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[sunkistboy]

It's so weird. I feel so bad and inappropriate. I feel like I've been given an handicapped heart. A cold heart. A fake, plastic heart, that does the physiological job, but that's about it. I feel trapped, but I don't move. I feel nervous, but I stand still. I ran away today without a word. He can't reach me here. He is so nice, he is so attentive

Comments

[brytheway]

don't beat yourself up over this. if you know what you want and it's not him then by all means do something about it. you gotta tell him so. do it now before he gets sucked in deeper. it'll be even harder if you don't. be honest to yourself and at the same time, be honest to him. don't keep him hanging because sooner or later you'll just hurt him.

[sunkistboy]

I always end up hurting people, and myself along the way. I don't know how I do it, but I guess that's the way it works for me. I will talk to him. I just don't wanna do it over the phone or by e-mail, which would be kind of selfish and weak. I know I am selfish and weak, but I'll do my best to do this properly, if it can be done properly that is. Since I'm away from Quebec for lecture week, studying in Hull, I won't be able to see him for a while. Until then, I'll live with my guilt. But, Bryan, thanks for your comment. I haven't been there a lot lately, no posts and no comments, although I said I would try, and I hope your life is going well. I'll catch up by reading your journal and you'll probably hear from me in the next days.

[brytheway]

i hope it all works out. just be honest. i know it's hard but it's better to hurt him than to live a lie. besides, you will end up hurting him eventually and like i said the longer you wait the harder it's going to be.

i miss you louis!!!

xoxox
bry :)

[mikeybelcher]

You can't help how you feel. We spend so much of our lives trying to construct ourselves to other people's blueprints. Just trust yourself.

Always do what you have to in order to be happy.

Hope things work out.

Love lots, Mikey

[sunkistboy]

I find it so hard to be honest and to trust myself, but it should be so evident and primordial. It's so paradoxal.

Thanks for your support Mikey. I miss you.

[mikeybelcher]

I miss you too Louis. I hope I get to see you sometime this semester.

Keep on being your amazing self. It will all work out someday.

Love, Mikey