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Sungmin was always confused by Heechul. He saw the brief yet intense looks that his hyung gave him when he thought he wasn’t looking. He just couldn’t comprehend what they meant. For awhile, he just went along like nothing was happening and played his games with his favourite dongsaengs Ryeowook and Kyuhyun. They openly showed their affection for him and there were no hidden feelings any where.
There would be times when he couldn’t stand it any longer and approached Heechul. “Heechulie hyung, let’s play a game!” with his bright eyes and friendly smile, he didn’t think his hyung would deny him a simple request. Just when Sungmin thought that Heechul would play with him, Heechul would turn him down with harsh words, calling him a brat. Crestfallen, the even more confused Sungmin simply stared back. Then, acting like nothing had happened, he sought out Ryeowook and Kyuhyun for comfort.
Sungmin was all over the place (but mostly happy) when he heard the line up for Super Junior Trot. He was happy that Teukie hyung and Kangin hyung had each other for company and he had always liked his dear friend Shindong to be near. He was even happier when he heard that Hyukjae would be there as well - he got along well with him. But when he heard Heechulie hyung’s name… his heart sank. He couldn’t take more rejection from his hyung. But sometimes when he was extremely tired, he’d lean against his hyung and instead of being pushed away like he expected to be, Heechul just let him be. This confused Sungmin even more.
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Heechul was in a bad mood. He was part of another scandal and things didn’t seem to be getting better. He always tried to be careful with the way he acted in public, but sometimes things just got out of hand. And he had hurt Sungmin.
Earlier that day, Heechul and Sungmin were having a half normal conversation for once and Heechul was getting more comfortable with the fact that he could talk to Sungmin without actually having to admit that he liked him. But then, something Heechul could never have expected to happen, happened.
“Heechulie hyung…”
“What is it, Minnie? Just spit it out!”
“Why are you always so harsh…?”
Why was Sungmin acting like even more of a brat today?
“Ya! Lee Sungmin! Do you have a problem with my personality? If you do, you can leave right now!”
“N-no… that isn’t it hyung…”
Heechul was getting impatient. He simply stared at Sungmin, waiting for an answer.
“Hyung… I… l-like… hyungIlikeyou. IlikeyousomuchthatmyheartstopseverytimeIseeyouandImelteverytimeIseeyousmile.” (translation: Hyung, I like you. I like you so much that my heart stops every time I see you and I melt every time I see you smile.)
Heechul saw Sungmin lower his eyes quickly while his face turned a bright red.
“Hrmm? What was that? Speak up! Aish, mumbling isn’t good Min. What did you say?”
Heechul just looked as Sungmin looked up, eyes widening in shock.
“You didn’t hear what I said, hyung?”
“How could I hear anything, brat? You were mumbling! -slight pause- Now onto more important things; what colour should I dye my hair next? I don‘t want to go blonde again, I was thinking of maybe something eccentric like bright green…”
Heechul rambled on, well aware of the tears welling up in Sungmin’s eyes. But he didn’t want to face what Sungmin had just told him. He had heard him perfectly despite what he had told the younger man. But… Heechul wasn’t ready to admit his feelings and he didn’t mean to hurt Sungmin, but that’s the way it turned out. The conversation barely passed Heechul’s hair dye talk when Sungmin, just got up and ran away from him. This resulted in a bad mood which caused a scandal. He could only kick himself for being so stupid.
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Sungmin sulked in Kyuhyun’s arms. “Kyuhyunnie… why would he treat me that way? I… I thought he felt the same…” He sobbed some more. Kyuhyun could only hug him tighter. “It’s okay, hyung. You know how Heechulie hyung is, he was probably just shocked and pretended not to hear anything.” “BUT KYU!” Sungmin whined. “HEECHUL WOULD NEVER LIE TO ME.” He wailed and started to kick and scream. Kyuhyun sighed, Ryeowook was away today so he would have to calm Sungmin all by himself. He just wished he knew how.
The day was starting out well, or so Sungmin thought. He woke up early, did some martial arts practice and had a nice long chat with his bunny. He was in high spirits and thought today was the perfect day to tell Heechul of his feelings which have been growing stronger ever since they were put in Super Junior T together. He found Heechul sitting outside, just looking out at the scenery. Sungmin ran up behind him and gave him a big hug. “Good morning, hyung!” Heechul smiled in reply. “It is a good morning.” Sungmin started to ask Heechul about his plans for the day and as the conversation progressed nicely, he decided it was time to bring it up.
“Heechulie hyung…” He started quite playfully.
“What is it, Minnie? Just spit it out!”
This was a good sign; Heechul only called him “Minnie” when he was in a particularly good mood.
“Why are you always so harsh…?” He teased.
“Ya! Lee Sungmin! Do you have a problem with my personality? If you do, you can leave right now!”
Sungmin started to get a little bit scared; Heechul sounded angry.
“N-no… that isn’t it hyung…”
He noticed Heechul‘s impatience and felt intimidated by Heechul‘s piercing stare.
“Hyung… I… l-like… hyungIlikeyou. IlikeyousomuchthatmyheartstopseverytimeIseeyouandImelteverytimeIseeyousmile.” (translation: Hyung, I like you. I like you so much that my heart stops every time I see you and I melt every time I see you smile.)
He said it quite rushed and was very embarrassed. But he was also relieved to have gotten it out. He lowered his eyes quickly while his face turned a bright red. His heart was pounding as he awaited Heechul’s answer.
“Hrmm? What was that? Speak up! Aish, mumbling isn’t good Min. What did you say?”
Sungmin looked up, his eyes widening in shock.“You didn’t hear what I said, hyung?”
He had only asked to make sure. He was sure he wasn’t mumbling. Heechul definitely would have heard him!
“How could I hear anything, brat? You were mumbling! -slight pause- Now onto more important things; what colour should I dye my hair next? I don‘t want to go blonde again, I was thinking of maybe something eccentric like bright green…”
Sungmin hadn’t even thought of rejection as a possible outcome. He was sure that his hyung felt the same way. And now, he brushed his deepest feelings aside, for the talk of… hair dye? No, this was more than he could bear. He ran as far away and as fast as he could. That is until he somehow managed to collide with Kyuhyun who took him in his arms and started to comfort him.
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They stopped talking to each other. Days turned into weeks, until it reached the point where Heechul couldn’t take it any more. He had decided that he would swallow his pride. He saw Sungmin walking by on his own, probably on his way to see Ryeowook or Kyuhyun. This was quite rare. Sungmin usually had himself attached to somebody elses arm. Heechul took this as his opportunity. Heechul grabbed Sungmin’s hand. “Ya… Minnie…” His apologies were always so awkward. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. It was just that… I…” He swallowed. Before he could continue, Sungmin interrupted him and faced him, his eyes stone cold. “You don’t have to, hyung.” He pulled away from Heechul. “I’m working on moving on from you, so you don’t have to worry about this ‘brat’ ever getting in your way again. Please stay away from me. I don’t need to have you muddling up my feelings even more.” He walked away leaving Heechul dumbfounded. Heechul could only stare at the back of his love and curse himself. “Aish, Heechul. You really are stupid!” He continued to stare at Sungmin‘s figure which was slowly getting further and further away. “Sungminah… mianhae.” Those last words barely a whisper as he curled up on the floor and burst into tears.