swirls in my mind...
It has been a very, very long day. For that reason alone, I am utterly exhausted...to the point where it takes a lot of effort to take deep breaths. Continuing along those lines, it seemed like a good idea to call it an early night. However, it is very difficult to sleep when your mind is so full of thoughts. Two things, in particular, are weighing in pretty heavily tonight. Sometimes it just helps to write things down.
There is a person in my life who is weighing in on my life and garnering much more respect from me than they really deserve. This person has been a calm among the storm in the past few weeks, and for that I am very thankful. At the same time, they haven't really done much recently to deserve my respect and all the brainpower I put into them....and somehow, this seems very unfair. Friendships, relationships, and everything else in life have to work both ways. Why does this happen? Why do I let my guard down about 10 minutes too soon? And, why do I let someone recieve my respect and time and thought when they don't return it? It all sounds silly, I know, but thats life.
Secondly, I received a call this morning from the Delaware State Chamber of Commerce. I had applied and interviewed there for an internship in their events department. The interview went fabulously when it was held a week and a half ago and things seemed to be on the right track. It seemed like an incredible opportunity - a chance to see how corporate America functions when they want to have parties. Plus, it wouldn't have been a bad networking opportunity AND a great resume builder. Besides, I am required to have an internship for this semester, what with getting 3 credits for one and all. So back to today - and my wakeup call. The woman on the other end says, "I'm just calling to let you know that you were our top choice for the position [score!], however, due to your class schedule we cannot hire you." I say thank you and I understand, but truly, I don't. It's a double edged sword. Compliment me and then stab a little harder. They KNOW I'm a college student, you would think they might be a little more flexible with schedules. Granted, I have classes, albeit just one each day, around noon....and for that reason they can't hire me because "They really need someone mostly in the middle of the day because that is when they get most of their work done." Cut me some slack, there is nothing I can do with my class schedule...they are all required in order for me to graduate and as my luck would have it, only one section of each. What about the hours of 8-11:30 am? Or the hours of 3-5 pm? Don't they get any work done during those times? Or the fact that I don't have ANY classes on Fridays??? If this is what searching for jobs is going to be like, I'm getting more and more discouraged. This is the THIRD place that hasn't been able to hire me. The 1st one was all set to hire me until we realized that their major event was the same weekend as Relay here on campus. Okay, legit. The 2nd place was all set to hire me until they realized they wanted to hire a fulltime staff for the special events position and they were afraid that if they had me as the intern then the board wouldn't approve the hiring. Okay, somewhat legit. I'm trying, really, I am. But things just continue to get more and more discouraging each day.
It's my birthday in about 23 1/2 hours. Maybe I can get some sleep now.
"No one loves me, everyone hates me, I'm gonna go eat worms!"