[SCENE] Ron and Diego in "Of Love, Loss, and Manliness"
Ron: *After being discharged from jail, Ron is invited by Diego on the Man Filter to have a nice chat. It hasn't been long since he got off for good behaviour -- only a day, really -- but he hasn't seen any familiar faces in a while, and he feels the urge to socialize. He sits in the cleared out conjugal visitation room eating a Hostess snack while he waits.*
Diego: *Ron has only been waiting for a few seconds when Diego enters - for once he's not carrying any coffee, but he is grinning.* Hey, Ron. Good to see you. *he walks over to his own chair and sits in it*
Ron: *smiles when Diego enters; he'd been cut off from LiveJournal the whole time he was incarcerated, so he really is happy to be in contact with his friends again.* Hi, Mr. Diego! How are you? *offers* Would you like a bite of my Twinkie?
Diego: *he laughs at the question, but it's a warm sound* I've been fine - things are really looking up. Feels like tension is just bleeding away. *he waves his hand at the offer* And no, thank you. I've never been one for Twinkies; I'm a Ding Dong kind of man.
Ron: Okay. *withdraws his hand* Sorry... I should've finished before coming. I went to the grocery store with Dessie before coming here, you see. Oh, and before that, we went to the mall. I got her a nice pair of pumps and a freshwater pearl necklace she's been eying for a while. I've missed shopping with her so much... Things are looking up, you say? *he stuffs the rest of it in his mouth and puts the wrapper in his pocket to toss out later*
Diego: *cocks his head, processing all of that for a moment* Yeah, things have been looking up. Most of the people who want to hurt me have gotten off my ass - the solution was bitter and gritty, but it all came out clear in the end. *straightens his head and shrugs* Not a whole lot to tell. I owe you my life.
Ron: *swallows* Yeah... you told me on your journal. *He's still concerned about Diego, but is relieved to see how much better he looks compared to his last beating.* I'm glad you found the iron rod. That was the hardest to sneak in.
Diego: I'm glad too. *he stops for a moment and then laughs again* How did you manage to cram it into that hole? It wasn't in the wall before. Did you drill it, or what?
Ron: Yes, I did! *grins* The walls there are weaker than they ought to be... so I was able to penetrate it pretty easily, without making too much noise. I slid the rod in as far as I could. Did you have any trouble pulling it out?
Diego: Ha! No. *he holds up his right hand, clenching and unclenching his fist* Magic fingers and brute force count for more than you would think. *he puts his hand down slowly, resting it on his knee* ...And I appreciate it, but that's not what you came here to talk about, is it?
Ron: O-oh... right. *glances sideways, nervously* About my time in Calmwood...
Diego: *nods, bringing his left elbow up onto the table and resting his chin on his fist, head tilted forward, expression pensive* Yeah. I'll be honest: I thought you would have had a fairly easy time in that place.
Ron: I did! *perks up* They had a great recreation room. I played a lot of ping-pong -- turns out I know how to work a paddle pretty well! And the gym was even better. The cafeteria had the best pot roast and weiner lunchboxes! But...um. *rubs his arms* Some of the male inmates were... very nice to me. A little... too nice...
Diego: *he nods through most of the explanation, but at the last his head begins to throb in time with his pulse. His voice is still level* That happens to a lot of people, Ron. When my schedule got shifted around, I was accosted in the showers by three men.
Ron: R-right. I heard-- *startled* Wait. They came at you in the showers?!
Diego: *nods slowly* They did. It can happen to anyone, if a number of them think to prey on you - it's part of why I'm working so hard ... towards the erection of more safeguards.
Ron: *stares for a few beats, then casts his gaze downwards, shivering a little at the thought* I'm sorry to hear that... N-nothing like that happened to me. They just kind of... um.
Diego: Ha! *he moves his jaw and pops it, a motion which seems aggressive as he seems to recall* Like I said - you saved my life there, too. *his face relaxes into seriousness and he looks at Ron* They kind of what? If they didn't come at you...?
Ron: *he thrusts forwards and slams the table, looking nearly distraught* Mr. Diego! It won't stop happening! For all my life, I've been mistaken for a girl... and now people think I'm gay! *pause* Um... not that there's anything wrong with that, of course! B-but... well. *slinks back into his chair* They wouldn't stop... gawking...
Diego: *his mouth tightens, and he cocks his head again, for all the world looking like he's never seen anything like this* "Gawking"? ...Why would they think you were gay?
Ron: I-I don't know. *saddened* It made me think of my dad. For the longest time, he thought I was gay... W-well. That was mostly because I didn't have interest in sports, and I never had a girlfriend...
Diego: *crosses his arms over his chest and sits erect, craning his neck with an audible pop before returning it to a neutral - if tense - position* ...Ron, what would it matter if those men thought you were gay? Or even your father?
Ron: *eyes Diego carefully* Er, well... *frowns* See, I don't have anything against homosexuality. But my dad never had a positive view of gays. So, him thinking I'm gay was... kind of a downer. It meant he thought I was weak... abnormal... a disappointment. I-I guess it still gets to me... *rubs his arm, ashamed* I tried my best to get a girlfriend in high school, but I was never popular. *pause* How about you? Wh-what was your luck with girls like in school, Mr. Diego?
Diego: *he tilts his head back, looking at the ceiling* I'll tell you... but first, I need you to drop that honorific.
Ron: *blinks* Y-you mean the "mister?" ...It's okay if I did?
Diego: I insist on it. I won't have a man to whom I owe my life calling me by that - call me Diego, call me Armando, but don't call me Mister.
Ron: *a few beats* All right. If you insist... Diego. *He's not used to it -- it feels strange on his tongue, but he kinda likes it, and tells himself he'll grow more comfortable with it with time. He relaxes.*
Diego: Thanks, Ron. *visibly relaxes, sighing between his teeth* My luck with women has always been good - I admit I was popular. *grins* I was one of the only kids who could grow a decent half-beard in freshman year of high school, and that kind of stuck with me.
Ron: *small smile* I thought so! *his smile falters* I could never grow a beard... even if I tried. I've always had a small frame, so people wrote me off as a total wuss. And I've never been all that strong, physically... I tried joining the baseball team once so I could get into athletics like my brothers, but I couldn't be a decent pitcher or receiver. For the rest of the practice, they made me polish the bats and the balls...
Ron: *sighs with his head hung, and bangs the table.* I... I suck!
Diego: *he laughs again - cutting himself off after a few seconds* No, Ron. You don't suck. I've sucked - I can recognize when other people do the same. It's an easily-identified quality in a person. Being small, being unpopular... these don't define you as a man.
Ron: I-I guess, but... *furrows his brow, looking at Diego* That must be easy for you to say! You're big, strong, and masculine -- you're nothing like me. I-I bet no one's ever thought you're gay!
Diego: *the mirth falls unceremoniously from his face* ...Ron, when I say that those things don't define you as a man, I mean it. Even if you were gay it wouldn't matter. Before I continue: do you understand that?
Ron: Erk... *shrinks a bit with embarrassment* I'm sorry. You're right. Please -- keep going.
Diego: *nods* All right. ...And you're right. No one has ever assumed me to be gay, and in that I might be fortunate - but that doesn't mean I haven't experienced those urges.
Ron: *pouting* Thought so... I-- *stops himself; he just... stares at Diego, long and hard, before bursting out:* Whaaaaaaaaat?!
Diego: *waves his hand, wincing at the outburst* Calm down; it's not that unusual. *sets his hand on the table again* But yes, like I said - at one point in my life, I thought I could have kissed another man. I'm not ashamed.
Ron: *puts a hand to his chest, his heart still beating -- this comes as a huge shock to him. He never imagined Diego could have any sort of romantic feelings for another man, and he can still hardly believe his ears. He calms himself before going on.* R...really? *folds his hands in his lap, trying to look as unfazed as possible*
Diego: Yes, really. A man says what he means and means what he says. *sighs through his teeth, thinking back* I was... sixteen, seventeen? I forget. But I never forgot Ivan, or his face, or anything else about him.
Ron: *sits there, his posture stiff and his eyes locked on Diego* U-uh huh...?
Diego: He was beautiful - in many ways he was beautiful. *an earnest smile creeps across his face and he stares off into space* He was intelligent - a sweetheart of the faculty, the envy of his peers. He was built like a scarecrow - took a long time to get out of that gangliness that comes with adolescence. His laughter... it was an infectious thing, spreading throughout the people around him. I can still hear him laugh.
Ron: *forces out a tiny laugh* Ahaha... I-is that so? That's... um. That's great... *When Diego stares off into space, his eyes dart around the room nervously*
Diego: It was a distant thing - it would have to be. I didn't understand until I was much older, and I wasn't able to act on it back when it would have mattered, but I think I loved him, at least as far as the infatuation of a young boy can be called that.
Ron: *turns his full attention to Diego again; the man is confiding in him with something extremely personal as a friend, and he shouldn't be rude. Still, it's very strange hearing all this coming out of Diego.* Y-you mean... you were in love with him?
Diego: *shakes his head, though not dismissively* That means different things for every person - I don't think I ever loved that boy the same way I've loved other people, because there was never anything truly between us. But...in a small, humble way, yes. I was.
Ron: A-ah... *cocks his head* Wow. I never thought you would ever... um. *pauses; he leans in with morbid curiosity* Wh-what do you think would've happened if... if you told him your feelings, and he r-reciprocated?
Diego: Who can say? Things may have been very different for me - or it may have been like most romances for the young, and come to nothing but a moment of fleeting happiness. I'll never know, now. *he brings his attention back to Ron* But I know this: if something had happened between us, it would not have brought my masculinity into question.
Ron: *blinks; he's pretty impressed by Diego's admission* I... I see! *now he's listening intently, like a high school boy listening to his friend talk about losing his virginity* Do you regret it, then? Never trying, and now... not knowing if...
Diego: I try not to dwell on regret - it is rare that I regret the things I do. I don't regret staying to the course I did - knowing Mia Fey was the greatest happiness any man could know. But not knowing... That has always made me wonder. I have always regretted not learning.
Ron: *suddenly brightens at the common ground* Oh, well... I try not to regret anything, too. *smiles* There's no point in constantly asking yourself, "what if," yes?
Diego: *nods* If you go down that path, it will drive you mad - but that doesn't change the fact of what I just said, either.
Ron: *a few beats pass, and he begins to sulk once more* It must be nice being so comfortable in your own skin like that.
Diego: *his mouth is set, his voice deadpan* I find it hard to rationalize a reason not to be. What I just told you breaks the highest standard of masculinity you've had drilled into you. Does it make me less of a man?
Ron: *exhales deeply* You said... you were popular in school, right? I was completely the opposite! I-I guess you could say it's difficult to ignore my bad experiences, no matter how hard you drill that into me... *shrugs with defeat* I'm taking in everything you're giving, but... i-it's a lot to swallow.
Diego: *scowls* Your insistence on it is bothering me, Ron. You know what I mean - on some level I think you even agree with me. What's stopping you? Are you hiding something?
Ron: *becoming defensive* I'm not! I'm saying, you don't understand where I'm coming from!
Diego: This all comes down to your perception of your own masculinity, how you carry yourself and think of yourself. Tell me, what single thing could matter so much that it blinds you to self-realization? What keeps you from thinking of yourself as a man?
Ron: *raising his voice* I don't know! If I knew, I would tell you!
Diego: *he slams his hand on the table - a deafening, shuddering sound, but his voice is level* I think you do know. You've been letting people dictate to you what it means to be masculine for years - you never take your manhood in your own hands.
Ron: *further aggravated -- his tone is defensive, and a little frightened* I told you! I don't know! *the chair legs squeak against the floor as he bolts upright* Thank you for listening to me, Diego, but... this was a mistaaaaaaake! *with that, he walks across the room and goes straight for the door, opening it and slamming it hard behind him*
Diego: *doesn't move to stop him; waits for a beat* Ron, you went the wrong way. That's a closet.
Ron: *about three seconds of silence before he finally comes out of the closet which contains all the things a conjugal visiting room should have* Well...! *blushing, he steps forwards as he slams it shut; he acts huffy and indignant to try to cover his embarrassment* What if I meant to do that?!
Diego: *he borders on expressionless* What if you had?
Ron: *blinks at him, confused* P-pardon...?
Diego: Ron, you just asked me what if you had meant to hide in a closet. Now sit down; we're not done yet.
Ron: *his face reddens even further as he realizes the double entendre. He has no words to return -- he sheepishly walks back and re-seats himself in the chair.* I-I'm sorry.
Diego: Don't be. *sighs, taking a moment to think* Look, Ron, the problem here is that you let other people shape your idea of your own masculinity too much. That isn't something that you're going to be able to fix right away, but there's one thing that you need to get over sooner.
Ron: *trying to forget what just happened, he focuses all his attention on Diego and speaks quickly now.* Right. Okay. What's that?
Diego: *he holds up one finger, indicating a point* All of this - in this situation, at least - stems from people thinking you're gay. You've placed a taboo on homoeroticism in your own mind. You act as if kissing another man would poison you; gay or not, you need to realize that that's not the case.
Ron: *a nervous laugh* I know it wouldn't poison me, Diego! *earnest* I don't believe there's anything wrong with men kissing other men!
Diego: I don't believe you. *rises from his seat* And now I have a point to prove.
Ron: *an awkward smile remains on his face as he watches Diego rise* O-oh? Wh-what's that?
Diego: *steps around the table until he's standing by Ron, and rests one hand on his shoulder* Stand up.
Ron: Um... okay? *he rises to his feet, feeling a bit intimidated... But something like this was done before, and it lead to positive results, so he trusts Diego here*
Diego: *brings his right hand up behind Ron's head and the left behind his neck, tilting the younger man's head back* My point. *presses his mouth to Ron's in an open kiss*
Ron: ...!!! *With that, he freezes instantly. He cannot move. His brain fizzles out, and it takes a moment for the tiny little gears in his head to begin moving again. When they do, he comes to the slow realization that Diego is kissing him.*
Diego: *his tongue worms its way into Ron's mouth, filling it, tracing out the shape of Ron's tongue, the roof of his mouth, the insides of his teeth, drawing up his breath - and then after a long moment Diego breaks it off, looking down at Ron with a grin* See now? That wasn't so bad.
Ron: *When Diego withdraws, Ron is still wide-eyed, still stiff. It takes a moment for him to recollect his thoughts. His eyes flick back to Diego's visor, mouth agape... and then his muscles relax, and he can feel his heart beating. Finally, he smiles back at at the taller man, and when he speaks, it's a warm and pleasant tone:* No... It wasn't.
Diego: *his grin grows wider, teeth showing in a cascade of ivory* Ron... that was the climax. *his hands trace around Ron's head, his fingers catch hold of bobby pins, and he pulls - Ron's hair falls in a waterfall of curls, pins falling out of it until they litter the floor* How would you like to have a few more?
Ron: *he laughs, and this time, it's not forced -- it's one of contentment and a hint of bashfulness* Please, Diego... you're embarrassing me. *He places his slender, feminine hands on Diego's powerful shoulders, in awe of his structure.*
Diego: *he leans in, his grin growing wider - the light of his visor fills Ron's vision, until all he can see is three red lights against a field of darkness, and all he can hear is that deep, hungry rumbling of the older man's voice* No... Not yet. Let me show you.
Ron: *In the next moment, the only thing Ron can see are three red vertical lights glowing in the darkness -- they spell out "1:11" and it's coming from the digital alarm clock on his bedside table. He jolts up, gripping the edges of his blanket, heart thumping in his chest and cold sweat running down his back. He looks to his left and right, examining his vicinity. It's dark, but his eyes adjust and he starts making out the familiar silhouettes of the objects in his bedroom. He looks down at the figure next to him, and it's his beautiful wife, still sleeping soundly.*
Ron: *After confirming his own whereabouts, he thinks about what just occured. It's still all too fresh on his mind; one of the most vivid dreams he's had in a while. It seemed so real, and he can still recall what it felt like when Diego leaned in and... But what does this mean?!*
Ron: *He's utterly confused, stunned and horrified, all at once. He looks back at Desirée, a sudden animalistic urge taking over him completely... and in an almost feverish panic, he proceeds to wake her up, intent on demonstrating he's got nothing to prove.*
((OOC NOTE: Thank you for reading. Now, read it again -- it reads differently the second time.))