(no subject)
Merry fucking Halloween yeah sure...I fokin' wish...
From the Family....
-Dueling Harry and Lockhart Figures.
-A Harry Potter movie poster book.
-Final Fantasy X-2.
-A camera and a roll of film.
-A Yin-yang insence burner.
-Cinnomen insence. (yumm...smells like Anthony in my room all the time now.)
-A little "Water garden" scented candle.
-A really girly bear.
-$25.00 art shopping spree.
From Friends....
-A sketchbook and oil colored pencils
-A large sketchbook,mechanical pencils, colored pencils
-a vibrator (no I am not joking with you...)
-A cute ass blue jacket thing..(I'm wearing it right now)
-A shirt in which I don't know wtf is on it....
-The "Don't make me go Zelda on you." shirt...
-A medium sized skecthbook
-A mirror mobile thing...in which I have no where to put it...
-A loss of three wonderfull friends...
and somehow I seem to be the only lame ass this year who didn't get PotC...but my little brother got it! Not that he will let me watch it...
Now besides the presents I got...and all my gratefullness of the people who gave them to me...my Christmas was pretty shitty....Let me begin at the start of all my problems....
My mom was pissed about there being no fokin' Christmas tree. She acted as if the whole fokin' holiday was going to be ruined because there was no useless tree in the corner of the room, just so we could say it was Christmas. Now I guess this seems mean and heartless...but I have a good reason to be a fokin' scrooge this year...I have been having no reason to want to remember it was Christmas in the first place! My "boyfriend" is out of town, I lost three good friends, currently am looking foward to hell when I go back to school, and my family has no money for anything.
So yesterday afternoon my mom comes in, and she is hell-bent on getting a $20 dollar tree the night before Christmas...My dad told her that getting one then was pointless and that it would just be a waste of our money (seeing as we are pretty much broke.) and that we would have no time to put it up in the first place, seeing as almost all of our ornaments were broken in the move to our new house last year...the lights are all in a ball in some box in the garage, and our garland is like ummm...dead? Even if we had let her get a fokin' tree we would have had it up by my bed time, and it would sit there in the corner for three or four more days then we would take it down, and act like it was never there.
I hated to tell her but the tree was a waste of time and money, and my dad had promised that we would have a tree for the next Christmas..but no Mom wouldn't stop there, she had to go and try to get me to side with her, I told her that we would do just fine without a tree for one year and that we really needed the money to get food on our table.
Oh I should have just set the god damned house on fire, I bet I wouldn't have had that bad of a reaction. She started with how I had just ruined her Christmas and all kinds of things like that. That it just wasn't Christmas without a tree. So I told her that Christmas was about spending time with the family and your friends...but she just wouldn't listen to me, she just stormed out of the house and went next door.
So I go into my brother's room, and I am playing Kingdom Hearts to calm myslef from breaking down and crying again, or dwelling on something "pointless", and my mom comes in and closes the door just to point her finger at my brother and I and starts to cry about ruining her Christmas, and started up with if we really wanted Christmas dinner "seeing as we didn't believe in tradtion". Somehow that rant became a rant on how she never gets anything for any holiday and she does all she can to get us stuff, and then we go and tell her she can't have her tree. I told her that I never have money and whenever I draw something for her she spazes on me and tells me to "draw realistically!". So in the end I stopped trying, now you go and try to tell her that. She just wouldn't listen, so Josh and I got up and left the house and went to the plaza, with all of four dollars in our pockets.
We ended up buying her a little candle in which she turned her nose up to like it was shit, and we got my dad a new set of plastic "God Bless America" cups. I stole a little "Season's greetings" bag and a crad to both of the parents. I guess they wouldn't like knowing that I had stolen most of their present...but what else could we do? We had to make the present as nice as possible.
When we got home, we went into my room and I wrote on the card "That we are family and that no matter how hard things get we will stay together, and we will always love you." Josh thought it was sappy, but I was just so sick of having my thoughts of a person scrammbled and read wrongly....*sniffles a little and kicks the floor*
So this morning I get up and go out to the living room. The presents are all in one corner of the room, and my mom on the couch with her arms crossed. When we went over to the tree she coldly said "since you don't feel like having traditions, you can get your own presents from under the tree." Every year (up until this one) my mom would hand us our gifts and we would all be like "wooh!" I guess I never realised how much it meant to me to have her do that...until it wasn't happening anymore.
I guess that is the lesson I have learned this year....sometimes you don't know how much something means until it is gone....how much it really means to have friends that care, how in-important something could seem when you do it, then in the end it makes a mess that no one could truley clean up. I know up to now, I have seemed shallow and idiotic....I look back today on how I treated my (as I called them) "friends"...and now I see their point. I am a fool to think that I was ever a real friend to them....I guess they have every right to be mad at me....and I guess I am here to say that they have won....I wish I could go back and be a truer friend to them...but I know that will never happen....It's just not worth crying over anymore, because all the tears in the world could not bring back what I have lost....so I guess I am here to say.. "Hi I am Sunny Maxwell, and I am the biggest loser in the world, and that I am sorry."
Maybe someday I will grow up enought for Kitty and Niku to speak to me again...maybe my dream will come true...I really shouldn't hold my breathe though...
In other news....I will be going to Joey's New Years party...and I don't have that much longer to go before that happens!
Till then Bunches of love, and I hope you had a better holiday than I did...
<3333 Sunny Maxwell
From the Family....
-Dueling Harry and Lockhart Figures.
-A Harry Potter movie poster book.
-Final Fantasy X-2.
-A camera and a roll of film.
-A Yin-yang insence burner.
-Cinnomen insence. (yumm...smells like Anthony in my room all the time now.)
-A little "Water garden" scented candle.
-A really girly bear.
-$25.00 art shopping spree.
From Friends....
-A sketchbook and oil colored pencils
-A large sketchbook,mechanical pencils, colored pencils
-a vibrator (no I am not joking with you...)
-A cute ass blue jacket thing..(I'm wearing it right now)
-A shirt in which I don't know wtf is on it....
-The "Don't make me go Zelda on you." shirt...
-A medium sized skecthbook
-A mirror mobile thing...in which I have no where to put it...
-A loss of three wonderfull friends...
and somehow I seem to be the only lame ass this year who didn't get PotC...but my little brother got it! Not that he will let me watch it...
Now besides the presents I got...and all my gratefullness of the people who gave them to me...my Christmas was pretty shitty....Let me begin at the start of all my problems....
My mom was pissed about there being no fokin' Christmas tree. She acted as if the whole fokin' holiday was going to be ruined because there was no useless tree in the corner of the room, just so we could say it was Christmas. Now I guess this seems mean and heartless...but I have a good reason to be a fokin' scrooge this year...I have been having no reason to want to remember it was Christmas in the first place! My "boyfriend" is out of town, I lost three good friends, currently am looking foward to hell when I go back to school, and my family has no money for anything.
So yesterday afternoon my mom comes in, and she is hell-bent on getting a $20 dollar tree the night before Christmas...My dad told her that getting one then was pointless and that it would just be a waste of our money (seeing as we are pretty much broke.) and that we would have no time to put it up in the first place, seeing as almost all of our ornaments were broken in the move to our new house last year...the lights are all in a ball in some box in the garage, and our garland is like ummm...dead? Even if we had let her get a fokin' tree we would have had it up by my bed time, and it would sit there in the corner for three or four more days then we would take it down, and act like it was never there.
I hated to tell her but the tree was a waste of time and money, and my dad had promised that we would have a tree for the next Christmas..but no Mom wouldn't stop there, she had to go and try to get me to side with her, I told her that we would do just fine without a tree for one year and that we really needed the money to get food on our table.
Oh I should have just set the god damned house on fire, I bet I wouldn't have had that bad of a reaction. She started with how I had just ruined her Christmas and all kinds of things like that. That it just wasn't Christmas without a tree. So I told her that Christmas was about spending time with the family and your friends...but she just wouldn't listen to me, she just stormed out of the house and went next door.
So I go into my brother's room, and I am playing Kingdom Hearts to calm myslef from breaking down and crying again, or dwelling on something "pointless", and my mom comes in and closes the door just to point her finger at my brother and I and starts to cry about ruining her Christmas, and started up with if we really wanted Christmas dinner "seeing as we didn't believe in tradtion". Somehow that rant became a rant on how she never gets anything for any holiday and she does all she can to get us stuff, and then we go and tell her she can't have her tree. I told her that I never have money and whenever I draw something for her she spazes on me and tells me to "draw realistically!". So in the end I stopped trying, now you go and try to tell her that. She just wouldn't listen, so Josh and I got up and left the house and went to the plaza, with all of four dollars in our pockets.
We ended up buying her a little candle in which she turned her nose up to like it was shit, and we got my dad a new set of plastic "God Bless America" cups. I stole a little "Season's greetings" bag and a crad to both of the parents. I guess they wouldn't like knowing that I had stolen most of their present...but what else could we do? We had to make the present as nice as possible.
When we got home, we went into my room and I wrote on the card "That we are family and that no matter how hard things get we will stay together, and we will always love you." Josh thought it was sappy, but I was just so sick of having my thoughts of a person scrammbled and read wrongly....*sniffles a little and kicks the floor*
So this morning I get up and go out to the living room. The presents are all in one corner of the room, and my mom on the couch with her arms crossed. When we went over to the tree she coldly said "since you don't feel like having traditions, you can get your own presents from under the tree." Every year (up until this one) my mom would hand us our gifts and we would all be like "wooh!" I guess I never realised how much it meant to me to have her do that...until it wasn't happening anymore.
I guess that is the lesson I have learned this year....sometimes you don't know how much something means until it is gone....how much it really means to have friends that care, how in-important something could seem when you do it, then in the end it makes a mess that no one could truley clean up. I know up to now, I have seemed shallow and idiotic....I look back today on how I treated my (as I called them) "friends"...and now I see their point. I am a fool to think that I was ever a real friend to them....I guess they have every right to be mad at me....and I guess I am here to say that they have won....I wish I could go back and be a truer friend to them...but I know that will never happen....It's just not worth crying over anymore, because all the tears in the world could not bring back what I have lost....so I guess I am here to say.. "Hi I am Sunny Maxwell, and I am the biggest loser in the world, and that I am sorry."
Maybe someday I will grow up enought for Kitty and Niku to speak to me again...maybe my dream will come true...I really shouldn't hold my breathe though...
In other news....I will be going to Joey's New Years party...and I don't have that much longer to go before that happens!
Till then Bunches of love, and I hope you had a better holiday than I did...
<3333 Sunny Maxwell