fic: It Hurts At First
Title: It Hurts At First
Rating: PG
Words: ~2,000
Pairing: Finn/Kurt broship, mentions of Kurt/Blaine, Finn/Rachel
Warnings & Summary:
[Spoilers for 4x04]
Set in 4x04, goes AU from there. After their night at Callbacks, Kurt and Finn's relationships are essentially over. What they need is each other, and they find just that.
-----
As Kurt sat, lonely in his desk chair, he picked at his cuticles and waited for some sign of life in the apartment. Things began so well the night previous, but ended so horribly. Kurt had slept next to Blaine, but it was the last place he wanted to be. “Only a hook up?” No, that wasn’t what it had been. Blaine had always liked attention. More than he should have, if Kurt was being completely honest, but he’d thought that he’d been doing a good job of fulfilling those needs. Kurt had left Blaine for New York even though he’d had doubts, and where had it gotten him? Thoughts that Blaine pushed Kurt to New York so he could have his little “hook up” filled Kurt’s mind, but thankfully a noise in the apartment pull him from such venomous notions.
Kurt greeted Finn, who stopped and turned, shocked and looking a little panicked. “You’re really going to leave her again? Without saying goodbye?” Kurt asked. His voice was soft and timid, and his face was full of emotion that reflected more sadness than anything.
“It’s… what’s best for us,” Finn supplied lamely.
“Are you going back to Lima?” Kurt pressed.
Finn paused and bit his lip, and then nodded slowly. Kurt took a deep breath and frowned. What he wouldn’t give to escape with Finn, get away from it all for a few days. The craziness at Isabelle’s office, Blaine… there were so many things Kurt wished he could hide from. Even worse was that he really just wanted to run to his dad and have him hold him and tell him that everything was going to be okay. “When does your flight leave?” Kurt asked, his voice even softer now.
“Not until ten. I just wanted to get out before Rachel woke up,” Finn said.
Kurt nodded and stood up from his chair. He was drawn in on himself like he tended to do when he was upset. Wearing simple black, suitable for the situation, Kurt slowly approached his step-brother. “Let’s get breakfast before you go, okay? My treat,” Kurt suggested.
Finn seemed taken aback by the suggestion. He’d actually thought that Kurt would yell at him for leaving once he’d been caught. “Yeah, dude. I’d like that,” Finn said with a small smile.
He opened the door to the apartment and Kurt followed him out, and the two of them walked in silence out to the curb where Finn hailed a cab for them. They climbed in and Kurt gave the name of a diner near NYADA’s campus, one he would frequent for a simple black coffee when he was waiting to pick Rachel up before they’d go home together in the name of safety.
Neither said a word on the way to the diner. They didn’t have to. Finn and Kurt had come a long way since meeting four years ago, and now the two of them could be a comfort to the other without even saying a word. It came with living together, and they both found it to be something they didn’t want to lose. Kurt hated the circumstances, but was glad that he had Finn there to share his pain with.
When they arrived at the diner, Kurt walked in and greeted the usual waitress, and then took a spot at a booth in the back. She brought them water and then walked away, leaving them to the menus. “I’m not really that hungry, so I might just get the fruit bowl,” Kurt said.
His voice was still so soft and meek, and it startled Finn a little. “You know you can come visit us, right?” Finn offered. “Burt is cool, he said he’d pay for it. He worries about you, so… he had me tell you that the option is there.”
“Thanks, Finn,” Kurt said, exhaustion clear in his voice. “I wish I could, but… I’m in charge of calls at Isabelle’s office and they’re always ringing off the hook. I can’t really just up and leave, you know?” Kurt sighed and said, “I’ll be home for Thanksgiving, though.”
Finn nodded and said, “Good. I’ve missed you, man.”
Kurt mustered the biggest smile that day, which wasn’t really much of a smile at all, and said, “I’ve missed you too, Finn.”
They were both silent until the waitress came by again, and Kurt ordered a fruit bowl, and surprisingly Finn ordered the exact same. In the silence, Kurt’s mind strayed to Blaine and what he’d said the night before, and his lower lip began to tremble again. Tears welled in Kurt’s eyes for the hundredth time since Blaine’s confession, and Finn noticed right away. “It’s probably not a good thing that I can say this, even if it kinda is… but… I know how you feel. It sucks. And… I’m really sorry,” Finn offered sadly. “I never thought Blaine would do that to you. You don’t deserve that.”
Kurt pursed his lips and tried not to cry, and just looked up at Finn sadly. Finn scooted over in his booth and patted the seat next to him. Without question, Kurt got up and moved to sit next to Finn, their backs to the rest of the diner. Finn’s arm fell around Kurt’s shoulder and Kurt silently let tears fall from his eyes, melting into the fabric of Finn’s shirt. “It hurts so bad,” Kurt whispered. “Why wasn’t I enough?”
It broke Finn’s heart to hear the pure heartbreak in Kurt’s voice. He hadn’t experienced pain like this since his mother had told him the truth behind his father’s death. Something about the whole situation just rocked Finn to his core, and he felt tears in his own eyes. “You’re gonna be okay, Kurt,” he whispered. “I promise, I’m here for you.”
Kurt, of course, had kept in contact with Finn the entire summer, but kept Finn’s whereabouts from Rachel on a pinky swear with Finn. He had always known that Finn would be there for him, and he didn’t think that would ever change. Their relationship was solid - nothing could shake it now - and moments like this only made their bond stronger. Kurt let his tears fall and Finn felt them soaking through onto his skin. Even if it was uncomfortable, he hid it and just rubbed Kurt’s arm and held onto him, letting Kurt have the breakdown that he obviously needed.
Kurt didn’t stop until the waitress returned with the fruit, and a warming pitcher of black coffee on the house, noticing the pained look in both boys’ eyes. Kurt thanked her and frantically wiped at his eyes as Finn poured them each some coffee. “You’ll be okay, Kurt,” Finn said softly, sliding a mug across the table.
With a deep breath, Kurt nodded and picked up his fork. He poked at a piece of cantaloupe and glanced over at Finn. “You will too, Finn,” he said softly.
They ate slowly and sipped at their coffee, generally just taking their time as they consumed their breakfast. It was only about seven o’clock by the time they’d arrived, so they had plenty of time before Finn’s flight. “I know it hurts, but maybe this is good for you,” Finn said out of nowhere.
Kurt sat up a little straighter and glanced over at his brother with curiosity. “What do you mean?” he asked.
“You and Blaine were great together, but… I mean, I remember you telling me over warm milk one night that you were texting that Chandler guy. So you guys haven’t exactly been super solid. Maybe this was just it, and now you guys are going to meet other gay dudes and fall head over heels for them. Instead of like, slowly getting to that point like you did with Blaine, right?” Finn offered. He was only going off of what Kurt had told them in their talks.
Kurt nodded slowly and looked at Finn, mildly impressed. “So you’re saying I should take advantage of the fact that I’m a decent looking single man in New York City?” Kurt mused.
Finn showed a bit of a smile at that and nodded. “Yeah, dude. Just go out and meet people. Maybe this is where you’re meant to be so you can find the dude you’re gonna marry one day,” Finn offered.
His smile faded as he thought about the fact that not only did his life have no direction, but he was essentially ditching Rachel, leaving himself single as well. He didn’t have a big flashy city to go back to, where he could meet women and maybe find someone that would make him feel as much as Rachel did. “You’ll find someone too, Finn,” Kurt said softly. “We’re a family, and we’re going to help you figure out what you’re going to do and where you’ll do it. I’m always just a phone call away.”
Finn didn’t seem entirely convinced, but he nodded and pretended that he was, for Kurt’s sake. He knew that he’d get through it, but the ‘how’ of it all was standing in his way. After they finished eating, Kurt then went out to hail a cab. If they were already together, it wouldn’t hurt to bring Finn to the airport to see him off. “La Guardia, please,” Kurt said as they climbed into the cab.
The whole ride to the airport, Kurt leaned his head against Finn’s shoulder and just closed his eyes. He hadn’t slept well at all. The haunting reminder of the breakup had loomed over Kurt for much of the night as Blaine slept seemingly peacefully right there next to him. When they got to the airport, Finn didn’t want to move but knew that they had to. He sighed and gently woke Kurt. “We’re here,” he said softly.
Their breakfast had taken quite a while, so Finn was right on time as they walked into the airport. Once they reached as far as Kurt could go, Finn turned to him sadly. “I’m really sorry about you and Blaine,” he said to Kurt as he pulled him into a hug.
“And I’m sorry about you and Rachel,” Kurt whispered in reply.
They held each other for a few moments too long, earning themselves looks from those around them, but neither cared. They were each other’s only comfort in that moment so it was important that they took as much time as they needed. When it was time to go, Finn looked at Kurt sadly and said, “I love you, bro. I’ll talk to you soon.”
“I love you too, Finn,” Kurt said, choking up again as a new wave of tears threatened to fall, this time because he was saying goodbye to someone so close to him. “Call me when you get home, okay?”
Finn nodded and waved before walking towards security, leaving Kurt behind. With a sigh, Kurt walked back out to hail a cab, reluctantly giving the driver his home address. When he got back, he found that Rachel and Blaine were standing in the kitchen drinking tea, looking worse for wear.
Kurt caught their eyes as he walked in, but had no words for them. It seemed like nobody had anything to say. Kurt was thankful that the following day was a Monday and he could escape to work for ridiculous amounts of time, and he hoped that Blaine was also leaving that afternoon. Seeing him in person was hard, and Kurt really wanted to take down the last few pictures of the two of them that he still had. The fewer reminders of all the pain and heartache, the better.
As Kurt tossed himself down on the bed, he stared up at the ceiling and felt better as he realized something. Finn needed to find himself. Maybe helping Finn out was exactly what Kurt needed to distract himself from the breakup. Finn would always be Kurt’s first serious crush, and now his brother, which meant that he’d always look out for Finn, no matter what it took. Only this time, it would work out well for the both of them.
For the first time since Blaine’s confession, Kurt felt a little better, and he really, truly smiled.
Rating: PG
Words: ~2,000
Pairing: Finn/Kurt broship, mentions of Kurt/Blaine, Finn/Rachel
Warnings & Summary:
[Spoilers for 4x04]
Set in 4x04, goes AU from there. After their night at Callbacks, Kurt and Finn's relationships are essentially over. What they need is each other, and they find just that.
-----
As Kurt sat, lonely in his desk chair, he picked at his cuticles and waited for some sign of life in the apartment. Things began so well the night previous, but ended so horribly. Kurt had slept next to Blaine, but it was the last place he wanted to be. “Only a hook up?” No, that wasn’t what it had been. Blaine had always liked attention. More than he should have, if Kurt was being completely honest, but he’d thought that he’d been doing a good job of fulfilling those needs. Kurt had left Blaine for New York even though he’d had doubts, and where had it gotten him? Thoughts that Blaine pushed Kurt to New York so he could have his little “hook up” filled Kurt’s mind, but thankfully a noise in the apartment pull him from such venomous notions.
Kurt greeted Finn, who stopped and turned, shocked and looking a little panicked. “You’re really going to leave her again? Without saying goodbye?” Kurt asked. His voice was soft and timid, and his face was full of emotion that reflected more sadness than anything.
“It’s… what’s best for us,” Finn supplied lamely.
“Are you going back to Lima?” Kurt pressed.
Finn paused and bit his lip, and then nodded slowly. Kurt took a deep breath and frowned. What he wouldn’t give to escape with Finn, get away from it all for a few days. The craziness at Isabelle’s office, Blaine… there were so many things Kurt wished he could hide from. Even worse was that he really just wanted to run to his dad and have him hold him and tell him that everything was going to be okay. “When does your flight leave?” Kurt asked, his voice even softer now.
“Not until ten. I just wanted to get out before Rachel woke up,” Finn said.
Kurt nodded and stood up from his chair. He was drawn in on himself like he tended to do when he was upset. Wearing simple black, suitable for the situation, Kurt slowly approached his step-brother. “Let’s get breakfast before you go, okay? My treat,” Kurt suggested.
Finn seemed taken aback by the suggestion. He’d actually thought that Kurt would yell at him for leaving once he’d been caught. “Yeah, dude. I’d like that,” Finn said with a small smile.
He opened the door to the apartment and Kurt followed him out, and the two of them walked in silence out to the curb where Finn hailed a cab for them. They climbed in and Kurt gave the name of a diner near NYADA’s campus, one he would frequent for a simple black coffee when he was waiting to pick Rachel up before they’d go home together in the name of safety.
Neither said a word on the way to the diner. They didn’t have to. Finn and Kurt had come a long way since meeting four years ago, and now the two of them could be a comfort to the other without even saying a word. It came with living together, and they both found it to be something they didn’t want to lose. Kurt hated the circumstances, but was glad that he had Finn there to share his pain with.
When they arrived at the diner, Kurt walked in and greeted the usual waitress, and then took a spot at a booth in the back. She brought them water and then walked away, leaving them to the menus. “I’m not really that hungry, so I might just get the fruit bowl,” Kurt said.
His voice was still so soft and meek, and it startled Finn a little. “You know you can come visit us, right?” Finn offered. “Burt is cool, he said he’d pay for it. He worries about you, so… he had me tell you that the option is there.”
“Thanks, Finn,” Kurt said, exhaustion clear in his voice. “I wish I could, but… I’m in charge of calls at Isabelle’s office and they’re always ringing off the hook. I can’t really just up and leave, you know?” Kurt sighed and said, “I’ll be home for Thanksgiving, though.”
Finn nodded and said, “Good. I’ve missed you, man.”
Kurt mustered the biggest smile that day, which wasn’t really much of a smile at all, and said, “I’ve missed you too, Finn.”
They were both silent until the waitress came by again, and Kurt ordered a fruit bowl, and surprisingly Finn ordered the exact same. In the silence, Kurt’s mind strayed to Blaine and what he’d said the night before, and his lower lip began to tremble again. Tears welled in Kurt’s eyes for the hundredth time since Blaine’s confession, and Finn noticed right away. “It’s probably not a good thing that I can say this, even if it kinda is… but… I know how you feel. It sucks. And… I’m really sorry,” Finn offered sadly. “I never thought Blaine would do that to you. You don’t deserve that.”
Kurt pursed his lips and tried not to cry, and just looked up at Finn sadly. Finn scooted over in his booth and patted the seat next to him. Without question, Kurt got up and moved to sit next to Finn, their backs to the rest of the diner. Finn’s arm fell around Kurt’s shoulder and Kurt silently let tears fall from his eyes, melting into the fabric of Finn’s shirt. “It hurts so bad,” Kurt whispered. “Why wasn’t I enough?”
It broke Finn’s heart to hear the pure heartbreak in Kurt’s voice. He hadn’t experienced pain like this since his mother had told him the truth behind his father’s death. Something about the whole situation just rocked Finn to his core, and he felt tears in his own eyes. “You’re gonna be okay, Kurt,” he whispered. “I promise, I’m here for you.”
Kurt, of course, had kept in contact with Finn the entire summer, but kept Finn’s whereabouts from Rachel on a pinky swear with Finn. He had always known that Finn would be there for him, and he didn’t think that would ever change. Their relationship was solid - nothing could shake it now - and moments like this only made their bond stronger. Kurt let his tears fall and Finn felt them soaking through onto his skin. Even if it was uncomfortable, he hid it and just rubbed Kurt’s arm and held onto him, letting Kurt have the breakdown that he obviously needed.
Kurt didn’t stop until the waitress returned with the fruit, and a warming pitcher of black coffee on the house, noticing the pained look in both boys’ eyes. Kurt thanked her and frantically wiped at his eyes as Finn poured them each some coffee. “You’ll be okay, Kurt,” Finn said softly, sliding a mug across the table.
With a deep breath, Kurt nodded and picked up his fork. He poked at a piece of cantaloupe and glanced over at Finn. “You will too, Finn,” he said softly.
They ate slowly and sipped at their coffee, generally just taking their time as they consumed their breakfast. It was only about seven o’clock by the time they’d arrived, so they had plenty of time before Finn’s flight. “I know it hurts, but maybe this is good for you,” Finn said out of nowhere.
Kurt sat up a little straighter and glanced over at his brother with curiosity. “What do you mean?” he asked.
“You and Blaine were great together, but… I mean, I remember you telling me over warm milk one night that you were texting that Chandler guy. So you guys haven’t exactly been super solid. Maybe this was just it, and now you guys are going to meet other gay dudes and fall head over heels for them. Instead of like, slowly getting to that point like you did with Blaine, right?” Finn offered. He was only going off of what Kurt had told them in their talks.
Kurt nodded slowly and looked at Finn, mildly impressed. “So you’re saying I should take advantage of the fact that I’m a decent looking single man in New York City?” Kurt mused.
Finn showed a bit of a smile at that and nodded. “Yeah, dude. Just go out and meet people. Maybe this is where you’re meant to be so you can find the dude you’re gonna marry one day,” Finn offered.
His smile faded as he thought about the fact that not only did his life have no direction, but he was essentially ditching Rachel, leaving himself single as well. He didn’t have a big flashy city to go back to, where he could meet women and maybe find someone that would make him feel as much as Rachel did. “You’ll find someone too, Finn,” Kurt said softly. “We’re a family, and we’re going to help you figure out what you’re going to do and where you’ll do it. I’m always just a phone call away.”
Finn didn’t seem entirely convinced, but he nodded and pretended that he was, for Kurt’s sake. He knew that he’d get through it, but the ‘how’ of it all was standing in his way. After they finished eating, Kurt then went out to hail a cab. If they were already together, it wouldn’t hurt to bring Finn to the airport to see him off. “La Guardia, please,” Kurt said as they climbed into the cab.
The whole ride to the airport, Kurt leaned his head against Finn’s shoulder and just closed his eyes. He hadn’t slept well at all. The haunting reminder of the breakup had loomed over Kurt for much of the night as Blaine slept seemingly peacefully right there next to him. When they got to the airport, Finn didn’t want to move but knew that they had to. He sighed and gently woke Kurt. “We’re here,” he said softly.
Their breakfast had taken quite a while, so Finn was right on time as they walked into the airport. Once they reached as far as Kurt could go, Finn turned to him sadly. “I’m really sorry about you and Blaine,” he said to Kurt as he pulled him into a hug.
“And I’m sorry about you and Rachel,” Kurt whispered in reply.
They held each other for a few moments too long, earning themselves looks from those around them, but neither cared. They were each other’s only comfort in that moment so it was important that they took as much time as they needed. When it was time to go, Finn looked at Kurt sadly and said, “I love you, bro. I’ll talk to you soon.”
“I love you too, Finn,” Kurt said, choking up again as a new wave of tears threatened to fall, this time because he was saying goodbye to someone so close to him. “Call me when you get home, okay?”
Finn nodded and waved before walking towards security, leaving Kurt behind. With a sigh, Kurt walked back out to hail a cab, reluctantly giving the driver his home address. When he got back, he found that Rachel and Blaine were standing in the kitchen drinking tea, looking worse for wear.
Kurt caught their eyes as he walked in, but had no words for them. It seemed like nobody had anything to say. Kurt was thankful that the following day was a Monday and he could escape to work for ridiculous amounts of time, and he hoped that Blaine was also leaving that afternoon. Seeing him in person was hard, and Kurt really wanted to take down the last few pictures of the two of them that he still had. The fewer reminders of all the pain and heartache, the better.
As Kurt tossed himself down on the bed, he stared up at the ceiling and felt better as he realized something. Finn needed to find himself. Maybe helping Finn out was exactly what Kurt needed to distract himself from the breakup. Finn would always be Kurt’s first serious crush, and now his brother, which meant that he’d always look out for Finn, no matter what it took. Only this time, it would work out well for the both of them.
For the first time since Blaine’s confession, Kurt felt a little better, and he really, truly smiled.