the tragedy starts from the very first spark
1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before? A lot of things that are bad for your lungs. Moved out/lived on my own. Used a circular saw. Had someone I loved die. Navigated Europe on my own. Sex. Took college courses. Got a speeding ticket. Passed the one year mark in a significant relationship. Had my heart broken. Got in (was responsible for) a car accident.
2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, & will you make more for next year? I don’t think I made any last year, but I have a few vague ones for 2006. We'll see.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? I think the person most closely connected to me that had a baby was my dad’s secretary. So no.
4. Did anyone close to you die? My grandfather, six months ago today.
5. What countries did you visit? St. John, Virgin Gorda, and Salt Island (The US and British Virgin Islands) Switzerland, Italy, Germany, Spain, England, and Canada. I would say that North Carolina counts as a different country.
6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005? Emotional stability?
7. What dates from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, & why?
January 18th: …none of your business.
March 26th-April 1st: Rocky Mount.
June 1st: My grandpa passed away.
June 5th: Graduation.
June 20th-July 12th: Europe.
August 31st: Moved out.
October 11th: A year. It was really special.
December 16th and 19th: Emotionally died.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Learning to trust someone completely, both physically and emotionally. Graduating high school. Habitat for Humanity.
9. What was your biggest failure? Managing to balance a relationship and friendships… also, AP Calculus.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? ER trip for second degree burns on my thigh in September, peed blood in October, a few normal sicknesses like colds and the flu.
11. What was the best thing you bought? I traveled around Europe with a friend using my graduation money. I definitely treated myself.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? All of my friends have been really, really supportive this year. Kate and Adam Wilmers came to my grandfather’s funeral. Ashley has helped me get through the past four months and kept me relatively sane. Dan and Adam are always, always there. Cath makes me incredible mixes, and more importantly, makes me laugh. Chip kept me happy for 2005, and I hope our situation will settle into a really close friendship in 2006. Everyone is wonderful. More recognition for Kate.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled & depressed? My own, a lot of the time. Bush’s, obviously. I can’t think of anyone else whose behavior is consistently abhorrent, but there are a few who definitely know how to hurt or offend me from time to time who will remain nameless.
14. Where did most of your money go? God knows, but it definitely went somewhere. Travel. Hookah. Unnecessary shopping. Movies and food. God, do I eat a lot of food.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Rocky Mount, seeing Chip, graduation, Europe, college.
16. What music will always remind you of 2005? Satisfaction, by Benny Benassi. A Little Help From My Friends, by the Beatles. Danny’s Song, by Kenny Loggins. The Scientist, by Coldplay. All of Bob Marley’s Legend, Jack Johnson’s In Between Dreams, Third Eye Blind’s Self Titled, plus anything ever by Stars. And all the sentimental leaving home songs on Cath’s college mix.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
Happier or Sadder? Sadder.
Thinner or Fatter? Negligibly thinner.
Richer or Poorer? I don’t think much has changed. Richer?
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Appreciating what I had before it was gone. Exercising.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Taking really special relationships for granted. Eating badly. Crying.
20. How did you spend Christmas? With my family… nothing out of the ordinary. We opened presents under the tree in the morning, and had a really good dinner at home. I went to see a movie with my dad that night.
22. Did you fall in love in 2005? No, in April of 2004… but I stayed in love for every second of 2005, and I think that counts.
23. How many one-night stands? What a terrible question. It all depends on what your definition of a “stand” is. But even if it were clearly defined, I wouldn't really care to share. Don't draw any conclusions from that.
24. What was your favorite tv show? I dont really watch TV.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Hate is a really strong word. Im not close with some people that I was close with at this time last year, and I dislike or am annoyed by people that I was indifferent to or didn’t know last year. But hate, no, not that I can think of.
26. What was the best book you read? This year? I loved The Fountainhead, and White Noise. I’m reading a great nonfiction right now, about the genocide in Rwanda. If you could call such books great.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Stars, and Sufjan Stevens. Cath discovered both of those for me.
28. What did you want & get? For Chip to move to Michigan. Europe.
29. What did you want & not get? For my grandpa to get better. For Chip to stay in Michigan. To go to school far away.
30. What were your favorite films of this year? The Upside of Anger, and Crash. I just saw Brokeback Mountain and loved it, but I don’t know if im ready to add it to the ranks.
31. What did you do on your birthday, & how old were you? I turned eighteen in Toronto, on my way home from an incredible trip to Europe. I was at a party at the house of a kid whose name I don’t remember, really messed up. His parents were out of town, and there was no food in the house, but some of Jamie’s friends managed to scrounge up a bagel and a kraft single and made me a grilled cheese sandwich with a candle. It seemed delicious at the time.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? If it had ended on December 15th.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005? What a dumb question. I wear things I like.
IN 2005
34. What kept you sane? Friends, hookah, and moving out. I had a pretty dependable system for most of the year.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Jon Stewart is fucking hilarious. I have a newfound love for Don Cheadle, after Hotel Rwanda and Crash.
36. What political issue stirred you the most? What political issue didn’t stir me?
37. Who did you miss? My grandfather, more than I could ever begin to explain. And Chip. A lot of my year revolved around missing Chip. I miss a few people’s old selves, too… the people that they used to be. Or the friendships that I used to have with them.
38. Who were the best new people you met? Of all the new people I’ve met in Ann Arbor, I’ve gotten closest to Bayan and Zack. I think Nate Papi-Wark was a 2005 addition to my life. Despite the major change in scenery, I haven’t really gone out of my way to be friends with new people. My focus has definitely been on continued bonding with old friends, and developing relationships with people I knew vaguely or knew of. Maybe I do need a resolution. Branch out.
39. Tell us a few valuable life lessons you learned in 2005: I don’t think I can handle my own life properly, let alone even pretend to be able to share wisdom with you.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
January-August:
Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard.
September-Mid December:
It’s not always easy
And sometimes life can be deceiving
I’ll tell you one thing
It’s always better when we’re together.
Late December:
So now you’re giving up
Like they always said you would
You’ve got that old map out now
And you found the farthest town
You hope that if you’re lucky
This is where you’ll settle down...
I don’t care where you move
I don’t care if it’s far
All that I ask
Is that I know where you are.
im sorry in advance. there shouldnt be evidence of what a pathetic, vulnerable place im in. happy new year.