I won't let this build up inside of me.
So, I just went & talked with Jen. And realized I don't think anyone really knows me. I mean, only about one person does. & that's Tiffany.
I grew up so fast. I've always hung out with people older then me & I grew up with them. The few that actually did grow up. & I feel like I haven't missed out on anything. wether that is true or not.
I don't believe in regrets. I really don't. I don't exactley believe everything happens for a reason, but who knows. Maybe it does. None the less, I have few regrets. And I don't understand why people dwell on the past. That was then, this is now. the end.
I may be dramatic sometimes, but it's not highschool. Everyone I know who isn't in highschool is still dramatic. Maybe to a certain extent, but still. I got over highschool drama about 2 years ago. At least I can admit that I am dramatic. And I am jealous. And I may over react sometimes, but it's usually for a reason. Wether that reason be good or not, in other peoples minds, it is in mine.
I'm very mature. Sure at times, I'm not. But you can't blame me. I think the whole growing up fast thing really screws with that. But compared to people who are even older then me, I'm quite mature.
I use to give up on shit really fast. But when I see something good in someone or anything, I'll try my damnest to do anything. But sometimes, thats not good enough. Or maybe thats just what's supposed to happen. I'm not sure.
People view life so weird. But everyone has their own opinion, I suppose. I just don't understand why some people think about the past so much. Sure, maybe it was a big part, but you have to move on. You have to. That's just how it goes. Maybe you don't want to, but you need to. You need to grow up, take the shit, and deal with it.
But that's just my opinion. I feel like I'm talking about someone, but I'm not. This post should be vauge as fuck, because it's suppose to be. But it's really all about me.
So let me explain a few things. So, I never had a bad childhood. Mine was just normal, fine, whatever. My parents may hate eachother right now, but I'm just fine. I'm not crazy. I am jealous. I just am. It's not psycho jealous, just normal jealous. I have been screwed over so many times in every relationship. Justin, Eric, Andrew, Everyone. There's always been a prettier, smart, better girl around. Now I'm not trying to get sympathy. That's just how my life has gone. I'm over it. But I have issues with trust because of it. and because of everyone.
my friend have even fucked me over a million times. Sure, I've probably done it too, but it's happen many times to me also. Everyone would talk so much shit behind everyones back, etc etc. That was like, over two years ago. And I'm not dwelling on it. But it still stands to this day that I don't trust just anyone. You have to gain my trust.
Now, a majority of the people who I actually talk to on a day to day basis, I trust with my life. I really do. And I love them to death. And those people have earned my trust & they have mine.
Hence why I have few friends. Now, you probably think, fuck that. Who try's that hard to be someones friend? Well, I do. After everything I've been through, I think it's well worth it.
Relationships. Well. Where to start. I've stated a few things already. But ya know what, I've been in love. I know how it feels. And I know how bad it sucks at times. Hell, I'm in love right now. I'm fucking head over heels for someone, & I love every minute of it. I may not deserve it at times, but it makes me so happy. I don't worry much in this situation. Because I trust him. I trust you with everything and anything. That's just where I am at this point. And I would hope that I have good reason to still feel this way. I know I do. & I'm glad everything is where it's at right now. And It'll be even better in about 2 weeks.
I'm a blunt person. I may beat around the bush on a few things, but it's because I'm scared. And shy. Believe it or not. But I don't get why people act like your friend, and tell you that you can talk to them, then tell other people you're annoyed with here me ramble about everything. Then Just TELL ME. I don't get it. I would be honest with you. Why can't you all be honest with me?
Promises. I hate promises. I've always been screwed when it comes to this, too. I've done some shitty things when it comes to this, too. But I grew out of that. So please, if you're my friend or anyone, and we've ever made a promise that's important. Or even not important. Don't break it. And if you do, please be honest with me. All I want is people to be honest with me & tell me the truth. I won't get mad. I won't try to kill you. I'll be glad you had the guts and respect to tell me.
I don't know where I was going with this all, but I had to get it off my chest. I'm not sure why. I'm just in a weird mood. I'm fine. But.. iono.
I gotta go do some homework & wrap present since I haven't yet.
Uhm. Yeah.
<3